- Publisher |
- Ann Friedman and Aminatou Sow
- Media Type |
- audio
- Podknife tags |
- Feminist,
- Friendship,
- News & Politics,
- Society & Culture
- Categories Via RSS |
- Society & Culture
- People |
- Country Of Origin |
- USA
- Produced In |
- Los Angeles, CA
- Premiere Date |
- 2014-05-09
- Frequency |
- Biweekly
- Explicit |
- Yes
5.0
- 5 Star1
- 4 Star0
- 3 Star0
- 2 Star0
- 1 Star0
We say goodbye, in the final episode of Call Your Girlfriend. In typical fashion, we're going out talking about how friends have been helping us get through the pandemic, the never-ending furor over Joe Rogan, and what podcasts we're loving. If you're looking to subscribe to something new, check out Do You Know Mordechai, Sweet Bobby, and Like a Virgin. Plus, what we're going to do next, and some of your voicemails.
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We're not dead yet! Aminatou talks with legendary podcast, poet and essayist Nichole Perkins about navigating relationships as a Black woman, desire, boundaries, longing, and much more as we chat about her new book, Sometimes I Trip on How Happy We Could Be.
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Is there anything you miss from before the internet? Reading, focus, getting lost, filing cabinets, are just a few of the things New York Times Book Review editor Pamela Paul discusses with us. Her new book is 100 Things We've Lost to the Internet.
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A different kind of newsy episode with Aminatou, Ann and Gina.
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We talk with one of our favorite writers, The New Yorker's Ariel Levy, about dynastic wealth, how we experience grief, and big surprises in life, including the joys of getting older and having children. Her podcast that chronicles maternity wear icon Liz Lange, of the New York Steinbergs is The Just Enough Family.
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Can’t be that hard, right? We pass the mic to Nereya Otieno, one of Ann’s 2021 writing fellows, who sits down with two women who have started initiatives to improve the lives of a select few in hopes that it can spark a radical shift.
Tia Korpe is the founder of Future Female Sounds, a nonprofit organization based in Copenhagen that aims to make DJing accessible to women and gender-minorities everywhere. Cybille St. Aude-Tate is a chef and children’s book author and the co-founder of Honeysuckle Projects, a multifaceted endeavor to engage community and lineage through nourishment with Afrocentric ideologies at the center. And Nereya is in the process of starting Rising Artist Foundation, an organization to give grants to musicians who typically fall outside the existing funding system. They all redefine the idea of entrepreneurship as an act in service of community.
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We talk with Mayukh Sen about seven immigrant women who remade American cuisine and his new book, Taste Makers. Plus, racism in the worlds of food writing and publishing and who gets to break out.
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Women over 50 are too often erased, including on this very podcast. Grace Bonney has been collecting inspiration and advice from women of more advanced experience in her new book, Collective Wisdom. She's gathered interviews and intergenerational conversations with over 100 trailblazing women, who describe the ups, downs, and lessons learned while forging their unique paths.
Grace Bonney founded Design*Sponge, a daily website dedicated to the creative community, and Good Company, a print magazine at the intersection of creativity and business. In 2019, she shuttered both of these publications to focus more on in-person community, and she’s currently in graduate school training to become a therapist. She is the author of In the Company of Women: Inspiration and Advice from Over 100 Makers, Artists, and Entrepreneurs.
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Grief can come in so many forms and impact us in unexpected ways. Illustrator and designer Ngaio Parr knows all too well, having lost four family members in four years. Retreating from family and friends? Strange physical symptoms? Suddenly seeing things everywhere that echo a lost loved one? All these normal forms of grieving can be confusing in a world that's all too ready to have you move on. To help, Ngaio has designed and illustrated The Grief Companion, a deck of cards with beautiful abstract watercolor images with prompts, insights and actions, for the moments when you can only do a little bit at a time. Plus, we discuss how to be there for friends who are grieving.
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Yasi Salek's podcast Bandsplain has us listening to music like teens again, with obsessive curiosity about whole albums and the quirks and life stories that draw us into the artists we come to love, or learn more about canonical artists we never understood.
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George McCalman is an artist, a writer, an illustrator, and a designer. This man does it ALL. He spent many years as a magazine creative director, shaping the look and feel of publications such as Mother Jones, Readymade, Afar. Then he opened up his own studio, McCalman Co, where he collaborates on branding, design, and editorial projects. This year his work was nominated for a National Design Award for communication design. He’s a writer. He shows his fine art in galleries. He created the Observed column for the San Francisco Chronicle, in which he illustrated his observations of the city’s cultural life. Recently, he worked on chef Bryant Terry’s new book, Black Food, which is a gorgeous tribute to the foodways of the African diaspora and is out next week. George is also deep in the work of creating Illustrated Black History: Honoring the Iconic and the Unseen, which will be out next year.
LINKS
Return to Sender / Tell Me Three Things I Can Do
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How fixed are we in our ways of being and doing things? We're always confronting change, but how much can we choose it? These are some of the big ideas through small moments Jade Chang tackles in her Audible Original, You've Already Changed Your Life: A Recipe for a Revelation. Jade is a friend of the podcast, deep thinker, and author of the excellent novel, The Wangs vs. The World.
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In a special episode brought to you by Rewire News Group, we go deep on the conservative push to regulate and ban abortion in Texas and Mississippi with Imani Gandy and Jessica Mason Pieklo of the Boom Lawyered podcast.
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Emily Ladau and Kelly Dawson return to dispel dull narratives around disability and go beyond the 101. How coping with fragility creates resilience. How friendships deepen with the knowing and trust that disabled people share. What allyship looks like to them as physically disabled women. The hypocrisies of non-disabled people's reactions to COVID, and, in its wake, how we can all look more closely at what it means to live a full life.
LINKS:
Emily’s new book, Demystifying Disability
Demystifying Disability, Emily and Kelly’s 2019 conversation for CYG
On becoming friends with a non-disabled person - Cup of Jo
What is disabled motherhood like? - Cup of Jo
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Dr. Anita Hill made history in 1991 when she testified to the Senate Judiciary committee about the sexual harassment perpetrated against her by Clarence Thomas. After the all-white, all-male committee led by then-Senator Joe Biden heard Dr. Hill's testimony, Clarence Thomas was confirmed to the US Supreme Court.
In the 30 years since, Anita Hill has spent her career as a law professor hearing from survivors of gender-based violence, ranging from harassment (which she expected) to assault. In her new book, Believing, she connects the dots between the systems that empower abuse and minimize vulnerable people, and the culture that keeps us as bystanders. From that history, she tackles the policy solutions we'll need to reform the system from the inside and the social courage we'll need to muster to transform it.
As Dr. Hill's book focuses on gender-based violence and discrimination, there is factual discussion in this episode about the existence of sexual harassment, assault and abuse. Survivors, please take good care when listening.
Links:
Anita Hill’s opening statement in her 1991 testimony
biden-anita-hill.html">Biden expresses regret to Anita Hill
From the CYG archive: Joe Biden Problems
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A simple question with loaded answers.
On today's episode, we unravel a few of those knots with Courtney Martin and Dr. Dena Simmons, whose interracial friendship has weathered distance, accountability, academic rigor, heartbreak, and mutual support. They met over a decade ago when Courtney profiled Dena for her book about young activists, Do It Anyway. At the time, Dena was a classroom teacher. Since then she has earned her PhD and is writing her own book about breaking up with whiteness, the forthcoming White Rules for Black People.
Dena also gave Courtney notes on a subsequent book, Learning in Public, about Courtney's decision to send her white child to her neighborhood school in Oakland, rather than seeking a private school or other public school that centered whiteness. Dena's notes and questions to Courtney are included in footnotes and strikeouts in the main text.
This is a conversation about building better schools, deeper community, and how friendship can be at the heart of our activism.
Learning in Public by Courtney Martin
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Don't today's conspiracy theories make UFOs and JFK conspiracy theories seem quaint, almost sweet? Dr. Stacy Wood breaks down how independent communities of belief have accelerated online. It's not only the fault of social media, but as we reorganize how we search and find information, Facebook, YouTube, Google, and others are all part of how we have become so entrenched in our beliefs.
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Comedy and art criticism don't exactly sound like parallel career paths. But after bouncing from a freelance hustle to a fancy art world job to improv classes, Christina Catherine Martinez realized she wanted to do both. We talk about how she navigates making a life and a career as an intellectual and a comedian, how alike those performances are on social media, and how power and money infect everything. One place she is sharing her voice is in her book, Aesthetical Relations.
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As OnlyFans flips and flops on the sex workers that built its platform, we revisit our interview with Lorelei Lee on the history of sex work legislation. Lorelei is a writer and performer who discusses how sex work is neither purely exploitative nor purely empowering. Instead, like all work, it's complicated.
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Miranda Bennett has long been one of our favorite designers. We discuss how she got started making and selling clothes, how she balances running a sustainable business with keeping the lights on, and tips for shopping sustainably (even though we know there is no ethical consumption under capitalism).
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Our summer of friendship continues with Kate Spencer and Doree Shafrir, hosts of the podcast Forever35. While we love their conversations about serums and budget-friendly makeup tips, we come and stay for their deep friendship, which started on the internet and was partly cemented at a CYG live show. Doree and Kate are both writers. Doree's memoir is Thanks for Waiting: The Joy (& Weirdness) of Being a Late Bloomer. Kate's book is The Dead Moms Club: A Memoir about Death, Grief, and Surviving the Mother of All Losses.
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From Matt Damon to Andrew Cuomo to gender testing at the Olympics, we do a quick survey of men in the news behaving badly.
Links
-
Amanda Knox on Damon’s Stillwater
-
Rebecca Traister cuomo-misconduct-allegations.html">told us!
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We talk about finding and maintaining boundaries, why the world makes it easier for some people than others, how boundaries help us be in community with others, and how grateful we are for boundary possibility models like Simone Biles and Naomi Osaka.
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More from our Summer of Friendship series, where a few of our favorite podcasters tell us how they met, times their friendship has been stretched, and how they grow together. This week, dear pals Camilla Blackett and Priyanka Mattoo of the Foxy Browns podcast.
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As we continue our Summer of Friendship series, a few of our favorite podcasters tell us how they met, times their friendship has been stretched, and how they grow together. This week, Idelisse Malavé and Joanne Sandler aka Two Old Bitches!
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As part of our Summer of Friendship series, a few of our favorite podcasters tell us how they met, times their friendship has been stretched, and how their off-air and on-air friendship is different. This week, iconic bestie entrepreneurs Claire Mazur and Erica Cerulo of A Thing or Two.
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Aminatou and Ann's book Big Friendship is available in paperback July 6, so to celebrate we're doing our second Summer of Friendship series. We catch up and kick off chatting through our recent forays back into the world, which friends we're seeing, how we work through the emotional distance with close friends and acquaintances, and how we're approaching boundaries and travel while it seems possible.
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Jordan and Gina round out Pride with a followup to our Bi Bi Bi episode from 2018. We hear from Divinity (@officiallydivinity) who identifies as bisexual, gray ace, and aromantic and how those labels coalesce for her. Divinity has amazing things to share about friendship. love, sex, connection, and becoming your brightest, fullest self. For those who are struggling to come out or are feeling like their bi identity is invisible in their relationships, we see and love you.
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Queer women aren't exclusively looking for longterm monogamous love - but some are! As part of our Pride series, a lockdown lesbian love story featuring musician Abby Diamond and actor and director Rachel Cora Wood.
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We talk with Torrey Peters about her breakout novel, Detransition, Baby, full of queer characters finding and defining family, and why she dedicated it to divorced cis women. Plus, a bunch of great reading recommendations for books by trans authors.
Reading List:
Detransition, Baby by Torrey Peters
An Unkindness of Ghosts by River Solomon
Lote by Shola Von Reinhold
Time is the Thing a Body Moves Through by T Fleischmann
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On this month's agenda: exploring queer identities with CYG producers Gina Delvac and Jordan Bailey. First up, we hear from queer sex therapist Casey Tanner about questioning your sexuality or gender identity, coming out, and dating when you're first exploring a queer identity. This is a great episode to share with anyone who is excited about a new attraction or label, but scared about being new or taking up too much space. Welcome; there's room for you in our queer family.
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As more of us can step back into the world and look at art in person, we discuss the role (and responsibility) of an art curator with Helen Molesworth, formerly of MOCA in Los Angeles, and host of the podcast Recording Artists.
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You know that friend you can get real with about therapy, shedding the hard parts of your childhood, and how to take the next steps in your life? Ashley C. Ford is that and more to so many, in how shares of herself online, in her podcasts, and now her new memoir, Somebody's Daughter.
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As we emerge back into the world, how long will we live with COVID? Will it be like HIV/AIDS? We talk to people who have been closely involved in AIDS activism and responding to the coronavirus: Mathew Rodriguez and Leisha McKinley-Beach.
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Death, sex, money, family and identity. How do we start and receive the hardest conversations that emerge in our lives? The one-and-only Anna Sale of Death, Sex and Money is here to talk us though it and her new book, Let's Talk About Hard Things.
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We have all had to find different ways to cope, and for those with creative practices, they are often evolving. For friend of the podcast and artist Kenesha Sneed, that has meant moving among media and the many different roles her art has played in her life - from joyful personal expression to income-generating job to outlet for grief. You may know her design work, her paintings, or her work in clay. Now Kenesha has written and illustrated a children's book, Many Shapes of Clay: A Story of Healing.
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Home cook and author Julia Turshen joins us to discuss pandemic cooking fatigue, why the stories behind recipes matter, and how she learned to love cooking and eating. Her latest cookbook is Simply Julia: 110 Easy Recipes for Healthy Comfort Food.
LINKS
Simply Julia: 110 Easy Recipes for Healthy Comfort Food / Get a signed copy from Oblong Books
Julia’s go-to cookbook: Snacking Cakes
Keep Calm and Cook On podcast
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We're easing our way back from our break with Bolu Babalola, author of the delightful collection of romantic stories that center Black women, Love in Color.
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Taxes are scary but getting free money from the government is great. CYG's accountant and the force behind Taxes for Artists, Claudia Yi León returns to tell us all about how to deal with the wild year of unemployment and (non)income that was 2020. From PPP loans (freelancers, you can still get one) to extended filing deadlines (May 17) to claiming your stimulus payment if you didn't file 2019 taxes, this episode is packed with info. Cross-reference our notes at callyourgirlfriend.com and follow @taxesforartists for all the latest.
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What better time to be lifting up the people we love and growing together? Brooke Baldwin of CNN joins us to discuss the groups of women - or huddles - that make collective change happen at work, in activism, sports, and our personal lives. And we revisit our own notion of Shine Theory.
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You should never pee when you laugh. You can see a midwife for non-pregnancy health exams like pap smears. And you can even insert your own speculum at the gynecologist if that makes you more comfortable. We revisit all the things we learned about pelvic health from our Pelvic Power episode.
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Samantha Power served as the US ambassador to the United Nations in the Obama administration and has been nominated by President Biden to serve as administrator to USAID. We revisit our 2019 interview full of hard and candid truths about what she was and wasn't able to accomplish, especially in Syria.
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It doesn't feel like a great time for pleasure, but that's exactly why we need it, right now. We revisit our interview with adrienne maree brown, author of Pleasure Activism, Emergent Strategy, and most recently, We Will Not Cancel Us.
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Getting real about recognizing burnout, how it's different from similar feelings like depression, and how ambition means more than working constantly.
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A planned tar sands pipeline through Northern Minnesota crosses tribal land and would disrupt waterways and wild rice cultivation. Tara Houska is Ojibwe, an attorney, an environmental and indigenous rights advocate, and has a long history on the land Line 3 would travel through.
Links:
Tara Houska on Twitter
Giniw Collective on Twitter
Tara Houska TED Talk
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Poet, artist and activist Cleo Wade feels deeply and writes movingly about growing up, finding ourselves, and having good boundaries with the people in our lives and our social feeds.
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The NYT's Caity Weaver joins us to discuss her love of Santa Fe, television, pronouncing words correctly, and how her insatiable curiosity compels her to find out how glitter is made. Plus, in her many celebrity profiles: who tried to pick up the check, who was beautiful in person, and who smells amazing.
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This episode is all about comfort in challenging times and staying true to yourself. We talk with a paragon of creating cozy feelings, Jenny Han, the author behind the book and Netflix series To All the Boys I've Loved Before.
How to decide what to say yes to?
How do you take time for yourself?
How do you deal with gatekeepers (usually white) who want to see characters of color grappling more directly with their racial identity?
What can we expect from the final To All the Boys movie?
Which Little Women character are you?
All this AND Aminatou confesses that she is squeamish about romances like Pride and Prejudice and Bridgerton.
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Is it childish to call people Best Friends? Who holds the various keys to our hearts and identities? And what dreams of the past and future are getting us through the pandemic? Aminatou discusses travel, religion, finding ourselves and how we use coded language to find our people with Jedidiah Jenkins. His new book Like Streams to the Ocean is out Feb 2.
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We discuss the inauguration celebrity parade, the fallacy of calls for "unity," Melania's caftan, Bernie's mittens, and "We will be back in some form."
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We’re reading fiction, nonfiction, essays and anxiety-producing novels.
The Eagles of Heart Mountain: a True Story of Football, Incarceration, and Resistance in World War II America by Bradford Pearson
Red Pill by Hari Kunzru
The Resisters by Gish Jen
Black Futures by Kimberly Drew and Jenna Wortham
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The new year has already been more of a lot. Amid so many challenges, here are the practices, advice, and rituals we're bringing with us into 2021. CYG producer Jordan Bailey shares her rituals for letting go of the old year and welcoming a new one. Sabrina Hersi Issa, whose personal inventory days may have already changed your life when she last spoke to us in 2018, is back to teach us about coming home to ourselves. Beth Pickens is keeping a death journal while hosting a new podcast and Homework Club for artists. Plus, Aminatou's decision matrix and Ann's daily writing practice.
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Crawling to the finish line of 2020, we catch up and reflect on what parts of our pandemic routines we may keep as we move into 2021.
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As cases spike in the U.S., we talk to one of our favorite consent experts, sex and dating coach Myisha Battle, about how to have the COVID talk with friends, family, and potential romantic prospects.
The first season of Myisha's podcast, Dating White, is out now.
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How do you get more deeply involved in a cause you care about? Especially when it's an issue as challenging as homelessness? We talk with Melissa Acedera who practices mutual aid through Polo's Pantry, a mobile food bank in Los Angeles.
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We are enjoying this slow season, grateful for what we have and opening our wallets for those who experience food insecurity. In the first of two episodes about food justice, we discuss our Thanksgiving feels and talk with Ebony Derr, financial manager at the Okra Project, which nourishes Black trans people with meals and community. Plus, our favorite Thanksgiving movies, what we're eating, and flashpoint feelings around okra (the food itself).
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Purging our archives, mailing care packages in lieu of clothing swaps, confronting our own consumerism, who we imagine perusing our estate sales, secret talents, and some delightful things we're watching (including cults and sexy chess of course).
Watch List:
- The Queen’s Gambit (Netflix)
- Both versions of The Thomas Crown Affair
- The Vow (HBO Max)
- Seduced (Hulu)
- The Great British Bake Off (Netflix)
- My Octopus Teacher (Netflix)
- Golden Girls (Hulu)
- The Host (Hulu)
- Kramer vs. Kramer
- Everything on Criterion
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Joe Biden and Kamala Harris won. We break away from our stress puzzling to celebrate this win. While there's so much work to be done, seeing Kamala on stage Saturday night was very moving. We revisit our 2018 interview with then Senator, now VP-elect Harris. And we are pleased to announce this officially breaks the CYG curse of only highlighting candidates who do not ultimately win!
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As we await final results, we share our election week feels and discuss some of the racist scams that undergird the American electoral system - like the Electoral College itself - with Heather McGhee, author of the forthcoming book, The Sum of Us: What Racism Costs Everyone and How We Can Prosper Together. Plus, the local gains, newly minted officials and old timers (like Nebraska's Ernie Chambers) who are giving us hope.
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The Guerrilla Girls have been resisting sexism and racism through art for the last 30 years. An anonymous collective of gorilla-mask bedecked agitators, their campaigns have ranged from protests to posters, billboards, and museum interventions. With style, humor, and collective action, they call attention to issues rich and powerful institutions would rather side-step. All the members take pseudonyms after dead women artists. We talked with founding members Frida Kahlo and Käthe Kollwitz about the body of work collected in a new book: Guerrilla Girls: The Art of Behaving Badly.
As we all grit our teeth for Election Day, we wanted to hear from people who have been deeply engaged in changing systems, for the long haul.
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Activists and artists were waking up each day in anger and despair after Trump's election. Alongside actions and demonstrations, groups started forming around the country to gather, protest, and sing. In the first episode about the art of resistance, we listen to the voices (spoken and sung) of two choirs: the Resistance Revival Chorus in New York City and Community Chorus in Los Angeles.
LINKSEmma Goldman: "If I can't dance to it, it's not my revolution" The Resistance Revival Chorus: This JoyNelini StampSarah Sophie FlickerCommunity ChorusTany LingCarolyn Pennypacker Riggs
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We contemplate a VC-backed startup for women who need to scream into pillows. A brief discussion of the Supreme Court nomination of the latest Judge Who Must Not Be Named. Fortunately, Rebecca Traister's work on the political power of women's anger is always timely, as we revisit our 2018 interview with her (and the unfortunately still-relevant fury of the Kavanaugh nomination).
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In this latest season of the pandemic (end of season 3?), we're trying to find joy where we can: guava cocktails, vintage golf clothes, journaling, repetition, boredom, and the future.
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Managing our election anxiety and getting out the vote. Does phone banking, text banking, and making a voting plan really move the needle? We find out with Crooked Media political director Shaniqua McClendon.
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Do you need something to read (and take your mind away from doom-scrolling)? We talk with Nessa Rapport about her novel Evening and Alice Wong, editor of the anthology, Disability Visibility.
We're also reading (or re-reading): Zadie Smith essays, NK Jemisin's Broken Earth trilogy, Angela's Ashes, and Parakeet by Marie-Helene Bertino.
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How can we create change from within institutions? We talk with longtime civil rights activist, Pramila Jayapal, who was elected to Congress in 2016 about her work with the Congressional Progressive Caucus, pushing for change within the Democratic Party. Plus, the challenging pace of change within government and the prospects for better federal policy to support immigrants, people out of work, and Black and brown communities devastated by police violence and other structures of white supremacy. We also discuss the viral moment in a 2019 hearing, when she reflected on being the parent of a non binary child. Rep. Jayapal's new book is Use the Power You Have.
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We're engulfed in crises: caregiving, police violence, employment, and an election. These may feel like unprecedented times, and yet, some of our favorite guests have been experts and activists who tackle these issues. We listen back to excerpts from Ai-jen Poo of the National Domestic Workers Alliance on caregiving, journalist Annie Lowery on guaranteed income, Josie Duffy Rice on the criminal justice system's impacts on women, and Stacey Abrams on how all of us can lead, beginning from our own experiences and circumstances.
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What does attraction mean, specifically for people who don't experience sexual attraction? Angela Chen joins us to talk about her book Ace: What Asexuality Reveals about Desire, Society and the Meaning of Sex.
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Friendships that stretch into years and decades hold a special place in our lives, and require special tending. As we conclude our Summer of Friendship series, we hear about your big friendships that have gone the distance.
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We often see people don’t have time for friends as life gets busier: Hint hint, it’s capitalism and patriarchy making you feel that way. And we interview author Mia Birdsong on building the communities and relationships we actually want, rather than those we’ve been told to want.
Links
How We Show Up: Reclaiming Family, Friendship, and Community
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Difficult patches, communication breakdowns, and periods of estrangement are part of a LOT of important relationships, and friendships are no exception. We discuss our breakdown and why we had to go to therapy to start fixing it. And therapist Miriam Kirmayer shares tips for navigating conflict in friendship.
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This week we’re taking a break from our Summer of Friendship to bring you a very special guest: Zadie Smith!! Zadie Smith is the author of the novels White Teeth, The Autograph Man, On Beauty, NW, and Swing Time, as well as two collections of essays, Changing My Mind and Feel Free. Her latest is Intimations.
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Race plays out differently in every friendship. And not all interracial relationships involve a Black person and a white person, but ours does.
As Wesley Morris wrote in his memorable review of the forgettable movie Ted 2:
"For people of color, some aspect of friendship with white people involves an awareness that you could be dropped through a trapdoor of racism at any moment, by a slip of the tongue, or at a campus party, or in a legislative campaign. But it’s not always anticipated. You don’t expect the young white man who’s been seated alongside you in a house of worship to take your life because you’re black. Nor do you expect that a movie about an obscene teddy bear would invoke a sexual stereotype forced upon you the way Kunta Kinte was forced to become “Toby.” "
Wesley talked with Aminatou about the trapdoors of interracial friendship, Joe Biden, friend breakups, and yes, Ted 2, in an interview we recorded while writing Big Friendship in 2019.
Links:
-
Wesley Morris is a critic-at-large for The New York Times and the co-host of one of our favorite podcasts, Still Processing.
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Pat Parker: For the white person who wants to know how to be my friend
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We stretch when we grow with, and in response to, a friend. But it can be hard to figure out: How do you know how much to give to a friendship—and take from it? We talk to therapist Jordan Pickell about interdependence and the blurry line between leaning on friends and asking too much of them.
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We did not write a “female friendship” book, but we are indeed two women. And our friendship has been both strengthened and threatened by the ways we communicate. We interview linguist Deborah Tannen, whose book You’re the Only One I Can Tell: Inside the Language of Women's Friendships was a touchstone for us—explaining concepts like "story of sameness," one way that some friends bond by finding similarities in each other's lives. Catch the virtual book tour and get a copy of Big Friendship at bigfriendship.com
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Days away from the release of Big Friendship, Aminatou and Ann share key definitions from the book and read a passage about a very challenging time in their friendship, early in the life of this podcast. Catch the virtual book tour and get a copy at bigfriendship.com
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We learn about young Aminatou and Ann from Faith and Bridget, our high-school besties—who both remain close friends today.
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We kick off a summer dedicated to friendship—its joys and its difficulties—as we get ready for the release of Big Friendship. On this episode, we talk about our friendship origin story, and interview our mutual friend Dayo Olopade about how she knew we'd hit it off. Also, we're looking for your voicemails about long-term friendship—stories about difficult patches you've survived, and also your questions for us about keeping friendships strong in the long term. Leave us a message at (714) 681-2943.
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On the conflict between outward facing antiracist messaging (ads, content, “solidarity” statements) and internal office behavior: who’s hired, who’s promoted, who’s given a raise, how Black people feel at your place of work, whose ideas are supported and welcomed—in media, and beyond.
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We talk with queen of gossip and media literacy Lainey Gossip about the meaning of gossip, the royals, how covering celebrity has changed, knowing your worth in your work, and the empire she's launched her site LaineyGossip.com.
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It's been a week. Amid uprisings and violent police suppression, we turn to Mariame Kaba. Mariame is a longtime police and prison abolitionist, educator, and organizer who has been doing the day-in, day-out work of activism and opposing state-sponsored violence since the early 2000s.
If you've been wondering: what's police abolition? what's prison abolition? why not simply reform or defund police departments? how do I commit myself to racial justice? what does a post-police future look like? is there room for hope?
...this episode is for you.
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The inimitable Maurice Harris joins us to discuss his creative origins, how he started using flowers in art, being a small business owner in the time of corona, and his new show Centerpiece.
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In the second of two parts, we discuss Tara Reade's sexual assault allegation against Joe Biden with Vox's Laura McGann who spoke with Tara when she came to her in 2019 with a different complaint about abuse of power in Biden's Senate office. Plus, how Biden makes progressives complicit in his pattern of non-consensual behavior, why you may or may not vote for him, and how we can be re-center survivors in our discourse.
Links:
Laura McGann on reporting out Tara Reade's allegations
Rebececa Traister onbiden-trap-woman-vice-president.html"> the Biden Trap for women politicians
Stacey Abrams' Biden endorsement
AOC's Biden comments
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Throughout public life, Joe Biden has claimed to stand for women. His long career from the Senate to the Vice Presidency to presumptive Democratic nominee can paint a very different picture. In the first of two episodes, we discuss key moments that give us pause about Joseph Robinette Biden, Jr.
1991: Biden mishandles Anita Hill's testimony during Clarence Thomas's confirmation hearings as chair of the Senate Judiciary committee.
1994: Biden uses the Violence Against Women Act as character witness, a shield from backlash against his treatment of Professor Hill. VAWA was situated within the crime bill and tended to focus on training law enforcement and judges, stopping short of addressing the broader scale of violence women confront.
2016: Speaks at the United State of Women conference to a packed room of gender equality advocates, among them untold numbers of survivors, and us, describing his work on the Violence Against Women Act and recounting numerous instances of violence against women in borderline lewd, graphic terms.
2019: Announces his campaign and calls Anita Hill. Professor Hill was not impressed with his apology and shared some pointers for how he might make amends.
Throughout his career: inappropriately grabs, touches and hugs women in congressional offices and the campaign trail.
Links:
Biden's role in the Clarence Thomas hearings in 1991
against-women-act-reauthorization.html">Violence Against Women Act in 1994
Biden speech at the United State of Women in 2016
awkward-kiss-changed-how-i-saw-joe-biden.html">Lucy Flores on Joe Biden kissing her head in 2014
CYG Episode 33: Low Key Creep in 2015
Joe Biden "just likes giving hugs"
biden-anita-hill.html">Biden's non-apology to Anita Hill in 2019
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From snakes to ocean waves to people's unstated political ideologies, we talk about our fears. Plus, journalist Eva Holland on how fear lives in the body and her new book where she unwinds trauma, phobia, and grief.
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What allows people to endure and try again? In the first of a series tackling big ideas that are helping us get through these deep-feeling quarantimes, we talk with Lulu Miller about a scientist who lost everything - again and again - and somehow was never fazed. Plus, Amina's love of country music, and how friendship is a beautiful unexplained anomaly in an often-selfish world.
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The U.S. Census is underway and - if you just started snoozing, gently nudge yourself awake. This once-a-decade opportunity to be counted. Why? As Jeri Green of the National Urban League tells us, the Census is used to determine everything from how Congressional seats states get to federal funding for student loans, and much more. And now you complete it online. It's especially important for people from marginalized communities to get counted. Go to My2020Census.gov to fill out the quick and easy from and tell your besties!
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The legendary Fran Tirado is here to tell us what to watch and where we can stream it.
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We talk with national treasure Samantha Irby about her hilarious and confident writing about all of her foibles and insecurities. From dealing with money and contracts, to love, her white stepchildren, and her fondness for TV's Judge Mathis, Sam is the antidote to all of our cooped-up sadness right now. Her latest book, Wow, No Thank You is out now.
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Our book is finally available (for pre-order at least)! Aminatou and Ann discuss the making of Big Friendship, writing in a single voice, and the vulnerability in a deep creative partnership. Plus, how to support your local indie bookstore, and even more reading recommendations from Emma Straub. And we talk with Adeline Dieudonne about her novel Real Life, just translated to English, and Ashley Woodfolk about her new YA novel about a friend breakup, When You Were Everything.
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Books are one of our go-to ways to stay sane, when bored, cabin-feverish or stressed out. And there are so many great authors and bookstores who need our support right now. At the moment, we're curled up with Nobody Will Tell You This But Me by Bess Kalb and Thin Places by Jordan Kisner. Pro tip: if buying books isn't possible for you right now, your local public library probably uses the Libby app to get audiobooks and e-books to you, even while branches are closed.
Links
Nobody Will Tell You This But Me by Bess KalbBess is hilarious on TwitterThin Places by Jordan KisnerJordan's recent Atlantic article on reiki
Amina is also reading...
Wow, No Thank You by Samantha IrbySave Yourself by Cameron Esposito
Ann is also reading...
Glitter Up the Dark by Sasha GeffenLook by Zan Romanoff
Bess is reading...
Topics of Conversation by Miranda PopkeyElena Ferrante in lieu of taking melatonin
Jordan is reading...
On Immunity by Eula Bliss
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Have you ever spent so much time at home? For those of us lucky enough to have somewhere to shelter in place, self-isolate, or recover from illness, we're gaining a new appreciation for what are homes are. Or maybe just dying of frustration at so many uncompleted projects. Never fear. Curbed Executive Editor and interim Editor-in-Chief Mercedes Kraus is here. Mercedes is a long-time curator of well-appointed spaces and shares her tips for shopping for and envisioning a welcoming place to live. Especially now that we are trying to be productive, patient, and present at home.
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Are we overreacting? Not scared enough? The answer is probably both. We discuss how to keep your screwed on while dealing with an extremely serious situation and some do's and don'ts for controlling the contagion of panic. Yes, social distancing is a good idea right now. But even as you keep your germs to yourself, don't forget to check on your friends, get to know your neighbors, see who needs help, and as always, wash your hands.
Links:
Curbed: In a disaster that calls for isolation, your community will help you survive
to-work-from-home-if-youve-never-done-it-before.html">WFH guidance
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She left her husband for a female Olympian. She survived addiction. And that's just the beginning. Glennon Doyle's new book Untamed encourages women to break out of being good daughters, mothers, partners and be good to ourselves -- and then, in living fuller lives, the world.
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The show, the "science" and men's feelings... we have quite a few, too, about this Netflix phenomenon.
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From looking at our brain activity inside fMRI machines to mapping social networks, scientists are looking closely at friendship. Science journalist Lydia Denworth shares her look into the latest research finding what we know affectively to be true -- that friendship helps us live longer, better lives.
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American Dirt. Plus, our 90s fashion trauma.
Reading List:
American Dirt, dirt-book-controversy-explained.html">explained
american-dirt-jeanine-cummins.html">NYT review
Brandon Taylor on writing about people who don't look like you
Against italicizing "foreign" words
fashion-week-street-style-230709548.html">Chunky soles: All the rage
Books we’re reading in lieu of American Dirt:
Say Nothing by Patrick Radden Keefe
Mean by Myriam Gurba
Girl by Edna O’Brien
Real Life by Brandon Taylor
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In a special edition of our winter books episode, we talk with three of our favorite herstorians about American icons that could use a rewrite: Harriet Tubman, George Washington, and McDonald's.
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We discuss some of our worst bosses, the difference between held to a high standard and a toxic environment, and what happens when women are bad bosses.
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Coffee is a hard drug. MLK Day is a mindf*ck, especially when brands, the FBI, and the GOP chime in. RIP Mr. Peanut. And the cumulative impact of being told that your gender or race will stop you from reaching your goal, when that goal is the presidency.
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