Today we are sharing a guest episode from Filter Stories by James Harper about Raymond, a former member of an Amish community who left his home and his country. Raymond's family want him to spend his life using a horse instead of a car, to live off the grid and have little contact with the outside world.

But young Raymond is curious and explores the outside world. His father reacts by moving the family into an even more isolated community.

Fast-forward 20 years and Raymond is pulling espressos in Melbourne.

How did Raymond escape? And how did he end up as a barista in Melbourne?

Trigger warning: this episode contains references to sexual abuse.

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Episode transcript: https://medium.com/@FilterStories

Sound mixing: Dom Edgley / https://domedgleysound.com/

Filter Stories logo: https://headquarters.studio/

 

Christine McAlister has endured one of the most horrible and traumatic experiences that I can imagine, and yet, her retelling of the experience and how it changed her is admirable and profound. This is courage, strength, and power in the face of adversity and it’s what I love to learn about from people who have really been through some of life’s toughest lessons. 

What happens when the worst thing that you think could ever happen to you, actually happens? How do you make sense of life when you are faced with the greatest loss?

You can find Christine's work at www.lifewithpassion.com

About Face is a Member of Bear Radio- the premier English speaking podcast network of Berln. Music for this episode was provided by The Space Where She Was from the Album, How to Play Dead.

Lisa was an ambitious 20-something working for the United Nations when a sudden and chronic illness became debilitating, leaving her unable to work. This the story of facing her illness, a shocking diagnosis, and her ability to let go of expectations of life and self. It's a story about losing loved ones, forgiveness, and self-compassion. It's about coming to terms with death and how she redefined a meaningful life. 

About Face is a member of Bear Radio

Music provided by Miss Kenichi. 

Our guest Tim, shares semi-anonymously about his experiences with an unexpected pregnancy, as a new father, and a truth about his life that changed everything. It's a story that reminds us how to move forward through life's challenges, and how to face the most impossible decisions without regret. 

No one’s life turns out perfect. Nothing works out exactly the way that we’ve planned or expected, but the question is what we do with our mistakes, or those moments that force us into difficult decisions, or different paths.  There are so many experiences in life that can injure us, leave us weaker, scared or less. Like Tim said, everyone reacts differently. Some people suffer a tragedy or loss and never really recover. Others are still able to see beauty and possibility and grateful for what they’ve had.

This is an episode is about life turns and those unforeseen, unexpected challenges. Betrayals and loss. The real-life concoction of beauty and pain, the way that many of our experiences of love, can also have a shadow.

 

About Face is a member of Bear Radio, the premier English speaking podcast network of Berlin. 

In this episode you the songs, "Your Shattered Outline" and "The Memory Changes Every Time I Remember," by The Space Where She Was.

Also, "Different Angles" by the artist, Ketsa with rights from the Free Music Archive. 

 

The relationships we inhabit can shape and define us, and how we see ourselves. Who we choose to love and let love us matters, because in the wrong hands, we may suffer from neglect, abuse, oppression, and even, the total loss of self. One of the most difficult decisions is to know when someone we love is no longer serving us, or worse, actually causing us harm. What does it take to break away, and how do we know when to do it?

This is a story about love, but also co-dependency and the very complicated nature of emotional abuse. But more, it’s a story about how one woman used her own oppression to find her voice.

My guest today is Reema Zaman. Reema is an award-winning writer, visual artist, actress and speaker, and the author of the memoir I Am Yours. She is from Bangladesh and immigrated to New York When she was 18. When she was 25, she fell in love and married into a relationship that shifted the direction of her life. She writes and talks about what it is like to fall into emotional abuse as well as how to find your voice when you come out of the darkness.

About Face is a member of Bear Radio, the premier English-speaking podcast network of Berlin.

Music for this episode was provided by Miss Kenichi

The 2018 Oregon Literary Arts’ Writer of Color Fellow, Reema Zaman is an award-winning writer, actress, speaker, and author of the critically acclaimed memoir I AM YOURS. I Am Yours debuted on the Powell's Bestseller list, alongside Michelle Obama's memoir Becoming. Born in Bangladesh and raised in Thailand, Reema’s work has appeared in The New York Times, Ms. Magazine, Vogue, The Guardian, Salon, Guernica, Shape, and elsewhere. Reema has the honor of partnering with the International Rescue Committee and Girls Inc. to serve key causes and empower the next generation of leaders. As the only Reema Zaman in the world, she is easy to find on social media. You can follow her on Instagram and Twitter and learn more at reemazaman.com.

 

Naniso shares his experience growing up in the generation following Apartheid and describes the difference between institutionalized and systemic racism versus other forms of covert oppression. We talk about a particular instance where he was physically assaulted and detained at an airport and how the attack figures into his consciousness, as a thought leader and in how he interacts with the world.

The way that we see ourselves in the world begins with our family, where are we in the pecking order. As we grow up, we learn more about who we are and where we come from. Even as children, we internalize our individuality through the subtext and organization of our communities and in the context of other social constructions like gender, ethnicity, and nationality. Consciously and unconsciously, how we see ourselves is shaped by how we fit into the world. But, what happens when your identity, the way you see yourself is shaken beyond your control, how do you reckon with this realization- maybe you aren’t who you thought you were? Or maybe the way the world sees you is not the way you’ve always seen yourself.

Naniso was born a few hundred kilometers north of Johannesburg, South Africa in the homelands or rural villages established during Apartheid. We talked about his early life and what it was like growing up in the generations during and after Apartheid and the difference between systemic and institutionalized oppression versus covert racism.

About Face is a member of Bear Radio, the premier English speaking podcast network of Berlin. 

Music for this episode was provided by Miss Kenichi

And the song "What She Thought of Herself," by The Space Where She Was.

 

Tania Lacy was a famous Australian television personality during the 80s and early 90s before she got fired for hijacking the station in protest. Losing her job led to a loss of identity and a reckoning with her own sense of self. This is a story about her height as a celebrity and the fall into obscurity and heroin addiction. This is a story about Tania's ballet accident that ruined her dance career, her transition into  choreography and Kylie Minogue's "Locomotion" video and her rise as a television star and woman in comedy. We talk about why fortune and fame are never enough, how to forgive ourselves, and why strength and power must come from within. 

About Face is a member of Bear Radio, the premier English speaking podcast network of Berlin.

Music for this episode was provided by Miss Kenichi.

Website: misskenichi.com

Album purchase: https://misskenichi.bandcamp.com/album/fox

 

Why are some of us capable of changing our lives and finding the right path while others get lost along the way? What influence does mental illness play in our ability to recover? How do we navigate our way out of broken homes, addiction, and family mental illness?

This episode features Justin Evans from The Peripheral and The Generation Why, one of the top-ranking true crime podcasts. We talked about his family history of mental illness, how to mourn loved one who has already been lost to a disease, and how he paved his own way.  

About Face is a member of Bear Radio, the premier English speaking podcast network of Berlin.

Music for this episode was provided by Miss Kenichi.

Website: misskenichi.com

Album purchase: https://misskenichi.bandcamp.com/album/fox

 

 

Tattoos, piercings, punk rock, rockabilly- the look and the subculture can have a hard-shell appearance, but what about those individuals underneath? What is the relationship between subculture and individual identity? Is there a correlation between mental health and extreme tattooing? How do subcultures give us strength and armor, and at what point are we lost to ideology? Is there a false security in our fight for belonging? 

This is one woman’s journey--how she found hope, strength and security in a subculture, while also learning to shed the armor and uncover her own truth and find an authentic direction for herself. This episode deals with mental health, including anxiety and depression, drug and alcohol addiction, suicide, loss, and recovery.

I want to start at the beginning, with birth. This episode includes my own story about a traumatic birth and my interview with visual artist and writer, Carmen Winant, to talk about her work, My Birth, the powerful installation at the MoMA, the missing and misrepresentations of birth in cultural representations as well as the challenges in the transition into motherhood. In addition to birth, we also talked about feminism in motherhood, and the potential for political action around these specific women’s issues, birth, and parenting.

For more information about Carmen Winant here is a link to her website: carmenwinant.com

A few mentions. About Face is a member of Bear Radio, the premier English speaking podcast network of Berlin.

Music for this episode was provided by Miss Kenichi.

 

Thanks for listening to About Face! We are finally launching Season 2 after a long break with new episodes that feature the personal stories of individual hardship and recovery. This season is all about the light and dark... personal discovery and truth that comes through our most challenging moments.

How do we learn to accept ourselves and our past? Jason and I follow up on the destruction that ended in death and loss in a story about recovery and reparations. We talk about how to let go, the gratitude and peace that can be found in survival, how his own recovery made him realize an authentic life. We also talk about forgiving ourselves and our parents and why people who are more sensitive to the world are more likely to become addicts. 

Stay connected with us on Twitter @AboutFacePod, or on our Facebook page. You can also stop by the website at aboutfacepodcast.com and consider making a donation to show your support.

And a few music credits. Most of the tracks used on this episode are the creative inventions of my guest, Jason Snell under the artist name, The Space Where She Was from the albums, What we Lost and How to Play. You also heard original music from Miss Kenichi from her album Fox. 

Don’t forget to check out some of the other featured programs on Bear Radio, the premier English speaking podcast network in Berlin.

I’m currently looking for guests for Season 2 of About Face, so if you have a story about personal transformation or significant turning points in your own life that changed you, send me an email. You can write me directly by using the contact form on our website at aboutfacepodcast.com. 

“I was looking at the world and it started to flatten out and I realized, this is what it’s like to die. Everything starts to lose meaning. . . it just becomes a flat image.” - Jason Snell.

I interviewed Jason Snell while he was in Europe, in Berlin, on his trips between Paris and Warsaw and Italy, before he heads back to either Iowa or L.A., or somewhere in between, wherever he decides to land for the next weeks or months. As I’m nearing my ninth month of pregnancy, becoming even more firmly planted, sometimes feeling immobile, I can admire the freedom, independence and that open quality of not knowing where you are going next. Sitting down with him, felt like time-traveling, both of us, revisiting the ghosts of our old selves. 

I was reminded me how stories unfold in time and space, how sometimes we are not sure where one ends and another begins. There are the kind of stories that happen in an instant, a car accident, a trauma, a sudden loss, and then there are those that can span years, decades, even a lifetime. Jason’s story is one that happens in flashes, and also, spans more than 20 years, and so, I’m going to break the interview into two parts, Episodes 9 and 10.

In Episode 9, we talk about his youth and intro to drug addiction- LSD, cocaine, heroin, and the magnitude of his losses, from human life to his innocence, and self. We talked about the attraction towards darkness, the sheer weight of death. This is an episode about the edge. It’s an episode about loss, but more, what does it take to turn around?

Stay tuned for Part II of this series, where we will explore human potential, forgiveness, and the power of mending our past, not just our relationships with others, but with ourselves.

Music Credits:

Artist: Miss Kenichi Album: Fox Tracks: Death Cab

Artist : The Space Where She Was  Albums: What We Lost and How to Play Dead Tracks: The Memory Changes Every Time I Remember, What She Dreamed For, What She Thought of Herself

 

 

The human body, it’s complicated and mysterious systems, directly influences our emotions, our response to memory, and simply, how we interact with the world and with life. Inhabiting our bodies is more than just the machinery of living, moving, and acting. It’s how we identify, how we relate and perceive ourselves and our environment. It is not a surprise that it is the human body that often takes the toll when we are suffering, or in pain. Or that many of us turn against our own bodies during times of

Songs used in the episode: "Leaving Naples" & "Just What I Want" from the EP "Seeing Naples" with Sick rat  "Cold Season" from the EP "INFP" with Undogmatic

Link to INFP:  https://concretecee.bandcamp.com/album/infp Link to Seeing Naples:  https://sickrat.bandcamp.com/…/sick-rat-cedric-till-seeing-…

Family secrets--what are yours? Every family has them. I have some that I can’t put on this podcast, though I really contemplated doing so just to air them, for myself. In the end it just seemed too heavy, too much, too revealing for those involved. But they are right at the tip of my tongue. Part of me thinks that airing them will be liberating, giving voice to my own experiences and my pain, but the other side of me says, no it’s self -indulgent, and too many people would get hurt.

Silence can break an individual, but the truth can tear a family apart…so how do we decide, what to say, what not to say, when is it our own burden to bear?

Most families struggle with balancing the bonds of cohesion and the needs of individuals. Individual truth. Individual desires. Individual crisis and struggles. We are going to talk about what it means to suffer because of family, also when it’s time to get distance or even sever ties for the sake of your own wellness and truth.

This is a painful About Face—but one that can be necessary to healing and moving on. My guest is Lisa, who decided after our interview that she didn’t want to use her last name. We talked about about her own family secrets, the tragedies that tore her family apart, and the ways that she had to sever herself to heal and become whole.  

About Face is now a member of the Bear Radio Network. 

Please take a few moments to leave us a review on iTunes!

Music for this episode from Free Music Archive. Artists: Broke for Free and Chris Zabriske

How do we overcome our challenges and manifest change? How do we decide the next right step without being held back by fears? Larry Tee is a renown DJ, music producer, and fashion designer and has made a life out of starting over, creative entrepreneurship, and using his own intuition and passion to manifest positivity and change in his career and life. Larry Tee was one of the original Club Kids and arrived on the New York scene with his good friend, Rupaul in the late 80s.

In this episode Kate sits down with a woman she calls Ally. Her guest didn't want to be identified by name or expose others who were involved in this story. This episode is about how she struggled to reconcile feminism and motherhood, personal freedom and security, as well as the "grass is always greener" myths surrounding romantic relationships and singledom.

Kate also discusses her own struggle with losing the freedom that comes with detachment and the pressures faced by unmarried women in their 20s and 30s and beyond. It is an episode that deals with the personal struggles we have inside and outside our relationships, and how to evolve personally when we choose to have commitments.  

Ally chose to remain an anonymous guest, but we have used some stock photos to promote the episode. Just a note so that no one is confused by these images...

This episode explores the complexities of growing up as a gay Mormon. Sam opens up about the struggles he faced while at Brigham Young University, threats from the community, the possibility of expulsion, and what it was like to graduate as one of the first openly gay students at BYU nearly 20 years ago. We talk about his life since graduation, including recovery from alcohol addiction, his experiences with other "cults" and the spirituality of travel.

Susie Kahlich has always been brassy, even back to her early years in Chicago and punk rock days in 1980s New York. In this episode, we sit down and talk about the impact of sexual assault, the night she was brutally attacked in L.A. and her life’s work teaching self-defense to women.

We did this interview before the Harvey Weinstein scandal broke, before the #metoo campaign went viral. At the time, not even two months ago, it did feel like no one was talking about all the forms of harassment and assault that don’t involve penetration or rape that doesn’t involve a stranger or violence, but is still, just as painful, just as unwanted.  And we all know that it has everything to do with power. Even the conversation felt so cutting, and yet beneath the surface, both of us simmering with this feeling, this anger and agitation and fear and rage about what we knew had happened to us, what had happened to others, and this consuming, feeling that there was so much to say, so much unsaid.

This episode is about sexual violence, the body’s natural self-defense system, and Susie’s ability to translate her experience into a self-defense program to help women and refugees.

If you haven’t already done so, please leave a review of About Face on iTunes!

For more information about Pretty Deadly go to prettydeadly.org or listen to Susie’s podcast Artipeous.

I am Kate Leismer, the host of About Face, and though this podcast is not going to be about me, I want to take this first episode to introduce myself, and to tell my story, because I think if you hear a little bit about me, you’ll understand the show better, what I’m investigating, the truths I’m looking to unearth, not only in other people’s stories, but in my own.