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Submit ReviewReceiving judgement from others about the narcissistic abuse you have experienced is unfortunately common, and it can be emotionally draining to try to explain yourself to people who may not understand the dynamics of a narcissistic relationship. Narcissistic abusers often manipulate and gaslight their victims, causing them to behave in ways that may seem unnatural in a healthy relationship. This can make it challenging to communicate to others what happened and how it feels to be judged for it. In this episode, I will share strategies to effectively communicate your experience in narcissistic relationships and navigate the judgment from others with empathy and self-care in mind.
What you will learn in this episode:
FREE MASTERCLASS - The Psychology Of A Narcissist: https://carolinestrawson.showit.site/psychology-of-a-narcissist-masterclass
To highlight the challenges of judgment and gaslighting in narcissistic abuse, I'll share a story in this episode about my ex-husband, who worked as an air steward, and went missing for over 8 hours after I expected him home. When he finally returned, he spun a fabricated story about saving a life to deflect from his absence. He used this to gaslight me, making me feel like I was the problem for being worried. It left me feeling confused and invalidated, a stark reminder of how narcissistic abusers distort reality and avoid accountability, leaving their victims dismissed.
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Many of us have asked ourselves, 'Am I the narcissist?' If you're questioning your own behavior, it's unlikely that you are a narcissist. However, understanding why you may feel this way and why a true narcissist would never ask this question can shed light on the situation, and that’s what I’m going to discuss in this episode.
What you will learn in this episode:
Gaslighting can make us believe that we're the narcissist in a relationship, especially when we're in a state of freeze due to narcissistic abuse. In this episode, I'll share strategies and mindsets to avoid falling into this trap and offer guidance for handling gaslighting. To better understand the behavior of narcissists, it's also helpful to explore how they develop in childhood, particularly if they were raised as golden children, and I hope this insight into their upbringing will help you understand that you’re not the narcissist.
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There is a growing body of evidence that suggests a link between narcissistic abuse and various autoimmune disorders, such as fibromyalgia, rheumatoid arthritis, and various inflammatory issues. Upon closer examination of the onset of these physical ailments, a correlation with the traumatic experiences of narcissistic abuse often arises. In this episode, I explore how our bodies utilize physical pain as a coping mechanism to divert our attention from the abuse we are enduring.
What you will learn in this episode:
Additionally, I will share my personal experience with how Internal Family Systems (IFS) helped me understand that my mother's rheumatoid arthritis was likely a result of her own traumatic experiences. My ultimate goal of this episode is to empower you to identify the underlying causes of your pain so that you can begin to heal from within, rather than relying solely on medication or resigning yourself to a lifetime of suffering. It is my hope that this episode will serve as a helpful resource in this journey towards healing.
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In this episode, I dive into the word "narcissist" and why it's such a hot topic. It can be tough to talk about our experiences with narcissistic abuse because some people may shrug it off and say we're unfairly labelling someone. I'll explore why this is the case and how it impacts those of us who are suffering.
What you will learn in this episode:
I’ll discuss the official process of diagnosing someone with narcissistic personality disorder and why it's severely flawed. It's essential to note that just because someone isn't diagnosed with NPD it doesn't mean they can't still exhibit abusive behavior. Abuse is abuse, and it's never okay. Whether your partner has been diagnosed or not, it's crucial to prioritize your safety and well-being. Even if those around you don't believe you, know that your experience is valid, and you deserve to be safe. I hope this episode will provide insight and support for those of you who may be struggling with narcissistic abuse.
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In this episode, I discuss trauma bonding and what it is. Trauma bonding can be difficult to break, and many people do not understand what a trauma bond is. I talk about how I found myself in a relationship with a narcissist and how I would say things to myself like "is there something wrong with me?" I was a people pleaser and a "good person" who thought I needed everyone else to show me my worth. We end up attracting people like narcissists when we place our worth in someone's hands and we may feel good at some stages in the relationship, but eventually, things start to feel heavy.
What you will learn in this episode:
Now if you’re reading this before Thursday, the 23rd of March, 2023, you’ll have time to join my FREE Masterclass called Breaking The Trauma Bond To A Narcissist. I'm going to be showing you all about what trauma bonding is. From what is a trauma bond, what happens in your brain and your body when we are trauma bonded to a narcissist, to of course the question we all want answered, how do you break it? You can find all the details to this FREE masterclass here: https://carolinestrawson.com/trauma-bond
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Today I’m going to explore the concept of generational trauma and how it can affect your response to traumatic events. I’ll explain the difference between intergenerational trauma and transgenerational trauma, and how the former refers to the projection of trauma from past generations onto the present, while the latter is the literal passing down of trauma at a cellular level. I also discuss my work with Somatic Experiencing and Internal Family Systems and how these tools can look at the experience of the body whilst we are going through life, and allow us to redefine our experience of what has happened in our life, as we can never change what has happened to us in the past, but what we can do is change our experience of it.
What you will learn in this episode:
Generational trauma has a huge impact on your body's response to current trauma and so I’ll explain the different trauma responses that you may experience, such as fight, flight, freeze, and fawn, and how each one of these responses may come up depending on how generational trauma has impacted you. It’s so important to recognize the body's natural response to danger and trauma and how it can affect your ability to cope with abusive relationships, so I hope this episode helps you in your current situation and also helps you prepare for how you can handle trauma in the future.
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Today I’m going to be discussing the topic of being an empath and what that means. I’ll explore the difference between being an empath and being empathic, what a co-dependent is, and how to recover from co-dependency. I’ll also discuss the negative side effects of being an empath, from how it can attract abuse from narcissists, how it causes you to take on the pain of others and how this can all lead to physical ailments.
What you will learn in this episode:
I’ll share strategies for empaths to move from being exhausted to empowered, what you can do to separate the pain of others from your own, and how to reduce physical issues like inflammation and swelling. By sharing my personal journey, I hope to provide you with the resources and strategies you need to live your best life as an empath or co-dependent. I know that sometimes it may seem like you’ll always be stuck in a downward spiral, but I’m going to make sure you have the tools to not only recover but to also live a better life going forward.
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In today's episode, I want to bring your attention to a particularly perilous type of narcissist known as the covert narcissist. Typically, we associate narcissism with individuals who are extremely extroverted and crave attention, often commanding the room's focus. However, it's crucial to note that not all extroverted people are narcissistic - this is far from the truth. The issue with covert narcissists is that they operate under the radar, making them much more difficult to detect until it's too late and you've become entangled with them. Once the relationship is established, the narcissistic abuse begins. In this episode, I'll be examining the ways in which you can spot a covert narcissist, their tactics for achieving their goals, and how to steer clear of them.
What you will learn in this episode:
Knowing the various ways in which a covert narcissist behaves can help you identify them before it's too late. One of the tell-tale signs is their tendency to play the victim, refusing to take responsibility and instead blaming external factors for their situation. This behaviour is a major red flag in the early stages of a relationship with a covert narcissist. Another tactic they employ is making you feel guilty, often through expert manipulation techniques like gaslighting. They may convince you that you're solely responsible for the relationship's problems, leading you to believe that you're the one at fault. To illustrate these behaviours in real-world scenarios, I'll be sharing my own experiences with my covert narcissistic ex-husband and the warning signs I missed, as well as offering advice on how to avoid making similar mistakes.
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Today, I will be delving into the financial dimension of divorce with Rhonda Noordyk. Rhonda Noordyk, a CDFA® certified professional, specializes in guiding women through the financial complexities of divorce. She has made a name for herself by trailblazing new strategies that empower women to navigate the financial aspects of divorce with confidence. Rhonda's expertise as a financial strategist helps her clients make informed decisions and determine their best financial options going forward.
A glimpse into what you’ll learn in this episode:
During this discussion, Rhonda and I explore the roots of her passion for empowering women, tracing back to her childhood, 12 years in the financial industry, and experience in higher education. We delve into the unfortunate reality that many women remain in abusive relationships due to their financial circumstances. Rhonda provides invaluable insight into why it is crucial to leave an abusive relationship regardless of your finances and how you can do so. Don't miss the conclusion where Rhonda offers guidance on what steps to take if you feel trapped, scared, and uncertain about your financial situation before initiating a divorce.
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So today is Valentine's Day, and unfortunately, this can be a difficult day for those who have suffered from narcissistic abuse. While this day is meant to celebrate love, a narcissist can use it as a tool to hurt and manipulate. In this episode, I'll share strategies to help you manage the emotions you may experience on valentines day, advice on healing post-narcissistic trauma, and ways to love yourself on this special day. Also, you may have noticed a slight change in the podcast title. I have decided to include the word "abuse" in the title of the podcast again since it cannot be changed that we have suffered abuse. However, we can work on healing from the trauma caused by the abuse. By acknowledging that we have been abused and not shying away from that word, we can make progress in our trauma recovery.
What you will learn in this episode:
On these special days of the year, such as valentines day, the narcissist can disappear, and this happened to me. I’ll share my story of how my partner disappeared before we were supposed to go on an exciting camping trip with my children. I’ll discuss how my ex used this opportunity to ruin a holiday to exert control over me and my children, and how you can avoid the same thing happening to you. On Valentine’s day especially, believing that you are lovable can be difficult, but it is important to remember how special and unique you are. So today I want you to practice self-care and do something that makes you feel good. Focus on the positive aspects of yourself, and show yourself some kindness. Remind yourself that you are worthy of love and that you deserve to be celebrated on this special day.
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