Alright, class, settle down! I said SETTLE DOWN. Tom, give me your eraser. If you can’t keep it out of your ear, you don’t deserve to erase anything! Okay, good, good. Now listen up!

Welcome to high school! Friendlytown High School! You’re going to enter a world of new experiences here! You’re going to learn a lot! You’re going to notice that the Mayors are also our Teachers. Don’t worry about that! They have a lot to teach you! They know all the best subjects! Music! History! Hummus Control! We have it all! You will learn so much under our school mascot, the Pissgoblins, guidance! You’re Friendlytown’s florescent light tubes, flickering at the future in uncertainty! Together, we can replace that tube! Eventually! We’ll put in a maintenance request for it! Together!

We have a Friendlytown Bandshell, so why don’t we have an Orchestra as well, like those snoots in Chum Village? Well, now we will!! Friendlytown is Holding Orchestra Auditions! Can you play Handel? What about that “pork, it’s what’s for dinner” song? Literally, can you play anything or at least try? Bring your instrument and wow your conductor, Friedrich Applebottom (or his non-union equivalent) because WE NEED A FIRST CHAIR EVERYTHING!

We here at Friendlytown believe that any home can really class itself up with the simple installment of some wood paneling. All it takes is a little know-how, elbow grease, good ol Friendlytown stick-to-it-iveness, and kidnapping Bob Vila and holding him for ransom now that all those Hostage Negotiators are on vacation after their string of victories from last week.

There were suddenly nine different hostage situations in Friendlytown, so it was time for the Friendlytown Bureau of Investigation to step in and (attempt to) save the day!

Come support small Friendlytown business and meet Regina, the valedictorian of the first graduating class from the new Beauty and Firefighting Academy of Greater Friendlytown! She’ll make your nails look ah-ma-zing while dispensing homegrown advice.

Friendlytown Film Studios (FFS) are out of ideas! We don’t have enough money to adapt whatever novel we could rescue from the bottom of the best-seller list, and unless we repeal that pesky by-law about filmmaking in Friendlytown (oh god we’re trying) sequels are illegal! Also, we lost so much money on that disastrous rockumentary about David Lee Awesome that it doesn’t bear repeating.

That’s why we need YOU to bring us your most fanciful ideas for a film (any genre works, within reason/legality) that we can make to make a bundle for FFS. Those debts aren’t going to pay themselves off! Visuals (powerpoints, sizzle reels) are a plus but not necessary because this is somewhat short notice.

Friendlytown’s most reputable scientist has come up with a time machine and a plan to fix history and prevent the destruction of the entire world. Jury duty is a breeze compared to being randomly selected by your local government to be sent through time to alter the space time continuum.

Unfortunately, we haven’t smoothed out all the wrinkles in time-travel yet. We have no idea who’s going to be sent where or who they’ll meet along the way until they’re already in the Time Machine. Experience a night full of surprises, strange scenarios, and an unethical use of city funding!

This show featured a smorgasbord of city council members performing a smorgasbord of our different themes and concepts from the past year of shows. We also shared some memories, ate cake, and continued justifying our existence as a comedy show!! Mayor Sean also unveiled THE NEW FRIENDLYTOWN FLAG AND CREST.

After all the other Friendlytown legal professionals got thrown out of a bar, disbarred and washed away in a flood, the only one left, Andrew McNicholas has been swamped in phone calls, emails, letters, carrier pigeons, text messages, and cryptic graffiti asking everything from how to get away with murder to how to file for a divorce. This week he’s asked during the city council meeting to have the citizens come with any and all of their legal quandaries in order that he may solve them all at once so he can drink a 40 in peace.

Join us in Friendlytown as we try to pick the best way to launder all the money generously donated to us by our supporters during a telethon we did recently (note: NOT the one from Sunday. Some other telethon. It happened that time you were out of town. Now stop asking questions).

How should we invest all of these profi- I mean, proceeds? What stocks in the Friendlytown Offshore Stock Hedge Operation (FO-SHO) are looking the best? Are those pork futures looking safer this time around? The last thing we’d want to have to do is call Dustin Meadows back to down to take care of another hot dog surplus this Fall…. but anyway, tell a friend about the show but not any details. Gotta keep our noses clean here in Friendlytown.