In our last episode, we learn how to drink tea, build human towers, watch the sunset forever and find the Ian inside all of us.

We learn what happened to a two-thousand year-old toe, and what to do when our voices make you sick.

Devil In The White City author Erik Larson helps us write gooder, and we tell you how to snack silently at the movies.

Mark Bittman helps us answer a very creepy question, and we learn who's helping the Obamas move.

How to talk to fish and protect your yard signs.

We help you brush that dirt off your shoulder and get the most out of your Reese's.

We tell you how to get deep and how to fake childhood memories.

A listener needs help opening his Velcro bag quietly, so we call in the military.

How to get people to remember your name and find thousands of worms. Note: this episode talks about curse words but bleeps them out. It's educational, but there's a lot of cursing.

We tell you how to keep your fries crispy and make your friends cry.

How to lose to Usain Bolt by a slightly smaller margin, and another use for your bowling shoes.

How to endure hearing someone describe their dream.

How to bathe discreetly and get close to a panda.

How to pick a winner in a bear v. tiger fight, find an endangered species, and eat spicy food.

How to train your pet jellyfish and plan a wedding no one will forget.

With how-to advice from a bunch of Olympians and Patrick Stewart.

How to protect your cow and pull a loose tooth.

How to celebrate your new favorite holiday and enjoy the Summer Olympics.

How to talk to a dinosaur and survive a public bathroom.

How to have less fun at the beach, and how to enjoy graham crackers.

How to defend against the dark arts, call someone a jerk, and look cool around dads.

We help Ryan and Ryan, and learn what bees are thinking.

How to blend into the background, and harness the secret power of watermelon.

Why you do what you do when you've really gotta go.

How to keep score at a Cubs game and find the best seat on your next flight.

This week we save a marriage and improve the most awkward minute of your day.

This week we find out why EJ sings.

How AC/DC could save your life, and we defend weasels.

How to keep a secret, and how to say goodbye bye bye.

A 21st Century mom gets a visit from the 24th Century.

How to avoid a bad bee sting, get back at bad Facebook posters, and look cool when you're carrying a Trapper Keeper.

How to shake hands like a politician, free up space on your iPhone, and talk about golf.

The fun way to monitor air pollution and deal with an annoying co-worker.

How to defeat the Nazis and wind the Great Clock.

We talk to astronauts on the International Space Station, and help name a burrito restaurant here on earth.

How to start your day and clean the ceiling.

How to tell the presidential candidates apart and count seconds effectively.

How to actually enjoy yourself at the symphony, and sneak your name into your favorite TV show.

This episode has nothing to do with the movie "Love & Basketball."

Special guest Nick Offerman solves your biggest problem, and who to call when a killer asteroid is on its way.

How to make your food taste sweeter, and valentines that say Be Someone Else's.

How to leave a message, send a message, and destroy drones.

Boy, that title makes it seem like a different show this week. Note: this podcast contains no actual Donald Trump.

How to make s'mores in the most dangerous way possible, and how to make s'peace with your rooster.

How to sleep with the fishes and live like El Chapo.

How to talk about the stock market, get an elk out of your basement, and spoil SpaghettiOs.

How to deter thieves, tell a bedtime story, hum a song, and find sunken treasure.

How to celebrate Christmas in Catalonia, ruin French toast, and get a seat on the subway.

How to find giant insects, serve eggnog, and welcome extraterrestrials.

How to always win the wishbone pull, dodge awkward dinner conversations, and eat as much as possible.

How to distract someone you love, and a surprising discovery in Queen Elizabeth's art collection.

How to smuggle a live chicken, frighten your dentist, and hitchhike offensively.

How to stay awake during meetings, look sexy in a safety vest, and really smell something.

How to escape when you've been buried alive, and more. If you've been buried alive, though, just call 911 and listen to the episode later.

How to throw a really unsettling punch, scare someone, and delight children around the world.

How to survive a breakup, keep your bike from getting stolen, and count Davids.

How to defend yourself against monsters, lend money properly, and play a game of Crud. Also: a correction.

This week, we provide assistance to the Russian Government, and to two small children.

Pope Francis is visiting the US this week. We help him act like a local.

How to take a photograph of your cat, talk to your dog, talk to a British person, and talk to a British dog.

How much money is there on the planet? We investigate.

Ian visits a corpse flower, a stinky jungle plant which has been waiting 12 years to bloom.

We talk about the weather, but not in a boring way. We hope.

How to send secret messages, heal your wounds, and more.

How to stay cool in the summertime, and salt your food without salt.

This week we tell you how to choose the best name ever for your baby and investigate an old outhouse mystery.

A listener wants to know how not to get startled. Ian and Mike either help or make it worse.

This week we tell you how to get a fancy free hat and freak out your entire town.

We listen back to our interview with Sonia Sotomayor, we cure brain freeze, and the Fonz himself helps you look cool.

Ian and Mike are out of the office. They talk about it, then they change the world, then they play some old segments.

How to defeat your winged enemies and prove how good you are at the bongos.

How to take beautiful photographs of your cat, and how to digest your food. Plus, we say goodbye to a beloved colleague. Not Gillian. We already said goodbye to Gillian.

How to conduct yourself around pie, and how to name your bird.

We help you relax, and help you become a fossil. Plus, some words of encouragement as you enter the final days of the exclamation point fast.

How to make sense of what your computer is saying, make an uneasy pengiun comfortable, and use up old newspapers. Plus we have a tip to get you through the last week of our Exclamation Point Fast.

We help endangered penguins carry on their species, and we help you make small talk with kids. Plus: our Exclamation Point Fast continues, with catastrophic results.

How to make a mountain shorter and a new use for bacon. Plus, we check in on our exclamation point fast.

How to find alternatives for the f-word, cook your chicken in the most spectacular way possible, and stop using exclamation points! That was our last one.

How to celebrate without getting everyone else sick and the fastest way to get published in the New York Times.

How to make your pregnancy more exciting and the Olympics more competitive.

How to wake up, celebrate your birthday properly, and shoot a free throw. This is not an April Fool's Day episode. Were we supposed to do an April Fool's Day episode?

How to become Cheetah Boy, and a warning about lipstick.

How to get the milk you want and deserve, and the truth about asparagus.

A cow is rescued, and a nose is picked.

How to beat the winter, find love, and make the Olympic team.

We help you get unstuck and survive your walk to work.

This week we help you find your seat without bothering the people around you.

How to drive a rally car, bluff convincingly, and look pretty when you get your picture taken.

This week, how to never miss a meeting, decide if your shark needs pants, and more.

How to keep your cereal from getting soggy, and we make a very interesting dip for the big sporting event with the misshapen ball that will be played on Sunday and shall not be named.

How to stop that email you shouldn't have sent, and how to swim a lap. Plus: a friend in need is a friend indeed.

This week we solve an age-old spinach mystery and help out the FBI. Plus football predictions from Gillian!

How to crack a case, and how to build a really, really, really big Lego model.

This episode is only for cows. Humans are advised to skip this and listen to one of our many human-focused episodes instead. 

Cows, it turns out, hate the sound of cowbells. We try and help out our bovine friends. 

This week a Ninja Master gives Santa some tips on sneaking around and how to make 2015 the best year ever.

A listener is getting laser hair removal, and it hurts. A lot. Mike and Ian help her deal with the pain, with some help from the toughest people they could find. 

This week we tell you how to punch someone in the face without hurting anyone and get solar power the Jackie Chan way.

We're out of the office this week, but we've put together a few Thanksgiving-ish howtos from past shows. 

How to survive family time this Thanksgiving. Plus, the moving walkway is coming to an end.