Ahoy hoy, ladies and gentlemen.

The Gentleman.  Not to be confused with the beardy, rat-nibbled hipster of today, he is a time-hewn model of Victorian pomp. Gilded of manners, silver of tongue and downright dodgy of imperialistic notion.  But where has it all gone?

Is it still polite to hold a door open?  Does one still call oneself ‘one’ and what precisely are your prospects?

Pop us in your ears my dear fellow or indeed lady, but for heaven’s sake, do it discreetly.