Brook and Kari talk about adult female friendships, meeting Internet friends, friends when you’re married, the work of being a friend, the friends at work, lessons from Oceans 8, how friendships awkwardly dissipate.

A great podcast all about friendship: Friendshipping

Oceans 8

The Nancy podcast episode about Gaggles

Brook and Kari talk about conferences: going to them, enjoying yourself, getting your money’s worth, doing a talk, understanding the code of conduct.

Brook and Kari chat about recent movies we’ve seen, books read, and podcasts listened to. 50 Shades spoilers. Tolkien white guys. Superhero movies. Writers writing about experiences they don’t have.

Movies we talk about:

• Black Panther
• Get Out
• Cloverfield Paradox
• Cloverfield
• 50 Shades of Grey
• I Don’t Feel at Home in this World Anymore
• Hunt for the Wilderpeople
• Thor: Ragnarok

Our Goodreads lists:

• Brook
• Kari

Mo’s video game and Patreon

Podcasts:

• Burn It All Down
• Imogen Watches Classic Films
• QEERY

Brook and Kari talk about what we’ve been up to, since we haven’t been podcasting a whole lot. Some really good book, movie, TV, and podcast recommendations here. I (Kari) can’t believe I didn’t mention I listened to S-Town. Plus, we talk about gender confirmation surgery.

Brook and Kari talk about Pride month, celebrations, marches, mainstreaming, commodification, rainbow-washing, chanting, mourning, abstaining, and showing up for the actual work the rest of the year. Should you go? Yes.

Brook and Kari discuss chosen families, constructing family units, friends that stick, healthy boundaries for adults, rules for showing up for your friends.

Brook and Kari discuss drinks, from breastfeeding and tap water, to aquavit and bourbon, to weird sodas. Our favorite cocktail recipes and our basic go-to comfort drinks. Mnemonic rhymes aren’t as helpful as just not drinking too much.

I could not find the article I mentioned in the recording about how your body processes what you drink. If you know the one I’m talking about, and have the link, send it along?

Also, tell us on twitter @grownups_fm what your favorite drinks are.

Leah McLaren, what the flip?

Kari and Brook talk about Canada. Justin Trudeau is cute. Colonialist settlement was horrible, and so is the government’s treatment of indigenous people. Pipelines, socialized medicine, parental leave, RCMP, blinking green lights, grams of salami.

This episode of I Guess We're Grown-Ups Now is sponsored by:

Transistor.fm

Young Justin Trudeau

Indigenous Writes by Chelsea Vowel - Great guide to First Nations, Metis, and Inuit issues in Canada

Truth and Reconciliation Commission Calls to Action - The Canadian government trying to figure out how to undo a bunch of wrongs

Video of the RCMP Musical Ride - synchronized horseback riding in red uniforms!

Brook and Kari discuss crying, particularly at work, and what it means, why we do it, and what to do if you see someone doing it.

This episode of I Guess We're Grown-Ups Now is sponsored by:

Transistor.fm

Crying at work could damage your career, study suggests

Naaaahhhhh

Kari and Brook revisit the topic of travelling: how we pack, what we pack, how we make ourselves feel at home when away, and the weird things human bodies do when you’re on the road.

This episode of I Guess We're Grown-Ups Now is sponsored by:

Transistor.fm

• Jet lag diet

Friend-of-the-show Nick swears by this diet for adjusting your body to a new timezone before you fly.

• Travel Light: Update

Brook’s post about what she travels with.

Brook and Kari discuss children and not having them, how to get one if you need one, life scripts, undermining parents, pets and how having them is and isn’t like having kids. Brook’s cat makes us laugh and we try to describe it. Great radio.

This episode of I Guess We're Grown-Ups Now is sponsored by:

Transistor.fm

We’re back, adullllltttzzzz! Brook and Kari have come out of hibernation to hit your eardrums with a brand new episode, mostly about how to handle the holidays like a grown-up when you’re spending them with unfamiliar people, or worse, familiar people! We talk about Friendsgiving, new and old traditions, Brook loves a good yule.

This episode of I Guess We're Grown-Ups Now is sponsored by:

Transistor.fm

Kari chats with Victor Yocco about the benefits of stopping drinking, the practice of sobriety, how to support people choosing to not drink, fizzy drinks at bars, and when’s a good time to ask why someone’s not drinking (never).

This episode of I Guess We're Grown-Ups Now is sponsored by:

Transistor.fm

• The Sober Experience: There’s Purpose In My Sobriety - CONSCIOUS

• [The UX of Alcohol Abuse: Reflections on a Year of Sobriety by Victor Yocco Model View Culture]2
• [The WorkLife HUB Victor Yocco]3

• What it’s like to be a recovering alcoholic in an office where booze is everywhere - Vox

• [Alcohol and Inclusivity: Planning Tech Events with Non-Alcoholic Options by Kara Sowles Model View Culture]5
• [Victor Yocco AlterConf]6
• [Manning Design for the Mind]7

Victor’s book!

• [Victor Yocco (@VictorYocco) Twitter]8

Brook and Kari talk about forcing it with desk legs, friendships, love, taxes, being disciplined, and work. Also: the question of whether telling 20-somethings to just work hard is good advice.

This episode of I Guess We're Grown-Ups Now is sponsored by:

Transistor.fm

• XOXO Outpost

• GetBullish – Aggressive Lady-Advice

• An Open Letter To My CEO — Medium

• Brook’s arm tattoos

Brook and Kari talk about the ups and downs of volunteering, kids volunteering badly, empathy and relationship building, selflessness and selfishness, how broken the system can be, doing “little” things, giving yourself credit, volunteering at work.

This episode of I Guess We're Grown-Ups Now is sponsored by:

Transistor.fm

• The 2013 Texas filibuster for reproductive rights

• Basic Rights Oregon

• Women’s Foundation of Oregon

Kari and Brook talk about holiday plans, going out versus staying in, solstice, resolutions versus spontaneity, not smiling at strangers, journalling as reflection, minimalism, reading, and death to “should.” Also: cat noises.

This episode of I Guess We're Grown-Ups Now is sponsored by:

Transistor.fm

• [YearCompass Close 2015. Plan 2016.]1
• [Day One A simple and elegant journal for iPhone, iPad, and Mac.]2

• Hopper - When to Fly and Buy

• [Butt With Context (@buttwithcontext) Twitter]4

Brook’s other podcast, with Amy, appreciating butts and context

Brook and Kari talk about adult friendships and the Internet, cross-pollination, intensity, friending regret, breakups, retweeting, aspirational friends, attraction, homogeneity, and the roommate switch.

This episode of I Guess We're Grown-Ups Now is sponsored by:

Transistor.fm

• [Kate (@tikikate) Twitter]1

Friendship wholly maintained by the Internet

• toast.net/">The Toast - A willing foe, and sea room.

If you don’t already know this website, we can’t be friends.

• Shot-2014-01-06-at-10.38.17-AM.png">Brook’s friend Mark wears JNCO shorts

• [hilary (@theotherHilary) Twitter]4

Aspirational friendship

• Farmers Only: Farmer Dating Online

City folks just don’t get it

• Swings and Roundabouts

Avery Edison’s amazing podcast

Brook and Kari record over wine and cats, and ponder their own mortality, loved ones (including pets) dying, being ready to die, risky behavior, travelling on planes, and trying to understand death. Uplifting!

This episode of I Guess We're Grown-Ups Now is sponsored by:

Transistor.fm

• Amit Gupta, Photojojo - XOXO Festival (2015) - YouTube

If your doctor gave you the call, what would you regret not getting around to?

• Mimo and other smart baby monitors: Don’t protect from SIDS, so what are they for?

… including a mention of the Angelcare pad that Kari was talking about.

• Open Your Eyes by Flashlight Brown on CBC music

A song about final moments, definitely on Kari’s Playlist for Death. If the link doesn’t play the song for you, scroll through the song list on the right and pick Open Your Eyes.

• Mallory Ortberg, The Toast - XOXO Festival (2015) - YouTube

You’re going to be okay and then you’re going to die and so am I.

Kari and Brook Shelley talk about mommy/cat blogging/podcasting, going home again, travelling on other people’s dime, accents, sci fi lit by women, revisiting old hobbies, and whole other episodes.

This episode of I Guess We're Grown-Ups Now is sponsored by:

Transistor.fm

• [brook shelley (@brookshelley) Twitter]1
• XOXO Festival

Brook and Kari and 1000 of their closest internet friends went to this amazing art and technology conference

• Heather Armstrong, Dooce - XOXO Festival (2015) - YouTube

A couple NSFW slides in here. Why are you listening to this podcast at work anyway?

• Last Week Tonight with John Oliver: Canadian Election (HBO) - YouTube

John Oliver brings the US up to date with the recent Canadian election. Features a stair-falling trick by our new illustrious leader.

• I Guess We’re Grown-Ups Now #19: The Dark Side of Decisiveness - Goodstuff FM

Last episode, wherein Hilary posed a question for Brook.

• Michelle Tea - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Author of “Mermaid in Chelsea Creek” and more

• The Summer Prince: Alaya Dawn Johnson

Kari’s sci fi recommendation

• By Ann Leckie - Ancillary Justice: Ann Leckie

Brook’s sci fi recommendation.

• Lean Out

Brook’s book that she is in. Buy! Read!

Hilary (@theOtherHilary) is back to chat with Kari about hating yourself-in-other-people, respectful conversation, when and how we indulge ourselves, the statute of limitations on being mean, safe places for venting, and self-regulation.

This episode of I Guess We're Grown-Ups Now is sponsored by:

Transistor.fm

• I Guess We’re Grown-Ups Now #8: It’s like Skiing

Hilary’s previous appearance on IGWGUN, about civic politics.

• I Guess We’re Grown-Ups Now #7: An Act of Political Warfare

Kari talks self-care.

• [Hilary (@theotherHilary) Twitter]3

Kari and her guest Aditi talk about international travel, local delicacies, Airbnb, Jackie Chan’s packing strategies, friend trips, community sourced trip planning, and neck pillows.

• [Aditi (@AdtGrg) Twitter]1
• [Experts on Everything SSKTN]2

Kari’s old parenting podcast

• compostela.net/">Camino de Santiago - The pilgrimage routes to Santiago de Compostela in pictures

This is the walking trip Aditi and Chris took across Spain.

• The Way (2010) - IMDb

Martin Sheen / Emilio Estevez movie about El Camino de Santiago

• Fast-Food Franchises Get Creative When They Go Abroad - WSJ

Local specialties at international franchises

• Airbnb

Best way to stay.

• Canada House - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

A little bit of Canada in London.

• EveryTrail - Travel Community, iPhone Guides for Sightseeing, Hiking, Walking Tours and more

Kind of defunct website for community sourced sightseeing routes

• [Women’s Give-N-Go Travel Underwear ExOfficio.com]9

Jackie Chan says “pack two.” Aditi suggests three maybe.

• Change International Webshop - Change Lingerie

Travel bras

• Dr. Bronner’s soap

• Voodoo Doughnut - The Magic is in the Hole!

Kari and Liz James discuss adult ADHD: definitions, advantages, getting diagnosed, strategies for thriving with it, fantastic metaphors, treatments, marrying well, accidental vacations, and black diamond people.

• ADHD Is Different for Women — The Atlantic

• [Rebel With A Label Maker Mapping clouds since 2009]2

Liz’s blog

Kari’s guest is Rebekah Bennetch and they discuss the horrors of public speaking, the formula for creating a great speech, how to practice and prepare, vocal delivery techniques, and whether you should drink before you do a speech.

New show theme music! Uncertain Future by Sun Channel Music

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• [Things to Fear Cartoon Savage Chickens]to-fear.html">2
• Speech Night, 1980/81

Kari at speech night when she was 9. Awwww. Nice shirt.

Sadly, the poem I recited, “My Cat Likes Milk,” is lost to the sands of time and not findable on Google.

• Intro to the Three Rhetorical Appeals - YouTube

• Taylor Mali Totally like whatever, you know - YouTube

Like, uptalking maybe?

• bill-redu.html">Presentation Zen: Learning from Bill Gates & Steve Jobs

• VendAsta’s Ideas On Tap - Barcamp Saskatoon presented by Kari Halsted - YouTube

Kari doing public speaking!

• Unbelievable? 20 Aug 2011 - Dialogue with an ex-Christian - Saturday 20th August 2011 02:30 am

Rebekah on Unbelievable? That’s not a question. The podcast has a ? in the title. Mine has a hypen and an apostrophe so I am not judging.

• Rebekah (@grrrlmeetsworld) on Twitter

• grrrl meets world » a poster girl with no poster

Rebekah’s blog

• Rebekah on LinkedIn

Kari and Megan Cheesbrough talk about advanced parenting: collaborating with minors; de-escallating bad behavior without shame; showing your children you’re on their team; negotiating with teachers; and worrying that your kid’s a sociopath.

• Raising Your Spirited Child: A Guide for Parents Whose Child is More Intense, Sensitive, Perceptive, Persistent, and Energetic by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka

Megan’s reaction to the first few chapters: “Wow, this is depressing!”

• Milgram experiment - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

• Teacher to parents: About THAT kid (the one who hits, disrupts and influences YOUR kid) - The Washington Post

• [An Open Letter to Susan Bibeau Rebel With A Label Maker]4
• The blanket fort - Megan on Instagram

“Ready for V. SRS blanket fort family meeting to discuss v. srs family issues. #childishmom #shenanigans”

• [Megan Cheesbrough (@McCheesen) Twitter]6
• [Ink! Megan’s blog]7

Jeff Read joins Kari to wonder what midlife really is anyway, and to talk about middle-age parenting issues, getting worse at things, and how passion for what you do maybe helps you avoid the ol’ crisis.

• Episode #7: An Act of Political Warfare - Goodstuff FM

Kari talks about the importance of self-care, how to recognize a personal crisis before it happens, what to do if it does happen, and how she shouldn’t be on your survival team.

• City Slickers (1991) - IMDb

On the verge of turning 40, an unhappy Manhattan yuppie is roped into joining his two friends on a cattle drive in the southwest. Billy Crystal, Daniel Stern.

• The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams — Goodreads

Read this book to understand why we were talking about 42.

• Minecraft

Sheesh, this game keeps getting mentioned on podcasts.

• Episode #8: It’s like Skiing - Goodstuff FM

Hilary Nelson and Kari discuss being active in your community and its government, sympathy for city counselors, not being an a**hole, and why you should vote even if you haven’t done your homework.

• [Jeff Read (@jeffread) Twitter]6
• I Am Read - Jeff’s website

Kari talks about the benefits of speaking out, and also the benefits of shutting up. And about potential future topics for I Guess We’re Grown-Ups Now.

• It Gets Better Project

• while-female.html">Speaking While Female - NYTimes.com

When a woman speaks in a professional setting, she walks a tightrope. Either she’s barely heard or she’s judged as too aggressive. When a man says virtually the same thing, heads nod in appreciation for his fine idea. As a result, women often decide that saying less is more.

• [On not doing things. the other hilary]3

I’m reading so, so much from women of colour on Twitter and my problems are nothing, my complaints infinitesimal in comparison. I am trying to support, to decenter myself in discussions and this is new territory for me to navigate as an opinion(ated) writer. I hate how much I use “I”. It’s always bothered me.

Part two of the conversation with Adam Clark. Should we even bother looking for meaning in our job? Searching for that feeling of Home. Regret. How does a person end up in a corporate job, and is that different from selling out?

• I Guess We’re Grown-Ups Now #9: You’ve Just Got to Stop Thinking - Goodstuff FM

• [DNTO with Sook-Yin Lee CBC Radio]2

This episode’s acknowledgement to someone who inspires me is Sook Yin Lee and her fantastic radio show, Definitely Not The Opera.

• Adam Clark

Adam’s website, where you can subscribe to the reboot of his podcast The Gently Mad.

• [Adam Clark (@avclark) Twitter]4

• The Year of Living Biblically - Goodreads

• Garden State (2004) - IMDb

• I Guess We’re Grown-Ups Now #1: Scotch and poprocks

• death-of-adulthood-in-american-culture.html?_r=0">The Death of Adulthood in American Culture - NYTimes.com

• tl;dr version of this episode, by Kramer and Jerry

• The Paradox of Choice - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Kari talks with Adam Clark about the trouble with answering the question “What do you do?” and tying your identity to your work; worrying about not having value to add to the world; not having all the answers; fear of looking like a fool; and the importance of just showing up.

• Adam: What Does It Mean To Do Meaningful Work?

• The Matrix (1999) - IMDb

• Adam Clark

Hilary Nelson and Kari discuss being active in your community and its government, sympathy for city counselors, not being an a**hole, and why you should vote even if you haven’t done your homework.

Sponsored in part via Syndicate Ads

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• [Hilary. (@theotherHilary) Twitter]2

• City of Saskatoon

• That Margaret Mead quote

Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world; indeed, it’s the only thing that ever has.

• [Sheila Copps says she was sexually assaulted by fellow politician, raped by someone she knew National Post]5

• In the Loop (2009) - IMDb

• Dave (1993) - IMDb

• [Our YXE An ongoing discussion about urbanism in Saskatoon]8
• [theotherhilary.ca a general interest site by Hilary.]9

Kari talks about the importance of self-care, how to recognize a personal crisis before it happens, what to do if it does happen, and how she shouldn’t be on your survival team.

Sponsored in part via Syndicate Ads

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• Audre Lorde

• 10 Hours of Walking in NYC as a Woman - YouTube

The video that launched some excellent intersectional feminist analysis.

• Halifax mom modifies marathon in support of sick daughter - The National - CBC Player

A great example of resetting your plans to accommodate life stress

• About Grace in Small Things

• [Happy Place The Latest Funny Tweets]6
• Structured Procrastination

Kari sits down with Todd Peters to talk about about his creative alternative adult life: SAHDing, not having a grand life-plan, being a self-taught professional musician, and balance in adult relationships. There’s a lot of laughing, which is normal for a conversation with Todd.

• Massey & the Fergusons on CBC Music

• Massey and the Fergusons - the Star-Phoenix

Article about M&TF in the Saskatoon paper, including a photo. Todd is second from the left.

• sandigphoto on Instagram

Kari’s sister’s Instagram

• Show Me Your Mic - Goodstuff FM

Podcast nerds talking ad nauseam about podcast things. In a good way.

• Codie Prevost

Official website

• [Samara Yung Canadian Country Singer]6

• The Barrelmen on CBC Music

• The Broad Experience

This week’s acknowledgement: Ashley Milne-Tyte, who runs a good podcast about women, the workplace, and success, and has been an inspiration to me as a podcaster.

Kari talks with Kate Daly about the Pill, IUDs, sponges, access to knowledge about your own body, sex ed, and bad birth control puns. We share pregnancy pics with fun back-stories and probably way TMI. Sorry not sorry.

• Kate’s pregnancy pic

So brown. Great hair. And a camel.

• Kari’s pregnancy pic

Kari, 7 months pregnant, with Morris Peterson rubbing her belly for good luck. It worked!

• Birth control - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

• St. Louis gave teens free birth control, and they now have very low abortion rates - Vox

• Our Bodies, Ourselves for the New Century by Boston Women’s Health Book Collective

• The Joy of Cooking by Irma S. Rombauer

• kateda.ly / I love the smell of libraries in the morning.

Kate’s website

• Kate on Twitter: @tikikate

• You Hurt Serious Pony, You Hurt All of Us — Medium

• Frank Chimero ‐ There Go The Grown Ups

Contains the excellent Quote of the Episode, and also some bunk about how “grown-ups” are people who do things that Frank disapproves of and/or doesn’t do, and “adults” are things he does himself (a remarkable coincidence).

• [Sawbones: Birth Control Maximum Fun]11

A (funny) medical history of birth control, with actual doctors instead of us fools.

Kari and her guest Garth Braithwaite talk all things food and being a grown-up: managing hangry-ness, marrying into food traditions, living with diabetes, LDS food guidelines, what we eat after our kids are in bed, and how to find a sushi mentor. Garth digs how Kari says “avocado.”

• America’s Test Kitchen - Recipes That Work, TV Show Episodes, Kitchen Equipment Reviews, Taste Tests, How to Cook and Cooking Videos

• Perfect Chocolate Chip Cookies Recipe - Food.com

• ଅନିଲ on Twitter: “I feel fortunate living in the window after automated agriculture made meat affordable but before its impact is 100% ethically inexcusable.”

• Food, Inc. (2008) - IMDb

• Happy Feet (2006) - IMDb

The bait and switch of children’s movies.

• The InkTober Initiative - Mr Jake Parker

• max.com/connect/sessionDetail.ww?SESSION_ID=2708">Collaborative Design in the Open

Garth’s talk at Adobe Max

• ConvergeRVA - October 10th 2014 - Richmond Virginia

Garth’s talk at Converge, “Designers Can Open Source”

• [All Things Open Garth Braithwaite]9

Garth is also talking at All Things Open

• [Design Open Home]10

Garth’s project about designing in open source projects.

Open Source Design Is Now Design Open — Medium

• [The Nightscout Project We Are Not Waiting]12

An amazing volunteer-driven open source project for accessing data from blood sugar monitors.

• nightscout on GitHub

parent of ddae6ac… Running markdown linter

Kari talks with Sheena Greer about divorce, second weddings, the care and feeding of second marriages, blending families, and giving yourself gifts instead of treats. And how Sheena’s life goals include being a member of Run-DMC.

This episode of I Guess We're Grown-Ups Now is sponsored by:

Campaign Monitor

• [Sheena Greer (@colludos) Twitter](https://twitter.com/colludos)

• Colludo Sheena’s business website

• Sheena Greer | clever communicator & steadfast strategist | LinkedIn Sheena’s amazing writing.

• Wedding photo of Sheena and Phil by Kathleen Hinkel

• Vancity Visuals - Kathleen Hinkel Photography Kathleen did Sheena and Phil’s engagement and wedding photography

• The Wedding Industrial Complex, As It Were – A Practical Wedding

• Father of the Bride (1991) - IMDb

• Economics Economics is Dean, Sheena’s first husband. His music is pretty great.

• dooce® | I’m Heather B. Armstrong. This is my website. Acknowledgement-of-the-episode - very inspirational to me as a woman out and about on the Web.

Kari and Jay Baron talk about comparing our adult lives to our parents, perpetual adolescence, what it’s like being a role model, and scratching undone things off the bucket list. We try really hard not to be a parenting podcast.

This episode of I Guess We're Grown-Ups Now is sponsored by:

Campaign Monitor

It’s only episode 2 and I’m already forgetting my structure! Forgot the Quote of the Episode (will have to catch that next time). And I forgot the Acknowledgement of the Episode; I’d like to thank Chris Enns; without his helpful pointers, this episode never would have been recorded.

• Action Jay (action_jay) | Twitter Our special guest for episode 2

• Saskatoon Transit lockout enters third day | CTV Saskatoon News Upsetting toddlers and inconveniencing commuters in the booming metropolis Jay and Kari live in.

• Experts on Everything | SSKTN Kari’s old parenting podcast with Chris Enns, which I Guess We’re Grown-Ups Now is trying very hard to not be. But which was awesome. You should listen.

Introducing Kari’s new podcast about adulthood. An overview of the themes and topics that future episodes will cover, and a call-out for people interested in joining in on a discussion. Most episodes will be less formal and scripted than this one.

This episode of I Guess We're Grown-Ups Now is sponsored by:

Campaign Monitor

• death-of-adulthood-in-american-culture.html">The Death of Adulthood in American Culture

…to be an American adult has always been to be a symbolic figure in someone else’s coming-of-age story. And that’s no way to live.

• iTunes - Podcasts - I Guess We’re Grown-Ups Now by Goodstuff FM

I guess we’re on iTunes now!