Episode Details

Air date: December 8, 2019

Guest: Jen Tierney!

Runtime: 29 minutes

Summary: In a special Christmas episode, Jen remembers a special gift she made for her father many years ago and how it has helped her since his passing.

Episode Details

Air date: May 28, 2019

Guest: Adam Volpe

Runtime: 48 minutes

Summary: In episode 6 of Season 2, Jen sits down in her home with a fellow resident of her town, Adam Volpe. Adam talks about how he came to create fantastical metal weapons and other pieces of welded artwork. 

Links of Interest:

• Adam on YouTube
• Adam’s business (PrettyHateMachining) on Facebook
• PrettyHateMachining on Etsy
• Boston Voyager interview with Adam
• The New Jersey Italian Accent Explained

What I Made This Month

From the transcript: “And now I’d like to tell you about something I made this month. It was quite a long process because of how fine our chosen yarn was, but I was able to finish knitting the new baby’s blanket just about a week before my due date. The pattern and yarn match nicely with the two previous ones I’ve made for Emma and Joey. But this blanket is made with a lighter yarn since this is a true summer baby. I’m excited to use it for monthly baby pictures and as a daily sleep surface for my new little one as we lounge on the porch and in the yard. I hope that your summer is filled with lazy afternoons with cold beverages and happy memories.”

Episode Transcript

Introduction

Hello, and welcome to “How to Make a Memory,” the show that explores the items we make for one another and how they impact our relationships. My name is Jen Tierney and my guest this episode is a fellow resident of my town in Massachusetts, Adam Volpe. A few years ago, Adam posted a picture on our community Facebook page about his side hustle of welding metal sculptures, artwork, and weapons. It took me some time to get up the courage to ask him to come be on the show, since he was a complete stranger before he walked in to record with me a few months ago. But my concerns about having a 6’2″ stranger who welds giant metal weapons over for a chat about making were quickly dispelled when I discovered that Adam is one of those people who you can talk to for 5 minutes and feel like you’ve known your whole life. 

A quick note before you hear our conversation. We make reference to a game called WoW on several occasions throughout the episode. Wow is short for World of Warcraft, which is a popular massively multiplayer online role playing game that we both played for several years in the 00s. There are other references to video games, televisions shows, and conventions that some of you may not be familiar with. All you need to know in order to enjoy this episode is that Adam and I share a love for some specific pieces of gaming pop culture from 10-20 years ago. The specifics aren’t super important.

Conversation

Jen If you want to introduce yourself a bit because all I know about you is that you live in my town.

Adam Okay.

Jen And that you occasionally post pictures of these very impressive pieces of metal work that you do. And that’s it. That’s the extent of my knowledge of you.

Adam Good. That’s a good start, right? Yeah. So, my name is Adam Volpe, this side thing that I have – metalworking, metal artwork, weapons smithing, whatever you want to call it – It’s like, basically just a little side hobby that just kind of kept growing. And people got interested in my stuff. I didn’t – I never even started it with the goal of having a business or making money even or anything like that. So it was just for fun, something to do. You know, at best, I hoped maybe one day I could just make my money back on the materials, you know, whatever. It just – I started posting this stuff online and it just kept growing, you know? It started with Facebook and Instagram, and then the YouTube videos. And it just keeps going. It keeps on going. I’ve got a shop on Etsy and everything.

Jen Really? I didn’t know any of that stuff. So that’s cool!

Adam Yeah, it’s probably been… It’s been almost four years now. What happened?

Jen That’s great. Oh my gosh. Oh, wow. That’s awesome. Yeah.

Adam I actually started doing – I don’t know if I would call it artwork, but it’s probably the closest thing. Like, I would make – I made a scale model of the Iron Throne from Game of Thrones. It’s sculpture I guess you might call it? Something like that.

Jen Yeah.

Adam But once I made my first sword, everybody was like, “That’s awesome.”

Jen Yeah.

Adam And people were like, “How do I buy this? How much do I gotta pay you? I don’t really care.” You know? So. “Oh, okay, this could be interesting,” right?

Jen Yeah.

Adam Like I said, at the beginning, I just, “okay, let’s just make back the material and consumables cost and so forth.” And then it’s just kind of gradually rolled into a second job.

Jen That’s great.

Adam It’s my second job now.

Jen Okay, that’s awesome. So, I see a lot of the sort of like, cosplay version of that kind of stuff. Every year my husband and I go to PAX.

Adam Yep, I went this year as well.

Jen There’s a ton – Yeah, it’s, we love – I don’t think we’ve missed a PAX East yet. We’ve been to every one. We may have missed one, but yeah.

Adam Really? Okay, so you’re more hardcore than I am.

Jen I mean, we really love it. But we’re not – we’ve only gotten dressed up once. So we just go to like, enjoy all the dress up. And we play a lot of Magic the Gathering. And we like to play test a lot of the indie games.

Adam Really? Okay.

Jen And we go to a lot of the panels and stuff like that. So we like the full PAX experience. But the one time we went and we got dressed up we… Are you familiar with The Lego Movie?

Adam Yes. Everything is awesome.

Jen Yes. So my husband went as Emmett, and I went as Wyldstyle. And Emma was like, three months old. And we dressed her up as the Piece of Resistance and put her on Joe’s back. It was very cute. So people really liked it. So yeah, so I’ve seen a lot of very intricate, beautifully made weapons in that context. But obviously, no one brings metal to that. Like, that’s a thing. You can’t walk into PAX with like something that could really be a weapon.

Adam Yes. And honestly, that’s something that has kind of held me back in a way because I would love to go to one of those events. Comic Con or any kind of anime convention or whatever and have a booth or something. But, completely out. You know, they said, “Not even a chance of this happening.”

Jen Yeah, yeah.

Adam It makes sense. Large groups of people and giant dangerous weapons is probably not… you know…

Jen I’ve made things in the past that I’ve been like, “I’d love to sell this at PAX.” But I certainly don’t make at a level where like, I don’t mass produce things. You know, I make like one or two things here and there. So I’ve thought on a number of occasions of making a business card with the kind of things that I make. Like, I make a lot of hand knit dice bags and things like that.

Adam Okay, cool.

Jen So I wonder if you could like go and just have a card with you and be like, “I make giant swords. I see you have a giant sword. If you’d ever like a real giant sword, let me know.”

Adam Just have posters of them up. “Here ya go. This is what I sell.”

Jen You could wear one of those big… you know, one of those boards you see outside sandwhich shops.

Adam A sandwhich board!

Jen Yeah, a sandwhich board, exactly!

Adam I could.

Jen You could. “I make giant swords!”

Adam Interesting side note. For whatever reason – and I’ve never been able to understand this – But I try to spread my stuff online everywhere. I mean, obviously, I want more people to see everything. I post on you know, Reddit and every Facebook group. Everything. And I have found that 99% of cosplayers are not interested in my stuff. In fact, I would say that, that’s where I get most of my negative reactions. It’s like a totally, it seems like it should be such a related field. But it’s totally separate and the two sides don’t even like each other. I totally was expecting to get a lot of support. And that’s where I get like all my down votes and everything. The cosplay subreddits and everything. I guess, if you’re into cosplay, and this is the best I can, you know, assume. If you’re into cosplay, you’re into it for a specific reason. You know, you want to go to these conventions, and you want to dress up and you need something that you can carry around for eight hours. And you know, and you have no desire to be swinging these things and smashing free Craigslist furniture and so forth. That’s not… That’s not what these people are into, basically.

Jen I totally get that part of it. The part of me that thinks that people would be into it is like the part of me that – I could do cosplay. I just don’t, it’s not where I put my energy. But I would totally do it. However, the part of me that loves video games and movies and all those incredibly intricate, cool worlds, when I see the things you make I go, “That’s so cool. It’s like from the thing I love. I could see that as a piece of art in my house, not as a thing I’m going to carry with me, but as a thing I want to own because it looks just like x.”

Adam Right. And so this is actually where most of my customers come from. The stuff I make largely is technically functional. You know, if you can swing a seven foot long sword, you know what I mean? It’s technically functional. It will hold up. It’s sharp. It will cut through things. But I have actually not seen any examples where anybody that has bought my stuff has actually used it. Instead they’ve got it in a display stand in their kitchen. You know what I mean? And I make a lot of like magnetic display stands for that purpose. And end up just kind of being almost like a, like, they want it to be functional still. So it almost becomes like a bragging right thing. Like, “Check out this… I got the real Buster Sword in my living room. I can’t pick it up. But you know…”

Jen Yeah, “The guy who made it had to carry it in here and put it up for me, but…”

Adam The poor UPS guy, right? Yeah. That’s really what it is. They just want like almost a trophy or something like that. Something you just display and just say like, “this is the real deal.”

Jen I have to imagine it’s sort of like people who collect really beautiful old muskets, or real swords from Japan from you know, 500 years ago or whatever. I have to imagine it’s more like that. You’re not using that. I guess people who do reenactments probably purchase old muskets, but they’re probably not using them. Because a lot of them aren’t really functional… safely.

Adam And you wouldn’t even want to. Exactly.

Jen What are you gonna do with it? Shoot a pheasant? Where?

Adam Exactly. And the thing is, too, when you just said historical weapons and so forth. The people who are into real – we’ll call them real swords, or real weapons, historically accurate. They don’t like my stuff either. Because they just say “Why would you ever do this? It weighs 20 times as much as a real sword. Like why? Nobody could swing it.” You can’t see why you would want to do that.

Jen Yeah, it’s not meant for that. It’s supposed to be like, I mean, anything from a video game, especially video games from that specific era – The late, late 80s all the way through the 90s and into the early 00s. Like everything was so silly. And that was kind of the point. That was why I was so fun. Anything from the Final Fantasy era, or…

Adam The Berzerker anime is where I get a lot of stuff from.

Jen Oh, yeah, of course. And I mean, the animes from that era, I watched a lot of Kenshin. I watched a lot of Kenshin when I was in high school. And I mean, everything was supposed to be… that’s kind of the point of it is to be a little silly and outrageous, and unwieldy and people with superhuman abilities.

Adam Or magical, or whatever you want. Whatever method they used. Yeah, yeah. And it’s funny you mention that. That’s kind of where my sweet spot is. A lot of newer games – the Dark Souls games and Monster Hunter and whatever, I’m sure you’ve seen all these things. There has been zero interest in those kinds of things. It’s like the simpler 80s, 90s, 00s. It’s the people who grew up in that era, like us. Or like me. I don’t know how old you are, sorry.

Jen We’re probably around the same age!

Adam And now, you know, they’re a little older, it’s been 10-20 years, and they’ve got some money now. And it’s almost like a nostalgia thing. “I played Final Fantasy on PlayStation One when I was in high school and now I want to have it in my house.” So it’s actually a lot of older stuff and relatively older people.

Jen I think nostalgia is a huge thing. And I think that what you’ll see over time, if you continue doing this, for you know, 20, 30, 40 years. As you get older, the things that people are going to want to buy are going to change because the people who have the money are going to change. And then you’ll start seeing stuff that’s popular now. And we’re getting close to when people are going to want a lot of WoW stuff. If you haven’t already started seeing it!

Adam I haven’t seen it, but I’m surprised I haven’t, actually. Because WoW goes back to, I don’t know, like 2004 or something like that. 2003? I forget. Early.

Jen Yeah. Because it was my first year of college and I started in 2003. So it was 2003 or 4. And yeah, my husband and I, we went to Merrimack College together. But the first two or three years we were together, I would say that a solid amount of the time we spent together was spent in WoW. It was… not real!

Adam You’re laughing but I played WoW fairly competitively for probably five years with my wife. So I understand.

Jen It was a wonderful thing to do as a couple. It was great.

Adam Most of the time…

Jen Yes, there were times when it caused some contention. That’s true.

Adam “Can I get a heal over here?”

Jen “Sorry! You’re too far away, dear.”

Adam Yes, you’re out of range. I had these exact conversations.

Jen That’s great. Yeah, we had some really good WoW memories.

Adam I am dying for that to become my next thing. Because I played so much for so long. And some of those weapons are so iconic. The war glaves or Thunder Fury or, you know what I mean, the classics. But, interestingly enough, nobody’s really interested. And part of my theory on that is like, you go to Final Fantasy, right? The Buster Sword. It was THE weapon in the game, basically. Whereas WoW, it’s like, it’s one of 8 million. There’s no single, iconic, stand out thing that everybody wants. So it leaves people divided. And people aren’t that interested. I haven’t even had people suggest like, “Hey, you should make this.” Like people always suggest “Hey, you should make this next. You should make that next. Never a WoW weapon. Considering millions of people play WoW, have played it.

Jen I wonder if it’s just had so many expansions to it, that it sort of has become such a different experience for so many people. And people come and go from it. Like we haven’t played since maybe like 2009.

Adam Okay, yeah, 2011 is the last year I played.

Jen Yeah, we’ve played since then. We’ll play for maybe like a day or two real hard and then… just to kind of get the nostalgia of it and then walk away again.

Adam It’s one of those things where you just have to be immersed in it. And have a reason to be logging in every day, you know? You’re in a guild or you’ve got raids to do or PvP or whatever. You have to have an actual reason. So when you try to stop in and you’re like, “Let’s recapture this joy!” You’re like, “I did some quests. I did some achievements or whatever. Alright, time to take care of the kids.”

Jen It’s tough. And we actually played a ton of Diablo 3 when our son was born. Maybe our daughter, I forget. But yeah, when that came out, we just… for first two weeks of that baby’s life it was just us on the couch in the basement in the dark playing Diablo. It was like, “Oooo, I hope this kid isn’t real screwed up.”

Adam That’s perfect. Besides that part of it. It’s perfect, because you get the hack-and-slash, you know? It’s not too in depth. You know, you don’t have to get that involved with it. It’s a little more mindless – not mindless, but compared to something like WoW. “I’ve gotta go grind for three hours to get this one quest done.”

Jen I like the Diablo games for that reason, because it does sort of allow you to be a little bit more social while you’re playing. Because you’re with another person. But there’s some games where like, if I’m playing Civ, and I’m doing Hot Seat, I’m not going to talk to you about anything because I’m just totally trying to figure out what to do next. So it’s just like five straight hours of “Oh, there’s another person next to me? Oh, I forgot about you.”

Adam “I was supposed to eat food?”

Jen Yeah, I’ve lost a lot of meals to mindless gaming.

Adam Yep, it happens. “Why am I so hungry? Oh, it’s 11 o’clock at night!”

Jen “Ooops! I ate 12 hours ago, it’s fine. I’ll be fine. Gaming is my diet. It’s totally cool.”

Adam You know what? It can work! Right?

Jen Your muscle mass just drains away. You become real pale.

Adam And you’re wearing out chairs from sitting so long.

Jen Okay, so we live in Wilmington.

Adam Correct.

Jen Have you lived here your whole life?

Adam I was born and raised here. I lived in Billerica for 10 years. And then I moved back.

Jen Nice. So you’re a real townie, you’re from right here!

Adam And the only reason I even moved away for any length of time is I couldn’t afford a house in Wilmington. I bought a house in Billerica. So definitely a townie.

Jen Yes. That’s great! So as somebody who did not grow up in Wilmington – I grew up in New Jersey. So I moved up to go to Merrimack. And then my husband and I were like – well, he grew up in Martha’s Vineyard. He is an island boy. And so the two of us were like, “Well, we want to stay in this area.” And so we lived in Andover for a little while. We had some people who rented to us for an obscenely low amount of money. Which was very nice of them. Because we could never have afforded to stay there. And then we just waited until we had enough money to buy a house in Wilmington. And Wilmington was like the sweet spot for our price range. It’s location wise, where we wanted to be. I have some issues with the town around like, there really isn’t a really great Main Street. I wish that there was a really great place I could walk around with my kids. And that’s kind of missing. But other than that. That comes from having spent so many years in Andover where there’s this beautiful Main Street.

Adam Yeah, and we go to Andover for that.

Jen Yeah, like Reading has it. Wakefield has it.

Adam You know, I never really thought about it like that. Growing up in Wilmington, it used to be such a small town. It still kind of is in some ways and people are still trying to hold on to that. But, I mean, there were like, none of these lights! These lights that are everywhere now. None of them. It was just a small town and you didn’t need it. And there was no need for that Main Street kind of thing. It was almost like semi-rural in some ways.

Jen Yeah, it sounds like it was. But people seem to get very bent out of shape when those conversations come up.

Adam Yes.

Jen Which kind of surprises me because I feel like if you have the influx of people, and the population sort of changing towards younger families and things like that, why wouldn’t you want to support family activities and things that can happen in the town and bring more businesses in? People are like “I want it to stay small here!” Why? You want to drive to some other town and give them your money?

Adam I think humans are just resistant to change in general. That’s what it all comes down to. Because I’ve noticed exactly the same conversations. I’m sure we’re both members of the Community Board. It’s always the same thing. I can kind of understand, like I said, coming from seeing the transition over the years, but… I don’t know I think as a general rule, I think progress is great. You know what I mean? More people, the better services, better schools, you know. There are actually restaurants in town now.

Jen I know, it’s great! I’m really excited for the new bakery. Have you seen that?

Adam I have not!

Jen So Tremezzo is opening up a bakery right next door called Josie’s.

Adam Okay. Yes. I did hear about that.

Jen Oh, I’m so excited! It’s opening in a couple weeks.

Adam I should temper that statement. I’m excited for it. But, you know… you know!

Jen I completely understand. I’m just like, “Oh, I don’t need a bakery.” But at the same time, my grandparents, my mom’s parents, owned and operated a bakery until… they closed it before I was born. But they were cooks, they were chefs, they were bakers. That whole family. And I grew up in an area of New Jersey where there’s a really big Italian population. So there was an Italian bakery every 10 feet. They were everywhere. And so here I am, in Wilmington, where there’s not an Italian bakery for miles. You’ve got to go into the city to get a good loaf of Italian bread. So now I’m like, “Every so often, if I want a pignole cookie, I can go get one.” I’ll be good.

Adam Yes, it’s good to have options, right?

Jen Yeah. And I really love Tremezzo. We go there all the time.

Adam I’ve only been there a few times. I try to, not to go on a huge tangent, but I used to be extremely, extremely overweight. So I have to be very careful not to eat out as much as I can. That’s like my death knell. Yeah, I go over there and I get some raviolis and everything. I mean, I put on 20 pounds in one day basically.

Jen It’s easy to overeat that stuff, too. Because it’s all so rich.

Adam I’m just curious, too. You said New Jersey. How long did you live there?

Jen I lived there until I was 17. And I haven’t lived there since.

Adam You don’t have much of an accent. If any, honestly.

Jen So, the New Jersey accent I think – I’m of the opinion – that it’s a myth. I think that when people think of the New Jersey accent, what they’re actually thinking of is the New York, Staten Island accent. Because a lot of the people who live in New Jersey are either the children of people who grew up in Staten Island or that area, or they lived in Staten Island and they moved out to New Jersey. And so you have this like real thick, “I’m from Joisey” you know, and that is not a New Jersey accent. That is a Staten Island accident. I mean, at least that’s been my experience. And we do have some dialect things where there are certain words that we’ll use to describe things that are different from up here. Like we say water fountain.

Adam Ok, so not “the bubbler”.

Jen Not “the bubbler”, yeah. Whereas like Boston has… If you’re from anywhere around the Boston area, you have a distinct accent.

Adam Agreed. Agreed.

Jen So even if it’s quiet, you could still hear it in there. You’re from around Boston.

Adam I really try to downplay my Boston accent. Not downplay it, but I just try to enunciate better, because… Actually, a big part of it is I’ve worked with – I usually work in larger companies that have a large footprint. So, I’ll be on a conference call with people from all over the country or other countries or whatever. And Boston accidents can be really tough on people who are not used to it.

Jen Interestingly, the Boston accent, I read at some point, that it’s one of the closest accents in America to British English. The way that we do our “Rs” and our “vowel-R” sounds. So yeah, it’s sort of like a very rough American British.

Adam It makes sense, right?

Jen Yeah, it’s where we all came from, right? Well, some of us.

Adam Right, right. But yeah, your New Jersey accent hypothesis is impressive. You totally blew my mind. I never thought about it like that.

Jen There’s the “New Jersey accent” but then they’re all of the Italians in New Jersey. And they have a very specific… there’s a wonderful article online that – talk about mind blowing – It goes through the different areas of Italy you are probably from historically, you’re generationally from. In my family, my mom and dad have always said “pruh-jzoot”, you know, that’s how they say it. And if you trace it back linguistically, it goes to exactly where they’re from in Italy. And there’s a reason for all of that. Whereas if you go to Italy, they say “prosciutto”, you know? They pronounced that final “O”, but we drop all the vowels off of our words as Italian Americans. Like a lot of people say “motzadel”, which is not even close to how it’s pronounced.

Adam You’re bringing me right to “The Sopranos”!

Jen Yes, Sopranos is New Jersey Italian exactly.

Adam Yes, exactly.

Jen Some stereotypes are dead on – “The Sopranos”. Let’s bring it back to the topic at hand! So you make a lot of things, but it’s probably safe to say that someone along the line in your life has made something for you or has taught you how to make something. What sticks out in your mind as something…

Adam So, maybe a surprising answer. But, yes and no. My father, of course, like everybody has the same story, right? My father’s always been huge into everything from doing it yourself, fixing it yourself, to making things on your own to… everything that encompasses that whole thing. A lot of especially woodworking type things. But as far as teaching me, especially the metalworking and everything, or even things that I’ve received, I have no story there. I literally just decided one day, “I want to get into metalworking.” And I bought a welder without having any idea how to use it. And I YouTubed, of course, everything. And one baby step at a time, I just gradually got more and more tools and got into more and more trades and just kept going. And the thing is, people think I must have a house full of these weapons or artwork or whatever. I actually have nothing. I don’t keep any of my stuff. There’s one exception. I have kept one thing I’ve made – my favorite thing I ever made. I only like to make things. I’m not a collector. I’m not an enthusiast even. I like some animes, the big ones – the popular ones – and so forth. But I’m not super into it, you know? It’s kind of like a means to an end – to feed my need to make things.

Jen That makes sense. Totally makes sense.

Adam Really, I don’t buy anything. People don’t send me stuff. My house is plain as can be. When I was a little boy, I loved Legos. And I loved to make things out of Legos and I would make this awesome car and then I’d take it apart in five minutes. I wouldn’t play with the car. I wouldn’t put it on display. Just tried to make something new. It’s been literally that way my entire life. I think I was born that way. Real simple, right?

Jen Well, I mean, my primary making craft is knitting. That’s primarily what I do. What I spend the most time and money on. And if you were to look around my house, you’d see maybe two or three handknit things. Everything else goes out the door. Most of the things I make our gifts for people. Every so often I do something on commission, but it’s rare. To me the enjoyment of knitting is the knitting itself. And then everything after that is sort of like, “Well, I can go buy a nice warm hat.”

Adam Yes, and it costs $3.

Jen Yeah, right. Like the the joy of the knitting for me is those like 10 to 15 hours I spend knitting the thing. I learned something new. I made something unique. And I’d rather give it to somebody else to enjoy than myself. I have a couple hats that I’ve kept that I liked that I made. The very first hat that I made I still have and I wear it almost every day. It’s very old and really needs to be replaced. But I’ve yet to make a hat that was as good as that one. And so every time I make a hat I’m like, “All right, somebody else is gunna get this as a gift.”

Adam So your first was actually better than your future ones?

Jen Yeah, I don’t know what it is. I know. Right? I think it was just more “me” than every other one I’ve made since then. The colors just really go with what I usually wear. The way it fits is just right for my head. Every other hat I make, I put it on and like, It’s too loose or It’s too tight. And I bet if I just wore it more often, it would eventually mold to my head and be perfect. But I just still have this real fondness for this hat I made… it’s probably coming up on 10 years now. And I wear it all the time. I almost never wash it when I probably should. Because it’s a knit hat. And I wear it in the wintertime.

Adam That’s interesting. Yeah, to me the satisfaction – It’s a two-fold satisfaction, right? The satisfaction of making the thing – completing the thing. And then the satisfaction of somebody has received it and their impression or their reaction is like the second part basically. So yeah, that’s it for me. It’s the process and then the – not the gifting anymore. It’s all commission work. But, you know, same idea.

Jen Which is nice! To get to that place.

Adam You know, when I ship my thing off, and I’m just waiting every day for that U{S notification that they received it. And I’m waiting for the email from the guy. You know what I mean? I can’t wait, you know?

Jen It’s extremely validating. And in some ways, I find that when I have done things on commission, it’s nice to get money for the work that I do. But with knitting, the materials cost so much and the amount of time you put into it is so much that by the time you want to sell it to a person, you’re maybe breaking even, but usually not. So to me, the money is sort of like “oh, this is nice.” But what’s really great is when somebody is like “This is perfect! This is exactly what I wanted!”

Adam Right. It’s their new favorite hat.

Jen Yes, exactly. So, I do a lot of blankets for people when they get married or they buy a new house or they have a baby or whatever. And giving someone a blanket… Every so often out of nowhere, I’ll get a text from a friend and it’ll just be a picture of their Friday night. And they have a cup of tea and a blanket. And they’re just like, “I can’t tell you how much I enjoy this every day.” And I’m like, “Oh, man!” It’s so nice. And that’s like the the gift that keeps on giving about it for me is knowing that someone’s still continuing to enjoy it.

Adam This is fascinating to me, because I know you’re interviewing me, so to speak. But I never really get to talk to anybody that makes things and have these conversations. So I kind of thought this was just me, you know what I mean? But from what you’re saying, it’s exactly the same thing I feel basically.

Jen Yeah. I mean, if you go back and listen to some other episodes, the things that tend to come up over and over again, are “I love the feeling of making the thing” and “I love the feeling of giving someone the thing.” A lot of people like that when they make something physical, it’s a piece of themselves that they’ve put out into the world, and that will exist beyond them. In a way, it’s sort of like how some people feel about having children. Like, “I’m making something that’s going to outlive me.” It’s why I make the podcast. I’m making something that you know, if I’m gone… The whole initial point of this was, if for some horrible reason I die prematurely and my children want to know who I am, they will have this to listen to. So I think that’s another big reason for people.

Adam I never really thought about it like that, you’re kind of talking almost like a legacy. That’s basically, what you’re saying.

Jen I think some people consider their creations as legacy. As a version of legacy. There are a lot of different things that get created, a lot of times pieces of media, where it’s sort of like… Podcasts feel this way and books feel this way. It’s sort of like the person who made it is having a conversation with you. With a lot of different people, but you get to experience it in a way that feels very personal to you. And so I like to think about that with things that I put out and send to people. “Here. Here’s this thing.” And then they kind of have their own experience with it, that’s unique to them.

Adam Sure. And it’s a piece of you at the same time. Even just a reminder of you. It could be something simple like that.

Jen Yeah, which is nice. So, I mean, knock on wood I’m around for a really long time and it’s not an issue, but…

Adam Life happens, right?

Jen I know. It’s true. It’s very true. Okay, so you hinted at this, but didn’t actually say what it was. But you said you kept one thing in your house. What is your favorite thing you’ve ever made?

Adam So, funnily enough, one of the first things I made was a giant, large, oversized sheet metal skull. I think you might have seen a picture of it. And it was like, 4 or 500 pieces of metal all welded together. It took me five times longer to make it than I thought it would. It was a huge pain. I mean, it was honestly, it was easily the worst thing I’ve ever made. The worst time. And It was early on. So I didn’t know what I was doing. Didn’t know what to expect. And once I started, I said, “Okay, I’m not backing out of this. I’m just gonna keep going for however dozens of hours it takes. It was like 120 hours I put into this stupid thing.

Jen Yeah, I’ve done those projects.

Adam Ridiculous. It had thousands of welds on the thing. Like it was just crazy. When I’m done with it, I said, “How can I ever sell this thing? It’s never going to be worth enough for me to actually get rid of it. Unless some incredibly rich person just throws a bunch of money at me.

JenYes, “I love this! I’ll pay you $100,000 for it!”

Adam Yeah, “take it!” right? “I’ll pay off my mortgage, Thanks.” So I actually cut the top of it off and it’s ike a bowl. And it’s a chalkbowl in my gym now. So I get to see it every day. And I use it frequently. Every time I’m in the gym, I get to use it.

Jen You have a gym in your house?

Adam I do. In the basement. But every day I get to see it. And I say “that’s awesome.” And it really came out. I just worked on it until it was perfect. Well, nothing’s ever perfect, right? And especially in my mind. But yeah, that’s by far – I don’t think I’ll ever get rid of it. I don’t know any extremely rich benefactors. So it probably won’t happen anytime soon. You know, it’s cool. I’ve had actual gym owners be interested in it. But then you know, “Oh, can you make me one of those?” “Sure!” “Is $150 fine?” (laughter)

Jen I think you sort of already answered this. But this is the last question that I ask people, which is: why do you think that that making, either for you personally or for people in general, is such a vital part of being a human?

Adam Good question. right? So we kind of talked about this. So, for me, like I said, it’s strictly a satisfying, rewarding experience, basically. It can be awful. I’m working, welding and using torches. I’m getting cut on a million different things. And you’re wearing full leathers in the middle of the summer. It can really be a pretty awful experience. But all that awfulness kind of leads to greater reward. Does that makes sense? The harder it was, the more time it took, the more frustration involved, the better I feel when whatever it is is done. I actually find myself gravitating towards greater and greater challenges. I make things now that I couldn’t even fathom a few years ago. You know what I mean? New skills, new tools, new whatever. Challenges, like I said, just kind of keep pushing me to achieve those greater rewards, basically. The rewards are all up here, in my mind, but that’s my motivation, I guess. It just keeps escalating.

Jen I completely understand that.

Adam Why is it important? I don’t know. I think everybody’s got their own reasons. You touched on the legacy thing. That’s something I’ve never really even considered that heavily.

Jen I’ve heard some people say that making feels like it’s part of their DNA. Like they were just raised in a home with makers. So they were like, “Well, this is just what we do.”

Adam And I kind of touched upon that with my Dad, who did teach me a lot from day one. So, maybe a little bit of natural tendency towards making things, nurtured extensively, and then it just kind of blossomed from there, I guess. That’s probably the best way I could say it. I mean, even when we talked about playing WoW. I liked to do crafting stuff in WoW. You know what I mean?

Jen Yeah! All my things in WoW were always crafting. I was like, “Ok, I’ll do the leather-working and the cloth-making or what was that? Tailoring!

Adam Tailoring. Exactly. And it was the same way. It was like, way back in the day, there were the rare recipes. And some of the materials were ridiculous to get. And those are the things I went for. Like, “Oh, I gotta do this raid, Black Wing Lair, for months to get the materials to make this thing? Cool!” That challenge was always the driving factor, basically, for me. Challenge equals reward. Real simple, right?

Jen Yeah, that feels like a mantra in most of the best pursuits. The more challenging something is, the worse it feels, the better you feel at the end when you’ve achieved the goal that you were after.

Adam I guess that could apply to anything. I mean, you can be a fighter and your training is insanely brutal. But it all pays off in the end for you. You know what I mean? Whatever your goal is. Beat people up – that’s your craft.

Jen Like sports or exercise or anything like that. The harder you work at something, the better feels when you do it.

Adam I just wish I had made that realization earlier in life. That came in my 30s. That nothing easy is worth it. The harder something is, the better it is in the end. If I had realized that earlier in my life, I think – it’s not like a regret or something like that. But I could have been doing this all this time.

Jen Well, I think it’s a very mature thought. I think that we’re just… our brains aren’t really ready to think about that level of work when we’re in our teens, and 20s. Everything we want to be doing is easy. And our concept of legacy certainly is very different when we’re younger, because we don’t even have the… I mean, I don’t think it was not until I was like 26 or 27 that I was like, “Oh, one day I will die.” But it just never even occurred to me.

Adam Yeah, we’re all immortal when were young. Right?

Jen Yeah, exactly. So I think your brain just isn’t ready to have those thoughts about time and about commitment to things.

Adam Committment. Yes. Yes. That’s interesting. I guess…. I’m sure you’re right.

Jen Well, thank you!

Adam No, really. Because life’s experiences in general kind of guide you along that path anyway. Figuring these things out. And not even to make it into like a rant, but everything’s instant gratification nowadays anyway. So that kind of pushes you in the wrong direction, unfortunately. And believe me, if my phone doesn’t respond within one second, I’m angry, you know? It’s just a combination of factors.

Jen I think with things that provide this instant gratification, because you get technology and you get things and everything’s faster. And I think that my goal with my kids has been to try to help them see the value in those things, so that they may be have that realization earlier. And I sort of feel like you’re getting all this time back, not having to make your own bread, not having to send a letter in the old-fashioned way where you would write it out. That takes a lot longer than shooting off a quick email to somebody or a text message. And so we’ve regained all of this time, but somehow we have less of it. Because we’re doing so many more things than people used to in the allotted time we have. So I’m sort of trying to help them, and me as well, understand that with that time that you now have, that you wouldn’t have had before, are you spending that on worthwhile pursuits? Pursuits that are difficult and challenging and not just sitting, like they are right now, watching PJ Masks. My 20s were spent mostly binge watching shows like “Lost” and I could have been making some really beautiful, interesting things instead of just dithering my time away on very sedentary activities. It takes time to realize that your time is valuable.

Adam It’s one of those things, right? Perfect example – “Lost” was awesome, by the way. But, how do you tell yourself that that was wasted time? Right? You loved the show. You maybe learned from it. You may be grew from it a little bit. On the surface, it seems like it’s a waste of time. And I could have been doing better things. But I always have that argument with myself. But then I come back to the sum of my life experiences. The time spent doing worthwhile things and the time spend doing useless, pointless things all adds up to right where I am right now. If I’m happy with where I am now, then I can’t regret. I can’t regret anything I’ve done in the past. Even if I spent 12 hours a day playing WoW on the weekend. And just ordered pizza from Domino’s, because I didn’t want to even stop to make food. It was still a learning experience. I still grew from it. It was still worthwhile. So that’s the attitude I try to have.

Jen I’ve learned over time to try to have that mentality of thinking to myself, “Well, that time wasn’t completely wasted. I was incredibly entertained. It’s what I needed at that time. And that’s just where I was.” Do I wish now that I had learned how to do the knitting that I’m doing now during that time or before that, so that I could be better by now than I am? Yeah, a little bit. But at the same time, had I not been watching so much TV, I wouldn’t have eventually said to myself, “I need to find something to do with myself while I’m watching TV. So I’ll learn how to knit.” So it’s sort of like one begat the other.

Adam And maybe crafting things in WoW made me want to make things in real life. So it’s like, whatever. It’s hard to have regrets when you think about things that way, I think.

Jen Yeah, it’s a helpful way to wrap your mind around your past, even if it’s not how you would have done it if you had the thoughts that you have now. But the thoughts that you have now, you wouldn’t have gotten to.

Adam Yeah.

Conclusion

It’s been some time since Adam and I had this conversation. I’ve taken an unexpected hiatus over the past few months due to my pregnancy. Keeping up with all of my commitments was much harder than I anticipated and podcast release schedule was directly impacted. I’m not sure what the schedule will look like moving forward, but I will likely release episodes as I am able to. I have no plans of ending the podcast, but the cadence will likely be unpredictable as my family adjusts to having 5 members. Either way, I’m so glad that this show gave me an excuse to meet Adam and I have some other great conversations recorded to share in the coming months. So keep an eye on your podcast app for a surprise episode now and again!

And now I’d like to tell you about something I made this month. It was quite a long process because of how fine our chosen yarn was, but I was able to finish knitting the new baby’s blanket just about a week before my due date. The pattern and yarn match nicely with the two previous ones I’ve made for Emma and Joey. But this blanket is made with a lighter yarn since this is a true summer baby. I’m excited to use it for monthly baby pictures and as a daily sleep surface for my new little one as we lounge on the porch and in the yard. I hope that your summer is filled with lazy afternoons with cold beverages and happy memories.

Well, that brings us to the end of this episode. You can find show notes, lots of fun links and other extras for all of the show’s episodes over at htmamcast.com. Find us on Instagram @howtomakeamemory. If you’ve enjoyed this episode, please consider heading over to iTunes to rate and review so more folks like yourself can find the show. Our logo is by Becky Carpenter, our music is by Chuck Salamone, we get system admin support from Greg Thole. Now, go make something for someone you love.

Episode Details

Air date: February 21, 2019

Guest: Jo Lager

Runtime: 35 minutes, 54 seconds

Summary: In this episode, Jo Lager joins Jen as they discuss their mutual love of knitting and bread baking. They also find themselves in a deep conversation about sibling rivalries and creating a distinct making footprint.

Links of Interest:

• Jo on Instagram
• King Arthur’s Sourdough Baking Guide
• Sourdough Pancakes

What I Made This Month

From the transcript: “And now I’d like to tell you about something I made this month. I was inspired while editing this episode and made the pretzel dogs that Jo recommended. And the dough recipe is so forgiving, that I was even able to get my 4-year-old in on the action. She loved all of the steps and helping me time out the baking soda water bath part of the process. I didn’t have any hot dogs on hand, but I did have some marvelous Ginger and Garlic Sausages from a local farm that were perfect. We snuggled up to enjoy our pretzel-wrapped sausages and introduced the kids to the 1986 Don Bluth classic An American Tail. It was a perfect evening.”

Episode Transcript

Introduction

Hello, and welcome to “How to Make a Memory,” the show that explores the items we make for one another and how they impact our relationships. My name is Jen Tierney and my guest this episode is Jo Lager. She is an accomplished knitter and bread baker and I am lucky enough to be related to her by marriage. She is my father-in-law’s cousin and somehow we’ve always missed each other at various family gatherings. And since she lives close by, this past Fall I invited her to come by for a meal, to meet my kids, and to record this episode.

Jo is a pleasant conversationalist and I found that in no time at all, we were touching upon some similar sibling dynamics that we’ve experienced in our own immediate families.   

Conversation

Jen Thank you for coming and visiting me at my house and coming to be on the show. So this is the second time we’re meeting, I think.

Jo Yes.

Jen But the first time seems like we mostly missed each other.

Jo Yeah. At a big family gathering.

Jen Yes.

Jo So, my mother told me that you were slightly fanatical about knitting. Like me. She considers me to be slightly fanatical about knitting.

Jen You are excellent at it, I’ve seen your stuff! It’s much better than mine.

Jo So, I was interested. And I think I actually saw something that you had posted on Ravelry one time and I was like, “Hmm, I think I know that Tierney.”

Jen Yes!

Seriously, Jo is a very talented knitter. You can peruse through her many projects over on Instagram @sojolala. I’ll include a link in the show notes.

Jo So, I’m happy to be here. I think I consider myself, as a maker, primarily a knitter. I really enjoy knitting and I always have a knitting project going. I learned to knit when I was five. At the time, I knew how to do some embroidering. My mom taught me how to do some embroidery. I made some little embroidered flowers and things like that. And I had a friend coming over from school and when we were planning what we were going to do, she said, “Do you know how to knit?” And I said, “Yes.” And then I was like, I had some inkling that maybe sewing and knitting were not the same thing. So I asked my mom, “Do I know how to knit?” And she said, “No, but I can show you.” So she taught me how to knit then. And I did some knitting when I was growing up. When Cabbage Patch Kids were a craze I made Cabbage Patch Kids sweaters. Although, I think it’s funny because my mother, you know, like we got to the collar and I left the collar on a stitch holder for a really long time because my mom was like, “Oh, you probably can’t do that part.” And, I probably could have.

Jen Yeah, yeah!

Jo Anyway, and then when I went to college… My older sister had gone to college and decided she was going to make a quilt while she was in college. And she made this beautiful, hand sewn quilt while she was in college. And so I was like, “I’m going to college! I need a project. And neither of my older sisters did knitting. So it was kind of like it could be my thing. So I started out making a blanket, which I think I got halfway through and decided I didn’t like the yarn. It wasn’t fun to make. So that eventually went to a yard sale. But then my oldest sister got pregnant. And I was like, “Ooh, baby clothes!” So I made lots of things for my first nephew. And since then I’ve really continuously been a knitter. Although, when I had my son, I didn’t knit a lot when he was little.

Jen It changes a lot of things!

Jo Yeah!

Jen Yeah, I’ve had so many projects that I’ve started and I’ve sort of committed to and I talk to people about it and they’re like, “You’re not going to work on that for another 10 years! Just calm down about it. It’s okay. You’ve got little kids!” So trying to come to terms with that is hard. Especially when you make so ferociously before you have kids. Then all of the sudden you can’t anymore.

Jo Yeah, but my son is now 13. And then you can again! Suddenly they’re doing their own things. And you have a lot more time to do your own things again.

Jen Yeah, you’re own stuff, yeah.

As someone who is constantly overextending, over promising, and over committing to a variety of projects, I so appreciate this glimpse into the future. This light at the end of the tunnel. I’m getting ready to welcome a new little infant into the house in just a few months, so “me time” seems further away than ever before. But Jo very kindly puts it in perspective for those of us who need to remember the impermanence of our young family.

Jo I at one point took up spinning, before I had [my son]… but I realized that I was buying yarn and I was buying fiber. And it just was like compounding the problem of having too much stuff and not enough time because I didn’t want to just make yarn. I also wanted to buy yarn and I actually realized I liked buying yarn more than I liked making yarn. And then I sold my spinning wheel to someone a couple years ago. And then I was like, “Oh, all these people I know are spinning and it looks so cool!” But, I find one of the nice things about knitting is that it’s so portable. I don’t have a lot of time to just sit in my house and do things. I like to sew, and I like to spin. But I just… And when I’m there, I’ve got lots of other things to do. So I like that I can grab my knitting and go out. Either go to a cafe and meet friends and knit together or knit while I’m commuting or, you know, while I’m waiting. While I’m going to my son’s hockey games, you know, waiting for the game to start. I can do it then.

Jen Most of my projects, unless I’m working on like a very large blanket that’s far along, most of them get done outside of the house. It’s one of the great things about it is: it’s got a modest amount of gear for a hobby. There’s some hobbies that just have such a colossal amount of gear and they keep you really tied to…

Jo Yeah, planted.

Jen I mean, I have a 30 minute walk as part of my community. And I knit while I’m walking now, which is great. As long as you have a pattern that’s easy, right? You just do a while you go! It’s really great. I originally took up knitting because I was spending way too much time watching TV on the couch and getting nothing done. And I was like, “If I’m just gonna sit here watching TV, I might as well do something my hands.” It took me a long time to get good enough to be able to watch TV while I did it. But now I can just listen to a podcast, and I can do whatever. You know? Great.

Jo One of the things that’s changed what I like to do in my spare time is what I’m doing while I’m working. When I was working in the hospital and on my feet all the time, then I liked having that sitting in fron tof the TV doing… But when I spent my whole day sitting at a desk, then I was like, “Yeah, I can’t do that when I’m home.” And then I was doing more baking and other things just because they’re active and on my feet and not sitting there like a lump.

Jen Yes, absolutely. I spend very little time now watching something or listening to something while I knit. It’s mostly like active time or outside of the house time. But I used to have blankets that I made that I called like, “Oh, this blank. It was my Buffy blanket.” Like, I watched the entire series of Buffy while I made this blanket. I’d tell people when I gave it to them, like, “This is your marriage blanket, or your house warming blanket, but also it’s the Dexter blanket.” You know?

Jo If you see any blood splatter, don’t be surprised.

Jen So it’s fun to be able to sort of think about projects in that length for me, because, you know, I can sort of be like, “Okay, this is gonna take me about eighty hours. What is about 80 hours long that I can watch while I do this?” I don’t really do it that way anymore. But now I think about it in terms of like, “how many trips back and forth from work is this project?”

Jo I recently… in the past year – I commute from New Hampshire to Cambridge, which is a long commute. And I recently found a van pool, which is awesome! Because most days, I can sit and knit and listen to an audio book or… It’s awesome.

I’ve had so many different commutes over the years. I recently read that the average American commute is 40 minutes. Which is why so many podcasts strive to be in that 30-40 minute range. You’re welcome! My life has been forever transformed by the discovery of podcasts and learning to knit while in motion.

Jen Aside from the earliest projects you worked on, what are some of the big things you’ve finished that you’ve been most proud of?

Jo Well, I just finished a sweater that I am totally in love with. So it’s turquoise and grey. And it’s a yarn that was hand dyed by a lady that’s in the town next to where I live, and it’s half Marino and half silk. And it’s just beautiful fiber. And it’s called the Noux sweater, N-O-U-X. And it has a kind of color work yoke and it’s just… I like everything about it! It fits, it has a nice drape, you know, it’s a nice weight for wearing any time the year except for the hottest days of the summer. And this time is so short around here, anyway. One of the other projects I made that I really like is I made this, I knitted an anatomically correct octopus.

Jen That’s fantastic!

Jo It’s one skein of fingering weight yarn and it has like the spout and it has all the little suckers on the tentacles.

Jen That’s really interesting.

Jo My son asked for it. And I guess I made it for him. But he’s never really used it. But I love it! And I guess the fact that I was willing to make it for him counts for something.

Jen Yes! Yeah. I’ve had a few people request interesting things like that. And I’ve never really – only in the last maybe year so have I gotten into creating little dolls or things like that. I’ve always made items you can wear for the most part, but we got commissioned to make a set of minions for a guy in town a little while ago. And after I determine whether or not it was okay for me to illegally make minions. Since it’s like, “Oh, I don’t know.” But had a friend ask me to make him an anatomical brain with like the brain stem and all that. And I was just like, I wouldn’t know where to begin. And I looked for patterns. And parents exist for such writings, you know, but it looked like such a… Like, “I don’t know that I have the time to make this thing.” It had so many parts to it!

Jo I find doing things on commission, unless you really love it yourself and some of the value in it is satisfaction for yourself, there’s no way someone could ever pay you enough money to do it. To make it. I mean, if there’s value in the making for yourself, and you really love it, then maybe, but…

Jen The thing with the minions was that I had tried crocheting for the first time to make a Hobbes doll for my husband for Father’s Day a few months before our son was born. And I was like, “This is for Joey, but I’m giving it to you Father’s Day, because you’re going to be a Dad again.” And it was the first thing I had crocheted and I posted a picture of it online and this guy was like, “I would love for you to make minions.” And I did it mostly because it had taken me a really long time to make the Hobbes doll because I just – it was brand new. I hadn’t learned how to do it really well yet. And I was like, I want to get good at this. So for me that was sort of like, why I could do it. But yeah, anytime I am not making something as a gift, it’s really hard to do. And I’ve tried a few times to knit things and then give them to a shop in town that sells things. It’s kind of consignment? Yeah, she’s sells things from local artisans. And I just can’t get myself to put down the projects for friends and gifts and things long enough to actually create anything to bring over to that woman – who would love to have stuff. And I can’t get myself motivated to actually do it. And part of it is that, you know, like, if I make a baby hat, which is probably the fastest, least expensive thing that I could make, it still took me four to five hours. I can’t charge $50 for a tiny baby hat! That’s insane! Who would pay that?

Jo Right. And if she’s only giving you half of what she’s gonna sell it for.

Jen I know! So it just doesn’t make sense to do. And I think there are crafts out there that lend themselves more to consignment. Like sewing.

Jo Right! You can do some production sewing.

Jen Yeah, you could definitely churn some things out. But not… not knitting.

Jo I find it funny. Sometimes people say, “Oh, you should sell that!” And I’m like, “What you don’t understand is that I’ve paid more for this yarn than I would pay for a sweater.” So there’s just no way! I mean, the value in it is the value for me. There’s no way that someone else could compensate me for that value.

Jen So, one of the things that I found after I started knitting, that I wasn’t expecting, was that it became very meditative for me. And eventually, I started using it as a stress relief activity. And I started making things that weren’t for anyone, necessarily, but just like, “Oh, I just, I’m going to make this thing and then I’ll figure out what to do with it later.” And I found homes for every thing over time. But yeah, it sort of became more about the activity to me and the process. And it’s just getting into that place where your brain can sort of shut off and all you’re doing is thinking is, “Okay, knit knit purl purl.”

Jo Right!

Jen And that’s it, and everything else goes away. I can’t get there when I purposely meditate. When I sit and try to like clear my mind. Can’t do it. I go to a yoga class. At the end of yoga when we have those five minutes of just laying there, my mind is just all over the place.

Jo I mean, I’ve done a little meditation. I think part of the purpose of meditation is to realize how many different places your brain is running all the time.

Jen Yes, right.

Jo I think that that whole exercise of trying to sort of clear your mind is – it can be frustrating, and satisfying, and stressful, and relieving. It sort of, you know, has that tension to it which is good, which I think is the exercise part of that exercise? How it has that push and pull to it. I think it’s always funny with people who are learning to knit who come wanting it to be a stress relief. And they’re sitting there with their shoulders in their ears. And they’re like doing each stitch and they’re like, “What do you mean? This is supposed to be relaxing right now!” And it does set up this expectation, you know? It takes some… I find it very interesting that, as adults, we so little have the opportunity to do something we’re not good at. Or give ourselves the opportunity to try something that we’re not good at and practice doing some meditation or knitting or whatever else that we’re not good at. You know? We tend to just keep doing the things that we’re already good at. It’s very good to remind yourself that it’s okay to not be good at things and to keep trying them.

JenMm hmm. That’s true. Have you ever taught knitting?

Jo I did. I used to do it when I lived in North Carolina.

Jen So I taught for about five years or so. I still have a couple students who I see from time to time, like for private lessons. But I taught a class of, you know, six to 10 women every week or every other week. And I, every so often, I’d have a new student who’d come in and be like, “I’m so excited to take up something relaxing.” And I just want to look at them and be like, “I want you to know, you’re going to do this for about eight hours. And it’s going to be misery because you’re going to be so frustrated that you don’t know what you’re doing. It’s gonna feel clunky, you’re not going to know what’s going on. And after those eight hours, the muscle memory and the mechanics of it, you’ll get. But you’re still going to have to pay so much attention that it’s not going to be relaxing. So you have to commit to about 20 hours of non-relaxation and hard work before you’re going to get that reward. And if you’re okay, with that upfront investment, then you’re great.” That’s an interesting thing that we kind of lose as adults is the ability to feel okay with looking kind of dumb. Like, “I don’t know what I’m doing, and I’m comfortable with that” is really hard.

This is an incredibly challenging hurdle for me and so many other adults that I know. As we age, our inner critics often grow with us and so often stand in the way of us making something that isn’t quite at the level we intend to be one day. I envy all of you out there who can silence that pesky inner voice so that you can learn and grow without standing in your own way. Alright, let’s talk about bread baking!

JenSo you primarily knit and then you also use sourdough.

Jo Yeah, I’m a sourdough user! It’s true.

Jen How long? How old is your starter?

Jo Well, I actually, I’ve kept sourdough starter for over a decade.

Jen Really?! Same one?

Jo No, I did have to replace it because at some point, it got really neglected. And actually, it was like, a year and a half ago, it had been really neglected. And then I tried to rev it up. And then I tried to make sourdough bread for my family for Thanksgiving. And it was like a hockey puck! It didn’t rise at all. So I bought some new starter from King Arthur.

Jen Oh, you did? Oh, cool.

Jo And it’s funny because since that Thanksgiving, I actually haven’t made a loaf of bread again. I use the starter every week to make whatever, you know.

Jen Yeah, I don’t make bread as often as I make other things.

Jo But yesterday I made bread and the wonder of the little bubbles of air inside the bread made me very happy. Because that was the first time I’d made bread again since that unsuccessful… And it was funny because my nieces and nephews were all like, “Auntie Joe’s making bread!” Then they were like, “what happened to the bread?!” And I was like, “There is no bread.”

Jen “I am so sorry.” Yeah. The first time I made bread – so I watched Michael Pollan’s “Cooked” series on Netflix. And that was when I was like, “I will get into bread baking!” That’s usually what it takes for me. I see one person do it really well and I go, “Well, I will do that thing!” And so I made it. I bought my King Arthur flour, and I got my distilled water. What I started off with regular tap water, which was my mistake. Eventually, I learned distilled water. Do that, Jen.

Jo Ah, we have well water, so I don’t have to worry about that.

Jen Yeah, we have the town water. So I made it and I let it do its thing for it’s five days. I’ve said it every day and I are some out and bah bah bah. And eventually it looked bubbly. And I was like, “Okay, it’s ready to make bread. And I just found like the first “from scratch sourdough bread” recipe I could find. Which was good, but it was for someone who had an advanced starter and was an advanced breadmaker. And I was just, “I will do this!” And so I made the bread. And I was like, “I’m gunna bring this down to Connecticut for Thanksgiving.” Because it was then. And it was two Thanksgivings ago, now, I think, and I brought it down with me. And it was… everybody ate it, because they were very, very, very polite. But it was basically inedible. It was so hard and so unpleasant. What I do now, because I don’t want to torture myself, is I found this really nice…

Jo So did you do… you did your starter from wild? The yeast is wild yeast? You didn’t get an established starter.

Jen Yeah, yeah.

Jo I tried that once. And I, I got something going, but it just never was robust.

Jen Yeah, it’s definitely better now. Mine’s two and a half years old. And it’s definitely like, super great and it rises really well. But it took probably about a year before it was really good. So now what I use is, it’s a quick sourdough recipe that has a little bit of yeast in it. Just enough to help it rise quickly so I get a loaf of bread and three hours. And to me, that’s, like, completely worth it. I don’t want to have to do, you know, eight to 12 hours of work to get a loaf of bread. I do three hours of work and get two loaves of bread. This is great. But my favorite thing to do with the sourdough starter is I make pancakes every Sunday. And I had never had better pancakes in my life. And I am a person who spent many a Sunday morning trying to find the perfect pancake recipe. And this is just…

Jo I like making pancakes with mine, too. I was really happy because I stopped eating milk. And so I stopped eating pancakes. And then I found a sourdough rescue that didn’t have any milk. And the sourdough is acidic. It kind of cuts the baking powder, so that’s good.

Jen Yeah, mine definitely has a lot of milk in it!

Jo Yesterday I had some banana pancakes with raspberry jam on them. They were delicious.

Jen So good. Yeah, I put banana in mine. The sourdough recipe, or the sourdough pancake recipe I have is from King Arthur. It’s their basic, classic waffle/pancake recipe. But when I make it, I do – I mash some bananas. I do cinnamon and vanilla. And then I do the recipe the way they call it for. It’s just so good. It’s great! So yeah, I do the pancakes. I’ve made pretzels a few times with it.

Jo Mm hmm.

Jen Holy moly.

Jo I like those pretzels too.

Jen Pretzels are really, really fun to make. They take a little bit of time and a little bit of extra energy. But they’re just… they’re just delicious. And they’re so soft.

Jo Have you made pretzel hot dogs?

Jen No!

Jo I’m a big fan. You wrap the little pretzel around the hot dog and bake ’em.

Jen Oh, my goodness. And I know this wouldn’t work for you, but I feel like I would have to throw like a slice of cheese in there!

Jo Well, totally! Some cheddar.

Jen Maybe I’d like poke a hole through the hot dog and stick the cheese in the hot dog.

Jo Yes. Exactly. Like they used to do with those crescent rolls. But better.

Jen Way better.

Is your mouth watering yet? If you’re looking for some guidance and inspiration to help you get started on a sourdough bread baking journey, check out the show notes for lots of resources to help you get started. And over on the show’s Instagram page, you’ll find lots of pictures and videos cataloging the many sourdough recipes I test out on my family.

JenI’ve found that there were so many things from my childhood that – I remember reading somewhere, maybe in college, that there was a sort of interesting generational thing with Italian families that the first generation that came over, came over with all of their recipes. The next Generation discovered all of the American conveniences and simplicities. So when I was growing up, and I hope my Mom doesn’t take offense to this because she listens. But a lot of what we ate was more convenience food than from scratch. And part of that was because she had three kids to feed every night. You know, you can’t be hand making all of your food. But I feel like when we had cookies, unless it was a holiday, we were probably getting cookies that, you know, we bought the cookie dough. Or if we were having bread, we were buying bread in loaves, we weren’t like – I don’t know that I ever made bread when I was a child with my mom. Maybe. Oh, you know, we got like Amish friendship bread a few times. Have you ever gotten that? I thought that was real gross until I started doing sourdough starters. And then it was like, “Oh, I could see how that would not be completely nasty. But when you’re passing it between so many people, it seems like it’s probably not totally hygienic.

Jo Eh, I don’t know.

Jen I don’t know. I mean, if you got yeast in there, and it’s fermenting, it’s probably ok.

Jo Exactly.

Jen But yeah, I think that now that I am making a lot more things on my own: making cookies from scratch, and bread from scratch, and things like that. And I think to myself, “Oh, this is just so much better.” It tastes so much better, but there is that time factor. So unless you do it as a hobby, it’s completely unrealistic to, you know…

Jo Right. Well, and just having ingredients in the house.

Jen Yeah!

Jo I don’t know, my mom always made things from scratch. I mean, she didn’t always make bread, but she made bread, and she made cookies always – desserts always from scratch. But, you know, I remember when I lived in North Carolina, my neighbor invited me over for dinner or something and I made dessert and she’s like, “you just have these ingredients in your house right now? Like flour?” And I’m like, “Always!”

Jen Of course. Yeah, my mom did, to her credit, she did always have all the ingredients to make a good dessert. To make cookies. That stuff was always in the house. And I think that that’s important for – if you have children, for them to see that these are the staples that we keep in our home so that we can make certain things. Almost every day, Emma will come up to me and be like, “Mommy, I want to make…” And it’s either a food item, our craft item or, you know, whatever. But without realizing it – because I wasn’t intentionally doing this – although I think I was hoping that one day I would start to intentionally do it. I wasn’t intentionally trying to turn her into a maker. But she just observed it enough that this is just what you do. You make things. It’s so nice to have. It’s nice to hear her say, “I want to make this.” “Perfect, let’s do it!” And I can’t say no to her when she says “I want to make blank.” All right. We’re making cookies, we’re making ice cream, we’re making french fries. And we have the little garden out front. So as soon as she heard that I planted potatoes, she was like, “When are we making french fries?” “We have to wait for them to be ready to harvest!”

Jo That’s pretty fun.

Jen Now they’re ready to harvest. So she’s, “we’re having french fries tonight. Right? And ice cream. Right? Okay.” So it’s nice to be able to give her that.

Jo Yeah, it is. Yep. I think my mom is a maker. My mom likes to sew and she – She doesn’t knit so much but she knows how. And she likes to make good dinners and…

Jen She has all of those beautiful flowers on her porch.

Jo Oh, yes. She’s a gardener.

Jen Yes. Her garden is – I should really talk to her about her garden. It’s really beautiful.

Jo And my sisters and brother are all kind of makers, too. As I said, my sister quilts and she lately – she did a lot of cross stitch but she doesn’t see well enough to do the cross stitch anymore. She, lately, took a course on using discarded metal to make sculptures.

Jen Interesting.

Jo Cool stuff. And she does a lot of decoupage, like with furniture and other things. And then my second sister, she did a lot of cake decoration. For a while, she was doing cake pops – decorated cake pops. And she’s really into decorating and entertaining. And then my brother. He’s a maker. I don’t know exactly what he makes.

Jen “But I know he’s a maker!” It’s sort of part of your DNA.

Jo Yeah. Which is nice. I was like, “I need my thing. What am I gonna do?”

Jen Yeah. ” How do I set myself apart from the pack?” I know what that’s like.

For those of us with siblings, it’s interesting how that often self-imposed need for sibling rivalry asserts itself into even how we express ourselves as makers. I certainly wasn’t expecting our conversation to go down this avenue. 

Jo Nobody else really bakes. You know? Not bread. Beth bakes cakes, you know? And not that she doesn’t, but she was not the expert bread baker. Right? I could be like, “Okay, this can be my thing.”

Jen Yeah, yeah. I think that… I’m trying to think in my family. I remember, sort of having different things that I was really passionate about as I was growing up, and then one or both of my brothers picking those things up. Because they were like, “Oh, Jen’s doing this. I wanna do it too.” And then they would like, very quickly become better at it than me. And I would completely lose interest in the thing, you know? And just be like, “I’m not going to do this anymore.” So I started trying to learn guitar when I was like maybe nine or 10 years old. And my brother Chuck picked it up and now he’s a professional musician. And, you know, and I’d sort of like occasionally very privately, will play some guitar and sing for my own benefit. I feel very inferior to him. I don’t think it was until I was in my late 20s that I really found the things that I was like, “These are the things I’m really, really proficient at – very good at.” And it really ended up coming down to the knitting and baking. Yeah, the two things and I’m better at than most of my family if not all of my family. And it’s nice to be able to be like, “Ok, these are my things.” It’s releaving.

Jo Well, though, isn’t it funny that, you know, you still as an adult feel the need to compete with your siblings, right?

Jen Yes, I think that’s just going to always be there. I very much feel that. And I’m sure they feel that towards me, too. And I think like, when I spend time with them – I don’t know if this is the case for you, with your siblings – but when I spend time with them, we all behave in ways that is like, for one another’s benefit, or, for one another’s detriment, you know, sort of like we behave in ways that are specifically…

Jo Part of that family pattern and not part of your everyday life.

Jen Yeah! And I and I remember saying to my sister-in-law, Diane, like, “This can’t be how my brother Chuck actually is, right? Like, this can’t be. You are a brilliant, hilarious, upbeat woman, and there’s no…” And she was like, “Yeah, when you guys are together, you act like siblings.” And my husband Joe was there with us. And he was like, “Yeah, Diane, and I have to sort of ignore you guys when you’re together. Because you turned into just siblings as it’s that rivalry, that competition, comes out in weird ways. I have not yet figured out a way to turn it off.

Jo Yeah. I find it funny. Because in other aspects of my life, I’m a leader and someone that people listen to, and look to, to say, “Okay, what should we do next?” And in my family, if we’re planning something, I have no… Even if I try, I can’t get anyone to, like, follow my idea. We have very designated – in particular, my second sister is the social director. And if she’s not organizing it, then it probably isn’t going to happen. And if I try to organize something, then no. I mean, if it doesn’t include her, maybe I can pull it off.

Jen Yeah, yeah. I find that as the oldest and only female in my family, the planning of events usually falls to me, the emotional support roles fall to me. But if anything needs to get done, like, if… Right now, my mom is trying to sell her house in New Jersey and everything having to do with that process: talking to the lawyer, talking to the realtor… I’m not involved in them at all. And I wasn’t asked to be involved, which is fine, because I don’t really have a super big interest in being heavily involved in that. But there are certain things that like, it’s obvious who’s going to be the leader in this task, you know?

Jo Which I guess makes it easier so you’re not always jostling for doing the same thing.

Jen Yeah. Yeah. So, but it’s interesting, those sibling dynamics and how they just play out over time. I don’t know if and when those ever really change.

Jo I think they change over time. But I don’t think it ever goes away.

Jen Yeah, yeah, it’s odd, because there aren’t – I can’t think of any other relationships in my life that have those types of tensions in them. It’s odd. But maybe once my kids get older.

Jo Right, and it must be different. I mean, my siblings, and I don’t. – I mean, some people live in the same town. And I don’t. So we don’t see each other all that often. We talk to each other. But, you know, I think maybe that keeps you stuck in that relationship, when you don’t spend a lot of time together.

Jen Yeah, it’s sort of like traveling back in time when you see them.

Jo So you don’t ever evolve together into a new relationship.w

Jen I wonder if that’s what it is. Because, my brother, my youngest brother, lives in New Jersey and the other one lives in DC, and we see each other for major holidays or big family events. And that’s really it. And we talk on the phone occasionally. But mostly, we talk through my mom.

Jo Yeah, like, “What’s so-and-so doing?”

Jen And often it’s unsolicited, like, not that I don’t care what my brothers are doing, but my mom will tell me what they’re doing before I’ve even had a chance to ask, so she’s just sort of like –

Jo The connector.

Jen Yeah, the person who disseminates all of the information as needed. Sometimes, I wonder like, how much of their lives am I getting to hear about and how much am I not getting to hear about and should I just call them and get the information straight from them? It’s so much easier to just have it sort of funneled that way.

Jo My grandmother on my Dad’s side, she lived in Georgia, and we lived in Massachusetts, so she was far away. But when we would talk to her on the phone, every time you told her about something that you were doing, she would respond by telling you about one of your cousins, right? Like, “Oh, I’m singing in this concert.” “Well, Brenda, you know, was…” And usually it was something better, right?

Jen Yes, of course.

Jo But it’s funny when we – and my cousins live far away, so we didn’t see each other very much. But when we met each other, it turned out that she was doing the same thing to them. Yeah. Brenda was hearing about Joann doing…

Jen Jeez, I wonder what that is? Because, I do think that one of the things with older family members that I have is I’ve heard them say like, “Oh, I really want to make sure that the next generation is close with one another.” So I almost wonder if it’s like, you know, “Well, I need to tell you about what the other one is doing.

Jo The intent was to communicate. Yeah.

Jen So that you know what they’re doing, and that you have some sort of vested interest in that person’s life as well. But what it inadvertently does is make you…

Jo There was some resentment. Yeah.

Jen And jealous, of like, how much more this person seems to love them than you.

Jo Or care about what they’re doing.

Jen Yeah. Like, “I just told you about this thing that’s going on with me, and all you want to do is tell me about them.” So I definitely feel that.

Our delightful little chat about knitting and baking got a bit heavy there, huh? Navigating family dynamics is a challenge, no matter how near or far you live. I was glad to hear so much of my own experience reflected back in Jo’s story. To wrap things up, I asked Jo what she enjoys most about making.

Jo One of the things I like most about making, particularly about knitting, is that I can – I have something physical to show for the time that I spent. I think there are so many other things in life, from housework to child raising, to, you know, my normal job. Where, you know, you can do something and you go back an hour later, and it’s basically undone. Whereas knitting, I spend time and I put time in, and I have something, right? A physical object that I will have for a long time. And, you know, as we were talking about before, often it has memories interwoven into it of what was going on at the time that I was making it, where I was, how I was feeling, what I was watching. So that’s what I like most about making.

Conclusion

One of the developments I have enjoyed most in the past few years is that I can finally share my making life with my brothers in a way that they can personally enjoy. I’ve knit items for them and my parents over the years, but there is nothing quite like a handmade item for a brand new baby. Now that I have nieces, it feels like less of a competition and more of a way to support my siblings. 

And now I’d like to tell you about something I made this month. I was inspired while editing this episode and made the pretzel dogs that Jo recommended. And the dough recipe is so forgiving, that I was even able to get my 4-year-old in on the action. She loved all of the steps and helping me time out the baking soda water bath part of the process. I didn’t have any hot dogs on hand, but I did have some marvelous Ginger and Garlic Sausages from a local farm that were perfect. We snuggled up to enjoy our pretzel-wrapped sausages and introduced the kids to the 1986 Don Bluth classic An American Tail. It was a perfect evening.

Well, that brings us to the end of this month’s episode. You can find show notes, lots of fun links and other extras for all of the show’s episodes over at htmamcast.com. Find us on Instagram @howtomakeamemory. If you’ve enjoyed this episode, please consider heading over to iTunes to rate and review so more folks like yourself can find the show. Our logo is by Becky Carpenter, our music is by Chuck Salamone, we get system admin support from Greg Thole. Now, go make something for someone you love.

Episode Details

Air date: January 22, 2019

Guest: Ariana Sheehan

Runtime: 32 minutes, 53 seconds

Summary: In the fourth episode of Season 2 and the first of 2019, Jen welcomes back Ariana Sheehan to speak about her resolution successes and misses from 2018. What made the exercise better than previous years? And what did she learn about making as a result?

Links of Interest:

• Ariana on Medium
• RocketBook
• The Miracle Morning
• Writing Helps Recall
• Imposter Syndrome 

What I Made This Month

From the transcript: “And now I’d like to tell you about something I made this month. Since the winter months turn so many of us into homebodies, I’ve been spending so much more time on the living room carpet with my kids. This means making bracelets, train track villages, puzzles, and countless abstract art pieces. Sometimes the making shifts to the kitchen and my kids help me with a simple meal or a few loaves of sourdough bread. I’m proud of how creative they are and I love watching them beam after a project is completed. They challenge me to suppress my perfectionist brain and find joy in making for making’s sake.”

Episode Transcript

Introduction

Hello, and welcome to “How to Make a Memory,” the show that explores the items we make for one another and how they impact our relationships. My name is Jen Tierney and for this episode, one of my favorite guests from Season 1 is back to give us an update on her resolutions from 2018 and what she learned along the way. Ariana reached out to me just before Christmas and we made some time during the last week of 2018 to talk about goal setting for the coming year and her previous resolution successes. 

Conversation

JenI was really thrilled that you reached out to me because I’ve had a couple folks from like my childhood who I’ve tried to reel in, and like they’re all excited to be on and to talk to me. And then they just flake out. And so I’m just like, oh, you’re back. This is great. Perfect.

ArianaI’m back because I’m so proud of how I did with my resolutions this year.

JenI’m so glad you’re I mean, that’s so nice. Because I try really hard to be proud of what I accomplished each year, even though it isn’t like all the things I wanted to do mostly because I overextend myself. So it’s nice to hear that you did well!

Every year, I enter into the exercise of setting resolutions with all of the best intentions. But by February, I’ve either forgotten or given up on them. Ariana had my attention. What had been the secret to her success last year?

ArianaSo it’s so funny because in preparation for this, I was talking to my friend, I actually had – I know we talked last time about I had a notebook that I wrote down my resolutions. And I truly believe this made the difference because all year – a couple of times, I went back to the page and looked at them, but I remembered what I wrote down. So I reviewed with my friend in preparation for this. And he laughed because I was like, 50/50, but he was like, Ariana, the ones that you missed, like they should be lower weighted than the ones that you hit. So this year, I think that’s what I’m going to do. I think I’m going to assign points to each resolution. And like not folding my laundry should not weigh as much as like completing graduate classes.

JenYes, of course. 

Ariana’s reasoning makes so much sense here. This is something I’ve known for a long time – the act of writing something down helps with our ability to recall and understand information. So no wonder this was part of her success last year. And I love the idea of weighting goals. It gives you more control and decision-making power throughout the year without leading to a feeling of defeat. 

In order to better understand where and how Ariana succeeded through the past year, I asked her to recount the resolutions that she told us about in her first episode on the show a year ago.

ArianaSure. So I broke up my resolutions into professional resolutions and personal resolutions. For professional ones, they wouldn’t even make sense if I shared them with you guys. Other than one of them, which actually was a big one, which was to become a better public speaker. And I’m often in front of a room full of people. And I really struggle with kind of getting in a groove of talking about things like I know what I’m talking about when I actually do. So I’ve picked up some strategies throughout the year. Namely, this is a good one for all of you who have to deal with this challenge, asking the crowd a question to kick it off. Whether it’s like an icebreaker or, you know, “what do you think about this thing we’re talking about?” and get a couple of answers. And then that little period where people are answering you can take a breath and catch yourself. I’ve done that. It’s worked. I’ve become a better public speaker. Some of my personal one’s – a big one that I really have not overcome yet is to look at things more positive first. I’m… I’m a pessimist. And it’s hard to just kind of, you know, not jump to the negative conclusion. And I was still struggling with that. So not there yet. And a couple other big ones were to explore adjunct teaching. I explored and then later on the list, I realized and then added to it that to become an adjunct teacher in my area, you really need a master’s degree. So I had on here, number seven, take at least one master’s course, to help lead to goal three eventually, and I completed a whole semester of them.

JenWhoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,

ArianaYeah, really never thought I would do that when I made this list last year.

This made me stop and think for a few minutes. How many times have we all done this very thing? Created a goal for ourselves and then wildly exceeded it. I’m sure that I do this regularly, but I don’t even realize it. Without writing down and revisiting my original goals, how am I to remember a year later that I exceeded my original plan? So much changes in a year, including our expectations for ourselves and our goals.

ArianaAnd then I have one – since I revisited this list this weekend – I have one that I’m actually going to chip away at today. Which is, when I was in the hospital and I lost my baby, I was given this box. I can’t exactly remember what it’s called. I want to say it’s just called the Memory Box. And in this box were a lot of little trinkets and handmade things. Some things were more meaningful than others, but there were little like bracelet and candles and all this stuff. So I have on here, “Make something with Zoe, my daughter, for the baby boxes for Albany Med Infant Ward.”

JenOh, that’s great.

Ariana So today. We’re going to make little bracelets.

JenYeah.

ArianaYou want to hear about the small ones?

JenYes, yes, sure. Of course.

ArianaUh, buy less coffee: Fail, fail. Be less fat: for a few weeks, I was 10 pounds down. Those were the big small ones. Oh, bring lunch to work more and not buy it. I failed at that too.

JenBut I mean, you tracked them all. And the ones that you failed at, if you really feel like, “I gotta get this right,” it’ll go on the list next year. And if you’re like, “No, that was a dumb one. I don’t need that in my life.” Then it just goes away.

ArianaYeah, funny you should say that, because I have started my list for this year. And I have re-added some of them. But I’ve made a little twist. So, “be less fat.” Instead of “be less fat” again, I have “no eating after 7pm. Except on Friday nights. Because everyone needs a treat.”

JenOf course. Of course.

Ariana Yes. Or like, “Don’t quit school, even when you want to.”

JenYes, yep.

ArianaDrink more water is on my list every single year. And I think like everybody’s list.

Before our conversation moved too far along, I wanted to go back to something Ariana had said a few minutes earlier. As someone who is constantly struggling to balance the pessimistic and optimistic voices in my head, I wanted to dig a little deeper into Ariana’s self-proclaimed pessimistic nature.

JenYou were saying that you have an issue being more positive. And it’s funny because, you’re… The way that you present – the way that you speak, all that comes off very positive. So it’s funny that what’s hiding below the surface is a pessimist. Who’s just got a smile on.

ArianaYeah, so you know what? I get to the positive. Positive is the destination. But the journey is mostly negative, or at least starts negative. So like, here’s an example. Like, I hear good news, right? Say, I got like, a promotion or, I don’t know, something exciting happening for my kid. I start with like, “but what about?” you know? So, I don’t know, I think I just want to start with the positive if I can. But I don’t know if a cheetah changes its spots.

JenI know, I think this is the case for a lot people. My boss and I, we commiserate over having this very specific, fun character trait which is suffering from imposter syndrome. And he’s like, you know, a 45 year old man who’s the CTO of a major company, and very successful and I’m… I mean, I’m nothing to sneeze at. I run information security at a very successful company, and I know what I’m doing, but because both of us are sort of, like, self taught over time, in the things that we are professional at, we constantly feel like, “Is this real? Are you sure I should get promoted right now? I don’t know.”

Ariana Mostly. That’s how I feel too. Like, something’s not real.

JenYes, yeah, “I’m dreaming this, how could anybody be paying me to do this silly thing?” or you know, “how can I actually be good at this thing that’s really important.”

Ariana Yeah, you know, for 2019, one of my resolutions is to do the Miracle Morning a couple of times, at least. Do you know about that?

JenI do not. Tell me all about it.

Ariana Wow. So I have a very successful friend. She like switched careers and went into real estate. And now she has her own… I don’t know what you call it in real estate. Agency? Firm? But she has a beautiful office and tons of agents and all this stuff. And I said, like, “How do you do all this?” And she said, “I do Miracle Morning.” And I said, “Is that something you made up?” But it’s a thing, you can do Google it and there’s stuff you could buy, too, of course. But I actually wrote it down in another one of my resolutions for 2019. I started dot journaling and it’s life changing. So wonderful. But I’ve got a whole page dedicated to this, hoping that I do it someday. So the premise is that you wake up and you don’t start your day on your phone, you do six minutes worth of things that like, just like, charge you up for the day, right? I hope to try this. I probably won’t do it every day. If I’m being realistic. But a couple times a week would be a nice way to wake up.

JenI find like one of my big things for this year is I really, really, really want to plug my phone in at night at like, 8pm in the kitchen and walk away. I find myself at like, 10:30 at night (way past when I should be asleep) and I’m on my phone playing like Candy Crush. What?! And my excuse is, “This is relaxing to me. And I’m just letting my brain wind down.” But like, no, read some John Green or something, Jen. You don’t need to be putting all of that outrageous output straight into your eyeballs.

ArianaYeah, I actually, for school, did a lot of reading this year about how if you’re using your phone before you’re going to sleep, it’s affecting your sleep.

JenI wish that I could figure out a way to like permanently divorce myself from the phone for certain periods of time. And I have yet to figure out how to do it. I mean, we’ll see maybe this is my year.

ArianaThis is your year, I can advise you to start a little bit small. I had an assignment for a week to give up something on my phone. The examples were give up Snapchat or Instagram. And I was like, “Eh, I don’t really care that much about Snapchat and Instagram. So I decided to give up my phone. I gave it up before 8 and after 6. I just didn’t use my phone. And it was amazing. Like, it was amazing. Because I was still able to go on it when I needed to. for work during the day. And I slept so much better. My head was clearer. But then I never continued it after that week.

JenIt’s hard. So when you say “I don’t want to eat after 7pm” (and you’ve probably heard of this), but there’s intermittent fasting is based on you know, like start eating later in the morning and finish up eating earlier in the evening. So that the window of time that you’re eating in is like eight hours or 10 hours or whatever. But it’s kind of similar to your technology diet.

ArianaYeah, I like that. Technology Diet.

JenSo we talked about why you were successful this year, which was because you wrote everything down. Did we cover all of your resolutions for this coming year?

Ariana I don’t have a lot of the huge ones written yet. I’m kind of trying to develop them. But I’ll show you – not that everyone else will be able to see – but like, this is my page, my spread in my dot journal that I’m working on.

JenOh, very nice!

ArianaKeeping up with this thing is a resolution. But I’ve been doing well. I’ve had it for like two weeks now. And I love – I don’t know how I heard about it, but I love doing it. It’s like a really nice outlet for being organized, but being a little creative, too.

JenYep, I heard about dot journals sometime this year towards maybe like April. And I did really well for about three months. I like really kept up with it. And it was good. But the problem was, is that like, my brain really wanted to have a very specific format that I followed. And the amount of time it took me to craft that layout every week, every month, every you know, just took so much time that I was like, “I’m spending more time setting up the stupid thing that actually writing in it” and that’s what killed it for me. So. But for Christmas, my husband got me a Rocket Book. I don’t know if you’ve heard of these things. But they’re – so it’s, it’s formatted just like a dot journal where it’s just, you know, dots on a page. But it’s made – the paper is made out of a polymer. And it comes with like a special pen that basically, like the ink isn’t like standard pen ink, it adheres to the page. So it wipes off with water, like a whiteboard would. But it’s not a whiteboard. It’s like a polymer. And so you write in it, you write down your like your rapid logging, or whatever you’re going to do for like your dot journal, or you just take notes at work or whatever. And then you take a picture of it with your phone and it transcribes it and emails it to you.

ArianaHow do I not know about this!?

JenIt’s amazing – Rocket Book. There’s a couple different variations of it. But I think Rocket Book is the most famous one, it’s called the, the one that I have is called the Everlast. They also have the Wave. And the wave – if you want to erase it, you throw it in the microwave.

Ariana What?!

JenI know it’s crazy.

ArianaHow? Why?

JenI know, I was like, “all right, so…”. But this one, you just wipe it off with like a microfiber towel with some water on it. And you’re like, good to go. And it’s nice. I’ve been using it for a couple days. And like, I always feel like this week between Christmas and New Year’s is sort of like the Bermuda Triangle of my life. Because I don’t want to start anything. Because its only a week. And like if I fail, I don’t want that to be a bad start to the year. So I sort of just let this week like, whatever is going to happen happens. And then on the first I’m like, “Okay, I’ve got my bullet journal. And I’m going to do my diet.”

ArianaYeah. So this week for me, this is the week I figure it out, right? This is the week I figure out what I want to do next year. So my thing I’ve been thinking for a while though, my like theme of the year if there is one. So last year’s theme was like, get educated more or and then educate others. This year’s theme, I realized that – and I’ve done this probably my whole life – But this year, I really realized how much I do that I don’t want to do. So the mantra of the year is “If it’s not for me, find a way out and find a way out fast.” Obviously, with the exception, of like you have to do things for other people. Your family and your loved ones. But there are just, you know, there’s parties I go to, I don’t want to go to. There’s networking events I go to, I don’t want to go to. There are trips I take that I don’t want to take and things like that. I just don’t say no. And I’m sure a lot of people go through this.

A lot of people DO go through this. And I’m one of them. Saying “no” is something I’ve struggled with my entire life. It’s a quality that comes along with social anxiety, being a people pleaser, or type A personalities. Not saying “no” can put you into impossible situations that can compound depression and make you feel unnecessarily guilty. This can all come back to setting appropriate expectations and setting realistic goals.

JenYes, I forget when it was, but last year, at some point I had fallen into like real bad depression. Worse depression than I had faced any other time before. Even with the postpartum depression I had. And almost everyone in my life had like, separate from one another – like, they don’t know one another – But everybody had like said to me at essentially the same time, “You’re doing too much, you’re just so overextended, you don’t have any time to just like, let your brain be quiet.” And so my husband and I sat down and he helped me. He was just like, “I’m just gonna make a list of everything I know you do. And then I’m going to write down what I think isn’t serving you at all. And if you disagree, that’s fine. But let’s sit down and look at all.” And he wrote down like a bunch of things and the things that he thought just weren’t giving me anything. I was like, “But if I didn’t do this, these people would be so sad.” Like, that was always my response, like, “these people would be so disappointed that I’m not helping any more – than I’m not participating anymore.” And he was like, “What is wrong with you? Just get out, get out.” And it took a long time. It took the rest of the year. Like, the last thing that I got out of wasn’t until like November. But I was very lucky that like two other women happened to join the group and I was able to be like, “Hey, do you want to take over this job I’ve been doing in this group? Because I really don’t have time to do it anymore. And there are two of you!” And it made me- It got rid of the guilt, because I’ve just pushed it on to somebody else and I didn’t have to feel like it wasn’t going to get done. So that made it a lot easier.

Ariana Yeah, I hem and haw about everything. Like, you were talking about how you could work from home but you don’t. I have the same situation. I’m a remote employee with the luxury of an office that I go to almost every single day.

JenOh wow.

ArianaEvery morning, I hem and haw, “Do I go in today? Do I not go in today?” And it’s things like that. That like I’m going in for other people to see me and be able to ask me questions and stuff. So lots of things like that that I want to curb this year.

If any of that resonated with you, I challenge you to add this resolution to your list for 2019 and every year until you’ve broken this habit. Get comfortable saying “no” to the tasks and commitments that don’t serve you. If something doesn’t bring you any value or it stops having the value that it once did, then find a way to considerately back out. 

ArianaA funny one on here – only funny because of what we’re doing – is “Use my podcast mic that I bought and use never at least once for something”. So here we are, it’s not even January 1st. Bam!

JenYeah, done!

Ariana Done! “Touch phone less while driving.” I’m not gonna go out there and say I text while driving. But I do. I touch it. I pick it up. I look at the time. I just like – I have Android Auto in my car. My car is brand new this year. I don’t need to touch my phone. I need to stop. “Work from home more” actually is on here. I just noticed.

JenYeah, there you go.

Ariana “Purge more [dot dot dot] from my life and my closet.” So I have clothes I know I can get rid of. But just like along with the “If it’s not for me, get out of it.” I have, you know, maybe friendships or just like people in my life that maybe don’t need to be as much in my life or, you know, just things like that. That like, just be done.

JenYeah, you’re spending too much bandwidth on them. Sure.

Ariana Okay. So I didn’t really notice until my husband said something. But I drink a lot of soda. Like, a lot. I kind of always have. But he recently was like, you’re drinking a lot of soda lately. Like, more than my “a lot.” So I have “Make soda drinking at meals the exception, not the rule.” So the biggest resolution that I have written so far is to start writing the beginnings of a book.

JenAlright!

Ariana is really speaking my language here. This is a resolution I’ve had in the past. And I’ve watched it evolve over time to meet my changing life. I loved seeing this parallel in our lives and my own success makes me anxious to see how Ariana will achieve this in her life and what the end result will look like. Having read some of her public musings in the past, I know that she is a phenomenal writer. 

Ariana For 2018, one of my like, professional/personal goals was to find a way to be more creative with a professional-ish thing. And so I don’t do a lot of writing at work. But I wanted to be something of a writer when I started my career. And as I worked all year to kind of find a creative outlet it ended up not professional as much as a personal outlet. I did more writing personally. And I’ve always thought it would be cool to write a book kind of like, I don’t know if you’ve read Amy Schumer book?

JenI haven’t yet. Yeah, I’d like to read it.

Ariana So, I have “Finish [reading] a book” is on here.

JenYeah.

Ariana But what I like about her book is, she’s obviously hilarious. But it’s not even necessarily like a hilarious book. It’s just a book that – it’s about her life. And it has, you know, funny moments and really sad moments. So I don’t think I necessarily want to write about my own life. But I’ve always thought it’d be cool to write a book that is a little blend of funny and sad because I think that encompasses me pretty well. So I just want to start it. All I’m going to commit to for 2019 is write a page, a chapter, a something. Start it. So that it’s on the path to becoming a thing someday.

JenYeah, no, it’s not a bad idea. I had a few years where I’ve had resolutions to write books. I’ve finished – I’ve finished one. But it was like, it needs like 30 rounds of editing, you know? It’s like the first first draft. But that was what I wanted to do. I was like, “Yes, I’ve written my, you know, my 70,000 words. And I feel good about it. It’s – We’re good.” And having some sort of easily achievable goal, when it comes to writing, especially writing – because it requires such a habitual commitment to do it in a long term, big project capacity. And that’s one of the things I learned from doing it is like, you have to do it every single day, or else, it’s just, you know. So doing something where you’re collecting, like, maybe shorter stories, things like that. Where you could do it like in your dot journal that is much more manageable. And then over time, you sort of see the bigger story emerging. I think that I initially had wanted to make a book for my kids, or a collection of like, family stories. And then I realized, like, “I’m never going to do that. I could do a podcast. I could totally sit down and talk to other people for an hour, and like, put together episodes.” And so that’s sort of like – the book idea kind of morphed into this, because it was just more manageable for me. And I love writing. I just think that a conversation doesn’t have to be perfect to be good and to be enjoyable to listen to. A book pretty much needs to be perfect.

Ariana Yeah, that’s tough with podcast nowadays. It’s like, there’s so much out there. And I don’t know, it’s so funny, though. I, when I talk to people about podcasting, what they listen to, the most popular ones are the ones that are imperfect. A little bit.

JenYeah, that’s what I think drew me to it is that there’s sort of like a special sauce that you bring to a podcast. It doesn’t have to be perfectly audio engineered. And it doesn’t have to have like celebrity guests. And it doesn’t have to be all those big top tier things. As long as it has like, some heart and some honesty, and you can basically hear everyone who’s speaking. Then you’re pretty good. Then I think it’s pretty good. And I think that what really helps is that this year, I’m hoping to hit 10,000 listeners. like a total of 10,000 downloads, not listeners. And like, that’s my big, my big podcast goal. Because right now, I’m like, just under 5000. And I’m like, oh, if I could get, you know, if I could hit that goal this year, that would be great. But like, that’s like, nothing. There are people who have 100,000 listeners to each episode.

ArianaYeah, you know what? Something I’ve learned about resolutions, and to that point, is that you have to set them realistic. Because if every resolution is impossible, then they won’t ever motivate you to keep going.

JenNo, it’s true. And, and it will, it will make you feel badly about yourself. And I think that you already probably feel badly about the things you’re putting on your resolution list. You know, like, don’t make the whole process make you feel bad! Have something in there that gives you something back.

ArianaYeah, yeah. Like, I felt so great that I have knocked any of them off my list last year. And I remembered what they were because I wrote them down. It’s all a cycle of making yourself feel good about what you’re doing, and make you feel like you’re moving in a forward direction.

So that’s it. The recipe to successful resolutions. Write them down. Make sure they are realistic. Remind yourself of how awesome you are when you succeed and even when you miss the mark. So what has Ariana learned this past year? What did this exercise teach her about making and its importance in her life?

ArianaI think in general, there’s just like, so much done for us nowadays, right? So I was thinking about this when Christmas shopping, actually. I know myself and a lot of other people barely went to stores for Christmas. It was all Amazon packages at my doorstep. And I just feel like – I know, for myself, part of why I wanted to go back to school last year is I feel like I’ve kind of lost touch of having my hands in things, right? So making or making anything really that wasn’t on a computer. So that was part of my – I wanted to handcraft a thing with my daughter for other people. I wanted to make more of an education in my mind, not just like, quick google answers for things that I didn’t know. So I feel like we’ve lost touch of what it is to actually like create and make and have something that we’ve really built from nothing. And I think it’s more gratifying then a lot of what we’ve got going on all of our lives. So when it comes to resolutions, I think making a resolution – like, figuring out how you make them in a way that you’ll remember them and do them, is important. And it might not be writing it down for everyone. Maybe it’s actually – you’re talking about how podcasts came out of wanting to write. Maybe it’s recording them. Like, recording a mantra or an affirmation for yourself. Like, “do this, do this, do this.” Just listening to it. That’d be a cool way to try making a resolution.

JenYeah, if you have one really big one, and you wake up every morning, listening to yourself… remind yourself of this big thing that you want to accomplish. I’m sure there are plenty of people who would do it that way. It seems very effective.

ArianaI’m actually thinking about trying, though, my friend’s suggestion about tiering my resolutions. Because, if the goal is to do things and feel accomplished and go forward, then I don’t want to beat myself up next year when I’ve drank no more water. I want to be like, “Okay, I didn’t drink water. I’m going to subtract two points. But I said no to 10 obligations that I would have normally said yes to. And I get 10 points back for that.”

JenYeah, there you go.

ArianaI want to celebrate starting a book and not be mad when on a Thursday I ate a pizza at 10 o’clock at night.

JenI think that the importance of understanding when something is going to make you more happy to do than to not do. You know? I think that that’s an important balance. Because there are plenty of times when I think to myself, “Well, would it make me happier to stick with this goal and not break it at all? Or would it make me happier to do this thing right now and give myself a bit of a pass for this one moment?” You know? And that is a slippery slope, in most situations, that turns into being on your phone at 10:30 every day playing Candy Crush. Or, I did intermittent fasting for a couple months this year and I really loved it. Because every morning I woke up hungry and when I got to eat that first meal at 10am, it was always so satisfying. It was like the best meal of my life every day. And so I think that there’s like – there are certain things about those practices that are really good but then at the same time there were days when I was like, “I really want an egg and cheese wake up wrap from dunkin donuts and I don’t want to feel badly about it.” Like “This is just what I want today!”

ArianaI kind of think that’s key that like, not feeling too bad about it. Because like you’re not pledging these to anyone besides yourself. And it could actually, and maybe should, be a very private process. You know? Like, you don’t need to put your resolutions on Facebook, you just need to have them for yourself. And that way you’re accountable to you. But life happens. Sometimes, like unexpected things happen in a year that you can’t get to some of them and it should be okay.

JenYep, there have been times when that whole process of like sharing your goals or sharing a thing that you’re doing with other people as a form of motivation for yourself – I’ve done that so many times where I’m like, “I’m embarking on this new thing that I’m doing, and it’s going to be great. And I’m going to record it here for all of you to see so that I’m accountable.” And invariably it falls away for whatever reason. And then I feel like “now everyone knows that I failed at this thing.” And like, probably no one cared in the first place, and nobody was paying that much attention. So it’s fine. But it feels that much worse. Because now it’s not just me. It’s all these other people too. I think that if you’re really well motivated by that, if that’s like a real good form of help for you, then it’s a great way to create accountability. But if you’re someone who can’t stick to things like me, you’re just creating more stress and pain for yourself.

Ariana Yeah, you just need to give yourself room to do the things that you want to do. Just go from there. Be more positive first.

JenYes. Be more positive first and don’t set yourself up to fail.

Conclusion

So that’s the challenge this year. Be kind to yourself. Be kind when setting your expectations and goals. Be kind when things don’t go according to plan. Be kind when you need to course correct. Oh, and go read Ariana’s musings over on Medium. She is a thoughtful, brave, and passionate writer. You can find a link to that on the show notes for this episode at htmamcast.com.

And now I’d like to tell you about something I made this month. Since the winter months turn so many of us into homebodies, I’ve been spending so much more time on the living room carpet with my kids. This means making bracelets, train track villages, puzzles, and countless abstract art pieces. Sometimes the making shifts to the kitchen and my kids help me with a simple meal or a few loaves of sourdough bread. I’m proud of how creative they are and I love watching them beam after a project is completed. They challenge me to suppress my perfectionist brain and find joy in making for making’s sake. 

Well, that brings us to the end of this month’s episode. You can find show notes and other extras for all of the show’s episodes over at htmamcast.com. Find us on Instagram @howtomakeamemory. If you’ve enjoyed this episode, please consider heading over to iTunes to rate and review so more folks like yourself can find the show. “How to Make a Memory” is a member of The Geekend Legion podcast network. Our logo is by Becky Carpenter, our music is by Chuck Salamone, we get system admin support from Greg Thole. Now, go make something for someone you love.

Episode Details

Air date: December 16 , 2018

Guest: Joe Tierney

Runtime: 35 minutes, 18 seconds

Summary: In the third episode of Season 2 and the final episode of 2018, Jen invites her husband into the studio to talk about the best thing he’s ever made for her: their family budget! Joe explains why the budget was made in the first place, how it’s changed over time, and what it’s given to their family. Other topics include making family traditions for the holidays and the motivation behind making.

What I Made This Month

4681.jpeg?w=525&ssl=1" alt="" class="wp-image-387">Getting these three sweaters made in time for the big reveal on Thanksgiving day was challenging to say the lease. I knit up all three in two weeks.

From the transcript: “And now I’d like to tell you about something I made this month. I started making it a few months ago and will keep on making it until June of 2019. And to be fair, it’s something that my husband and I are making together. We’re growing our family and having a third child! this makes our budgeting even more critical heading into 2019 as we move around numbers and figure out how to make room for a fifth member of our family. This means so big changes ahead for the Tierney family. And I’m so excited to have one more tiny person to share all of these inspiring and empowering stories with. Thank you for continuing to take this journey with me!”

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Episode Transcript 

Introduction

Hello, and welcome to “How to Make a Memory,” the show that explores the items we make for one another and how they impact our relationships. My name is Jen Tierney and today I have a very special guest in the studio. I see him every day but so far he’s been spared from having to sit down in front of my microphone as the subject on one of my episodes. 

Jen: I’m excited you’ve decided to sit down with me, because…

Joe: Thank you for having me!

Jen: (laughter) because it’s helpful and its exciting because I know you better than anyone alive on the planet. I feel like we could potentially have a very good conversation.

Joe: You probably know our kids better. 

Jen: Than I know you? That’s true. Because I’ve know them their whole lives.

Joe: And they don’t have very long lives.

Joe: That was me being judgmental.

Jen: Yes, that’s right. I do know them very well, that’s a really good point.

Jen: You’re being helpful, right? You’re helping – correcting me! On my own show. Thank you husband.

That’s right, my husband Joe is here to talk about the single greatest thing he’s ever made for me and our family.

Conversation

Joe: I make spreadsheets.

I know, this sounds like we’re taking a one-way trip to Nap Town. Once upon a time, I would have thought the same thing. But spreadsheets can tell astounding stories. 

Joe: I make lots of different spreadsheets. Today we’ll be talking about my family budget spreadsheet, which has been ongoing since before we got married.

Before we dive into this shared budget and all that its brought to our life together, I asked Joe to give me a little history into what inspired his love for spreadsheets, statistics, and tracking. Which is particularly impressive considering this all began in a pre-wearables world.

Joe: My love of spreadsheets really started with tracking time and really just tracking things. Even in high school, I tracked what I did every day for an entire summer. But not in a diary way, just in a “where was I and for how long?” And I concluded that I spent more time at my friend Seth’s house than I spent at my own house that summer. Then I took that love of spreadsheets to professional life as a structural engineer, which was more profitable. (laughter) But I’ve also kept track of different things along the way. As just a personal love and passion. Like gas mileage and D& D sessions. The turn-to-turn dice rolling I kept track of for entire campaigns.

So now that you understand Joe’s humble spreadsheet beginnings, we can get into where I come into the picture and how spreadsheets became a critical part of our relationship.

Joe: Then it developed into a financial hobby because we moved in together right out of college. And with that, we needed to start sharing expenses.

Jen: Yes.

Joe: And we were both confident and adamant that we kept everything straightforward. Not with the expectation that we weren’t going to be together. But in the case that we didn’t, we knew to the dollar how much each one of us owed the other.

Jen: At any given time.

Joe: At any given time. It started off also because I was unemployed right out of school in 2008, right before the stock market crash. And I was in the negative.

Jen: Yes, by a lot.

Joe: You were paying rent and then I went on a trip to England with my bros.

Jen: Your “bros”?

Joe: (laughter) By the end of the summer, in which I still owed you a good amount of money. And then I got a job. But we kept up the spreadsheet. And then it got to a point when you owed me enough money that I needed to make the decision that “Oh, we’re going to be together so I should stop holding you to this…”

Jen: Unimaginable amount of money.

Joe: Not unimaginable. It was a lot for then.

Jen: It was a lot for then. For now it’s not so bad, but for then…

Joe: That was fun. So anyway, then we started budgeting for our wedding. which was our first real collaboration on…

Jen: Oh yeah. On a budget.

Joe: Yeah, and a big one, as well.

Jen: Yes.

Joe: And that, we had a lot of fun with. And you kind of gave me the reigns to decide what could fit in the budget and how it would work. And that started our initial – that tug-of-war of… Someone in a couple – someone’s going to want to spend more than the other. It could be different on each transaction. It could be in general. But there are going to be things that one person wants, and…

Jen: Yeah, there are certainly parts of our budget that you spend more on than I do and vice versa.

Joe: And through those conversations you kind of figure out how all of that is going to work.

Jen: Yeah, it’s all a negotiation, like a relationship negotiation.

Joe: And just learning how to communicate that without being overly judgmental (laughter). Or being able to do that without hiding things. Being able to do that without feeling overly criticized. All of these were challenges that came up. And once we got married, I started the Family Spreadsheet that lives to this day.

So we got married, our expenses truly combined, and things were going pretty smoothly. But what was the point of the budget now? What was all of this for?

Joe: So each month I had a – well each year, I set out yearly expectations on how much we would make and how much we would spend on each category. And then each month I would adjust it based on upcoming expected expenses. And the reason that became important was because we were saving to buy a house. 

Jen: Yes.

Joe: And saving to put 20% down in the Boston area is a lot of money.

Jen: Mmmhmmm. Yes it is.

Joe: And so to do that, we needed to be pretty knowledgeable about where our money was going and were it was coming in.

So as you can probably tell, my husband is a pretty level-headed guy. And his version of making is very different from my previous guests. So I wanted to dig a bit further and see if he is more like my previous guests than he lets on.

Jen: So you’ve given a very thorough description of what the budget looks like and all of that stuff. And I think that its good for you to go through that because it gives people an idea of the level of detail you go into and your personality in that it is very detail-oriented, that you’re very realistic and reasonable and how you plan these things. You want there to be reasons. You want there to be goals and all of that. But I think that the part that’s most interesting to me and the part that we don’t necessarily talk about as often is the “why” behind that. The podcast is very much about “You make a thing. That’s great. Tell me a little bit about why you make that thing. And why it’s important to you and why it’s important to other people.” And I think that we just sort of started to touch on it in that we were saving for a house. And the budget, to me, is valuable and important because of everything it has allowed us to do. And because we’ve been frugal and thoughtful and smart about what we’re doing now and where we want to go into the future we’ve been able to do a lot of things that I don’t think we would have been able to had we not been planning and thinking critically about what we were doing on a day-to-day, month-to-month basis. So I’m interested in the “why” behind the budget for you personally.

Joe: Yeah, so personally, it’s a personal challenge. And there’s nothing I love more than a personal challenge. Something that I’m excited about and it makes me excited to not only to reach the goal. Actually the goal isn’t really as big of an excitement for me as the process of “how can I – how can we better manage our day-to-day expenses or how can I better manage our monthly bills so that we can be the most efficient we can with the money that we have?” And that challenge is something I really enjoy. Which is why I do it and it’s why most people don’t. Because it’s not rewarding in itself. Unless you enjoy that challenge. Unless you enjoy that puzzle. It can be very daunting to look at your past spending. To have discussions about what that spending means for you and your partner and your family. It can be daunting to have to – one of my personal challenges is trying to talk to customer services people. 

Jen: It’s interesting to me because… I’m trying to pull out of you this very like, you know “what is your motivation behind the budget? What do you want to achieve with it? Where are we going? What is this journey that we’re on together?” And its funny because your personality and the cornerstones of who you are are shining through in how you’re presenting this. And I don’t know why I’m trying to get out of you anything other than “I do it because it’s a challenge. I do it because its hard. I do it because the process is  interesting to me.”

Joe: Yeah, so that’s what makes me different from every other person you’ve had on. Is that everyone seems to be making things for other people. I just make things for myself. (laughter) Well, not making things just for myself. It’s for my satisfaction. If other people enjoy it, that’s great. I’m happy that other people can enjoy the time I’ve spent on the budget. That we’ve been able to buy our house, to have a family, to send our kids to daycare. Those things also make me happy. But that’s not why I do the spreadsheet. 

Jen: Yeah, those are sort of like icing on the cake. Not the cake itself.

Ok, clearly Joe is not a standard maker and what he makes doesn’t fit the same mold that many of our creations fit into. But what I started to realize as I spoke with Joe was that this episode isn’t about what Joe’s making means to him. It’s about what it means to me.

Jen: When you first started tracking everything, I had a really hard time with feeling very restricted, and feeling judged, and vulnerable, and that my money wasn’t mine any more, and that I couldn’t just make decisions for me. And the way that I came to terms with that and the way that I overcame those feelings, was by seeing the outcome of how much more enjoyable and successful our lives could be because of the budget. Because of this thing you were making me do. When it came time to buy a house, it was so much less stressful than the experience I had seen other people go through. Because we could put down 20%, we could get a better interest rate. Everything was easier and better. And because of that, because of that outcome, I went, “The budget is amazing. I have to live by the budget. It’s going to make everything in my life better.” And I don’t think it was until that moment that I really realized that, “Oh, this is important and valuable. And it’s good that Joe is making this.” 

Joe: I do remember how many compliments we got from our mortgage broker on (laughter) how prepared two 28-year – we were 28 when we were…?

Jen: Yeah! We were 28-years-old and I remember you showed him the budget and he was beside himself. He was like, “I”ve never seen anything like this.”

(laughter)

Joe: Well first of all, most people don’t show him a budget.

Jen: You knew he’d appreciate it!

Joe: So I had read that a mortgage broker might like to see a budget to make sure you can afford whatever you’re trying to buy. And he was just like, “Yeah, you can afford, you can afford whatever you’re doing.” (laughter)

Jen: Yeah. Yeah, yeah. And that people had made far more risky choices financially and with home buying than what we were making. It made me feel confident. It made me feel like all of the choices we’d made up until that point had been worth it. I remember having this feeling when we were renting. And I remember feeling like I was making a good enough salary that I shouldn’t be, as my Mom calls it, “living with two feet in one shoe”. And I was like, “Oh, I should be able to go out to dinner whenever I want and I should be able to …” you know? Because I was making a reasonable salary and so were you. And, I mean, it wasn’t a ton of money, but it was certainly more money than I had when we were in college. And I was like, “Why aren’t we going out all the time? Why am I not going out shopping whenever I want and buying things on Amazon as I please?” And I think that it was because we hadn’t had enough time of making good, smart choices, for there to be something that I could see as the result of those choices. There wasn’t anything yet that I could point to and say, “See? This is what you’re doing this.” And now, having had two children and been able to keep working and send them to daycare and being able to support our family the way that we do, it so obvious and clear why it was so important that we started as early as we did and made real conscious decisions every day.

Joe: The reason I told the story about why we started is because I didn’t know any of this stuff then. Like I didn’t start it knowing that we were going to save to buy a house or that we were going to be planning our wedding. Or that we were going to use it as a tool to decide what makes us happiest in our lives. That’s something I… every year I look at the budget, at each item, and say “Did this bring our family happiness for what it cost?” That’s how I take things off or increase budgets and make those kind of decisions. My goal isn’t to be cheap. In most cases its to be frugal. Because if there’s a thing that makes us happy, I want us to put money towards that. I want us to put as much as we’re comfortable putting towards it. And I would recommend that to anyone. But to do that, we went and cut out the things that weren’t bring us as much… maybe they did bring us happiness. 

Jen: They did. Just not as much.

Joe: Yeah, not comparatively. And we also looked at how much time we spent doing those things. And if it’s something we didn’t do often, it was easy to get rid of. Or if it was something we did a lot but didn’t get a lot of value from.

Jen: Yeah, I remember that was the case for cable. We were spending… I was spending just as obscene amount of time doing nothing but watching television when I got home from work. And the value was basically nothing.

Joe: Well, it was entertaining.

Jen: It was entertainment. That was it. But I think that…

Joe: Which is fine.

Jen: Yeah. Yeah, it was fine for then. It was fine for then. But I think that when we cut it out, I realized pretty quickly that there were things that I could do with that time that had so much more value to me. And that’s really when I started creating more. Before that, I wasn’t creating because I was watching television. And then I started learning how to play the guitar, and I started writing more. And you know, that was when I was like, “well I can’t just sit and waste my time in front of the tv anymore. So I can go and do things!” And I got to start figure out what I wanted to be making, which was good.

That was a pretty powerful revelation for me. After several years of doing the budget, we had determined that the cost of cable and what it was bringing to our lives didn’t fit into our equation for happiness. So out it went. And from there my dedication to making kicked into high gear. I can thank the budget for giving me the time to do the things that I love most. 

Alright, enough talk about the budget. Let’s move on to something a little bit different. I wanted to know if there had been anything else Joe had made during the year that he felt particularly proud of. There was one specific thing that had come to my mind. A project that had meant a great deal to me. But I was curious to see if Joe felt it was notable enough to make the cut. It wasn’t the first thing he remembered, but we got there eventually.

Jen: So, we’ve been through the year. What, aside from the budget this year, have you made that you are particularly proud of making?

Joe: Did I fix the roof this year?

Jen: You did!

Joe: Yeah, I think that… that was pretty… I was impressed by that.

Jen: You did a good job.

Joe: We had probably like a five-by-five area of the roof, shingles got torn off in a wind storm and I went up and repaired it.

Jen: You went up and repaired it…

Joe: Before it rained.

Jen: Yeah, and I remember thinking to myself that this was probably really dangerous and I should probably put my foot down and be like, “No, you’re not going to do this.” Because, I mean, you were up there, it was in the Springtime, maybe? So, it was still, the days were still pretty short.

Joe: It wasn’t too cold. But it got dark and I hadn’t finished yet.

Jen: Yeah, and you had not finished and it was nearly pitch black out and you were up there hammering shingles into the roof. And the kids were about ready to go to bed, which tells you how late it was. And I was just… I was just beside myself. I was like, “He’s going to fall off and break his neck and either be paralyzed forever or die. And, ok. I guess I own this house alone now.” Immediately, my brain went from “He’s on the roof” to “He’s off the roof and I have to plan a funeral.” That’s how quick my brain goes.

Joe: That’s worst case scenario mentality.

Jen: Yeah, it is. That’s how my brain works.

Joe: Yeah, so that was, that was… I’m trying to think of what else I… Oh! We made the fence! 

Jen: That’s right.

Joe: That – oh, come on! We made the fence!

Jen: We did, we made the fence.

Joe: We made a fence to corral our children.

Jen: Our terrible, terrible children.

Joe: From running off into the road and into the neighbor’s garage.

Jen: Yes, our kids like to escape. And after years of requesting, very nicely, that we erect a fence…

Joe: I wouldn’t call it “nicely” but you were but you were pretty adamant about the fence thing. And so we had to come up with a compromise.

Jen: mmhmm, it’s a semi-permanent fence solution.

Joe: Yes, a semi-permanent fence, right outside the backyard. It’s like a large playpen.

Jen: It’s a glorified playpen, yeah. But, it’s a real fence! And we really had to dig post holes. We really had to… it took days!

Joe: Yeah, the whole design of that was…

Jen: Yeah, because our backyard is on a slope, so it meant that all of the fence pieces that went in had to go in at different depths and had to all be level. It was a very intense process. But, let me ask you this: Since making that thing, how much better have our lives been?

Joe: I mean, much better. It’s definitely worth it. I mean, if we didn’t have the fence, the kids wouldn’t go outside.

(laughter)

Jen: That’s right! We couldn’t allow them to go outside, ever.

Joe: I mean, they would, but it would have been very limited. Because they were going outside and after about ten minutes they would be in another yard. 

Jen: Yeah, we just spent the entire time chasing them.

Joe: Yeah, so now we can go out, or we could send them out and work in the kitchen, which has a view over the…

Jen: Yeah, to me, it’s given them more freedom and it’s given us more freedom. Because now I can just open the door, keep the door to the backyard open and they can come and go all summer long, from the backyard. I mean, I’m always either on the porch or in the kitchen when I send them out. So I’m always, you know, 15 seconds away, at most, from them should something happen. But to me, it provides enough of a visual barrier between them and I that I think they feel that they can explore and be a little bit mischievous in ways that I think are really good for them that we didn’t have before. I think that’s been a really big part of it. I think Emma’s… I don’t know if it’s just because she’s gotten older and that’s what would have happened naturally anyway, but I think that this summer, giving her that time to be independent, was really good for her. Because I think she’s much better with us, and socially, and with herself than she was before the summertime. Before the fence.

Since we’re getting so close to the end of the year, and the holiday season is upon us, I thought I’d be remiss to not ask Joe at least one holiday themed question. In last year’s Christmas episode, I spoke with my friend Rachel about making holiday traditions. And this year, Joe and I are diving head first into that journey.

Jen: So, this year, for the first time, we’ll be spending Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, and the following day completely just the four of us. And I think that we’ve always, because we’ve always been somewhere else or somebody else has been with us, we’ve often deferred to other people’s traditions and other people’s plans. We kind of just go along for the ride. And so this year is the first year that we get to really make it our own. And so, I think that my history as a person, my childhood has filled me with lots of ideas for different fun family traditions that we can adopt or continue. I think that that’s a conversation you haven’t been super willing to have up until now. 

Joe: Yeah, I’m coming around to it more recently. I don’t know why.

Jen: I don’t know. Maybe you’re just turning into a sappy old Dad.

Joe: Yeah, I don’t know where it came from. I’m trying to figure out why I was so against the idea of making traditions. I think it was more of a worst case scenario. I don’t like being forced to do things. And then, more specifically, forced to do the same things every year that I don’t like. So I was really just not looking forward to what those traditions could be. But that I started to consider that I could have input. And if I could hav input, then I’d be more willing to go along. But your question was what traditions am I looking forward to?

Jen: Yeah. Is there a tradition that we haven’t really started yet or that you used to do or…

Joe: There’s a tradition that I’ve been thinking about recently, I haven’t specifically shared it with you, that I want to institute for Christmas Day.

Jen: Ok!

Joe: My favorite thing about Christmas is spending the day actually interacting with what you’ve opened and with the people you’ve opened it with. My idea is to have a gift for each person that I can do with them and do that on Christmas Day. And this might come from childhood angst. Being pulled away from that activity by going to other family’s houses or needing to be present in other things. But that’s something I’d really like to be present for and have that to be the bulk of the day.

Jen: I mean, certainly in my house growing up, Christmas was kind of this really extravagant occasion. It was the one day a year when the train went completely off the rails and (laughter). You know, my Dad turned into a real sap around Christmastime and he couldn’t see something anywhere that could possible bring any of his three children joy without buying it. He just had to buy all the things. Everything. There was just so many gifts. And I think that in a lot of ways, while that was really fun, while the effect of it when you came downstairs was really magical and helped to keep all three of us children really invested in Santa for a really long time, I think that it was also so much that you couldn’t really appreciate any one thing. Because, there was just so much. And then the second you opened it all, you then had this marathon of events during the day. And then by the time you got home and could enjoy any of the things, the magic of it and the wonder of it all had sort of worn off. And you were like, “oh, yeah, I got that thing.” And it stopped being as exciting as when you had initially opened it. So I fell like, if we’re just like, “We’re home. This is what we’re doing today. And here’s this one special thing that is an actual activity or thing that you can do, I think that is really special. I think that’s really… that makes the day probably more memorable.

At this point, we’d come to my standard final question that I put to each of my guests. Given Joe’s stance on making from our conversation so far, I had felt like we had sort of covered it already. But I asked anyway, and the response that Joe gave stunned and delighted me.

Jen: You are not what I would classify as a traditional maker. I wouldn’t call you someone who is a maker. There are few things that you make and they are not often things that you make with your hands. But they are incredibly valuable and helpful and have allowed our family to be a family. So, that being the case…

Joe: I make dinner.

Jen: You do make dinner. That’s true. You make dinner almost every night of the week. So, in that way, you are a maker. But you’re not a hobbyist maker.

Joe: But also, again, I make the food for my own enjoyment. And I’m glad other people enjoy it. But that’s not why I make it. (laughter)

Jen: You’re really… you’re really drilling home this like, “I don’t do anything for other people. I just do it for me.”

Joe: I find that I’m… I’m just being honest. (Jen laughs) And I think other people…

Jen: Should also be honest?

Joe: Yeah, I think other people are lying when they say, “I do these things for other people.” Because I really – I think deep down, they enjoy doing the thing, which is why they do it. If they didn’t enjoy doing it, they probably wouldn’t do it for other people. 

Jen: Well…. Yes, there is usually a benefit to the person making the thing. Either their being paid for it or they get some sort of self-satisfaction out of it or whatever. Yes, that is true. But I wouldn’t call that necessary the primary enjoyment that a person gets out of something.

Joe: Not always.

Jen: It could be the initial reason the person started making the thing. But it might not be what keeps them there.

Joe: I’m not saying that all people are lying. I’m just saying, there are some people who are lying. Or lying to themselves. (laughter)

Jen: Ummmm, are you looking at me?

Joe: (laughter) No.

Jen: Ohhhh, jeez. Alright, anyway, before you interrupted me. The things that you do make, like dinner and like our budget, have tremendous value to our family and allow our family to exist and be happy and healthy. What do you think, either for you personally or for people in general, why do you think making is so important? 

Joe: What’s funny is the first thing that came to my mind was not what you would expect from what we were talking about. Alright so the first thing that comes to my mind is shared experience. And that shared experience of enjoying what that person has made and how it can positively effect their environment either in the short or long term. Which is less personal. There is a lot of personal fulfillment. But a lot of that personal fulfillment can come from sharing what you’ve made for others. Even if you were going to make it regardless of what other people wanted. So yeah, I’d say shared experience is what’s important about making to me.

Well, that was an unexpected twist. Turns out that this conversation caused Joe to think about making differently than he had in the past and he was processing his own stance while the mic was turned on. The following morning, as we packed the kids lunches, he gave me some further insight after having slept on it. He explained that the motivation for making is a ratio of two different things for each person. It’s partly for yourself and partly for someone else. And while his motivation is more driven by his own interest, that doesn’t mean that the other side of the equation is less valuable or meaningful once the creation is complete. That shared experience he was talking about, it’s not his initial motivation for creating something, but he gets a great deal of satisfaction from it. So I guess he isn’t that different from the rest of us after all.

Conclusion

And now I’d like to tell you about something I made this month. I started making it a few months ago and will keep on making it until June of 2019. And to be fair, it’s something that my husband and I are making together. We’re growing our family and having a third child! This makes our budgeting even more critical heading into 2019 as we move around numbers and figure out how to make room for a fifth member of our family. This means some big changes ahead for the Tierney family. And I’m so excited to have one more tiny person to share all of these inspiring and empowering stories with. Thank you for continuing to take this journey with me!  

Well, that brings us to the end of this month’s episode. You can find show notes and other extras for all of the show’s episodes over at htmamcast.com. Find us on Instagram @howtomakeamemory. If you’ve enjoyed this episode, please consider heading over to iTunes to rate and review so more folks like yourself can find the show. “How to Make a Memory” is a member of The Geekend Legion podcast network. Our logo is by Becky Carpenter, our music is by Chuck Salamone, we get system admin support from Greg Thole. Now, go make something for someone you love.

Episode Details

Air date: November 5th, 2018

Guest: Samantha Cheevers

Runtime: 36 minutes, 18 seconds

Summary: In the second episode of Season 2, Jen has a more interactive interview with her hair stylist, Sam Cheevers, who dyes Jen’s hair while also recording the episode. The two talk about making someone’s outsides match their insides, being your authentic self, and the difference between valuing time versus money when gift giving. 

Links of Interest:

• “Meet Trailblazer Samantha Cheevers,” Boston Voyager
• Sam Cheevers on Instagram

What I Made This Month

From the transcript: “And now I’d like to tell you about something I made this month. And no, it wasn’t Halloween costumes! For every year in recent memory, I have created our family’s Halloween costumes, but this year I was completely buried in October and ended up buying my kids their first store-bought costumes. I have to say, it was much easier and I was happy to spend a little money to save the time this year. But while I saved time on costume creation, I spent that time making a Celebration of Life for my father. My Dad passed away in July this year and on October 13th, my family held a special event to remember his life. I made paper flower centerpieces, which also included copies of books he read with special commemorative bookplates. I made a slideshow with pictures from throughout his life. I made programs for attendees. My dad and I didn’t share all that many hobbies, so I was so glad that I was able to use my love of making to remember him while I grieved.”

Episode Transcript 

Introduction

Hello, and welcome to “How to Make a Memory,” the show that explores the items we make for one another and how they impact our relationships. My name is Jen Tierney and today I’ve got a fun, hands-on episode to share with you. A few months ago, I recorded early one Monday morning with my hair stylist Sam. The previous weekend, she had posted a rainbow of colors that she had dyed onto a younger client and I had been struck with the desire to add some fun and funky color to my own hair. She agreed to meet with me while the shop was closed so that we could record my visit. She’s been so supportive of my show since I began a year ago and was a really fun guest. We got to talk about what she makes while she was actually making it.

Conversation

[Transcript forthcoming]

Conclusion

It’s been a few months since Sam dyed my hair, but as promised, it still looks great! The color has faded to this lovely teal green that compliments the colors I tend to wear regularly. Sam has a great eye for color and hair, but an even better eye for people and what will help them to be their most authentic selves. I’m so grateful for empowering and supportive friends like her.

And now I’d like to tell you about something I made this month. And no, it wasn’t Halloween costumes! For every year in recent memory, I have created our family’s Halloween costumes, but this year I was completely buried in October and ended up buying my kids their first store-bought costumes. I have to say, it was much easier and I was happy to spend a little money to save the time this year. But while I saved time on costume creation, I spent that time making a Celebration of Life for my father. My Dad passed away in July this year and on October 13th, my family held a special event to remember his life. I made paper flower centerpieces, which also included copies of books he read with special commemorative bookplates. I made a slideshow with pictures from throughout his life. I made programs for attendees. My dad and I didn’t share all that many hobbies, so I was so glad that I was able to use my love of making to remember him while I grieved. 

Well, that brings us to the end of this month’s episode. You can find show notes and other extras for all of the show’s episodes over at htmamcast.com. Find us on Instagram @howtomakeamemory. If you’ve enjoyed this episode, please consider heading over to iTunes to rate and review so more folks like yourself can find the show. “How to Make a Memory” is a member of The Geekend Legion podcast network. Our logo is by Becky Carpenter, our music is by Chuck Salamone, we get system admin support from Greg Thole. Now, go make something for someone you love.

Episode Details

Air date: September 30, 2018

Guests: Belinda & Matt Mitchell

Runtime: 34 minutes, 37 seconds

Summary: In this special bonus episodes, Jen, Belinda, and Matt collaborate on a celebration of podcasts for International Podcast Day 2018. Get ready to take some notes as they rattle off a list of highly recommended shows form all different formats and genres.

Links of Interest:

• My Brother, My Brother, and Me
• Welcome to Night Vale
• The Adventure Zone
• Sawbones
• Serial Podcast
• Conversations with People Who Hate Me
• My Dad Wrote a Porno
• The McElroy Brothers Will Be in Trolls 2
• You Must Remember This
• Harry Potter and the Sacred Text
• The Hilarious World of Depression
• The Longest Shortest Time
• Sleep With Me Podcast
• The Moth
• Levar Burton Reads
• Criminal
• Crossover Appeal

Episode Transcript 

Introduction

Hello, and welcome to How to Make a Memory. My name is Jen Tierney and today I’m excited to share with you a special bonus episode in celebration of International Podcast Day. Last year, How to Make a Memory joined an independent podcasting network called Geekend Legion. The two founders, Belinda and Matt, made some time to sit down with me this past week to talk about the podcasts that have influenced our shows and what we love about podcasts. We had a great time geeking out over the shows we’ve come to love over the years! We hope you enjoy this special episode and learn about some fun new podcasts to listen to.

Conversation

[Transcript forthcoming]

Conclusion

It was lovely to collaborate with Belinda and Matt on this episode. And I’m happy to announce that in conjunction with International Podcast Day, Belinda and Matt are launching their latest podcast. It’s called Snark Tower and you can find it right now on your favorite podcast app. Their first episode will feature the same content that you heard in this episode, as well as some other fun material that will make their show engaging and not to be missed. Check out Snark Tower and all of the other shows we mentioned today!

Well, that brings us to the end of this special bonus episode. You can find show notes and other extras for all of the show’s episodes over at htmamcast.com. “How to Make a Memory” also has a page on Facebook. Find us on Instagram @howtomakeamemory. The show’s Twitter handle is @How2MakeAMemory with the number 2. If you’ve enjoyed this episode, please consider heading over to iTunes to rate and review so more folks like yourself can find the show. “How to Make a Memory” is a member of The Geekend Legion podcast network. Our logo is by Becky Carpenter, our music is by Chuck Salamone, we get system admin support from Greg Thole. Now, go make something for someone you love.

Episode Details

Arletta Charter

Air date: September 13, 2018

Guests: Arletta Charter

Runtime: 38 minutes, 5 seconds

Summary: In the first episode of Season 2, Jen is joined by Arletta Charter, a Hungarian national living on Martha’s Vineyard by way of Serbia, who takes some of the most stunning pictures you’ve ever seen. Arletta tells Jen all about a project she is working on with Photographers without Borders in South Africa.

Links of Interest: 

facedshakespeare.com/">Photo to Table, Arletta’s photography business website Arletta’s Photogarpher’s Without Borders donation page Arletta on Instagram

What I Made This Week:

From the transcript: “And now I’d like to tell you about something I made this week. Knitters face a bit of a slump every summer as the warm weather discourages hands from working with heavy materials like wool. But for those of us who have big projects that need to be completed before the end-of-year holidays, there isn’t much of a choice. During the show’s hiatus, I started and finished so many different projects, but the one I am most proud and excited about is my daughter’s Christmas stocking. I love the pattern that I picked out and am looking forward to having 4 finished stockings hung on the mantle. I hope to get my son’s finished for this year and then my husband and I will have our own the following year. Unique, handmade touches like these are the cornerstones of some of my favorite family tradition.“

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Episode Transcript 

Introduction

Hello and welcome to “How to Make a Memory,” the show that explores the items we make for one another and how they impact our relationships. My name is Jen Tierney and after a short hiatus I’m back with Season 2! I have some great guests lined up with some incredible stories about what they’ve been working on. I was particularly glad to secure some time with today’s guest, Arletta Charter. I’ve known her for many years and am proud to call her part of my found family. She has taken some stunning photographs of my children and has a unique and thoughtful eye that she views the world through.

A few months ago, Arletta announced that she had been chosen to work on a project with Photographers Without Borders. She is traveling to South Africa in October and I reached out to her to learn more about her trip. I was lucky enough to record our conversation when my family was visiting Martha’s Vineyard over the summer.

Conversation

[Transcript forthcoming]

Conclusion

As you can see, Arletta is a charming, earnest, and tenacious woman. I’m so glad to have her in my life. And I’m thrilled to be able to support the important work that she is doing this year. If you would like to support Arletta, she has created a fundraiser to help cover some travel costs. You can find links to donate and see her photography in the show notes at htmamcast.com. I’ll provides links on the show’s Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram pages as well. Help her to make a difference and realize this incredible dream!

And now I’d like to tell you about something I made this week. Knitters face a bit of a slump every summer as the warm weather discourages hands from working with heavy materials like wool. But for those of us who have big projects that need to be completed before the end-of-year holidays, there isn’t much of a choice. During the show’s hiatus, I started and finished so many different projects, but the one I am most proud and excited about is my daughter’s Christmas stocking. I love the pattern that I picked out and am looking forward to having 4 finished stockings hung on the mantle. I hope to get my son’s finished for this year and then my husband and I will have our own the following year. Unique, handmade touches like these are the cornerstones of some of my favorite family tradition.

You can find show notes and other extras for all of the show’s episodes over at htmamcast.com. “How to Make a Memory” also has a page on Facebook. Find us on Instagram @howtomakeamemory. The show’s Twitter handle is @How2MakeAMemory with the number 2. If you’ve enjoyed this episode, please consider heading over to iTunes to rate and review so more folks like yourself can find the show. “How to Make a Memory” is a member of The Geekend Legion podcast network. Our logo is by Becky Carpenter, our music is by Chuck Salamone, we get system admin support from Greg Thole. Now, go make something for someone you love.

Episode Details

Air date: June 20, 2018

Guests: Mac Young

Runtime: 50 minutes, 47 seconds

Summary: In the final episode of Season 1, Jen breaks her 20-episode streak of family-friendly, curse-free content. Her guest is Mac Young, a scenic designer, talented actor, and dear friend. They discuss his current show, the sets he has designed in the past, and why Shakespeare was kind of weird.

Links of Interest: 

facedshakespeare.com/">Shit-faced Shakespeare, by Magnificent Bastards Productions the-crazy-locomotive.html">The Crazy Locomotive by Stanislaw Ignacy Witkiewicz The Jimmy Fund’s Annual Scooper Bowl

What I Made This Week:

From the transcript: “And now I’d like to tell you about something I made this week. I made a contribution to the Jimmy Fund in their efforts to support adult and pediatric cancer care. And what I received for this donation was a ticket to the Jimmy Fund’s annual Scooper Bowl. This year, a dozen vendors donated their ice cream for the country’s largest all-you-can-eat ice cream festival. Turns out that my limit is five scoops. But as I walked around, I could see that I was a light-weight compared to many of the other attendees.”

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Episode Transcript 

Introduction

Hello and welcome to “How to Make a Memory,” the show that explores the items we make for one another and how they impact our relationships. My name is Jen Tierney and here we are, at the final episode of Season 1! After 20 episodes of family-friendly content, I’m ending the season with some saucier material. When I first told this week’s guest that I was making a podcast, his eyes lit up. He’s a lover of podcasts and is a professional maker of the theatrical variety. I knew that I had to get him on as a guest to talk about the sets he has designed and the productions he’s been part of. But as you’ll soon find out, there is no way to speak with Mac about his current venture without letting a few curse words fly.

We recorded our conversation immediately after my husband and I went to see Mac’s show. The cast was kind enough to let me set up my recording equipment in the theatre so that I could share some of the performance here on the podcast. I hope that it adds a fun dimension to your enjoyment of this episode.

Conversation

[Transcript forthcoming]

Conclusion

What a way to end Season 1! It’s been wonderful celebrating makers and making with you this past year.  Thank you to Mac and all of my other guests from Season 1 for sharing their stories and helping me to realize a dream that seemed wildly out of reach a year ago. If you’d like to be part of the magic, I’m lining up guests for Season 2 right now. Please email me at howtomakeamemory@gmail.com if you have a creative endeavor you’d like to explore on the show! And finally, thank you so much for listening and taking this journey with me. I’ll be back in a few months with lots more stories to share.

And now I’d like to tell you about something I made this week. I made a contribution to the Jimmy Fund in their efforts to support adult and pediatric cancer care. And what I received for this donation was a ticket to the Jimmy Fund’s annual Scooper Bowl. This year, a dozen vendors donated their ice cream for the country’s largest all-you-can-eat ice cream festival. Turns out that my limit is five scoops. But as I walked around, I could see that I was a light-weight compared to many of the other attendees.

You can find show notes and other extras for all of the show’s episodes over at htmamcast.com. “How to Make a Memory” also has a page on Facebook. The show’s Twitter handle is @How2MakeAMemory with the number 2. And on Instagram @howtomakeamemory. If you’ve enjoyed this episode, please consider heading over to iTunes to rate, review, and subscribe. “How to Make a Memory” is a member of The Geekend Legion podcast network. Our logo is by Becky Carpenter, our music is by Chuck Salamone, we get system admin support from Greg Thole. Now, go make something for someone you love.

Episode Details

 

Air date: May 29, 2018

Guest: Rachel

Runtime: 32 minutes, 35 seconds

Summary: In the 20th episode, Rachel comes back for her third visit to the podcast to talk about the garden she has been growing for the past 6 years. But, as she explains, the garden is far older and more diverse that it appears.

Listen in as she explains why her garden is so special and what it brings to her life.

Links of Interest: 

The American Rhododendron Society Black Parrot Tulips Refurbishing Wicker Black Oil Sunflower Seeds

What I Made This Week:

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From the transcript: “And now I’d like to tell you about something I made this week. I made an old wicker patio set look brand new. Last summer, someone had set out a set of wicker furniture on the road near my house. It wasn’t in great shape, but I was looking for furniture to put out on my porch and I couldn’t argue with the price. I’ve never restored a piece of furniture before, so a few weeks ago, I began researching wicker restoration. I bought new rattan to replace the pieces that had fallen off or been damaged. I washed and deglossed all of the pieces, repaired the various areas that needed mending, and put on a new coat of bright sea foam spray paint. I absolutely love the result and am glad to be able to say that I’ve restored a wicker furniture set.”

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Episode Transcript 

Introduction

Hello and welcome to “How to Make a Memory,” the show that explores the items we make for one another and how they impact our relationships. My name is Jen Tierney and this week Rachel makes her third appearance on the podcast to talk about her garden. In many ways, it looks like a fairly average garden. But, the story behind its creation and the role that it plays in Rachel’s life prove that it is anything but ordinary.

Rachel has a practical and very present approach to living. It’s one of the things that makes her such a good friend. This frame of mind allows her to provide great perspective to me and the other young parents that we know. You’ll get to hear some of that in the way she talks about her garden and the space that she has created for her family and friends to play, relax, and be together in.

Conversation

[Transcript forthcoming]

Conclusion

I loved this conversation with Rachel. Like many such chats, it started off being about a project or craft but ended up giving me some more serious things to consider. What sort of childhood do I want to provide to my children? How can I provide them with opportunities to connect with the world around them, especially in their own back yard? Am I setting realistic expectations for myself and what my life looks like today?

My own garden has certainly improved since I met Rachel. And the origins of the plants in it now extend far beyond our local garden center. I love that my garden has become its own collection of stories that I can tell my children as they grow up surrounded by it.

And now I’d like to tell you about something I made this week. I made an old wicker patio set look brand new. Last summer, someone had set out a set of wicker furniture on the road near my house. It wasn’t in great shape, but I was looking for furniture to put out on my porch and I couldn’t argue with the price. I’ve never restored a piece of furniture before, so a few weeks ago, I began researching wicker restoration. I bought new rattan to replace the pieces that had fallen off or been damaged. I washed and deglossed all of the pieces, repaired the various areas that needed mending, and put on a new coat of bright sea foam spray paint. I absolutely love the result and am glad to be able to say that I’ve restored a wicker furniture set.

Before I wrap up, I have one last thing to share about the show. In a few months, it will be a year since I began making this podcast, and I’ve decided to move into a Season format. So the next episode, which will air in two weeks, will be the final episode of Season 1. Then I’ll be taking off a few months to line up guests, record some new episodes, and enjoy the summer months. Then I’ll be back with Season 2 in the fall!

Well, that brings us to the end of this week’s episode. Thank you to Rachel for being on for a third time and cementing herself as a real fan favorite in the process. Find show notes and other extras over at htmamcast.com. “How to Make a Memory” also has a page on Facebook. The show’s Twitter handle is @How2MakeAMemory with the number 2. And on Instagram @howtomakeamemory. If you’ve enjoyed this episode, please consider heading over to iTunes to rate, review, and subscribe. “How to Make a Memory” is a member of The Geekend Legion podcast network. Our logo is by Becky Carpenter, our music is by Chuck Salamone, we get system admin support from Greg Thole. Now, go make something for someone you love.