Look, kids. There comes a time in every X-Files podcast’s run when they have to confront the inevitable: some ding-dong executive in 1998 gave Chris Carter a cool 66mil to make an X-Files feature film. And now? We’ve gotta watch the fucker. Here’s Part 1 of our coverage of The X-Files: Fight The Future, where we try desperately to answer such unsolved mysteries as how to make sure your skull stays impenetrable long after your death, why John Locke is here, and exactly which future y’all were tryin’ to fight, on account of the one we’re in sucks so bad.