We’re back with another installment of our Untraditional Traditions series and continuing to celebrate the best of the season with different perspectives on how to change things up toward augmenting old traditions, creating new ones, or letting go of those that no longer serve us. Perhaps you’re thinking–how do I even begin to shift long held traditions—especially around holiday gatherings? Or maybe you’ve never been the “gather-er,” but you want to step your toe into those waters? We’ve got some fantastic practical guidance based on real life experience from our guest this week, on how we can get more from how we gather, and how to facilitate gatherings that bring life instead of stress. Priya Parker is a facilitator, a strategic advisor, an author and a life-long curious student. Priya believes everyone has the ability to gather well and gives us tangible tools to help us reimagine how we spend our time together and infuse it with creativity and meaning. Her best-selling book The Art of Gathering Well, is such a vital work when it comes to rethinking how we plan all our get togethers. Priya got her start in this field at a really young age as a kid when she straddled the two very different worlds of her parents, where she’d leave her mother and stepfather's Indian, liberal, vegetarian, Buddhist, household and travel to her father and stepmothers’, white American, evangelical Christian, conservative, meat eating household. Priya believes that a gathering starts when you pause first to ask “why do I want to do this, what are the needs and who should be there?” She and Jen talk through some of the possible answers to these questions and how they help us make important shifts in approaching our holiday gatherings. Recognizing that rituals are powerful, they also look at when they are needed–and when they’ve outlived their usefulness or specialness, or even when the observation of them brings sadness or pain. As we all search for belonging and true connection in our holiday gatherings, Priya and Jen walk us through how we can lay the foundation for our own blended and newly-created traditions. 

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Thought-Provoking Quotes

“I was always interested in how people come together, how they make meaning, how they create and invent certain rituals that give us a sense of belonging, and in part because of who I was, without all having to be the same.” - Priya Parker

“I think that the cultivation of meaningful dialogue, of meaningful conversation is a cultural practice, and I think that there are elements that help build that muscle, and that there's elements that block the going to that cultural gym.” - Priya Parker

“We're doing a lot of missing of each other. We're missing each other spatially because of the pandemic. We're missing each other politically. We're missing each other during racial reckonings. And I think the art and craft of beginning to find each other again is to think about when and how do we actually meet, and how do we set it up in a way that people feel safe enough to engage.” - a letter received from a reader of Priya Parker’s book “The Art of Gathering.” 

“What is a need in my life, or what is a need in this community that by bringing together a specific group of people we might be able to address?” - Priya Parker

“Our rituals are like the observable symbols of our forms, and when the forms are shifting, the rituals also need to shift for them to be relevant and meaningful to the people who choose to be in those systems.” - Priya Parker

“Why are we here? Why are you here? Even if you are different, you're each playing a role. How meaningful is it to me? And so often, because we're trying not to impose, in part because we think, oh, let's not be formal–we under-create meaning, and we are all hungry for meaning.” - Priya Parker

Guest’s Links

Priya’s website

Priya’s Instagram

Priya’s Facebook

Priya’s Twitter

Resources Mentioned in This Episode

The Art of Gathering - book by Priya Parker

The Way We Never Were - book by Stephanie Coontz 

Americanah - book Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie

Connect with Jen!Jen’s website

Jen’s Instagram

Jen’s Twitter

Jen’s Facebook

Jen’s YouTube