Shivers: They Came From Within! (Phrasing, boom!)

Hindsighters, steele yourselves for bodily and sexual mutilation in Shivers, where super-rapey parasites take over the residents of an upscale condo. In David Cronenberg’s wildly disturbing directorial debut, we venture back to the swinging 70s, when the women were braless and there was an ashtray at every elevator.

Seriously, tune in to this episode ONLY IF YOU DARE…

In the movie “that made Canada hate David Cronenberg”, we start off with the super awkward moment of Nick walking in on his gutted, murdered, and under-aged mistress (as happens so often). He was schtupping Patient 0, and now he’s Patient 1.

Shivers, a nightmarish hellscape of a movie, introduces phallic-shaped parasites as they violate and infect the unsuspecting (though certainly not innocent) residents of Starliner Towers. Subsequently, the condo residents turn into the horny Walking Dead and all sexual hell breaks loose.

To that end, Darth and Jason can’t help but wonder, is there no way to pull a “Walking Dead” to disguise yourself from horny zombies? Instead of covering yourself in the guts of the dead, couldn’t you just randomly start stripping or moaning? Would the Cronenbergs leave you alone in that case?

Darth and Jason would like to think so, and they’d also like to point out that NOTHING was learned from Shivers save for this sage lesson:

1. If you want to afford spiders for your movie, don’t blow your budget on tempera paint.

Finally, Darth would like to thank the acADAMy for her freshest bout of emotional and mental scarring. Needless to say, Adam Brown is now dead.

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