Wow. 

This is it! The last one! You made it to the weird little farmhouse at the end of the driveway. You thought you might have taken a wrong turn, but no. That's us, waving, from the windows! You were on the right road all along. And what a road it's been.

Thank you, sincerely, for your love, your feedback, your participation, your questions, your games, your laughter (we assume), your tears (we assume), and your support during this strange five-year thing that we decided to do and see if anybody liked. It's been an absolute treat, in the best possible way.

As Ronald McDonald once said: I'm lovin' it.

Topics for the Finaltheticast include: Bugs Need to Calm Down and Smile More, You Are Jason, Every Single Card I Get in the Mail Goes in There, Would You Try to Get Me, We Are All a Spider in God's Beard, Livin' La Vida Donka, Treat Me Like a Cow, and The Nightmare of Being a Human Sized Snail.

***

Come say goodbye forever to us in the FACEBOOK GROUP! iTunes FacebookTwitter InstagramYOUTUBE

Or, search for us on SPOTIFY if you'd like to start listening to from the beginning again, but on a different app. It'll be like a whole new journey! I bet we even sound better over there. 

The Final Meat. 

Well, three mini-meats, actually. Which is great! David, Emily, and Mike all bring a meaty question of their own. Get ready to talk Pokemon, Moon Murder, and Endings.

Topics include: Stumpkin, Here I Come Bologna, Paperoni, Squirtguns and Fortresses, Just as Fucked Up as Everything Else, Antarctic Crimes, Change Every Version of Beauty and the Beast, and A Bobbsey Twins Book With a Gun.

***

Come say goodbye forever to us in our FACEBOOK GROUP! iTunes FacebookTwitter InstagramYOUTUBE

Or, search for us on SPOTIFY if you think the whole reason anybody wants to go into space is to be the first person to murder someone else in space. 

Welcome, welcome, welcome. Come in. Sit down in the first of three chairs we've prepared for you. This one is labeled "Would You Blank It," and while sitting in it, you'll witness the final round of this game we truly did invent

All this time, we've been trying to reach the perfect equilibrium, and I'm pretty sure we finally did.

Topics include: That Big Baby is Pooping Somewhere, Jort in Solidarity, A Medium Guy, Going Jesus or Going Moses, Burning Books is Fine, He Just Puts His Hands in Them, and Ramping Up Our Merch.

***

Come say goodbye to us in our FACEBOOK GROUP! iTunes FacebookTwitter InstagramYOUTUBE

Or, search for us on SPOTIFY if you understand why they went to a Post Office.

Red. Flags.

It's the last time we get to create attractive, strange, or maybe downright repulsive people to date! Get in here and talk to us about dealbreakers. Is cookie breath even GOOD?

Topics include: Radio Rental, Thinking About the Radisson Blue, Aggressively-Gendered Nannies, I Don't Love Children, Cassie with the Cookie Breath, They're Practically Free, A Rodeo Champion and a Rocket Scientist, Cure Cancer with Kisses, and That Ark Might Come in Handy.

***

Come say goodbye to us, and other fans of the show (you'll never talk to them again!) in our FACEBOOK GROUP! iTunes FacebookTwitter InstagramYOUTUBE

Or, search for us on SPOTIFY if you're pretty sure being a Rocket Champion is better than a Rodeo Scientist. 

Would. I. Rather.

This one's about US. Well, it's also about how well we know each other. Some of us wrote questions beforehand, some of us read some beautiful pre-generated questions mostly about rattlesnakes, and some of us made them up on the spot. But no matter the method, we all learned something about each other. And ourselves.

Topics include: If You Wanna Shine You Can Shine Any Damn Day You Want, Houseboat Houseboat Hole, Four Skeletons, I've Grown Up a Little Bit, No Gods No Masters Only Daves, Let's Get Trapped in an Elevator, and I Want it to Be Just For My Personality.

***

Remember, get your listener-submitted would-you-rathers for our FINALTHETICAST in by December 8th! Make 'em gooooood.

Come chat with us, and other rad fans of the show, in our FACEBOOK GROUP! iTunes FacebookTwitter InstagramYOUTUBE

Or, search for us on SPOTIFY if you think that every podcast has a winner.

Oh, hi! It's the sixth-to-last episode of this wonderful, beautiful little son that we call a "podcast." What a thing. We're playing Dark Stories one last time, because we're just feelin' too dang optimistic about the world and we really gotta season it with some BUMMERS. Just kidding. There's a clown in this one.

Topics include: The Hexapenultimate Episode, SMS Text Message, Did Something Enter His Body, I'm Sure It's Offensive, That Happens a Lot, Let's Make a Really Loud Fire, Oh My Car, and He Tested Me.

*** Remember, get your listener-submitted would-you-rathers for our FINALTHETICAST in by December 8th! WE NEED 'EM.

Come chat with us, and other rad fans of the show, in our FACEBOOK GROUP! iTunes FacebookTwitter InstagramYOUTUBE

Or, search for us on SPOTIFY if you think that you can make a really loud fire.

It's time for another FINAL ROUND of a BEAUTIFUL GAME. That's right, on this, our 7th-to-last-episode of the Hypotheticast, we're playing our final round of one of our favorite games: The Good, The Bad, and The Answer! 

Tune in as we imagine, and then critique each other's imagination! That's fun, right? Oh, yes. 

Topics include: Sandy Windyhouse, We Were Such Little Babies, Nobody Will Forget Emily Dussault, I Think From Now On You Should Scoop Your Own Litter Box, Theatre Goosts, Got a Little Chill; Better Shut the Fuck Up, Not Everything Can Be Crushed, Especially the Underwear, and Neon Brown. 

***

Come chat with us, and other rad fans of the show, in our FACEBOOK GROUP! iTunes FacebookTwitter InstagramYOUTUBE

Or, search for us on SPOTIFY if you think there's a pretty good chance you'd marry a human version of YOUR pet. 

Oh my god, hi! I can't believe it's you! And you're positively glowing. You're just in time — we're playing a game called Fallout Shelter. It's that ol' apocalyptic mix-em-up with beings + powers + accessories that always brings a smile to the brain. Oh, and there's an important announcement in this episode, so listen. Listen to it! To this episode!

Topics include: Make a Butt Listen to Our Podcast, Punish Me with Old Food, She's Single, Well That's What He Has, Time's Up On That, and Emily's Frat Guy Friends.

***

Come chat with us, and other rad fans of the show, in our FACEBOOK GROUP! iTunes FacebookTwitter InstagramYOUTUBE

Or, search for us on SPOTIFY if you would have gone with Stinky Kim.

Food! Do you like? I like. Of all the things, Food is certainly one of them. And it's at least in my top five! I'm a real fan. 

Today, we're going to design some celebrity meals — inspired by the Saweetie Meal — but for celebrities and restaurants you . . . might not think to combine. 

Topics include: Strong and Hot, Christmas Freaks, I Like Quiznos, Can I Have the Olive Loaf?, They Shred the Pig in Front of You, We're Going to Give You Over to Dairy Queen, and When You're Here We're Your Family.

***

Come chat with us, and other rad fans of the show, in our FACEBOOK GROUP! iTunes FacebookTwitter InstagramYOUTUBE

Or, search for us on SPOTIFY if you can think of a pickled thing you wouldn't put in a Quiznos Sandwich. 

***CONTENT WARNING: one specific story about bug infestation and human decay.*** He's almost here! Old Mr. Skeletons himself, the self-proclaimed and Wal-Mart Sponsored "Santa of Halloween." It's not a good ad campaign, but it is technically an ad campaign. 

But really, the ween is close. So, gather round, and listen to us answer one HUNDRED spooky would-you-rathers. We did all one hundred. We did.

Topics include: It's Too Close to Halloween to Use Phones, I Love Spooky, I Am Not Bringing the Spiders to Work, With the Power of Bugs Anything Can Happen, Oh My God a Duck is Here, Scare Package, Do You Want to Bleed Out of Your Whole Body or Get Killed by Me, and Scary Laugh.

***

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Or, search for us on SPOTIFY if you knew that we could liquify. 

It's still SO scary out there. But the two antidotes? Oh, you know. Podcasts and friendship. This one's got BOTH. Wait, there are three antidotes. The third one is kissing. And while we do not kiss on this episode, we DO discuss who we would WANT to kiss.  And the Absolutely Certified Mega-Star Hope Nordquist joins us. It's too much.

Topics include: Vampire Consent Culture, Terrifying Conversations with Tilda Swinton, Because of How You Just Said "Get Nasty With", All Turtle Guy, Sausage Man Knows What He Wants, Scary Stories to Date in the Dark, What Gravestone Have You Gotten To, and I Want the Fancy Witch.

***

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Or, search for us on SPOTIFY if you aren't afraid to answer the cats / bats / rats question.

It's scarytimes, and there's so much to be scared of. How do you know what to look at, what to be around, what to listen to, in order to really maximize your fear? We're here to help you figure out what the absolute SCARIEST things are. We got this.

Topics Include: Carol of the Hells, You Don't Want Your Child to Gut a Horse, Bats are Bad Sneakers, The Invisible Man from England, A Shark Named Jaws, and A Haunted Boatride.

***

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Or, search for us on SPOTIFY if you still think horses are filled with candy. 

BOO.

Yeah, scary.

It's that time. Lots of brands are capitalizing on Big Halloween this time of year, and some of them came to us. Weird, I know, but it's true. They asked us to help. So we did, because we're nice. Listen to the amazing ideas we have for making Halloween this year a true capitalist success.

Topics include: Dearie is a No-Go, Halloween is the Fantasy Novel of Reality, Yes Horror, Wheel of Jeopardy, Cody's Peloton Prison, Skeloton, The Ghost is Cute Though, and When I Think About Gravel.

***

Come chat with us, and other rad fans of the show, in our FACEBOOK GROUP! iTunes FacebookTwitter InstagramYOUTUBE

Or, search for us on SPOTIFY if you'd try Dead Bull.

It's Fall! Autumn! The Third One! Whatever you call it, trees have begun the big dump. But the only thing that's fallin' over here at the Hypotheticast is our ratings. Wait.

Anyway, we're doing a couple Autumnal Buzzfeed Quizzes today! Tune in to learn about us, as we learn about ourselves. 

Topics include: Wood Paneling is Back, Too Soggy, Lumbersexual Snacks, Easy Bread, OatGurt, Movies Don't Have Feelings, We're Ready for H, Suckin' the Jelly, and Classic Ween.

***

Come chat with us, and other rad fans of the show, in our FACEBOOK GROUP! iTunes FacebookTwitter InstagramYOUTUBE

Or, search for us on SPOTIFY if you'd order something simply called "sandwich." 

Well, well, well. Our beloved Mike is becoming another year older. So he's brought some birthday-party-themed would-you-rathers for us to reaaaaaaally chew on. There's some existential stuff in here, travelers. Come on down.

Topics include: Funfetti, John Steinbeck's The Gold, Ooze Into Your Cracks, Trick Take Me to the Emergency Room, You Have to Work for the Box, Hot Dog Factory, A Streamer as Big as You Want, Give Kids Hooks, and A "Died By" Date.

***

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Or, search for us on SPOTIFY if you'd really like to meet some of those terrifying Full Human People that work at the Hot Dog Factory. 

A lot of folks are quitting their jobs. Nobody wants to work for you anymore. But what jobs are we going to get? This week, we're discussing what it would be like if we changed careers, but in a fun way. Yeah. Fun.

Topics include: The Circle, The Patch Adams Scale, Tiny Anthropomorphic Body Cells, Hoping Someone Will Write a Dark Story About Me Someday, Strike David From the Record, Sea World Sucks, I Would Sleep with Them Where They Are In Their Nest, Break Up With Your Cowboy

***

Come chat with us, and other rad fans of the show, in our FACEBOOK GROUP! iTunes FacebookTwitter InstagramYOUTUBE

Or, search for us on SPOTIFY if you'd like to work at SeaWorld to "change the system from the inside."

Ahahaha. Wednesday. It's back again.

And so are we! We're playing Red Flags, which is absolutely a game that you all should play, to know exactly where your boundaries are. We all learn something every dang time.

Topics: What If I Was Really Aggressive, Until the Ground Beef Stops, Physical Comedy Can't Be Beat, Mr. Bean Lives in the Bean, Touch Me In My No-No, The Star Wars Kid, You Have Strong Suspicions that They're a Serial Killer, and Hot Log.

***

Come chat with us, and other rad fans of the show, in our FACEBOOK GROUP! iTunes FacebookTwitter InstagramYOUTUBE

Or, search for us on SPOTIFY if you think that the funniest person in the world is probably more of a Dracula.

Oh, yes. It's time for a Romantic Dramedy. Mike and Emily take some randomly generated creatures and create some absolutely juicy shows / movies that will almost certain cause some sort of TV Network bidding war. 

Topics include: Extreme Fantasy Names, SOS I Need You to Come Here Now, I Should Be a TV Writer, Time Mouse is Terri Gross, King Spacefinder, She Kinda Rains Metal Lightning, and Dollar Tree is Your Friend.

***

Come chat with us, and other rad fans of the show, in our FACEBOOK GROUP! iTunes FacebookTwitter InstagramYOUTUBE

Or, search for us on SPOTIFY if you'd like to hang out at a space bar with a couple gods. 

Back to school! We're . . . doing it? It looks different, obviously, for many folks. But on THIS podcast, we're making it look very different. Mike and David are going back to school. And Emily's in control.

It's a Would You Blank It.

Topics include: The Ejection Lever, Duct Tape Your Wrists Together, You're Old School, God Answers Prayer, How Knobby Is Her Hand, Cover Your Necks, He's a Super Nice Guy, Elevated Cafeteria Pizza, and Big Indecent Guys Fail at Real Tests and the Real Tests Happen Here Where There are No Big Indecent Guys.

***

Come chat with us, and other rad fans of the show, in our FACEBOOK GROUP! iTunes FacebookTwitter InstagramYOUTUBE

Or, search for us on SPOTIFY if you would eat any and all Fairy Food that you came across and enjoy your Big Joyful Spirited Away Pig Life. 

We're makin' up some Dark Stories! That's right. And what's more, we're solving them, too. It's like when the detective in the movie is like "I also did the murder" and everyone's like "well it's not as impressive that you solved it then, is it?" and the detective is like "no not really, but what a twist, right?" It's a little like that.

Topics include: Professor Beard, The Infinity Store, Exploding Chocolate Soccer Balls, Saw, I'm Not That Saw Guy, Big and Beefy and Buff, Mushy Grapes, The Rube Goldberg Killer, and Herbie: Fully Woke.

***

Come chat with us, and other rad fans of the show, in our FACEBOOK GROUP! iTunes FacebookTwitter InstagramYOUTUBE

Or, search for us on SPOTIFY if you would legitimately watch a sequel to Herbie where a car just browsed Nextdoor and helped de-escalate people. 

We. Love. Corporations. 

But you know what we love more than corporations? Marketing for corporations. So, we're playin' a little game called Adverteasing, which is . . . a real game, from a box. We're guessin' slogans, and doing some fairly wild speculation. You'll like it. Or, like, if you don't, that's fine, there's at least a couple other podcasts out there.

Topics include: Ross Parrot, Sir Winds a Lot, Taco Techniques, Baby Ankle Weights, ChildSkin (TM), I'm a Business Lady, Teeth Wanna Chew, Who Wants to Be a Millionaire When You Win It,

Relevant and Vitally Important Links:

Tio Sancho Taco Shells Commerical

Mr. Delicious

***

Come chat with us, and other rad fans of the show, in our FACEBOOK GROUP! iTunes FacebookTwitter InstagramYOUTUBE

Or, search for us on SPOTIFY if you also checked and the Tio Sancho Taco Shell commercial is definitely fake, which is honestly a huge bummer, and I really wish it wasn't, because wow the joy and shock I felt watching it for the first time believing in its wild awful glory, wow wow, what a thing.

Ingestion. Embarrassment. Pain. These are things that, apparently, Would-You-Rathers can be about. We're just drawin' some random ones out of a Zobmondo box and hittin' em up with our analysis. We're like, experts, maybe, sort of, in a way. 

Topics include: Whoopsie, When No News is Good News, Monicagate, Mel Gibson's Disease, Medicine Is a Mystery, GutscheGate, The Sewer Tsar, Naked Witch, Evil in His Eyes, and She's Kissed for Sure.

***

Come chat with us, and other rad fans of the show, in our FACEBOOK GROUP! iTunes FacebookTwitter InstagramYOUTUBE

Or, search for us on SPOTIFY if you'd like to hear children come on our show live and ridicule us. 

You've got problems, right? Yeah. Me too. But we all know the real problem in 2021: there isn't enough novelty food. 

We're here to change that. 

Topics Include: Put Me in an Outhouse, Kum and Go, Fossil Fuel, Kermit's Little Son Tiny Tim, The Floss is in the Fish Stick, Lucky Charms Represents the Duality of Faith and Reason, Lucky Snow,

***

Come chat with us, and other rad fans of the show, in our FACEBOOK GROUP! iTunes FacebookTwitter InstagramYOUTUBE

Or, search for us on SPOTIFY if you think there's a Celebrity Frog we left out. 

CW: mention of prison, death

Oh hi! Dark Stories! They're here! They're mostly kooky and weird, but this week there's a dash of serious, which is . . . weirdly unexpected. What a ride! We're solvin' it all, baybee.

Topics include: Which Ones Are the Dogs Days of Summer, He's a Strong Fish, A Donnie Darko Situation, I Was Immediately Disappointed, Take Notes Tanner, Their Mechanic-Man Relationship, What He's Seen, Big Fart, Inner Dark Stories, and Was It Her Mom?

***

Come chat with us, and other rad fans of the show, in our FACEBOOK GROUP! iTunes FacebookTwitter InstagramYOUTUBE

Or, search for us on SPOTIFY if you'd like to hear some tales from the app Fart Stories.

You know all those burning questions you've had about David's husband? Like, who even is that guy? Let 'em burn. Because we're asking questions about Emily's husband today. The game is Would You Tanner. Or Would Tan Rather. Or something like that. But it's speculative, it's suspenseful, and their very marriage hangs in the balance.

Topics include: These Richards and These Jeffreys, His Hair is a Favor to Us, He's Got a Big Big Job, Tanner's Big Trees, Carnival Sparker, I Love the Arts, The Audience is Familiar with My Hair Journey, I Hear Those Wedding Bells Un-ringing, and A Fine Enough Showman.

Would you guest-host it?

Yeah, that's right. We're playin' it. Would You Blank It is back, and Raynee is also back. Come find out what she will and won't put up with as a guest-host of a fictional podcast. Turns out: she's tough. 

Topics include: Large Things, Linty Shrimps, I'm Not a Mean Person, Don't Look Steven in the Eye, Rate These Boobs, Junk in the Bunk, Betsyross Galaxy, and All the People You Love and Know and Work With.

***

Come chat with us, and other rad fans of the show, in our FACEBOOK GROUP! iTunes FacebookTwitter InstagramYOUTUBE

Or, search for us on SPOTIFY if you'd also like to hear us make a show about junk that people find in underground bunkers.

Raynee's BACK. And she's brought with her some Do, Dump, Dates and some would-you-rathers. What. Are you kidding me. Too good. Too creative. Get her outta here.

Topics include: Is it the Goblin, Hand or Mouth Stuff, Spit Rum and Crush Melons, The Gooey Core, Chain Me Up in a Shed, and I Am a Quivering Small Dog.

***

Come chat with us, and other rad fans of the show, in our FACEBOOK GROUP! iTunes FacebookTwitter InstagramYOUTUBE

Or, search for us on SPOTIFY if you're also wondering what happens after the water part when you're just . . . wet.

Ah, you. Good ol' you. Here again, to see me. Me! The lowly Hypotheticast. What a privilege. What an honor. Let me take your hat, and your coat. These look expensive. My, my.

We've got a guest today, by the way! Her name is Raynee! She's the Would You Rather Madness Champion, and truly shines in her role. She's taking over the podcast! Forever! It's just her now! That's it!  

Topics include: Old Fashioned Would-You-Rathers, The Old Emily, Nothing Exists Until It Has a Name or a Flag, Pete Beveges, Can My Toe Taste My Shoe, Champ Stamp, Four Loko is Confusing, Punchy the Island Guy, and If You Be The Judge.

***

Come chat with us, and other rad fans of the show, in our FACEBOOK GROUP! iTunes FacebookTwitter InstagramYOUTUBE

Or, search for us on SPOTIFY if you think Raynee seriously did a phenomenal job and you just want to listen to her again. 

Do. Dump. Date. 

The only three ways. 

Help us choose.

Topics include: Raid the Money Bins, Long and Sour, Seinfeld's Pretty Funny Right, Shoot the Shit with Tonya Harding, Don't Britney Her, Disco Duck, The Olympics You're In Danger, They're Runnin' Fast and Swim, and He Who Stanked It Hoobed It.

***

Come chat with us, and other rad fans of the show, in our FACEBOOK GROUP! iTunes FacebookTwitter InstagramYOUTUBE

Or, search for us on SPOTIFY if you can think of a more shockingly regular band name than Train.

This week is really simple: what if we were Harold?

We've got a lot of ideas. Come along with us, and hear them. Or just like, play the podcast, but take out your headphones, go on a walk, and imagine what we might have said. That's the true Hypotheticast.

Topics include: Orcs Get it, Leanin' Veeg, If It Helps Your Fantasy, Their Snout is So Shapely, The Trash Dimension, Cool Shoes, The Crayon Just Makes What You Deserve, and Jeff Fucksworthy.

***

Come chat with us, and other rad fans of the show, in our FACEBOOK GROUP! iTunes FacebookTwitter InstagramYOUTUBE

Or, search for us on SPOTIFY if you'd jump in that Shakopee Hole.

You know the game. Or do you?

Everything you know has changed.

Nothing will ever be the same.

Would.

You.

Blanket.

Topics include:  Next Pandemic, Buttercups, The Pizza Party of the Soul, The B Stands for Blanket, Something That Knows About Ghosts, Dirty Blankets, The Girls Only Dorm, The School to Blanket Pipeline, and Good Morrow.

***

Come chat with us, and other rad fans of the show, in our FACEBOOK GROUP! iTunes FacebookTwitter InstagramYOUTUBE

Or, search for us on SPOTIFY if you think there is such a thing as too many blankets. 

Sometimes, life needs a little spice. Like, probably all times. When have you ever said that you didn't want spice? What's that? Many times? You enjoy a day without the unexpected? Well, isn't that just normal and responsible of you. 

This is a spicy episode! About romance! Listen! 

Topics include: Sylvia Plath is Alive and Well, The Dark Story Within the Dark Story, Dogs Yell, Spaghetti?, Eddie the Machete King, It's Just Fish Mound Not The Fish Mound, Owl Blessings, This is a Weird Podcast, The President's Treasure Car, Tunnel Time, and Everyone Under 30 is a Teen.

***

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Or, search for us on SPOTIFY if you want to know what Emily said for those last three minutes. 

Another day, another six hundred thousand dollars. That's right. That's how much money we make, every day. Collectively, of course. Not individually. We're not monsters. 

Today's episode is about Dark Things, like rich people. It's Dark Stories, baybee. Come solve mysteries with us. Betcha can't.

Topics include: We Unlocked Podcasting, Trash Hut, A Really Bad Criminal Guy, Not Many People Want to Be in a Jungle, Snipe Snipe Snipe, I Really Wanted It to Be a Magic Show, and Was It a Cannon Man?

***

Come chat with us, and other rad fans of the show, in our FACEBOOK GROUP! iTunes FacebookTwitter InstagramYOUTUBE

Or, search for us on SPOTIFY if you think it WAS a Cannon Man. 

Is it time? Why, yes! Time for what? That's up to you, my beautiful friend.

For us, it is time to make a podcast, in which we answer Would-You-Rather questions and our bond becomes even more powerful. Do you want to be powerful? Join us.

Topics include: Lil' 5G Bill Gates Baby, He's Trash but He's Single, Mike's a Spindle Boi for Sure, Flavor Tubes Hangin' From the Sky, Dairy Queen Onlyfans, Tubestuff, Peas are Smaller Than Your Earhole, The Only Way to Get Out of Being a Vampire, and Prancer the Ghost Dog.

***

Come chat with us, and other rad fans of the show, in our FACEBOOK GROUP! iTunes FacebookTwitter InstagramYOUTUBE

Or, search for us on SPOTIFY if you think that Emily should start calling Tanner "Spray Tan." 

Wuh oh. Wednesday. 

How would the corporate world be different if, instead of calling it "hump day," we called the middle of the workweek "Wuh Oh Wednesday"? 

We're not going to answer that question on this podcast, but we are going to explore the character-filled fictional radioactive landscapes of a game called Fallout Shelter!

Topics include: Unfamous Jeff, Sky Dad, The Socks are Squirrel-Sized, My Heart is Taking Shape, Size Doesn't Matter to a Dentist, Powerpoint Night, We Have Great Personalities, Had a Big Week, and Blare some Hard Rock Music.

***

Come chat with us, and other rad fans of the show, in our FACEBOOK GROUP! iTunes FacebookTwitter InstagramYOUTUBE

Or, search for us on SPOTIFY if you think the Dentist should pick a side.

Did you know that every problem in the world can be solved by a product? It's no coincidence that both words begin with "pro," because that's what we are. Pros. Here to solve. There is so, so much ethical consumption under capitalism.

Topics include: Pizza Grits, Sun Too Bright, Bubble Time, You Know Shrek, Don't Talk to ME, The Hole the Predator Leaves in Your Wall, You Can Just Huck It Around Your Yard, Deflectionmate, Whoa Look at These Rocks, Sludgin' Down the Street, Jabba the What, and Making Your Lawn Hard.

***

Come chat with us, and other rad fans of the show, in our FACEBOOK GROUP! iTunes FacebookTwitter InstagramYOUTUBE

Or, search for us on SPOTIFY if you want Snuggle to back his concrete mixer up in YOUR backyard tomorrow. 

Hi, you. It's a Wednesday. Are you doin' it? I bet you are. Thanks for doin' it.

This week, we're predicting next year's Oscar winners. I think we figured it out. Get a head start. Place those bets. Do people bet on the Oscars? I'm gonna Google it.

Topics include: Children Time, Home of Riddles, Duck of Dreams, Oscar Nominated Assholes, Kissing is the Beginning of Friendship, Patron with Sins, That's the White Lady I Said, Who Let the Dogs Out, No Offense Tanner, Screams at History, It's No Matthew, Kicking the Future, and Zach Braff's New Vibe.

***

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Or, search for us on SPOTIFY if you want to hear the cut of this episode that includes us acting out each of these movies in their entirety with full soundtracks. 

Hi. Hello. We're here with a goofy thing, and we want you to have the goofy thing, but state-sanctioned police violence just keeps happening in our state and it feels really strange and wrong not to acknowledge it. 

We recorded this episode a couple weeks in advance, and we really hope it brings levity and that you get like sixty giggles. But we also hope that, today, you can at least open your wallets and re-distribute some wealth to a mutual aid fund. Or deliver some urgently needed supplies to a cities-mutual-aid.org/">mutual aid site. Or learn about police abolition! Or, talk to your friends about what safety means to you. Please. The system is working exactly as it was intended, and it needs to change.

Enjoy these jokes. Stay safe. We love you.

Topics include: It's Roll Call, Larry the Churchy Guy, The Cool Guy Awards, Check Out This Butt, As Many Goblins As I Desire, Beff Jezos, and Haley Joel Osment.

***

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Or, search for us on SPOTIFY if you want to hear about where Beff Jezos REALLY gets his money. 

The Good. The Bad. The Answer. Everything, as we all know, is a double-edged sword. And here we are, dissecting even more truths about the world so that you can be smarter. Listen to this episode, be smarter, and make good decisions because you're smarter. That's how this show works. We don't make the rules, we just make you smarter.

Topics include: Doodie Houser, Spencer's Gifts is My Permanent Address, Santa's Really Sorry, Maybe Bear Great, Was Your Kid a Murderer, Naughty People Don't Deserve to Die, Bee-DSM, Money's Good, Santa's a Poisoner, and Aragorn's Face.

***

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Or, search for us on SPOTIFY if you want to hear the secret answer to the March WYR Madness. 

Friends. 

We've made it.

We put all your beautiful, horrible would-you-rathers through the ringer, and are breaching the hypothetical ocean like a super cool whale, holding in between our huge flippers the Ultimate Would-You-Rather Question. 

Sleepovers will never be the same.

Topics include: Eating That Burger, The Centipede from James and the Giant Peach, Secret Fifth Element Cosplay, Tiger's Eye, Night Monster, I'll Eat a Leaf If I'm Gonna Die, It Would Be Very Disruptive to My Life, You Ran Over a Wizard with Your Car, John Bliss is the Ultimate Person, The Movie Limitless, I'm Gonna Replace Your Blood with Bugs, Poppin' a Squat, and Oh He's Unzipping.

***

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Or, search for us on SPOTIFY if you'd like to listen to the episodes again but have the play button be GREEN.

You're halfway through the week. And we're more than halfway through this March Madness, WYR-style. We know so many things, we've answered so many questions, and we're so close to the ultimate truth. Come. Come see. 

Topics include: Dog Been Corned, Posters of Michael Jordan, Pretty Open Sprinkle-Wise, Tanner's Bedtime, The Monster Inside of All of Us, She Hates Rats, I Got the Winning Point, Let's Talk About Tails, That Porta-Potty.

***

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Or, search for us on SPOTIFY if you think a prehensile tail would just be baseline helpful.

We're gettin' into the Weird Stuff. I mean, beyond the normal level. This is where the true clashes occur. The mashing of answers into horrible, terrifying, unanswerable chimeras.

Topics include: 25 or 6 to 4, Aaron Carter Drank a Beer Once and I Got Drunk at School, Full of the Magic Finger, I Want to Shoot Guns Down Holes, I Can Move On From That, You Guys Are Good at Knowing What's Cute, My Favorite News Network, The Interesting One at Family Reunions, What I Know Will Surprise You, A Hippo in a Man's World, and You Care Little For the Moon.

***

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Or, search for us on SPOTIFY if you understand the point of feet. 

Aah! The other side of the bracket! We're coming at you with eight more listener-submitted would-you-rathers and good dang these are spicy and quick. I hope you filled out your bracket, AND I hope you voted correctly!

Topics include: Just a Little Jock that Needed to Jam, There's My Boy Lookin' Tasty, I Feel Like I Am a Monster, the God of Grapefruits, The Girl Who Cried Paup, Buffet or Lose It, and Are You Afraid of Colors?

***

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Or, search for us on SPOTIFY if you think that you've got a better way to pronounced "poop" than Emily's Child.

Not all questions have answers.

Here at the Hypotheticast, we are rocked to our core by this existential truth every single day. And sometimes, we even muster the courage, the strength, the fortitude, to REVEL in such truths. 

Today, we begin our quest to find the ULTIMATE would-you-rather. We're going to. And we're going to do it in a way that doesn't make any dang sense. 

Topics include: Please Do Not Fuck Up My Parents Shit, Burp In My Ear Every Day for the Rest of My Life, Not a Lot of Holes and Orifices, You Can Gallop Like a Horse, That One Was a Journey and It Was Only Four Words, Stop 9/11, and Snort Snort.

***

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Or, search for us on SPOTIFY if you're wondering what exactly a giant hedgehog would look like. We don't have any idea either, but like, maybe someone else on Spotify knows.

It's time for a new game, you dogs. And this one is ABOUT dogs, so like, that's fun, because I said dogs in the first sentence too. What a pleasure these show notes are to read. Do you like them?

Today, we're playing Hero Dog Saves Town, an RPG from Alex Roberts. It's a blast. Come see.

Topics include: Tough Healthcliff Talk, Animals Acting Like People, Ralfus, Community Safety Officer That Appeals to Teens, Vigourously Shaking a Dog by the Neck, MAN'S Best Friend, and The Other Ones Were Built On His Fame.

***

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Or, search for us on SPOTIFY if you've got a favorite Wishbone costume to share. Please, share them. Don't listen to Emily. I love that little guy.

Wednesday? Hm. I guess. Last I checked, it was like, Sunday. But ok. If you say so.

This episode of our beautiful lil' show is a throwback to a simpler time. A saltier time. A meatier time. 

Topics include: Sell the Heart, George Clooney, Me Personally, Make It Hard, Do All Mummies Get Skinny, The Bones Kind, It's a Beautiful Walrus, They're Posting YouTubes and Instagrams.

***

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Or, search for us on SPOTIFY if you can tell us how many houseboats have ever caught on fire, because it's probably NOT THAT MANY.

Red. Flags.

You've got 'em. I've got 'em. We've all got 'em. And this week, we're making up hypothetical people that've got 'em. It's a game! Wow! Play it with us, by listening. 

Topics include: There's No Bigger Red Flag Than Someone Thinking I'm Not Funny, It's Gonna Be Bad for You, Portalie Natman, This Person Will Go Back in Time and Kill Hitler, Emily Deserves a Date, Actually I Have a Headache, I Don't Like Someone Hurting Me, and Pillowhead.

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Or, search for us on SPOTIFY if you can think of a store that has a more shopliftable vibe than Cub Foods. 

Hi! You! I'm so glad you're here. You know why? Because you rule. You're enough. I love what you're up to.

Today, we're playing Adultz Bop, which is a game where we guess how Kidz Bop tried to make the world safer (re: sanitized) for kids, and then try our best to make the world safer (re: more exciting) for adults. Who knows if we succeed, or even what success is! 

Topics include: Taxi God and Taxi Law, Frank and Beans, Unless You're a Baby Being Born, It Kind of Is Like a Video Game, The Nana, Humble Fears, and Beg Borrow and Squeal. 

***

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Or, search for us on SPOTIFY if you think that the word "squeal" should be in at LEAST six more pop songs a year.

Today is a great day to grab life by the frickin' hand, squeeze that hand, and whisper something really nice into life's ear. Also, when I first went to type "today," I typed "toady" instead, and I'm pretty sure that's all you need to know about how cool this podcast is about to be.

We're playing Dark Stories, and boy, are these some stories. 

Topics include: Mirror Mike, Creaky Doors, Funeral Practice, Live Mic on a Dead Body, The Reverse Stork, Ernie Keeps on Comin' Back, Poison Is It, Placenta, and Light Stories.

***

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Or, search for us on SPOTIFY if you can name at least three other Sesame Street characters that you know have killed someone.

January 20th. Something has occurred. Something has been expelled. Something has been . . . pooped out from the butthole of America. What's that? Oh, it's just this episode of the Hypotheticast. 

Topics include: Fully Watching a Movie, We Are All Sausage Gods, I Haven't Seen Him Lately Is He Dead, You Can't Teach About People That You're Dating, A Mike With Some Movie-Themed T-Shirts, Short Times, What's Up Baby Jesus, and Break Up with a Carrot Top.

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Or, search for us on SPOTIFY if you can think of a person that you want to be around LESS than Barry Manilow. 

And now, it's time to look FORWARD with a rousing round of The Good, The Bad, and The Answer. We're talkin' about what we could accomplish, what sort of bodyswaps we want to see, how dainty we want clothes to look, and so many more 2021 dreams.

Topics include: Nasty in a Good Way, Buns Respond to Threats, Some Secrets are Better Left Buried, If You See Something Don't You Dare Say Something, Monster Train, Neck Stuff, Bring Me More Schoolboy Shit, French Plunge, Presidential Bodyswaps, and Joe Bitin'.

***

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Or, search for us on SPOTIFY if you can think of a better name for buttcheeks than Mini Muffins.

WE DID IT. 2021. We made it. There are still horrifying systemic problems in the world, but at least we've vaulted over a Gregorian Calendar Boundary. And that's something! This week, it's Hypothetipast. We're lookin' back to some of our favorite places, feelings, apps, and adventures. 

Topics include: Jackie Chan, They Have Health Insurance, I Was Wondering Where Those Fish Came From, Sneaks, Big Momster's House, Do I Go to Websites, and Show Me You Love Me.

***

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Or, search for us on SPOTIFY if you would have rather had David guess all Emily's favorites.

It's our last one!

Of 2020. Haha. Whee. Gotcha.

We're back in the Collaboratory, solvin' problems and makin' promises.

Topics include: A Boy to the World, I Hope That For The It, Twenty Sexteen, Cancel Me, Love 2 Lunk, That Looks Like the Body of President Taft, Think of a Fancy Sweatshirt, The WakeySleeve, It Was the Only Word Left, There's a Trap Card in Every Yu-Gi-Oh Deck, Hopaganda, AFAB, Toadblock, For Real? Oh God.

***

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Or, search for us on SPOTIFY if you can think of a better acronym for F.R.O.G.

Welcome to this episode of the ho-ho-hopotheticast. Yep, that's what we all agreed to call it, we just totally forgot to call it that on the episode. Yep.

We're playing Would Santa Rather! Have you ever wondered what Santa would do? Not in general, but in really specific hypothetical situations? Oh baby, do we have you covered.

Topics include: Emily Merch, Boys and Hypotheticast Fans, Monday is the Most Satanic Day, Why Doesn't Trivial Pursuit Have a Pain Category, Ethics Fetish, All Fifteen Year Olds Hate Santa, Hanta, and Stomp On My Pizza. 

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Or, search for us on SPOTIFY if you're not sure if you've ever seen Santa and the Joker in the same room. 

Romance and Drama. They go together like ice cream and cookies. Like ice cream and chocolate. Like ice cream and sandwich.

We're playing R.O.M.A.N.T.I.C. D.R.A.M.E.D.Y. today! Remember what that stands for? Nobody does! Listen, so you can remember how much you hate it, just like the first time.

Topics include: Gettin' Into Murder Stuff, I Hate Cell Phone War, Get Nasty and Beat It, Blood Godanchor, Delete This Bonzibuddy Please, Everybody's Seen One Leprechaun, The Chumbawumba Baby, The Isle of Misfit Toys for Being Nasty.

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Or, search for us on SPOTIFY if you think that you're more of a Horse Fox. 

We're doing it! We're playing a thing! Do you know what it is? I'll give you three guesses. No.

No, that's just an actress.

No, I already said it wasn't Raven-Symoné from That's So Raven. You always guess that. It's Would I Rather! The game where we do would you rather questions, but they're deep and personal. And, for the record, Emily won. Want to know what I mean? Listen.

Topics include: What Does Vibing Mean to You, Robots is Too Scary, Do Away With Big Human Energy, Fuck You Silk, Little Hand Teeth, Give Me Back the Nutrients, Mystery Curse, and The Game.

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Or, search for us on SPOTIFY if you think you know what the Mystery Curse is. 

Salutations! You made it to the belly of the week, and here we are. Come on in. What's that? Oh, this old thing? This is Ex-Stream Roulette, a game where we pick movies at random and try to guess what they're about based only on the title! Try to guess before we do, and you'll win a PRIZE.

Topics include: Invasion of the Potty Snatchers, The Robot Named Booty That Lives Back There, Do Us A Flavor, Sophia Coppola Has Stopped Listening, The American Android Universe, How Far Does He Go?

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Or, search for us on SPOTIFY if you know exactly what "too far" means in relation to a quest for a postage stamp.

Hey, we made this. We made this for you. It's an episode of a podcast where we play Two Truths and a Lie, or more accurately: Two Truths and a Ho-LIE-Day. In honor of, you know, tomorrow.

Topics include: Dim Those Shits, Is It Halloween Yet?, The True Meaning of Krampus, Annoys the Community, Baby New Year the Baby, What's Wrong with a BP?, Blame it on Tanner, Spiders are a Lie, They Ate Eels.

*** If you're wondering about how exactly to start / continue dismantling the harmful narratives surrounding tomorrow's holiday, start with this wonderful man named Sean Sherman: This is the Year to Rethink Thanksgiving ***

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Or, search for us on SPOTIFY if you think more songs should be about getting ready for Picture Day. 

Hi, hi hi. And a fourth hi, just for safety. Can't be too careful these days. Strange folk about. 

Remember when you were a kid and hated listening to music because it wasn't for kids? Well, obviously, Kidz Bop fixed that. But they broke so many other things, including Lyrical Integrity Itself. So, we're here to help THEM heal the damage they made by trying to keep dirty words out of the minds and hearts of children. And then, once we make 'em better for kids, we make them even more adult.

Anyway, we're playing Adultz Bop again! Join us.

Topics include: The Older You Get the Nastier You Get, Expose His Shame, Just to Find That Nude, What Are Things That Can Kiss Each Other For Kids, The Mozart of Kidz Bop. Garfield is the Slowest Cat

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Or, search for us on SPOTIFY if you think more songs should be about getting ready for Picture Day. 

Heists! Everybody loves heists. They're a victimless crime, because rich people aren't people and museums are monuments of colonization. BLAM. Also, heists are fun and they make fun movies. Double Blam. 

Topics include: Sting Loves Us, List of Matt Damons, A Young Grandsonly Way, I'm Not Proper, For the Last Time Idris Elba Can Sing, People That Were Happy in the 90s, Getaway (From Me) Car, We Should Have Robbed the Bank Afterwards, Santatimes, My Uncle Life.

***

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Or, search for us on SPOTIFY if you think you could totally fit that cherry on a Lime Scooter. 

Friends.

This is a Wednesday. The world is a lot. It can be hard to hold it all. If you're coming here, it's probably because you'd like to take somewhere in the ball park of 36 minutes and jump into a nasty, stinky pool of hypothetical nonsense. We've done our best to create that for you, today. We love you.

Topics include: Jacob Frey's Lush Red Carpet, FuckTales, All Hot and Moist in There, Longpig, I'm Container Blind, Like a Butter Sculpture at the State Fair, Don't You Think It'd Be Funny to Clap If Your Hands Were Butts, Don't You Think It'd Be Funny to Make it Clap If Your Butt Was Faces.

***

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Or, search for us on SPOTIFY if you're excited about bending the knee and declaring once and for all that Shrek is the Rightful King.

Boo, boo, boo. 

It's almost upon us. That fateful hour. The hour that the Big Scary Punkin' Man will descend and ask "who will you kiiiiiiiiiss," and you'll have to say. You'll have to say! Just like we did, in this episode, because we played Smash / Slash / Ashk on a Date! Join us in figuring out exactly what the most smoochable candy bar / candy bag truly is. 

Topics include: I Am Dating Myself, His Hands Can't Come Apart, The RippedKeeper, Just Go Fuck a Snickers, The Invention of Fun Size Candies is a White Collar Hate Crime, The Creature From the Black Caramel Lagoon, Did That Happen, The Unwrapping of a Mummy as a Sensual Act, The Spider and the Businessman, and Chucky's Got it All. 

***

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Or, search for us on SPOTIFY if you're super scared of that guy with CDs in his head from the Hellraiser series.

Hahaha, wow. A Wednesday. A Wednesday. Such an idea.

Today, it's DARK STORIES. Yeah, you know why. It's spooky season baybee, and we're here to ask the scariest questions and get the scaaariest answers. Halloweeeeeen.

Topics include: Santa is a Big Slut, Halloween Drivin', She Wasn't NOT Looking for Something, Died Instead of Kissing, Poison Shoes, People Getting Killed by Big Machines, Who Kills You for Being Tall, and Mike Knows Every Dark Story.

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Or, search for us on SPOTIFY if you think it could have been a steamroller.

The Ween Times, they are here again. And with them, the scariest possible thing in the whole land: a thing we used to do in middle school. Y'all remember M.A.S.H., right? Mansion, Apartment, Shack, House? Well, this week, in honor of your favorite holiday, your favorite beans are playing MONSTER M.A.S.H. You're welcome.

Topics include: Scary Mommy, ISO Sasquatch Family, Joining the Monster Club, Who Wants to Do Me, Be the Scare You Want to See in the World, Meat Spheres, I Don't Think a Witch Belongs in a Sarcophagus, HellHands, I'll Ruin My Whole Life, and A Little Dangle.

***

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Or, search for us on SPOTIFY if you think you could live in a sarcophagus. 

We're makin' stuff. 

Collaboratory is the name of the game this week, and that means we're creating world-class five-thousand-percent legitimate inventions to help people solve real, tangible problems. We're here to HELP, baybee.

Topics include: Scare Your Pants On, Andy Dick is There, Cheese on Cheese, My Butt is Just There, The Funnel Hut, I Love Those Little Shriveled Bastards, Isaac Newton Invented Gravity and I Invented Stuff It, and The California Raisin that Played the Saxophone.

***

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Or, search for us on SPOTIFY if you somehow think of a better Bob Dylan Cheese Song Joke. Doubt it, though. I'm pretty sure we got them all. 

As a famous internet cat once said: "well, hi!"  And as a different famous internet cat once said: "I hate mondays." It's a Wednesday though, right now, so you're fine. Hi! Welcome to the show notes. We're bringing you a beauty of an ep this week, I promise. Wow, a banger. It's R.O.M.A.N.T.I.C. D.R.A.M.E.D.Y. time. Wonder what that stands for? Listen.

Topics include: Recording a Podcast on the Internet with Slimy Mike, Swiss Army Man Knife, The Despicable Queen with Locks of Garnet Who Loves the Stronghold, Stronghold Syndrome, What Cows are Supposed to Be Doing, Sexy Pics of Her Pipe Leg, and That One Looks Cool and Practical, and Having Moss Eaten Out of Your Teeth.

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Or, search for us on SPOTIFY if you're really into automation. 

Staying inside all the time instead of going out with friends can be hard. Do you ever sit, staring at your TV, thinking "if I were there"? Well, we've got good news for you. We're playing a game called If I Were There! It's all about what we'd get up to if we were inserted into some very randomly generated movies. Dirty Dancing? You know I love dirt. 

Topics include: Merry Christmas, The Disney Hole, Why Did You Want to Go Inside Arnold's Body, I Hate Those Glasses, Johnny Dirty, Johnny Dirty and the Muddy Nasty Babies, Bony and Slimy, He's a Bad Teacher, and More Like Dangerous Knife.

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Or, search for us on SPOTIFY if you'd be super hyped about getting into that Willy Wonka World and just chowin' down.

The apocalypse is all too real, so we're coping the only way we know how: by pretending it's a DIFFERENT kind of apocalypse. Fun, right? Haha, whee, etc. This week, we're playing Fallout Shelter, the game where we create Mutant Beings with Powers and Accessories, and then draft them into adorable little radioactive living spaces. It's precious.

Topics include: Too Big For My Cricket Britches, Say No to Puss, The True Origins of the Mood Ring, Sorry Captain Caveman Isn't Sexy Enough For You, Wild-Ruled Notebooks, No Need for Poop, Most Special Thing, Double Hammy and We're Both Married, Stuff About Houses, and Nug Bucket. ***

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Or, search for us on SPOTIFY if you'd marry Hank instead of Peggy. 

Oh dear, oh dear. It's back to school time. And, while that looks so different for so many of you, we're trying to keep it Very Normal here at the Hypotheticast, so Mike's giving us some Back to School Hypothetical Questions! We're talking about colors, about inventions, and about living in the zoo. You know. School stuff! Topics include: Consumerist Little David, Sneakers and Guns, A Possum in a Denim Jacket, Geese Are Just Nasty, Teen Pop Basketball Songs, Petal Pubs, Think Outside the Glocks, Baba Anujka, Too Cool for Trends, and Mr. Teacher the Janitor.  The Songs David Mentioned That He Said He Would Put in the Show Notes: Animal Spirits - Vulfpeck Lovely Day / Good as Hell Mashup - Pomplamoose ***

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Or, search for us on SPOTIFY if you don't understand why we were talking about Elephant Poop.

It's been a while since we had a GUEST on this show. But no longer. This episode's got a special man-shaped nougat in the center, and I think you'll really enjoy his flavor. By that, of course, I mean we're doing urban-legend-themed would-you-rathers with none other than Adal Rifai! Join us to find out what Bloody Mary does in her downtime, how a Baby Train works, and exactly how much of a person can be a deer for Emily to be interested in kissing them. 

Topics include: Baby Human Centipede, Doing a Train, Pussy Mary and the Blelves, The Tiny Clown Butler from Downton Abbey, Takin' it In Like a Vaccuum, Mouth Violence, Maybe I Can Train My Tongue, Super Confident Monkeys, Bloody Mary Top, The Marx Sisters, If That's the End of It, and Deer John. *** Check out Hello from the Magic Tavern and Hey Riddle Riddle, two shows that Adal hosts and also are very good, what a combo.

Come chat with us, and other fans, in our FACEBOOK GROUP.  iTunes FacebookTwitter InstagramYOUTUBE

Or, search for us on SPOTIFY if you'd rather find out exactly why the Deerman had to come out of a bottomless pit. And maybe, just maybe, what else is down there.

There's SO MUCH to watch. My goodness. What a big problem. One of the BIGGEST problems we currently have. How do we even keep up? Ack!  Don't worry, we're gonna help. We're playing Ex-Stream Roulette again, and that means we're picking random Netlfix / Amazon titles and trying to guess what they're about. Come on some adventures with us, cuties.  Topics include: We're Talking About Confirmation Bias, Slasher Babies, Casper the Little Boy, Concerned Teacher Energy, He Knows About Being a Kid, The Concept of the Kissing Booth, Christmas People and Teen People, The Platinum Lung, Spoiler Alert for the Ending of Radio Flyer, Eat a Spoonful of Flour ***

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Or, search for us on SPOTIFY if you think Tanner is actually a model and doesn't actually do fundraising or whatever the hell he says he does. 

Would you Zoom it?

A modern spin on an old favorite! Find out what sorts of supernatural and/or cryptozoological happenings would entire or repel our very own Michael!  Topics include: Dale Dale Dale, The Girl from the Ring, Follow-up Questions About That Butthole, Flaky Sven, Wake Up Sheeple: Yoda's Bigfoot, She Gave You That Fly, The True Stimulus Package We All Deserve, She Can Make Boyfriends

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Or, search for us on SPOTIFY if you think this meeting could have just been an email.

Animal Battle! We're having it. Wonder what that means? Look no further than two.jpg">this image. We'll be picking two animal groups to defend us, while the rest come to DESTROY US.  Tell us how you figured it out, what you would do differently, or that you would do it exactly like David did, especially the part about the gorillas.  Topics Include: Wear More Pants Under Your Pants, Murder Only, They Will Defend You, Bears Can Book It, Hoots and Screams, and All the Animals Have Unlimited Ammo ***

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Or, search for us on SPOTIFY if you're more into Super Rats.

Doing. Dumping. Dating.

The three ways humanity expresses itself. That's it, baby! That's all of it! We're talking about kisses, we're talking about roses, we're talking about Danny DeVito. Please join us.

Topics include: Mike You Have to Die Now, I'm Ready for Danny, Bonus Dump, Laser Booms in My Bedroom, Catherine the Hepbern, Some Bones or Some Old Bones, My Interactive Husband, Symbols of Sexiness, My Poor Sweet Skin, and Shoot This Apple Off My Head. ***

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Or, search for us on SPOTIFY if you'd like us to take back all the things we said about Michael Jordan and also if you'd like him to dunk all over you.

Did you know that songs are dangerous? We're here to protect you. Over the years, Kidz Bop has been saving children from the perils of swearing, alcohol, drugs, butts, and all the other gross stuff adults like to sing about. But, hey, Kidz Bop? Ya lazy. You're doing a very bad job. You've lost your edge.

Don't worry, we're here to help.

Topics include: Time to Eat a Bug Off the Ground (I'm A Kid), Wealth-Based Lyrics, Just Give Them a Punch, Show Your Mom Your Butt, Grandmas Don't Fix Bulletholes, and Legitimately Writing Better Lyrics Than Kidz Bop.

***

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Or, search for us on SPOTIFY if you've ever been suspicious of Big Band-Aid.

Oh, beans. I mean, wait. Oh, beans! Can that be a positive expression now? Yes, please, it can. This week's Hypotheticast is a whole bucket of would-you-rathers about your favorite beans. And probably your least favorite beans, too. We cover 'em all!  Topics Include: I Want a Bean Feast, Eat Me Out Willy Wonka, Beans in the Pocket, Little Bucket of Cold Chicken, and The Bean-Ginning. ***

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Or, search for us on SPOTIFY if you've ever looked for dinosaurs in the sky.

Eek! Augh! Wow! Scary, you. But for good reasons. Scary cool, or scary hot. One of those. Welcome to the show notes! I'm glad you came. Today, we're playing Dark Stories, which is a game about mishaps or crimes or death, but also kind of like a big riddle bonanza. Lots of questions, lots of sleuthing, and just a lot of righteous anger at the game Dark Stories. What Other Kinds of Murder Are There, Is It Sad, Robot Boat, I Think You Cut Out, and Shark Bait.  ***

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Or, search for us on SPOTIFY if you've ever thought Dark Stories would be a fun, rational game to play with your rational friends.

It's a show! A listen one. A podcast. Got it. First try. This is, of course, the Hypotheticast. And we're here to play a timely round of Two Fourth of Ju-Truths and One Fourth of Ju-Lie. And wowee, we learned some things about middle school, some things about Italian Horror Movies, and some things about tigers.  Topics include: The Health of Our Whole Deal, Somebody Always Wins, The Amount and Manner of Your Fun Must Be Compliant, Please Everybody Still Like Me, and Kill the Fattened Calf and Roast It.  *** Come chat with us, and other fans, in our FACEBOOK GROUP.  iTunes FacebookTwitter InstagramYOUTUBE

Or, search for us on SPOTIFY if you've ever thought that death WAS a lot like a woman's shadow. Or hand. I forget. 

Welcome back! It's another episode of your favorite best buds saying things about other things, usually imaginary things! Wow, what an elevator pitch. Master marketing. Always be closing.

Today, we're playing Would I Rather! It's the one that's like Would You Rather, but personal and intense and there's guessing and we learn a lot. About what? About accents, about hot dogs, about magical sheds, about fame, and about friendship.  Topics include: Pick a Big One, Is Smelling a Good Party Trick, I'm Tarzan Boy, Music's Better Than Books, Pretty Decent Fake Teeth, and The Power of a Good Summer Jam. ***

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Or, search for us on SPOTIFY if you've ever thought about what you can do for a party trick.

The Good, The Bad, and The Answer. That's three things. Three things we'll be declaring madly on this week's Hypotheticast. Watch out, because in this one, David reveals some big time Tanner Secrets, Emily searches for words while disregarding instructions, and Mike decides to be the King of Atlantis.

Topics include: Put It In a Pocket, Put It In a Hole, Fluff Equals Cuddle and Cozy, The REAL JonBenet Ramsey Ghost, Jar Jar's House, The "Perfect" Planet, They Just Get Blasted, Freeze Tag is like Cold Meth, and Turtle Party.

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Or, search for us on SPOTIFY if you've ever seen a waterfall underwater.

One. Hundred. Episodes. 

We couldn't have done it without you. Or, well, we could have, but that's just called "people talking to each other." Thank you so much for sticking around until our greatly anticipated Sheds Episode. Now that we've talked about your favorite thing, Sheds, you can probably unsubscribe.

Topics include: George H.W. Bush Cancelled Barns, Hey Kids Come Talk to My Shed, I'm a Judy Lady, Not All Sheds Truly Live, The Cool Thing About Airplanes, E.T. Can Get It, Mike Will Be Sorry He Ever Was Born

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Or, search for us on SPOTIFY if you've ever written a song called Love Shed. 

A treat! A treat for you! Many treats, actually. We've got DARK STORIES comin' atcha this week, and I think you're going to like each one of them. They're jam-packed with the stuff kids crave: fatality, fishing, and friendship.

Topics include: Wave to Little Baby, David Loves Dollar Bills, I Don't Know Why Superman Died, The Blood is the Mans, Can You Imagine, and Their Friendship Was Important.

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Or, search for us on SPOTIFY if you think that your life is the subject of a Dark Story.

Oh, ho ho. Ho ho! He he! Come in. My hearth is warm, my heart is medium rare. Welcome to the first episode ever of Romantic Fallout, the show where we take randomly generated mythical creatures and make. them. kiss.

Topics include: You're Not That Small, Is That a Religion Joke, It's Hard to Know What a Sludge Thing Does, Ferret Pixie Death Girl, Evil Pinterest, and "Shrek Shrek 2." 

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Today! Look outside. What's it like? I don't know either. I destroyed all windows to the outside world long ago, for fun. Hi! Welcome to the Hypotheticast. It's us, that. And we're playing a New Game called Ex-Stream Roulette! We find random Amazon or Netflix titles, and then have to try to guess what they're about! We get very close, I promise.

Topics include: The Brave Little Toaster but with Home Rennovation, Becky the Backsplash, A Better Age to Be a Boy, He's Kinda Like a Baby, and I'm So Sad That's a Song.

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Or, search for us on SPOTIFY if you've got a better candidate for an Old Baby Man.

Hi! Ooh! You! It's you. We made something for you this week, and it's would-you-rather shaped. We baked it with the last of our flour, so we hope you enjoy the crispy-crunchy-peanut-buttery flavor. Asteroids is the theme! Asteroids! I hope you're ready to learn.

Topics include: Being Tom Bodett, She Is Baby, How Does Pac Man Move, Kill Me Now With An Asteroid, Unfinished Polish Business, Blast Through My Atmosphere, and Ripped Russian Kids.

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Or, search for us on SPOTIFY if you've got a Pinterest board you don't want anybody to see.

The fact that time doesn't exist anymore is really cool. You know what else is cool? 

YOU.  This week, we're playing Dark Stories, a game that's basically a series of mostly-inscrutable and some more-scrutable riddles. People piloting boats, people pointin' guns, people eatin' sandwiches? Wild. Listen in, to see if we can scrute them. 

Topics include: An Activity I Sort of Enjoyed as a Child, Finally Got his Chanch, Playin' Bartender with the Kids, Demon-Scaring Gun, Animal Crossing, Bedtime, and The Water Was the Boat.  ***

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Or, search for us on SPOTIFY if you think that the singer Tiny Tim is better than The Christmas Carol Tiny Tim.

Have you heard about dating? We remember. It's something people used to be able to do. And dumping. And DOing. Yeah, that's right. This episode is gonna get so nasty, wow, watch out, Mayors of Sextown are we. What I mean is: we're playing Do, Dump, Date! 

Topics include: Way More Wack, Workin' and Bein' Cute, I Can't Conceive of a Won't They, Sexy and Cool, The Car Smashed Him So Hard, Blow Daddy, and The Clickety Clack Challenge.

It's a wild time out there, y'all. We know it. You know it. So, snuggle in here and have some cozy, regular, normal, nothing different about it Hypotheticast. I hope you like these bad, boring, bottom-of-the-barrel Would You Rathers.

Topics include: Virus Traps, Staying In, A Movie with Snoop Dogg In It, Tanner the Information Boy, and She Ra.

*** Oh, and remember. Next Thursday, the 9th of April, is going to be our first LIVESTREAM SHOW where you'll be able to send in questions LIVE, just like you've always dreamed. Like us on Facebook and/or Instagram, and we'll be sharing the details. We promise.  ***

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Or, search for us on SPOTIFY if you think that you'd like to lose your whole life. 

We found something. On the internet.  bein.php">https://www.seventhsanctum.com/index-bein.php This website is magical, and you're about to witness the tip of the magical iceberg. We play a new, CLEARLY-named game called "Make'a N.O. Myth-s (Take)," in which we create whole mythologies around randomly generated creature names. Oh boy, this is a good car to drive. Jump in.

Topics include: Trying to Catch Teens Making Out, Darpest Deekest, Cops are Bad Detectives, A Hole in My Foot Hallucination, Snail Pressure Point Martial Arts, How Does It Do It, and Obsessed With That Rev Rev.

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Or, search for us on SPOTIFY if you think that you'd prefer just a Regular Blood Vampire.

Hello, all of you gorgeous human beans. Wow. Look at you. You're perfect.

These are stressful times. I hope you're all practicing good social distancing and helping those that need it. In the meantime, we're going to help YOU by making you laugh (or cry, you know, whatevs) with these St. Patrick's Day Would You Rathers! Yes yes yes, yes yes.  Topics include: Donkey Turn it Green, I'm a Large Area, Charlie McCarthyism, Makes Me Wanna Retch, I'm a Luxury Demon, and Yo Quiero Taco Bell.

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Or, search for us on SPOTIFY if you think that you'd adopt the Shamrock Shake as a son.

Haha, wow! It's Wednesday, one more time! It keeps happening, and we keep releasing these sound gems for you to chew on. This one, this time, is called Bee Coffin Fox Tot, and it's the thing we do where we take the Box Office Top Ten and have all sorts of fun mixin' em up. A blast? Why, yes. Yes it is.

Topics include: Peasants Are Forever, I'm Not a Soldier I'd Be Dead, The Dog Does Not Look So Good, A Guy That Jumped Out of Space, and For Dogs By Dogs.

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Or, search for us on SPOTIFY if you think that Tails deserves most of the credit for Sonic's ghostly adventures. 

Hypotheticast! That's the podcast. Hypothetikids! That's this episode!

If you're thinking "wait, isn't that the thing where Emily, Mike, and David read questions submitted by kids of fans, and they don't swear at all," wow you're incredibly right. That's exactly what we're doing.

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Or, search for us on SPOTIFY if you think that a car would actually be a pleasure to devour.

Most of us like the idea of a cool, chill, rad afterlife, with lots of wings and parties and buddies. That sort of stuff. But what will it REALLY look like? Thankfully, we're very smart, and we've figured it out for you. 

Topics include: Family Circus Hell, The Medium-Sized Prince, Your Planet is as Good as You Are, No Satan For You, Dave Van Dyke, They're All Minions, and a Bunch of Chris.

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Or, search for us on SPOTIFY if you think that Family Circus Hell should have actually existed. 

WOULD I RATHER. The game where you, and we, get to guess how Emily, Mike, and David would answer hypothetical questions! Yeah, dogg. Yeah. It's incredibly nice. But, like, maybe don't listen to this episode if you like Bambi or Winnie the Pooh. 

Topics include: The Moon Hates Us, Youth Man, Computer Teeth, Where's Bambi's Dick, Winnie the Pervert, Expensive Things, and Mike the Moon Fiend.

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Or, search for us on SPOTIFY if you think Winnie the Pooh murdered "Mr. Sanders. "

Red Flags! We've all seen them. And now we're making them happen, but in fiction. We're creating a ton of amazing dates to choose from, and then ruining them! Join us as we explore what it might be like to date cannibals, murderers, and people that quote Family Guy! Chilling.

Topics include: Maybe They Even Kill You As a Joke, Less Famous Dave: Cravin' Davin', I Think That's the Top One, and Late Night Cub Foods Jokes.

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Or, search for us on SPOTIFY if you think organic farming is more than carrot extraction. 

Welcome, you. To this cage. Come in, and listen to this collection of Would You Rathers about VALENTIMES. That's right, they're all about love and shit this time. Do you like it? Do you like that theme? I really hope you do, because if you don't, there are absolutely no consequences and you can just keep living your life and we'll respect you the exact same amount. Luh u.

Topics include: Birds Get Strong, Go Look at My Pasta, Red M&Ms, Heed My Line, and The Love Witch.

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Or, search for us on SPOTIFY if you think pasta is white. 

Augh, Wednesday is a sneaky one. This one almost got me! I was like, this close to falling into it, but instead, I used my amazing legs and I doinked out of the way. Amazing, you legs.

Today, we're having A Tournament! Three contests with randomly selected contestants and categories, and a final bonus road featuring actual murder! What? Oh, nothing.

Topics include: A Suck to Remember, Amelia Earhart Died Because of Alcohol, I Hate Snoopy but He Could Kill, and Grinding Bones to Make Bread. 

Congratulations! You made it all the way to Wednesday! And, of course, that means you've found a juicy episode of The Hypotheticast. We're playing one of our favorite games, "Would You Blank It!" We hadn't done it in a while, and the results were inspiring and incredible. Come, come see, and find out what sorts of things Emily would . . . read.

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Or, search for us on SPOTIFY if you think Henry would sound more like a 13-year-old boy swearing while playing Mario Kart. 

Oh, good golly. It's a Wednesday, isn't it? We're here to solve all your problems with a deck of KOHLS would-you-rathers! Sent to us by a wonderful listener, these randomly-generated WYRs really gave us a giggle and a half. Like, not two, but not one. Right in the middle, there. 

Topics include: Contain the Flames, The Man Who Changed It All, Study My Butt, Poopy in Your Butt Butt, and Just Climb In the Dishwasher. 

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Or, search for us on SPOTIFY if you think Baby Yoda is probably more like eight hundred.

Do. Dump. Date. The three ways to interact with anything. We're going to help you decide what sorts of people / things / instruments / memes to Do, Dump, and Date today! Sound fun? Oh, oh yes it does. It really does. Topics include: Assholes Look Good, Grandma Pianos, A Graveyard Smash, Cat Head Human Body, Dumping January Jones, and Distracting Sex.

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Or, search for us on SPOTIFY if you think Baby Yoda is probably more like 60.