Marni and Chris dive into the finale of reality show, Love is Blind, to analyze where it all went wrong for some of the couples; where it all went right for others; and what lessons can be gleaned from these relationships. The duo look into how to navigate a break-up with grace and dignity, and how to show up in a manner that matches your energy. As these couples go through the ups and downs of dating, much of their behavior mirrors our own IRL. From the heartaches to the make-ups, Marni and Chris break it down by observing the contestants’ actions with each other on the show. What is the energy you’re putting out? How to find freedom from your past? And should you give second chances?

Takeaways from this episode:

 - Don’t seek council from your single friends

 - It’s about your energy

 - How to breakup with grace

 - Be dignified

 - How to accept the person in front of you

 - Flexibility in a relationship

Ditch the Mean Girl Vibes [01:35]

Ditch the mean girl attitude. Firstly, because it’s not a good color for anyone. And secondly, because it says a lot about a person. 

An example of this is Micah and Paul. When talking about Micah, Paul mentions that he was surprised to find out that she wanted a family and kids. The vibe he picked up on – or rather the energy she was putting out – may have been as a result of her mean girl behavior in the beginning. That type of attitude doesn’t give off mother, or even wife energy. It is not associated with being nurturing or kind. In fact, quite the opposite. 

When it comes to dating, you’re essentially collecting data about a person throughout the experience – whether that’s done consciously or unconsciously. Throughout her relationship with Paul, Micah acted in several ways that may have informed Paul’s ultimate decision. That being said, she has made a concerted effort to grow as a person throughout the show.

It’s about the energy that you put out. You can say you want to be a mom, or you can say this or that. But it’s how you show up. 

It’s about the actions that are taking place outside of the relationship, too. It’s about your interaction with people, and about how you talk about them. And that includes your family and friends. 

Navigating the Breakup [10:40]

While it may be tempting, it serves no one to talk negatively about your significant other when you break up. The dignified and graceful thing to do is just to walk away and move on. It’s hard but it’s worth it in the long run. 

When you break up with someone, you don’t need to put them in the wrong for you to validate or justify the separation. Zack was one of the contestants that modeled that behavior. When Marshal and himself were put on blast on social media, they did a wonderful job at handling it. 

It’s really about having grace and forgiveness

Marni mentions that Zack’s mature behavior today may be as a result of his tumultuous upbringing as well as his job as a criminal defense lawyer. His belief in second chances, which is something Bliss admired, is a result of his past and his present. 

His forgiving nature is an attractive trait. Because when you forgive someone, you’re not doing it for them, you’re doing it for you. And it’s within that forgiveness that you find a release. It’s liberating

Are You Growing Together? [14:44]

Kwame and Chelsea are a couple that emulated this notion of growing together. Whereas Chelsea started off being rigid and uncompromising, she slowly learnt to let go with Kwame. A relationship doesn’t work without compromise, nor does it work without flexibility. 

So, while it’s good for you to know what you want and go after it, it’s equally important to recognize when you should allow for a compromise. Pick your battles. Because there are going to be times in a relationship where you’ll have to do something for your partner that doesn’t necessarily fit into your general plan. And knowing how to navigate that, and be flexible about it, is key. 

Kwame and Chelsea made each other better versions of themselves. They managed to grow from the parts of their partner that were challenging for them. And ultimately, that’s what successful relationships are about.

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Marni and Chris dive into the dynamics of relationships between the contestants on the reality series, Love is Blind, to shed light on our behavior in the dating world. The duo looks into everything from how to handle the tough conversations to how far you should push your partner on certain issues. We all have insecurities when it comes to dating, and finding your person is a difficult trek that requires nuance in the way you handle your interactions. Dating is about learning about yourself as well as other people, and how to navigate your interpersonal relations with them. In looking at the interactions between the contestants on the show, lessons can be gleaned and applied within our own personal lives. Their insecurities, their faux-pas; and their actions, all mimic our own behavior in real life. 

Takeaways from this episode:

 - How to communicate in an argument 

 - Don’t Pepe Le Pew him 

 - Love, alone, is not enough

 - Be confident in your choices

 - How to handle the timeline on the conversation

 - Don’t dismiss his concerns

Should You Sleep on It? [02:19]

There are two schools of thought when it comes to arguing, especially when it’s close to bedtime. One school is that you should never go to bed angry at each other; the other is that when you’re exhausted and it’s late, it makes more sense to sleep it off, and discuss the issue the next day once you’re well-rested. So, which one is it?

Well, it depends. It’s more about being clear and communicative on the timeline of the conversation. But sometimes, wanting to postpone the conversation could leave your partner confused and feeling dismissed, even if that’s the healthier decision to make at that point. When you’re exhausted, and you’ve had a few drinks, pausing on the conversation to continue it later, makes more sense. 

That’s because these conversations tend to be tough due to the fact that they’re emotional. This is amplified when you’re a person who is not necessarily comfortable with vulnerability. However, that being said, in either case, if you’ve had a few drinks, maybe consider having the conversation when sober because it could escalate the issue. 

Men need actionable instructions. 

If you do decide to have the conversation the next day though, acknowledge your partner’s feelings; and be clear on the duration, the path and the outcome. That is, explain that you’ve taken note of your partner’s feelings and clarify that you’ll have the conversation at an agreed-upon time. Rather than being dismissive, and just saying you’re tired and want to go to sleep. It’s borderline manipulative to leave someone hanging without explanation. 

Trust Yourself  [20:31]

It’s common to constantly be looking for validation from our friends when it comes to the person we’re dating. But ultimately, you need to trust ourselves with your decisions. And that requires strength and confidence in yourself and your choices. 

At the end of the day, no one knows your partner as well as you do. And you need to be able to block out all the white noise and make that choice for yourself. 

Remember, there might be outliers who don’t support the person that you’re with. Ultimately you have to get to a place where you’re doing this for you, and you have to be able to trust yourself. 

Micah is an example of this. In the beginning, when her friends were putting down Paul, she didn’t stand up for him. But as the relationship and the show progressed, she finally took a stand. She was vocal with her friends in telling them that they needed to support her, and that she would no longer be having this conversation about Paul with them. And that was a show of strength on her part. 

If you’re with someone, then be convinced with your choice and stand up for it. You’ve got this.  

Stand up to Your Family [24:49]

In the same vein as standing up to your friends, you need to stand up to your parents when need be. And that’s not just limited to your romantic choice but your overall decision in life. Many of us walk around with trauma passed on from our parents. And rather than do the work and get through it, we ended up letting these past traumas dictate our lives. 

These things don’t define you, and once you’ve worked through them, you come out the other side more confident in yourself and your choices. 

In talking about Bliss and Zack, Marni and Chris discuss her dad. He’s negative and pessimistic. And yet, she’s managed to flourish in life, and she stands her ground when it comes to the man she chose to be with, even if that means going against a parent.  

Bliss has managed to be successful despite the storm of negativity she’s received from her dad. Work through your stuff and flourish. Don’t let anyone stand in the way of that. 

Make a Connection:

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Marni welcomes Frieda Birnbaum, research psychologist, psychotherapist and published author, to the Life Check Yourself studio, to look into why committed relationships and marriages fall apart, and how to prevent that. While a financial prenup is the norm, what is necessary is an emotional prenup. Where one prenup alludes to the possible failure of the commitment, the other one ensures its success. The duo talks about what it actually means to be committed and married to someone, and look into the details of the vows you make to each other. How do these vows and promises translate into real life? What does it actually mean to honor your partner? Part of the process is identifying and understanding yourself. It is by doing so, that you can set boundaries and agree on certain things, as part of your emotional prenup, before taking that step. 

Takeaways from this episode:

 - How to shift your perspective 

 - How to merge your masculine with your feminine

 - You’re the only one holding you back

 - Age really is just a number

 - How to step up your emotional prenup

 - Fighting in a healthy way

The Devil is in the (Emotional) Details [03:00]

The emotional prenup is to prevent divorce as opposed to the financial prenup which is a failsafe. So, why do people go into marriages with a failsafe rather than an agreement that defines the parameters of how the relationship will work? 

When we get into a committed relationship or a marriage, there are certain things we expect; there’s a certain standard. For most, it’s monogamy; it’s a support system; and it’s a future with an aligned vision of life that we’re excited to share with our partner. These thoughts are, however, comforting but not enough. 

We need to look into the details of what’s comfortable. 

Because what does happen in a marriage and in a relationship, is things come up that are not expected. 

A lot of times, when people move to the next step, they realize, once they’re in that stage, that they don’t have the answers to some of their core questions. And as these issues start to come up, they affect the marriage. 

Frieda suggests a sort of marriage certificate as well as a certificate that outlines the things agreed upon and not agreed upon. An emotional prenup is like a manifestation of your vows. It’s looking into those vows and deciphering what they actually mean, and discussing the important points prior to making that commitment. 

Identify Yourself [11:10]

Today, a lot of women have both masculine and feminine traits. And that’s not a bad thing, because these sides of you complement each other. The masculine traits are the parts of you that are driven, problem solving, and career-oriented. 

Merging them and reconciling both of those sides allows you to identify yourself, which is important. 

Frieda shares an anecdote of a moment where she questioned herself as a mother. At the time of the story, she was both taking care of her children and working towards her career goals. 

However, as it turns out, it was in identifying herself and pushing through that she became the person she is, today. At the time where Frieda questioned herself, women didn’t hold the same positions they do today. The norm, today, is that women juggle children, careers, and so on. Back then, that wasn’t the case. In that, Frieda was ahead of her time. 

The lesson is about realizing that it’s not about making friends, it’s really about having the insight to keep pushing and making yourself uncomfortable to be comfortable. 

It’s about owning your space and going for what you want, regardless of what the world thinks of you. 

What Goes Into the Emotional Prenup? [17:38]

It’s important to sort certain issues out ahead of taking that serious step. A lot of these issues can look like couples having the same fights over and over again. Or, one partner’s inability to let go of the past. But in discussing how you will tackle these issues in the beginning, your marriage has a better chance of making it. 

Otherwise, you end up going to therapy, which is more difficult because it’s about fixing what’s broken. Whereas with an emotional prenup, it’s pre-emptive; it’s more of a unification between two people to work through it and to work hard. Because marriage isn’t easy. 

Setting boundaries and having an understanding of what’s important for you and for your partner is part of that agreement. Because what’s important for you, might not be as important for the person in front of you. 

We tend to repeat ourselves, we tend to argue in the same way over and over again. 

It’s not about who’s right and who’s wrong, or what’s right and what’s wrong but more about what will have the best effect and outcome. And you get to that by listening to each other, and by learning to compromise for each other, which prevents repetition. 

Make a Connection:

 - Dr. Frieda’s Website: www.DrFrieda.com

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Marni and Chris look at the budding and failing relationships in reality series, Love is Blind, to glean the lessons that can be taken and applied when dating IRL. Looking at the different archetypes that the contestants represent, the duo dissect the situations on the series to answer questions we’ve all had when out in the jungle that is the dating world. The behavioral patterns we all exhibit, at one point or another, are mimicked in the actions of these contestants as they navigate their interpersonal relationships. From the girl who keeps falling for the same toxic guy, to the guy who stays and never gives up, to the girl who lets her mean- girl friends dictate the qualifications of her boyfriend. It’s a trap we’ve all fallen into, and sometimes still do. 

Takeaways from this episode:

 - Don’t be an enabler

 - How sweet is too sweet? 

 - Don’t mistake the storytelling for a connection

 - What’s trauma bonding?

 - He’s a good communicator 

 - Vulnerability has several stages

Getting Real is Scary [07:46]

Being vulnerable with someone is terrifying. And, unfortunately, a lot of us go through life hiding pieces of ourselves from the people we’re dating, where we’d rather keep it fun and light. It’s not just men; it’s women as well. 

It’s a situation where as soon as things start getting heavy or too real, we feel like it’s time to exit. And for some, even when they don’t exist, they stay in the relationship for years, without ever really going deep or speaking about their actual feelings. But being vulnerable and expressing ourselves is not only important for the relationship but for our own well-being as well. 

Part of being in a committed relationship is learning how to have challenging conversations.

A lot of the time, we keep it light because we want to come off as low-maintenance, or as fun. We want to keep it going, so we hide those parts of ourselves – the feelings and the insecurities – in an effort to not rock the boat. But the effect of that on our psyche is detrimental, whether we realize it or not. There’s inevitably a disconnect.

If what’s on the outside isn’t matching what’s on the inside, that creates internal friction. 

And that leaks into our relationship because at some point, when we’re faced with something real, the relationship collapses. If we haven’t shown that part of ourselves, or voiced these feelings, then how can we expect the person in front of us to understand? Being vulnerable is scary, but it’s necessary. 

It’s an Uphill Effort [12:28]

It’s an uphill effort, but it’s worth it. A lot of times, when we get into a relationship, and it’s time to be vulnerable, we think that we’ve gotten through the tough part; we can now relax. But the thing is, with vulnerability, it comes at different stages. And with it, there’s always the risk of rejection. 

You get through the first part, which is going through your trauma; your past; and the experiences that shaped you. But that’s only the first stage. There’s the vulnerability of deciding on your future together and of sharing your aspirations with that person. And sometimes, you won’t have the same vision. 

Chemistry is necessary but not sufficient; love is necessary but not sufficient. 

Kwame and Chelsea are an example of getting to the next stage. Compromises need to be made. And it’s a difficult conversation to have with tough decisions required to be made. However, Chris points out that with Kwame and Chelsea, it seems like Kwame is making most of the decisions and Chelsea is coming on too strong. She’s not realizing that she’s asking him for a lot of life-changing compromises, without giving him a minute to process and register. 

Relationships should be reciprocal. It’s a two-way street. And the compromises need to go both ways. 

Your Friends Need to Stay Out of it [16:45]

It’s great that your friends are protective. But there’s a line that needs to be set. While they may have certain (valid) opinions, the decision is yours and yours alone. You’re dating him, and you need to be the one to suss him out, in your own time, and in your own way. 

Don’t outsource the qualifying of the guy you’re dating. 

Paul and Micah are an example of that. Marni and Chris point out that Micah’s friends are mean girls that are constantly attacking Paul, and Micah doesn’t do anything about it. And that’s a red flag.

Moreover, it’s time for the mean-girls attitude to be permanently canceled. Pick better friends, and even when you do, set boundaries when it comes to their opinions or negative interactions with your boyfriend or the person you’re dating. 

At the end of the day, your relationship should be between you and the person you’re with.

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Marni welcomes author, educator and TEDx speaker, Nancy Sokol Green, to the Life Check Yourself Studio, where they discuss the physical and internal mechanisms that affect our actions and by extension, our behavior in relationships. The duo talks about what it means to look at our foundations with the intent to start fixing. Our behaviors are a result of an underdeveloped lower brain. But what does that mean? It means that, for some, automatic body functions that are supposed to be fully developed are not, which goes on to dictate much of the way they act externally. Nancy dives into the details behind these functions and their influence on us. But, ultimately, to change, it takes going back to basics, back to our foundations. 

Takeaways from this episode:

 - How to change the biology reaction in your patterns

 - Fixing the Foundations

 - How is your lower brain impacting your actions?

 - If it’s not there internally, it won’t be there externally

 - Why can’t you forgive?

 - How to develop your lower brain

Look at the Foundation of the House, not the Roof [01:27]

It’s about asking the questions that are going to get you to where you need to be by looking at the root cause, and not hyper-focusing on the symptom. Nancy uses the analogy of a crooked roof to explain her approach. The author elaborates that it’s not so much about looking at the crooked roof and trying to fix it but rather finding the cracks and gaps that are in the foundations. Because once those are fixed, then the walls; the roof; and everything is set up right. Once, we’ve learnt to look at things from that perspective, our gears begin to shit, and our mindset starts to change. 

In this context, we’re talking about our brain and our nervous system. How are they currently wired? Nancy talks about the concept of the lower brain and explains that parts of our lower brain are sometimes not completely developed. 

As adults, we’re supposed to have all these automatic functions that we’re supposed to have when our lower brain is fully developed. But that’s not always the case. That being said, the way these automatic functions are wired affects a lot of aspects within our lives. 

For example, there’s gravitational security, which is about whether or not we feel physiologically secure and grounded to the earth; some people don’t have that. And for them, it’s like they’re walking throughout life on a high rope. 

I’m already more concerned in my life about falling than connecting with you. If I don’t feel grounded physically, how am I going to feel grounded emotionally? 

The physical then transfers to the emotional state as well. Another example of physical functions that transfer to relationships is our peripheral vision. Some people who lack in that department find it manifesting into their relationship. Their world is literally all that’s in front of them; it’s all about them; there’s no right and no left.  

Developing Your Lower Brain [14:50]

When plan A, which is developing the lower brain in the first year of life, doesn't work out, all is not lost. Now, it’s time for plan B. 

A lot of people are missing automatic functions. And they don’t realize what they’re missing because they don’t get it until they actually feel that function. And what makes the brain brilliant is that it allows you to change it. And it’s always changing, either way, whether you’re doing it consciously or not. 

But if you don’t have a say in how it changes, there’s a good chance it might change in a way called maladaptation. 

To change your brain, you just need guidance. It takes work, but once you’ve got it down, it stays with you for life. 

Stamp Memories [19:38]

We all have a million things that stress us out throughout the day, the week, the month, or the year. However, what happens is that we’re supposed to solve these little incidents as we go along. And when we do, usually what happens is once we’re gone to sleep, the brain continues to work at night in order to consolidate these memories. Once consolidated, they’re given a metaphorical time stamp and filed away not to be brought up again. 

But what if you haven’t resolved that issue that happened in your day? Then your nervous system, whose job is to keep you safe, becomes concerned. The incident hasn’t been resolved; the memory hasn’t gotten consolidated nor has it gotten filed in the archives. What happens then is that it’s likely to show up again throughout your life. Because as soon as there’s a trigger, and it could be a small one, your nervous system scans your history, remembers that particular unresolved issue, flags it, and you end up reacting in a more extreme way because it feels bigger than it is. It brings you back to that no-date stamp memory. 

We don’t just have one or two no-date stamps. It’s not like you forget the memory if it’s a really big thing, but it’s the charge; it’s that charge that you’re bringing up to the present. 

Make a Connection:

 - Nancy’s Book: nancysokolgreen.com

 - Nancy’s Program: Brainhighwaysglobal.com

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 - Learn How To Attract Your Perfect Equal… Watch Our Latest Training Here!

 - Follow Along On Marni and Jeremy’s Radical Living Challenge!

 - Download A Complimentary Copy Of Our Book — How To Find A Quality Guy Without Going On 200 Dates

Marni and Chris dive into the fourth season of reality series, Love is Blind, to take a look at what goes on behind the scenes of the dating world by contemplating the contestants’ behavior. The duo discusses what it means to be attracted to a certain archetype and how that reflects on you. Dating comes with its own set of etiquette, and sometimes it’s confusing, especially when you find yourself in that grey area between casually dating and being exclusive. Questions as to how to handle it surface. What situation warrants jealousy? When should you talk to the person about? Which partner should you pick? How do you navigate your significant other flirting with someone else? The questions are endless, but Marni and Chris take the example of couples on-screen to unpack all the answers.

Takeaways from this episode:

 - Don’t fall in love with potential

 - How to date from a place of confidence

 - Stand up for your self-worth

 - What you need vs what you want

 - How to figure out your type

 - Be honest with yourself

Settling for the Familiar [04:05]

Zack, one of the contestants on the series, is someone who is upfront about his baggage; he doesn’t hide his traumas. But at the same token, he doesn’t seem to want to do the internal work on himself either. And that affects his dating choices as he navigates towards the familiar, Irina, rather than the potentially healthier choice, Bliss. His behavior mimics much of our own behavior IRL. 

When faced with the choice between two women, who are essentially polar opposites, Zack picks the one whose baggage resonates with his own personal trauma. He picks Irina, who is somewhat mean, because she’s the easy choice in that she has similar issues and will accept him as he is. Whereas Bliss is grounded and career-oriented. She’s the type that sets boundaries. 

Picking the Irinas of the dating scene is a common trap we all fall into. It’s not about there not being any good men or women out there. There are. It’s just that much of the time, we’re not dating from a place of confidence. So, we lean into the person who is emotionally unavailable because that’s the stage we’re at. And unfortunately, that means we sometimes miss out on the good guy because we were too distracted with what we wanted and what we were familiar with, then what we may have needed. 

You’re just so tuned out to that frequency; you’re deflecting the possibility that someone is treating you well, that you end up attracted to someone that is emotionally unavailable like you are. It feels familiar. 

And even when we meet the good guy, it’s almost like we’re making up reasons not to choose him. It’s a form of self-sabotage. Rather than doing the work on ourselves, and standing up for our self-worth, we choose to settle for what we think we deserve. 

But why is he your type? [12:55]

When talking types, it’s vital to look at the why. If you’re someone who’s usually attracted to the emotionally unavailable, then look into the reason behind that attraction. In understanding why a certain archetype attracts you, you’ll begin to unpack what it is you actually need versus what you want. A lot of the time when dating, people go for what feels good in that particular moment but that’s not always the right decision. 

So, when it comes to figuring out what you want in a partner, go deep. Write down in a journal the things that attract you and why. Find out what is the type of person you need that brings out your higher self and inspires you. Because that’s the type you can build with. Basically, figure out your wish list. 

Marni and Chris talk about Mika and Paul. Mika admits that Paul isn’t what she usually goes for. But while he might not be her type, he could be what she needs. 

When you’re dating someone who is treating you well, and giving you what you need, not what you’re used to, you will have to be uncomfortable [for a while] and allow yourself to get to know that person. 

Don’t Search for External Validation [21:27]

Marni and Chris talk about Mika and Irina’s behaviors of flirting with men who are already taken in an effort to validate themselves – regardless of how their actions may hurt or affect someone else. They get their power from being desired physically. 

And this is an archetype that is found IRL on the dating scene. But it speaks to a lack of self-love, and stems from a place of insecurity. 

There is a certain set of beliefs that we hold on to, no matter what our age is. And it’s one many of us might be familiar with or might have gone through at one point or another. It’s this idea that if we’re sexually attractive to those around us, then we have the power; we are enough. But in most cases, men will flirt or sleep with you. But it doesn’t mean they will be attracted to you long-term. Because that isn’t where your validation should stem from, nor is it what you should derive your value from. 

Make a Connection:

 - Visit Our Website

 - Subscribe to our Youtube Channel

 - Learn How To Attract Your Perfect Equal… Watch Our Latest Training Here!

 - Follow Along On Marni and Jeremy’s Radical Living Challenge!

 - Download A Complimentary Copy Of Our Book — How To Find A Quality Guy Without Going On 200 Dates

Marni welcomes Matt Hogan, entrepreneur, coach, and wanderer (only a few among many of his other titles), to the Life Check Yourself Studio, and they explore what it means to let go of the guilt and the shame that’s been holding you back from achieving balance in your energy and your life. The duo ponders the steps it takes to unlock the next phases in life. In a world that is constantly obsessing over productivity, and checklists, it seems human beings have forgotten how to reconnect with their authentic selves. Matt and Marni discuss what it takes to fall back in love with yourself and unleash your desires. And it starts with taking responsibility for your experiences, your past and whatever it is that’s keeping you stuck. By learning to acknowledge and forgive yourself, the whole world opens up, and what once seemed impossible becomes very much possible. 

Takeaways from this episode:

 - Dating is a buffet culture

 - Let your energy flow

 - How to release your guilt

 - Stop dragging your energy down

 - How to restore balance in yourself

 - Forgiveness is empowerment 

Navigating Through Dating with Transparency [02:04]

Dating can be tough; especially that we’re all coming in with our own baggage. Add to that, that there are already so many options out there, and it becomes stunting sometimes. And that makes it even scarier to open up about certain things when you’re never really quite sure if the person in front of you will accept them. 

However, when we start accepting these things ourselves, the people we attract don’t end up judging us for them. We all carry guilt or shame for certain actions in our past or certain traumas, but it’s important to remember that we’re human. In doing so, we allow ourselves the grace to fail, and subsequently forgive ourselves for those shortcomings. 

Matt, who at some point in his life had attempted suicide, speaks of the guilt that came with that, and the shame that he held around it. He explains that it was a really difficult story for him to share, partly because it came with a fear of being rejected. But essentially, these feelings stemmed from the grief that he was still carrying within himself about it; it was grief that he had never processed. 

You still hold a little bit of guilt or judgment for yourself, and you haven’t let yourself off the hook yet as a human being. 

Whatever it is that has triggered that guilt in us, if we haven’t dealt with it and processed it then we take it with us into the new relationship we’re getting into. It’s almost like we’re stuck and we’re carrying that energy with us into the next phase. Whereas when that energy can flow; when it can move, we can finally begin to let it go. And once we’ve stopped holding back, and we’ve processed it, and released it, we attract the right people who won’t hold us accountable for our past.  

It actually makes your relationship open up because you’ve opened up. 

Falling in Love with Yourself is Your Responsibility [07:40]

Start by taking responsibility. It’s about being responsible for your feelings; your actions; and your experiences. Realize that you’re not responsible for other people’s actions, or for how the world reacts. Release that need of trying to control what’s out of your hands. 

At the end of the day, it’s about restoring balance within yourself. Having all the enablements of the past – be it relationships or experiences – take a hold of your energy drags you down. 

So, to support yourself in all the parts that make you, you, stop and recognize what's happening within you. If you find difficulty getting out of bed, or you feel like you keep running and running without ever getting anywhere, then that’s the first thing you need to draw your awareness to. That’s where you start from. 

Nature is always trying to balance itself out, and we are a part of nature. 

If you look at the planet around us, it’s trying to balance the system so that it functions. Our bodies, because we are nature, do the same thing. We always want to rebalance, whether that’s on a mental, physical, emotional or spiritual level. And they all work together. 

Being able to take responsibility by pressing pause, and saying to yourself, ‘this is where I’m at’, ‘this is how I feel’ is how you start to fall back in love with yourself. And once that’s done, you can attract what you desire most. 

It takes a lot of courage to have that awareness and really listen to the whisper. 

Claim Your Desires [17:16]

Women, in today’s culture (and historically), are almost not expected to want and to desire. But desires are healthy; they are beautiful. 

It’s healthy and beautiful for women to desire. Let your desires fly and find peace and balance within yourself as you open up to your desires. 

It’s not about shutting down the desires that you haven’t claimed yet but rather about finding out what is that feeling that you’re chasing after, what is that feeling that you want in your life, and actually inviting that into your daily life. If you can trace back the feeling that you want, then you can look at the space between who you are now and who you are becoming. And once you get clear on the feeling associated with who you’re becoming, you can get clear on the balance you need. It’s then a matter of deciding what that looks like for you and taking responsibility. 

Ultimately, it’s about how do you decorate the inside house that is you?

And that could be through stability, or security, or safety or balance. It depends on you. But search for it internally, not externally. 

Make a Connection:

 - Matt Hogan’s Website

 - Matt Hogan’s Free Guided Workbook

 - Visit Our Website

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 - Learn How To Attract Your Perfect Equal… Watch Our Latest Training Here!

 - Follow Along On Marni and Jeremy’s Radical Living Challenge!

 - Download A Complimentary Copy Of Our Book — How To Find A Quality Guy Without Going On 200 Dates

Marni welcomes Jay Fields, who is an educator, a coach and an author, in the Life Check Yourself studio, to talk about how you can have your own back and learn to process your feelings instead of taking unhealthy coping mechanisms from childhood into your adulthood. Jay also gives Linked learning courses on managing your emotions at work and practices for regulating your nervous system and reducing stress. In this episode, the duo discuss how it is we can regulate ourselves and hold our feelings in a healthy way that we can then communicate to those around us. And it starts from an internal standpoint.

Takeaways from this episode:

 - Give people the right read

 - How to train your body to have a different reaction

 - Don’t pretzel yourself

 - How to differentiate between awareness and transformation

 - What are the practices that help you regulate?

 - Take responsibility

Do You Have Your Own Back? [01:53]

Having your own back is essential, especially in a society that rather teaches us to be smart, and to do what needs to be done without confronting our own experiences. 

When you don’t have your own back, the experience is more external, almost like you’re looking to someone else to tell you how you should act or react. It’s when you experience situations in terms of what you think people expect of you, and adapt to that expectation. Rather than setting boundaries, you turn into a chameleon to please those around you, be it socially or at work. 

Having your own back is first knowing that you have an experience that you can track, and then knowing how to be an advocate for that; and soothe yourself in that, whatever it is you need in that moment. 

The embodiment of not having your own back looks like you’re leaning outside of yourself; you’re not holding your own energy but rather you’re more concerned with what’s going on externally. And what happens is that you’re not quite there. And people, whether or not they’re aware of it, can feel it. It’s about how we hold ourselves from an energy standpoint. 

A person that doesn’t have their own back tends to have a dysregulated nervous system, and that can manifest in several ways. For an immobilized or a down regulated system, the person is like a turtle in a shell, they’re withdrawing. 

Be Soft [ 11:05]

When you’re dysregulated, one of the things to look at is what are the practices that help you regulate? And this differs from one person to the other. But a step towards regulating is bringing yourself back down enough, so that you have access to your thinking brain. 

When a person is dysregulated, they’re in survival mode. And the key to fixing it is tracking what’s happening within your own body. Once you’ve managed to do that and be aware of it, then you can use that knowledge to craft what you might want to say in the way that you want to say it. 

It’s about understanding what you felt at any given moment, and acknowledging that feeling. It’s about how you can soothe it, which is different than actually regulating. Soothing is speaking truth to power. 

A lot of women tend to skip the soothing step and either try to get it from someone else, or decide to become super self-sufficient with an’I don’t need anyone, I can take care of myself’ attitude. 

You’ve regulated, you’ve soothed then it’s the do I need to advocate in some way?

When it comes to advocating for it, being mindful of exactly what you’re feeling and why you’re feeling it will go a long way in helping you communicate it to the person in front of you. 

We want some softness in this. And the softness is, I can be there for myself and I know how to then speak from that to the person. 

Acknowledge Those Big Feelings [18:10]

A lot of us when faced with an uncomfortable or a difficult feeling tend to go down two routes; either how can I fix this? Or what can I do to distract myself from this? 

These are templates that were ingrained in us from childhood through one of our caregivers. And it wasn’t done with ill-intent. It’s the scenario when a child goes to their caregiver with a problem, and the immediate reaction is how can they fix this for them? Or what can they do to make them feel better?

Whereas when the first response to your feelings is acknowledgment, and the space to talk about how a particular situation made you feel, you learn to be able to understand that feeling and take a different approach with you into adulthood, rather than jumping into action. 

You get met in the feeling first, you take a bit and then you realize you’re not weird for having this feeling, and it’s not uncommon. 

Make a Connection:

 - fields.com/">Jay Fields’ Website

 - Visit Our Website

 - Subscribe to our Youtube Channel

 - Learn How To Attract Your Perfect Equal… Watch Our Latest Training Here!

 - Follow Along On Marni and Jeremy’s Radical Living Challenge!

 - Download A Complimentary Copy Of Our Book — How To Find A Quality Guy Without Going On 200 Dates

Marni welcomes Sherianna Boyle, best-selling author of Emotional Detox and founder of Emotional Detox Cleansing, to Life Check Yourself to delve into the process of manifestation and what it actually means. Sherianna’s book the Four Gifts of Anxiety was also endorsed by the National Association of Mental Health, and she’s helped thousands of people on their journey to process and detox their emotions. In this episode, the pair look at what it actually means to manifest, and how our energies work in synergy towards that. Human beings are actually in a state of manifestation 24/7, and when it comes to the process, two things are required: energy and action. But what does action in that framework mean? And how do we define it?

Takeaways from this episode:

 - Your emotions are important

 - Manifesting as energy and action

 - How to hold your emotions

 - We’re always manifesting

 - Don’t attach yourself to outcome

 - We’re conditioned to action

We’re in Constant State of Change [04:18]

Energy is consciousness; it’s inner movement. When your energy is in motion, you feel more relaxed. And when your energy is in action, things are moving internally, from a vibrational standpoint. 

Growing up, society teaches us that we need to control our emotions. Whether it’s at work, at home, or within the context of social interaction, we’re taught that we almost need to suppress our emotions and get on with the day. If you’re having a bad day, it doesn’t matter; there’s no time to process because you need to pick up the kids from school or you have a deadline at work, and so on and so forth. 

What happens then is that you don’t allow your emotions to go into the processing stage, and you end up suppressing whatever you’re feeling and sweeping it under the rug. However, when you allow your emotions to be in flow, you’re giving them permission to exist. These emotions then give you information about your life, because that’s when naturally, your intuition quicks in and acts as a guide. When both your energy is in flow and your intuition is in flow, that’s your energy in action. 

There is no such thing as being stuck; energy is always in motion; it’s always reshaping and reforming itself. 

Human beings are always in a state of change. As human beings, when we don’t see things moving on the outside, in terms of action, we assume nothing is happening. But that’s not true. There is constantly something happening beneath the surface. It's just that it hasn’t made its way to the physical plane yet. 

A lot happens when we allow our energy to move; when we allow our emotions to be processed. Intuition starts kicking in. A lot is at work underneath the scene because manifesting takes place on another plane, so we’re on another level of consciousness, it just hasn’t trickled down to the physical yet. 

Let’s Manifest [ 14:08]

Everything that’s happening outside of you is actually happening inside of you. It’s like a mirror. One of the laws Sherianna discusses is the law of correspondence which is that the external is mimicked within the internal. 

If you’re going through a busy period in your life, internally you might feel less settled, you might have some chaotic energy. The author goes on to explain that energy is in action when we begin to work on the inside. And the laws that she delves into in her books cover how you can learn to understand these energies and process those emotions. 

The thing about manifesting is that these laws all work together. 

You can transform any emotion, whether its frustration or anger, into a sense of calm, peace, and grounded-ness. It’s the law of transmutation. It’s in understanding the role of energy and learning through certain practices how to process these emotions that you reach that space. And part of the journey is understanding the energy of faith, which is having faith and trusting the process. 

Now we’re talking frequency and vibration, so what I’m feeling around this whole thing is that as you download trust, have faith. You have to trust your intuition, you follow it. And it’s not always comfortable to follow your intuition. 

Reconnecting with the Source Energy [21:30]

A big part of manifesting requires faith. It also requires, as per the law of detachment, to not attach ourselves to outcomes – a mistake a lot of us make. 

A lot of times, we put ourselves on a timeline with a deadline for our healing, or our growth. But there is no timeline, healing and growth looks different for different people. The law of polarity teaches that we can experience the opposite of something else. So, the opposite of having a timeline is space, it’s having freedom. And when you’re in alignment with the spiritual law of polarity, you’re going to find that you’ve loosened your grip a bit on those timelines. 

It’s important to acknowledge and remind ourselves that it’s all based on source energy. It’s about going back to that source energy which some people call God, others call the creator or the universe. When we’re feeling like something’s not working or like we keep checking to see when it’ll happen, it’s because we’re separated from the source energy. 

Because when we’re with the source, we’re in oneness and it just is. There is no this or that, no us or them. It’s just we’re all one. 

Make a Connection:

 - Sherianna Boyle's Good Enough Program

 - Visit Our Website

 - Subscribe to our Youtube Channel

 - Learn How To Attract Your Perfect Equal… Watch Our Latest Training Here!

 - Follow Along On Marni and Jeremy’s Radical Living Challenge!

 - Download A Complimentary Copy Of Our Book — How To Find A Quality Guy Without Going On 200 Dates

Marni and Chris look at the relationships, from beginning to end, that define reality series, Love is Blind, in an effort to glean the take-aways that can be applied within our own dating lives. As the series comes close to its end, the duo discusses episodes 43 to 50 where we see more drama unraveling with relationships coming to an end, and new ones blossoming, while others persist still. Navigating through the early stages of a relationship isn’t easy. What should you do when he all of a sudden loses interest? Do you confront him? Do you speak to your friends when you’ve already gotten the answer you need? A big part of dating is taking cues and being able to pick up on the actions of your partner, and what they mean for you. Understanding how to react to this person, your own insecurities, and theirs is part and parcel of the dating world. 

Takeaways from this episode:

 - Don’t wait around for him to decide

 - How to be rejection-proof?

 - Don’t Give Him All the Power

 - The roots create the fruit

 - Relationships are season

 - Don’t overcompensate 

Act Like it, Don’t Say it [01:35]

Using the example of Cassie and Claudia, Marni explains that telling a man you’re not an option is different than acting it. Claudia waited around for Cassie to make his decision then confronted him, which pushed him even further away and right into Rosie’s arms. She made the decision easy for him. Now, that’s not to say that we shouldn’t confront someone who's hurt us but there’s a way to do it. And that’s not to say that the outcome would’ve been different for Cassie and Claudia, but she would’ve saved herself a lot of pain had she done it differently. 

If someone has shown you, through their actions, that they’re not interested or they’re interested in someone else, don’t wait around for them to make it clearer. What happened with Claudia is that she started to overcompensate and lean in too much. 

If you’re going to get the same result anyway, hold your head up high, and actually act like you’re not a second option. Don’t just say it, act it. 

We’ve all been in similar situations where we’ve dated or been with someone who can’t make up their mind. And the way forward isn’t necessarily to avoid talking to them about it, but it’s about confronting them with the notion that you’re not going to stick around, and that you don’t need them. 

What we mean by leaning in is that you’re able to be vulnerable but like a red wood tree where you’re grounded, confident, and your worthiness isn’t based on anyone else’s behavior or judgment. So, you have this resilience. 

Trees can lean; they can sway but they never topple over. Regardless of the outcome, Claudia could have saved herself the extra heartache and the time had she removed herself from the situation earlier. And that’s a trap a lot of women fall into, where they don’t always know when it’s time to leave. And even when they do, they stay a little longer out of hope or the idea they’ve built of that person. 

Consensus Building; Just Don’t [10:53]

It’s something we’re all guilty of, where we’ll speak to our partner then go speak to all of our friends, our social circles, our friend’s boyfriends and so on. We turn to so many people for advice, and end up confused by all the different answers. It becomes a medley of what we want to do; what we know what we should do; and what so and so thinks we should do.  

An example of this is when Rosie speaks to Cassie about how he’s being with her, to which he gives an answer that seems to appease her. She then goes on to talk to her social circle and is given an opinion that may or may not work for her. 

When you’re consensus building, take stalk of who you’re asking. 

Different people have different opinions, it’s normal. Rosie got her opinion from Ron, who’s M.O in the beginning was to not communicate, whereas she seems like someone who’s communicative. With that being said, if you’re someone who has the courage to be direct and have the conversation then do it, and see what your partner says. And then from that, see how he behaves as things progress. Rather than going to so many different people to ask their opinion. 

Consensus building is probably one of the biggest mistakes you could ever make. If you see yourself doing it, just notice that you’re doing it to soothe your hypervigilant amygdala that is scared and triggered. 

Does Your PDA Style Say Something? [22:05]

Everyone has a different way of showing affection. For some, a kiss in public is great; for others it’s uncomfortable. It’s important to get these questions out of the way early on in the relationship so that you know your partner’s style. 

When discussing Ron and Lana, Marni points out that they don’t partake in a lot of PDA. But does your partner not being into public displays of affection actually mean something about the relationship? Christ points out that women are usually the ones who define the relationship vibe. When it comes to Ron and Lana, that’s just the pace they’re going at and who they are. But they might actually be the ones to make it do the end even if they kiss like pensioners. 

Either way, know what your partner’s PDA style is and that it doesn’t necessarily speak to how much they care about you on a deeper level. Some people are comfortable with PDA and others aren’t! That’s just how it is.  

Make a Connection:

 - Visit Our Website

 - Subscribe to our Youtube Channel

 - Learn How To Attract Your Perfect Equal… Watch Our Latest Training Here!

 - Follow Along On Marni and Jeremy’s Radical Living Challenge!

 - Download A Complimentary Copy Of Our Book — How To Find A Quality Guy Without Going On 200 Dates