It’s normal and natural as kids to look for those external social cues that tell us which behaviors are good or bad - what is encouraged and what is discouraged .

In fact, we were constantly being conditioned and molded as children growing up by how our parents, society, teachers, coaches, priests, siblings, and our friends were responding to us.

If we aren’t careful, we might continue this habit of looking outside of ourselves for signs of belonging and approval. And instead of maturing into adults with secure self-love - we’ll find ourselves desperately looking to others in order to know if we're “good enough”.

Today on The Karen Kenney Show, we’re talking about the need for external validation or that ego desire to be “special” - that my friends and I like to call ‘wanting cookies’!

If you listen to this epsiode, and you're wondering, “Do I do that? Do I feel like I need all the cookies?”

Let me just say this; it's also totally normal to want to be told, “Hey, you did great,” and have you or your work acknowledged. In fact, it’s healthy in relationships to support, cheer and congratulate each other sometimes.

Where it starts to become wicked imbalanced - and we find ourselves unable to regulate - or see our own self worth - is if we don’t keep that insatiable need in check.

One of the strongest things that we need is our own love language. That muscle needs to grow and get stronger as we mature. That way, if somebody else validates us, it's just icing on the cake - and we don't have to go chasing all the cookies.

I always say, “If everyone likes you, you're doing it wrong” - because what that tells me is you’re probably ‘Cirque du Soleil-ing’ yourself into some version of you that’s trying to be palatable for everybody… and that’s just not possible.

Some people aren’t going to like you because they just don't like you and that's just how it is. What matters here, dear listener, is that you like and love yourself!

KK's Takeaways:

• Childhood Validation (05:55)

• External Validation (09:28)

• Self-Doubt + Fear of Rejection In Entrepreneurship (13:57)

• Self-Love + Self-Worth (20:06)

• Validating Yourself (24:51)

• Having Self-Esteem (29:00)

Karen Kenney is a certified Spiritual Mentor, Hypnotist, Integrative Change Worker and a Life Coach. She’s known for her dynamic storytelling, her sense of humor, her Boston accent and her no-bullshit approach to Spirituality and transformational work.

She’s been a yoga teacher for 22+ years, is a Certified Gateless Writing Instructor, and is also an author, speaker, retreat leader and the host of The Karen Kenney Show podcast.

A curious human being, life-long learner and an entrepreneur for 20+ years, KK brings a down-to-earth perspective to applying spiritual principles and brain science that create powerful shifts in people’s lives and businesses.

She works with people individually in her 1:1 program THE QUEST, and offers a collective learning experience via Group Coaching. She supports both the conscious and unconscious mind by combining practical Neuroscience, Subconscious Reprogramming, Integrative Hypnosis, and Spiritual Mentorship. These tools help clients regulate their nervous systems, remove blocks, rewrite stories, rewire beliefs, and reimagine what’s possible!

Karen wants her clients to have their own lived experience with spirituality and to not just “take her word for it”. She encourages people to deepen their personal connection to Self, Source and Spirit in tangible, relatable, and actionable ways without losing sight of the magic.

Her process called: “Your Story To Your Glory” helps people to shift from an old thought system of fear to one of Love - using compassion, un-shaming, laughter and humor, her work is effective, efficient, and it’s also wicked fun!

KK’s been a student of A Course in Miracles for close to 30 years, has been vegan for over 20 years, and believes that a little kindness can go a long way and make a miraculous difference.