The Chapter Titles Were So Good 7.Epilogue - Nineteen Years Later

In which magic comes from the future, and Jo says there’s no books.

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TCTWSG Presents: The Chapter Titles Were So Goodbye

Dearest Listeners,

The Faculty and Staff of The Chapter Titles Were So Good are so glad to present "The Chapter Titles Were So Goodbye." This "special" is brought to you by our innocent and naive Patreonettes. If you would like to join them, act fast, because after April 1, there won't be a Patreon to support anymore.

In which God is a Fantastic Beast.

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The Chapter Titles Were So Good 7.36 - The Flaw in the Plan

In which Harry and Voldemort don’t usually talk this much.

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The Chapter Titles Were So Good 7.35 - King's Cross

In which Mr. Tom encapsulates, and Peter sees the author here, and Regular Tom is tempted to build a replica of purgatory, and this is a hallucination or Dumbledore's soul come back from heaven and then leave or something in between.

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The Chapter Titles Were So Good 7.34 - The Forest Again

In which, finally, the truth: he has to die(ish), and Nerveless.

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The Chapter Titles Were So Good 7.33 - The Prince’s Tale

In which we had the wRONg Weasley.

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The Chapter Titles Were So Good 7.32 - The Elder Wand

In which Mr. Tom, Regular Tom, and The Peter share their favorite phrases of the week.

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The Chapter Titles Were So Good 7.31 - The Battle of Hogwarts

In which the best junk is destroyed, and all ghost stories are person stories.

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The Chapter Titles Were So Good 7.30 - The Sacking of Severus Snape

In which Ernie Macmillan is somewhere, and Snape flaps to turn.

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The Chapter Titles Were So Good 7.29 - The Lost Diadem

In which Jo knew an incompetent person, and Ginny isn't worried about Larry.

TheMissingMirror.mp3">Direct Link (listen in your browser, or right click and choose “save as”)

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The Chapter Titles Were So Good 7.28 - The Missing Mirror

In which vacant bodies are fine.

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The Chapter Titles Were So Good 7.27 - The Final Hiding Place

In which less than ghost, and almost something happens.

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The Chapter Titles Were So Good 7.26 - Gringotts

In which Crookshanks has left, or stayed.

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The Chapter Titles Were So Good 7.25 - Shell Cottage

In which a mess of four hands is vigorously shaken, and Harry breathes in some salt.

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The Chapter Titles Were So Good 7.24 - The Wandmaker

In which Harry promises heavier meat, and you can practice your trumpet solo.

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The Chapter Titles Were So Good 7.23 - Malfoy Manor

In which Dobby seemed like something else, and Mr. Tom ponders the true meaning of motherhood.

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The Chapter Titles Were So Good 7.22 - The Deathly Hallows

In which Hagrid never gets snatchered in the future, and the and the is okay.

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The Chapter Titles Were So Good 7.21 - The Tale of the Three Brothers

In which some pets are dicks, and it has to be a dingus.

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The Chapter Titles Were So Good 7.20 - Xenophilius Lovegood

In which a castle to Hermione, and sublime functionality.

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TCTWSG: Unhinged

Dearest Listeners,

The Faculty and Staff of The Chapter Titles Were So Good are obliged to reveal TCTWSG: Unhinged. This astonishing compendium, assembled from the dregs of our conversations, should be served alongside Thanksgiving leftovers to the kind pilgrims who furnish our mashed potatoes with gravy on Patreon. To follow in their footsteps, click here.

In which the CD was a Space Video.

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The Chapter Titles Were So Good 7.19 - The Silver Doe

In which Ron conceived of Hermione as “The Girl”, and why did this famous wizard have a sword, and you’re happy because love and your mother, and maybe Snape enjoyed things.

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The Chapter Titles Were So Good 7.18 - The Life and Lies of Albus Dumbledore

In which this is the chapter around which to have the discussion about the question about the representation of Dumbledore’s sexuality in the books.

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The Chapter Titles Were So Good 7.17 - Bathilda’s Secret

In which Peter doesn’t know if a snake can do that, and Harry reads the comments.

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The Chapter Titles Were So Good 7.16 - Godric’s Hollow

In which, despite gloom, they relished.

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TCTWSG: THE MOVIE: THE PRI3NER OF A3KABAN

With Special Guest MERLIN MANN

Dearest Listeners,

The Faculty and Staff of The Chapter Titles Were So Good insists that you acknowledge TCTWSG: THE MOVIE: THE PRI3NER OF A3KABAN. This nominally "special" film discussion has been forged in the flames of the love we bear for our Patreon supporters. If you would like to burn alongside them (burn like in our hearts, not burn like dying), you can do so by clicking here.

In which Buckbeak is a very gifted horse, and Dumbledore just plays it off legit.

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PLEASE NOTE:

You may also wish to peruse our discussions of the first and fourth moves.

You can follow Merlin on Twitter or Tumblr.

The Chapter Titles Were So Good 7.15 - The Goblin’s Revenge

In which they’re usually in a big comfy castle.

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The Chapter Titles Were So Good 7.14 - The Thief

In which the taboo originated in Ancient France, and they should have been digging a pit.

TheMuggle-bornRegistrationCommision.mp3">Direct Link (listen in your browser, or right click and choose “save as”)

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The Chapter Titles Were So Good 7.13 - The Muggle-Born Registration Commission

In which, due to a failure of muggle technology, there is very little of Mr. Tom in the episode.

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The Chapter Titles Were So Good 7.12 - Magic is Might

In which I can’t relate to hats.

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The Chapter Titles Were So Good 7.11 - The Bribe

In which no one is as important as the ghost minister.

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The Chapter Titles Were So Good 7.10 - Kreacher’s Tale

In which the women were muggles, and muggles bury trash.

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The Chapter Titles Were So Good 7.09 - A Place to Hide

In which your grandmother can understand magic, and a spell reveals the man.

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The Chapter Titles Were So Good 7.08 - The Wedding

In which Harry is incognito as a person named Barny, which is unethical.

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The Chapter Titles Were So Good 7.07 - The Will of Albus Dumbledore

In which weasels are perfidious and dishonest, and you don’t want people to look at you funny in the hallway at your government job when you wave at them.

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The Chapter Titles Were So Good 7.06 - The Ghoul in Pajamas

In which Monica Wilkens is pretty okay, and Peter develops a theory about this book’s true authorship

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The Chapter Titles Were So Good 7.05 - Fallen Warrior

In which our noses keep us weighted to the ground, Dumbledore ends every meeting with poignant last words, and the best Mr. Tom can do is socks.

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The Chapter Titles Were So Good 7.04 - The Seven Potters

In which childish tricks with broomsticks are not going to matter, and Harry can do wand-destroying golden fire magic now because why the hell not.

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The Chapter Titles Were So Good 7.03 - The Dursleys Departing

In which the audience demanded some vague closure for Dirk Dursley.

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The Chapter Titles Were So Good 7.02 - In Memoriam

In which special items should be kept safe down in the center of the big bag.

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We now present the seventh and final season in the epic tale of The Chapter Titles Were So Good.

The Chapter Titles Were So Good 7.01 - The Dark Lord Ascending

In which nobody needed to come to this meeting.

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TCTWSG: Unplugged

Dearest Listeners,

The Faculty and Staff of The Chapter Titles Were So Good would like you experience TCTWSG: Unplugged. This collection of outtakes, odds and ends from the recording of our show is delivered in admiration and gratitude of the fine friends who give us cash on Patreon. If you would like to follow their example, please do so by clicking here.

In which we reminisce about the age of the Beatles, Benny Goodman, and Bon Jovi.

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TCTW4G: THE MOVIE FOUREVER

Dearest Listeners,

The Faculty and Staff of The Chapter Titles Were So Good offers for your consideration TCTW4G: THE MOVIE FOUREVER. This breathtaking tour de film is presented as a token of our admiration of the fine upstanding citizens who throw money at our Patreon. If you would like to follow their example, please do so by clicking here.

In which the podcasters three review a very contractual movie. #NotAllMovies

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The Chapter Titles Were So Good 6.30 - The White Tomb

In which Denis was a weird time-baby, Voldemort sounds like a french thing he likes, Scrimgeour is not seasonal, Jo is pro 90’s, Harry’s not going back to school, and Ginny saw this coming.

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The Chapter Titles Were So Good 6.29 - The Phoenix Lament

In which Peter doesn’t need to hear about Tonks right now.

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The Chapter Titles Were So Good 6.28 - The Flight of the Prince

In which Harry doesn’t have time for Rab.

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The Chapter Titles Were So Good 6.27 - The Lightning-Struck Tower

In which someone is dead.

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The Chapter Titles Were So Good 6.26 - The Cave

In which Dumbledore loses his cool and brings a knife.

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The Chapter Titles Were So Good 6.25 - The Seer Overheard

In which Snape notices the lovely day.

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The Chapter Titles Were So Good 6.24 - Sectumsempra

In which Harry sees Harry, and is mean to Dean.

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The Chapter Titles Were So Good 6.23 - Horcruxes

In which the buffalo’s death is a part of it, and Mr. Tom was worried about a fetch quest, and souls are midi-chlorians but that’s okay, and Mr. Tom misremembers having read the Harry Potter series, and Dumbledore dumblesplains Harry’s desire for revenge to Harry, and Gryffindor brought back pens, and Peter wants his own skeleton.

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The Chapter Titles Were So Good 6.22 - After the Burial

In which Mr. Tom gets a foot tattoo, and Harry goes to Mars, and Rupert Grint.

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The Chapter Titles Were So Good 6.21 - The Unknowable Room

In which Harry Potter is a love superhero, and a shufti is taken.

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THE CHAPTER TITLES WERE SO GOOD QUESTION AND ANSWER SPECIALSTRAVAGANZA

Dearest Listeners,

The Faculty and Staff of The Chapter Titles Were So Good would like to present to you the TCTWSG Q&A SPECIALSTRAVAGANZA. This rare and beautiful specialsode is dedicated to those brave souls who support us on Patreon. If the spirit of their generosity has moved you as much as it has moved us, please consider joining their number by clicking here.

In which the TCTWSG boys finally answer all the hard-hitting questions, such as, “How did you meet?”

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The Chapter Titles Were So Good 6.20 - Lord Voldemort’s Request

With Special Guest LOUIS MITAS

In which Dumbeldore's goofy about love, and Hepzibuh wears many corsets.

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PLEASE NOTE:

You can follow Louis on Twitter.

The Chapter Titles Were So Good 6.19 - Elf Tails

In which Dumbledore gets murdered for bonus points.

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The Chapter Titles Were So Good 6.18 - Birthday Surprises

In which Harry plays Voldemort in a reenactment, and the listener gets a lesson in poisoning strategy.

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The Chapter Titles Were So Good 6.17 - A Sluggish Memory

In which you don’t have a chicken garden.

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The Chapter Titles Were So Good 6.16 - A Very Frosty Christmas

In which Harry's world is divided into good people and Death Eaters.

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The Chapter Titles Were So Good 6.15 - The Unbreakable Vow

In which Reggie wins the respect of horses, and Mr. Tom might just snap.

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The Chapter Titles Were So Good 6.14 - Felix Felicis

In which Ron strikes a jaunty pose and Jo still needs the party to happen.

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The Chapter Titles Were So Good 6.13 - The Secret Riddle

In which moms love Dumbledore's memories, and Mrs. Cole joins the zoo.

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TCTWSG: THE MOVIE

Dearest Listeners, The Faculty and Staff of The Chapter Titles Were So Good invites you to enjoy TCTWSG: The Movie. This extra-special extra episode is offered up in gratitude to our especially lovely Patreon supporters. Through their generosity, all are welcome to enjoy. Yes, even you! If you happen upon such a supporter tomorrow, do compliment their excellent taste in podcasts, and perhaps offer to buy them a muffin, or a scone. And to join their hallowed ranks, click here!

In which every movie is for the sake of the bluh bluh bluh, and Harry must please the goblin.

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The Chapter Titles Were So Good 6.12 - Silver and Opals

In which the trio goes to the mall, and powerful wizards have been empowered to write new code into the platonic realm.

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The Chapter Titles Were So Good 6.11 - Hermione's Helping Hand

In which Voldemort fails to do the thing.

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The Chapter Titles Were So Good 6.10 - The House of Gaunt

In which love is a good thing, Voldemort is only the bad things, Dumbledore banks on loophole bullshit, Peter is nailed to a a door, Mister Tom discovers the true meaning of fanfiction, and Reggie likes Bob Ogden.

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NOTE: Owing to the subject matter of the chapter, this episode contains some discussion of drug-facilitated sexual assault.

The Chapter Titles Were So Good 6.09 - The Half Blood Prince

In which a bias against ghosts is a little understandable, and only one kid gets to be Sandy.

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The Chapter Titles Were So Good 6.08 - Snape Victorious

In which Harry sees another gleam of triumph, and Ron doesn't respect the creative process.

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The Chapter Titles Were So Good 6.07 - The Slug Club

In which Harry's being foolish.

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The Chapter Titles Were So Good 6.06 - Draco's Detour

In which wizards favor whimsy, and bludgers, and beaters, and snitches, and seekers

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The Chapter Titles Were So Good 6.05 - An Excess of Phlegm

In which Mr. Tom's entire life is meaningless, and Harry sniffs a bullet.

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The Chapter Titles Were So Good 6.04 - Horace Slughorn

In which a portkey's a Panera Bread, and the universe will always have a home in Hogwarts.

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The Chapter Titles Were So Good 6.03 - Will and Won't

In which the physical layout of objects in an impediment to the narrator telling us what's on the news.

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The Chapter Titles Were So Good 6.02 - Spinner's End

In which Dumbledore makes a bet on love, Snape has an obligation to murder, and Peter is a little impatient.

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The Chapter Titles Were So Good 6.01 - The Other Minister

In which Dementors exchange metaphysical fluids.

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The Chapter Titles Were So Good 5.38 - The Second War Begins

In which Luna is helpful, Hagrid is not, and Nick is neither here nor there.

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The Chapter Titles Were So Good 5.37 - The Lost Prophecy

In which Harry Potter's heart generates love.

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The Chapter Titles Were So Good 5.36 - The Only One He Ever Feared

In which Dumbledore, enemy of Voldemort, fights Voldemort, and Fawkes horcruxes the moon.

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The Chapter Titles Were So Good 5.35 - Beyond the Veil

In which Rookwood is on probation, and Hermione didn't kill baby Hitler.

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The Chapter Titles Were So Good 5.34 - The Department of Mysteries

In which we have to overcome the mysterious egg.

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The Chapter Titles Were So Good 5.33 - Fight and Flight

In which Harry gets ready for his annual May adventure, and Mr. Tom burrows.

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The Chapter Titles Were So Good 5.32 - Out of the Fire

In which Lee Jordan never had a chance.

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The Chapter Titles Were So Good 5.31 - O.W.L.s

In which Harry, a fifth year student, sits his O.W.L. exams, and Voldemort wants none of your amazing chicken.

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The Chapter Titles Were So Good 5.30 - Grawp

In which Filch is a different person.

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The Chapter Titles Were So Good 5.29 - Career Advice

In which there are ten jobs in the world, and Mr. Tom loves telling lies.

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The Chapter Titles Were So Good 5.28 - Snape’s Worst Memory

In which Harry Potter gets a job at JC Penny and humanizes a squib.

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The Chapter Titles Were So Good 5.27 - The Centaur and the Sneak

In which all divination sucks, and Hermione is mean to a horse.

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The Chapter Titles Were So Good 5.26 - Seen and Unforeseen

In which Harry and Cho get back together, and one of Snape’s worst memories is seen.

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The Chapter Titles Were So Good 5.25 - The Beetle at Bay

In which a laugh belongs here.

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The Chapter Titles Were So Good 5.24 -Occlumency

In which Snape is a singularly effective instrument of the complete terribleness that he authentically desires to be.

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The Chapter Titles Were So Good 5.23 -Christmas on the Closed Ward

In which Ward Longbottom finally speaks.

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The Chapter Titles Were So Good 5.22 - St. Mungo’s Hospital for Magical Maladies and Injuries

In which St. Mungo tends a fire.

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The Chapter Titles Were So Good 5.21 - The Eye of the Snake

In which a tall, majestic, beautiful man wears a pillowcase, and Hall and Oates.

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The Chapter Titles Were So Good 5.20 - Hagrid’s Tale

In which Hermione makes a long cut in the fabric of the universe through which she can enter the fourth dimension.

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The Chapter Titles Were So Good 5.19 - The Lion and the Serpent

In which Hermione was not wearing an additional head on top of her head.

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The Chapter Titles Were So Good 5.18 - Dumbledore’s Army

In which Death Eaters laugh and eat a salad, and a little bit of magic goes a long way.

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The Chapter Titles Were So Good 5.17 - Educational Decree Number Twenty-Four

In which a Ghost Seer and a Goblin Dragon walk into a bar.

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In which Ernie is pompous and kittens are Vanished.

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The Chapter Titles Were So Good 5.15 - The Hogwarts High Inquisitor

In which professor Grubbly-Plank is completely unobjectionable from any reasonable perspective.

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The Chapter Titles Were So Good 5.14 - Percy and Padfoot

In which dinosaurs don't exist, clocks probably do, and Hermione winces for Ron.

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The Chapter Titles Were So Good 5.13 - Detention with Dolores

In which Minerva doesn’t really get Twitter.

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NOTE: This episode contains some discussion of child abuse