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00:59 Introducing today’s topic and featured guest 06:31 Dee talks about her life, interests, and journey as a parent, including travel, family, and retirement plans. 09:24 Dee reflects on her supportive mom, who embraced their behavior as expressions of needs and valued their personalities. 12:39 Dee reflects on her nurturing upbringing, emphasizing the importance of feeling loved and accepted. This foundation drives her to seek intentional parenting strategies. 20:31 Dee learned to negotiate needs and boundaries with her child, leading to mutual respect and a harmonious dynamic. 30:39 Dee shares her experiences in the Parenting Membership community where she finds support and insights through coaching calls, ACTion group, and modules on topics that help her navigate parenting challenges and personal growth. 40:50 Through the Parenting Membership, Dee learned to address resentment, prioritize her needs, and communicate better with her partner for a healthier balance. 01:06:15 Three things Dee suggests for parents to try on based on the conversation. 01:09:39 Wrapping up

Do you have a core group of parent friends who are always there for you? Friends who might not be 100% aligned with your parenting philosophy, but they're close enough that you know that when they do offer suggestions you would at least consider doing them?   And on the days when you just want to just vent and not hear any advice at all, you know that it'll be totally fine for you to vent. They won't take offense and they'll just empathize and reassure you that you aren't a terrible parent; you're a great parent having a difficult day - because they've seen you on your good days as well.   In this episode I'll introduce you to SIX parents who have just this kind of relationship. Katherine, Rachel, Beth, Peju, and Kati live in the eastern United States and Jody is Australia, and they meet once a week on Zoom for 40 minutes, and each of them talks for just five minutes...and in that time, they've become incredibly close friends. The relationships they have with each other are among the deepest and most profound ones in their lives.   If you need a supportive community like this in your life then I'd love to see you in the Parenting Membership, which is where Katherine, Rachel, Beth, Peju, Kati, and Jody met. Enrollment opens very soon, between May 5-15. And if you'd like to get just a little taste for how the membership works then I'd love to see you in the Setting Loving (& Effective!) Limits workshop.   You can take the FlexPath option anytime for just $7, or join me for the FREE Guided Path option where you'll get one module of content every day for eight days starting this Wednesday April 24th.   You'll meet an awesome community of parents whose approach to parenting is aligned with yours, and you can add five group coaching calls with me for just $37, which is the cheapest rate you'll find parenting coaching anywhere. We'll start to develop the same kind of community that you'll hear about in this episode.   email-banner-3.png" alt="" width="540" height="300">  

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1. Child misbehaves.
2. Parent A gets overwhelmed, criticizes the child and snaps at Partner B for not doing more to help.
3. Parent B and says that clearly Parent A's 'better parenting approach' isn't working, since the kids are still misbehaving - this is contempt.
4. Parent A knows they don't want to parent the way they were raised, and also knows they aren't doing things totally in alignment with their values right now. Parent A has done a lot of work to try to heal themselves, but worries that it isn't happening fast enough to protect their children. And isn't it better than the bribing and punishing that Parent B is doing? They're being defensive.
5. Parent B stonewalls - they are overwhelmed and shuts down, refusing to talk about the issue.
6. Both partners walk away feeling frustrated, wonder how on earth it got to this point, and feel hopeless that it will ever improve.

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Do you ever wish that you know the appropriate logical consequence to give your child (aged 1-10) for each different kind of misbehavior you see?  

• When your toddler empties the water out of the dog's bowl for the 10th time today...
• When your preschooler climbs on the table three minutes after you told them to get off it...
• When your kindergartener refuses to come to the table for dinner (and you know they're going to announce they're hungry in an hour)...
• When your elementary schooler won't get dressed in the morning (even though you know they are FULLY CAPABLE of doing it themselves) without 300 increasingly nagging, pleading, and begging 'reminders' from you...

  Wouldn't it be amazing to have the PERFECT logical consequence ready that would be appropriately proportioned to the misbehavior, and also just get your child to do the thing you're asking without you having to ask again???   But here's the thing about logical consequences: they essentially say to our child: "I don't care why you don't want to do this thing; I just want you to do it."   If we saw one adult saying that to another adult, we would call it 'emotional abuse.'   So why do we do it to our children?   Because it seems like we don't have another option to get through the day.   We actually have many other options; it's just hard to remember them all and which one to use in which circumstance.   In today's episode, I'll tell you the three main reasons why setting limits is hard (and what to do about each of them).   And if you want my complete framework for how to navigate misbehavior, with ALL FIVE of the tools we can use and guidelines on exactly WHEN to use each of them, sign up for the FREE Setting Loving (& Effective!) Limits workshop.   We get started on the content on Wednesday April 24 but when you join early you can come and ask me your questions in our private community, get extra Live sessions, and extra chances to win cool prizes. Click the image below to learn more and sign up!      

Other episodes mentioned:

182: How to get frustrating behaviors to stop 193: You don't have to believe everything you think 200: Ask Alvin Anything Part 1

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00:52 Introducing today’s topic 02:32 Invitation to join the Setting Loving (& Effective!) Limits workshop 11:08 The number 3 reason why setting limits is so hard 12:58 The importance of respectful communication and mutual understanding in parent-child interactions, highlighting scenarios where setting limits may not always be the most effective solution 25:04 The number 2 reason why it's hard to set limits 26:02  Setting limits and respecting a child's autonomy, advocating for a collaborative approach to parenting 28:41 The number 1 reason why we find it so hard to set limits 29:12 The importance of understanding and meeting both children's and parents' needs to find effective solutions to behavioral challenges, emphasizing the negative consequences of ignoring or dismissing a child's needs 41:44  Parent Cori challenges with her son's teeth brushing and the positive change brought about by understanding the child’s need for autonomy 45:42 Three great resources (and they're all free!) for parents with the same struggles as Cori’s

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01:26 Introducing today’s topic 02:11 Jen talks about hosting a group coaching call for Your Parenting Mojo Facebook group members, challenging misconceptions about coaching benefits. 03:26 Participants, like Parent Kendra, express feeling connected with others and finding solace in normalizing the challenges of parenting, even in a virtual setting.   07:38 Participants shared their parenting challenges, including ADHD, tantrums, social expectations, and bedtime struggles, seeking guidance and support during the coaching call.  14:28 The conversation explores Parent Meagan's bedtime struggles with her daughter Ava, highlighting Meagan's stress and Ava's desire for autonomy and connection. Strategies to address both needs are discussed. 36:30 The conversation explores Jen's struggle balancing caregiving, household tasks, and family time. It touches on her discomfort with her baby's crying, rooted in her own childhood experiences. 46:58 The conversation discusses supporting children with neurodivergent traits, emphasizing the challenges of maintaining routines and social interactions. 56:37 Parent Kendra shares her challenge navigating societal expectations in parenting across different cultures.  01:09:05 Whitney shares how she applied the concept of understanding her son's perspective and needs during bedtime struggles. This shift in perspective helped her empathize more with her son's feelings and frustrations,  01:15:12 Invitation to the Setting Loving (and Effective!) Limits workshop

I have to admit, I’m a bit scared to say it… The P-word… “Patriarchy.”(Phew!  I did it!)I know some listeners find it hard to hear. I’ve spoken with more than one woman who has told me: “I sent your podcast to my husband but then he heard the word “Patriarchy” and it was all over. There’s some sadness there for me, for sure. Every time I talk about patriarchy I talk about how much it hurts me and those of us who identify as women – but I also talk about how much it hurts men as well.  And that’s not just lip service: I truly believe that patriarchy has robbed men of a full emotional life. I was talking with a parent in the Parenting Membership recently who asked her husband if he ever felt truly seen and understood.  He said ‘no,’ and ended the conversation.  She cried as she told me: “I feel so sad for him that he doesn’t know that he could be seen and understood, so he doesn’t even realize he’s missing it.” We can know these things conceptually, and we can think that patriarchy kind of sucks, but maybe we think there’s not a lot we can do about it.  After all, isn’t the man the one who really needs to change? Member Iris and I had had a conversation in the membership a couple of months before I was in Vancouver for the Parenting Beyond Power book tour, where she mentioned that she’d been thinking a lot about how patriarchy shows up in her life.  We made plans to get together to record an episode while I was in town – and here it is! Iris and I discuss:

• The power and control that men held over women and girls as she grew up in the Philippines, including casting out female family members with out-of-wedlock pregnancies, while nothing happened to the men who got them pregnant (and lest we think this couldn't possibly happen where we live, men have very real power over women's pregnancies in the United States as well right now too...)
• How she sees herself catering to her husband’s needs - adjusting her daily schedule to his; eating what he wanted for dinner even if she preferred something different; perceiving that he expects her to do more than half of the household, even though neither of them works for income;
• Patriarchal messages that are being passed on to her daughter about the value of marriage, children, and meeting men’s needs.

Even though she’s no longer in the Philippines, Iris still sees patriarchy in her relationship with her husband and daughter. She even sees how it hurts her husband, who is looked down upon in our culture because he doesn't present in a typically 'masculine' way. She shares the practices she’s using to pass on different messages to her daughter about a woman’s role in a family and in the world.  

Parenting Beyond Power

Parenting is tough, but when we shift away from traditional power dynamics to collaboration, family life becomes smoother today. Conventional discipline methods may temporarily stop challenging behaviors, but they reinforce harmful lessons about power and control. Parenting Beyond Power offers a groundbreaking framework to understand and meet our children's needs, fostering respect and empathy. With sample scripts and practical resources, Parenting Beyond Power empowers you to transform your parenting journey. Get your copy now! Click the banner to learn more:  

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00:49 Introducing today’s guest and topic 06:30 Iris discusses the impact of patriarchy on her family, revealing how gender roles and expectations affected her parents' dynamics and sense of self-worth. 12:52 Iris discusses her family's emotional dynamics and the lasting impact of patriarchal double standards on her parenting approach. 17:51 Iris reflects on her teenage years, grappling with societal norms and confronting patriarchal expectations in her relationships. 22:35 Iris cuts her hair short in defiance of patriarchal norms, challenging traditional notions of feminine beauty and reclaiming her autonomy.  24:21 Iris reflects on societal pressures and gender roles within her marriage, highlighting the challenges of conforming to traditional expectations. 33:31 Iris encourages daughter Malaya's autonomy, challenges traditional gender roles, and fosters open communication within the family. 41:07 Women play a part in perpetuating patriarchal norms in families and should strive to empower daughters through shared decision-making and open dialogue. 44:29 Iris stresses the value of rest for herself, challenging the idea that productivity determines worth, especially under capitalism.   46:16 Iris reflects on the dynamics of waiting for male approval and envisions a future where her daughter confidently asserts herself.  49:19 Jen introduces three actionable steps for listeners to implement the ideas discussed in the episode.

  00:49 Introducing today’s topic and guest 02:27 Sara’s upbringing and family life 07:40 Sara's pandemic parenting insights 11:28 The challenges of striving for excellence as a parent, especially in trying circumstances 13:55 Sara's decision to join the Parenting Membership before exploring Taming Your Triggers   16:33 Sara's specific triggers that prompted her to recognize the need for support 20:20 Sara’s initial experiences and emotions as she embarked on Taming Your Triggers workshop 26:16 Why Sara chose to prioritize journaling, its impact, and the major shifts she experienced throughout the workshop 30:51 How Sara approached parenting with an audience  33:00 Discovering recurring needs during the workshop that Sara hadn't noticed before 35:06 Sara’s realization that prioritizing self-care actually creates more time in her busy schedule 36:32 What changes Sara has noticed regarding her triggers 39:19 Mild, medium, and spicy practices for parents 42:19 Wrapping up discussion    

   

Taming Your Triggers

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Taming Your Triggers

 

 

13 Reasons Your Child Doesn't Listen 

Does it seem like your child deliberately ignores you when they ‘don’t listen’? There’s actually way more to it than that! From being lost in their enchanting play to navigating daily challenges, discover the 13 reasons why your child doesn’t listen–and what to do about each one. Once you understand these reasons, you can connect with your child and support them, so they'll be more willing to collaborate with you. Click the banner to download the 13 Reasons Your Child Doesn't Listen cheat sheet now!   Membership-FB-header-4.png" alt="" width="2460" height="936">

 

Setting Loving (& Effective!) Limits Workshop

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