You know that feeling when you walk into a room, maybe it’s a party or other gathering, and you don’t know anyone really and you start to feel the walls pulling you closer until your back is against it? Or, maybe there is a dog or cat around and you decide that would be the best conversational companion? What about a room filled with people you do know? What about a room with one other person? If you still find yourself “shying away” from others, you might be an introvert. This episode’s guest completely understands where you are coming from.

Nick Shelton is a world-dominating introvert. What does that mean? It means that despite having what would be considered crippling social anxiety and feeling drained being around people, Nic has found a way to overcome it! And better yet… he can help you if you have similar issues! He wrote a book so you can figure this out for yourself called “An Introvert’s Guide to World Domination” (https://amzn.to/3p6S7t1). He even has a worldwide network of introverts! Wild!

We talk about Nick’s 5 engagements (and 2 marriages), the worst lines to use at a party, how to figure out if you are an introvert yourself, what to do with a masseuse who likes your feet too much, and how to watch people in public places without being creepy. Look, it’s hard to do primary research for a book.

This week’s sketch: “This Guy is Really Starting to Creep Me Out.”

For more episodes, information, and apply to be on the show, visit: http://sketchcomedypodcastshow.com

Sketch Comedy Podcast Show is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial 4.0 International License.

© Copyright 2021 Stuart Rice

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Nick Shelton, best selling author of the book "An Introvert's Guide to World Domination" has been fine-tuning the craft of effective, high-level social strategy and networking for twenty years. Beginning with his time in the United States Air Force, Nick learned skills that were indispensable to his journey. Coupled with extensive research and fifteen years of experience in the oil and gas industry, Nick finally cracked the code and developed tools that gave him the confidence to flourish in social situations. Nick has successfully built a strong, international network of friends, colleagues, and associates and continues to teach introverts how to upgrade their lives and lifestyles and navigate social events with ease.

[00:00:00] spk_0: in this episode, Nik Shelton world dominating introvert and I came up with a couple of sketches. So I imagine you in second grade to start asking the other the little girls around the playground if, if they like to marry you.

[00:00:19] spk_1: Okay.

[00:00:21] spk_0: I love the idea of you just observing people being very blatant about it, having them as as they go different places notice like that's the same guy from the restaurant guys, the person who's getting into doing security just to have the pistol whipping.

[00:00:40] spk_1: So

[00:00:42] spk_0: Which one did we pick? You'll find out right now on. It's a sketch comedy podcast show. Welcome to sketch comedy podcast show where I Stewart rice, invite interesting people to have intriguing conversations and then improvise a comedy sketch based on what we talked about. It's the only show like it on the internet. Sorry about being so slow releasing episodes. I didn't realize people were still interested in this show. Then all of a sudden I checked the Internet and I'm on a couple of top 20 list for 2021. I figured I should probably release some new episodes. Then this episode is perfect for the beginning of the year. You know that feeling you get when you walk into a room, maybe it's a party or other gathering and you don't know anyone there and you start to feel the walls pulling you closer until your back is against it. Or maybe there's a dog or cat around that you decide would be a better conversational companion than any of the humans in the room. What about a room filled with people? You do know. What about a room with one other person? If you still find yourself shying away from others, you might be an introvert. This episode's guest completely understands where you are coming from. Nik Shelton is a world dominating introvert. What does that mean? It means that despite having what would be considered crippling social anxiety and feeling drain, being around people, Nick has found a way to overcome it and better yet he can help you if you have similar issues. He wrote a book so that you can figure this out for yourself called an introverts Guide to world domination. He even has a worldwide network of introverts wild. We talk about Nick's five engagements and two marriages. The worst lines to use at a party, How to figure out if you are an introvert yourself what to do with a masseuse who likes your feet a little too much and how to watch people in public places without being creepy. Look, it's hard to do primary research for a book. Then we record a sketch. This guy is really starting to creep me out and now my conversation with Nick Shelton world dominating introvert with really nice feet. Hey, Nick, thanks for joining us today.

[00:03:21] spk_1: Thanks for having me. It's an honor and a pleasure.

[00:03:24] spk_0: It is for me to nick, I've got a question to ask you.

[00:03:28] spk_1: Okay, What do we got?

[00:03:30] spk_0: What makes you interesting?

[00:03:33] spk_1: What makes me interesting? Well, let's see. I think one thing that people have said is very interesting, even though I don't know why it is, is I've been engaged five times and married twice and I'm not married engaged

[00:03:49] spk_0: five times and married twice. All right, so three of those engagements did they say, Did they say yes? It's something

[00:04:00] spk_1: yes. So all of the engagements, So five times they said yes, yes. So I was had five yeses. I didn't have any nose on engagements, so I'm 100 for engagements. And then two of those engagements turned into marriage is that did not last. So, but people, I think people think it's interesting for some weird reason that uh someone would get engaged that many times, I guess I'm just romantic, but I don't think it's interesting at all.

[00:04:31] spk_0: Well it is kind of interesting sir, you are fast engage er are you like, hey, we've been tolerating each other's existence for three months, like just do this or or what

[00:04:42] spk_1: is it? I would say that yes, I'm quite a fast engagement. Not anymore, I've learned from this and now I would say I'm an extremely slow engage er but there was a time where I felt like I was a romantic and I wanted to, you know, all these fairy tales and stuff and movies, they kind of brainwashed me, I guess, I don't know. And so, and I fall in love easily or I used to at least, and so I'd say this seems like a good deal to me. Let's go ahead and lock this in

[00:05:14] spk_0: Absolutely any any stories as to and you don't have to share this, but any stories about, like those engagements and why they stopped, Was there anything interesting that happened? There

[00:05:27] spk_1: nothing to noteworthy? Just either, you know, one of them ran off with another dude? You know, that it's kind of, it's kind of interesting, I suppose. But you know, I think in hindsight it was better because now that guy is married to or, and it doesn't seem like he won, it seems like I won by her running off with that guy.

[00:05:51] spk_0: That's a, you know, when someone runs off with someone, you always dodged a bullet. That's my feeling if someone decided like I want to be over there instead, you're great because that means you didn't have to go through all the legalities, Right.

[00:06:07] spk_1: Right. It was so they weren't nothing too crazy or bad. I think it all turned out and I'm actually, I'm friends, I'd get along really well with all five of those girls and the two ex wives were really close. I think my two ex wives were closer now than we were when we were married. So, you know,

[00:06:28] spk_0: when, once the divorce happens, or once the breakup happens or whatever, that is all the cards on the table. So there's no like hiding the hand and there's no like, so you just kind of it's everything's out there. So you just, now I had that's what that's what I was holding and now we can just continue on and I actually like looking at relationships as evolution, They evolve as opposed to starting and ending. Um you evolve relationship. And uh someone who was a lover can definitely be a really good friend because that person probably knows you better than anybody, right? And I will say that a lot of my exes do not do it, but uh, but nick, that's actually shocking to hear that you were engaged five times because I know something about you that I think you actually want everybody to know is that you're kind of an introvert, aren't you?

[00:07:29] spk_1: Yes, I am a definitely an introvert and definitely was also in addition to that shy and socially awkward, but I think how that would, how you say, well how would you be engaged that many times? I think it was another part of that would have been I, you know, instead of trying to date everyone all the time, which is hard for somebody that's not trying to get out there and talk to people, you say, hey, someone's right here, I'll just go ahead and just be with this person, then I don't have to go out and try to find another person. So it's

[00:08:00] spk_0: spending the rest of your life with someone that may not be optimal is far less scarier than

[00:08:06] spk_1: the time. Anyway, it seemed that way.

[00:08:14] spk_0: Now I know better. Right? So, so uh you are, you feel, um you describe yourself as an introvert like I'm not, I'm not throwing that on you that this is something you describe yourself absolutely

[00:08:28] spk_1: describe myself that

[00:08:29] spk_0: Yeah, when did you find out that you were, that you had that mindset that you were kind of an introvert?

[00:08:36] spk_1: Well I didn't really know what it was, but I would say the first recollection was around second grade when I realized, hey, I seem to be a little different than these other kids. So, uh you know, so introversion, it's like when you get your energy from being alone and then you, you spend a lot of energy interacting with people and it's really difficult for you. And then on top of that I was also socially awkward and shy. And so I felt like uh an alien who didn't pay attention in there, how to blend in with humans class. And then they sent me here anyway and I said, oh no, I don't, I should have paid attention in that class. And so that's when I knew around second grade is something's different. I need to try to figure this out, but it took a while to get around to figuring it

[00:09:28] spk_0: out. Sure, sure, but it sounds like you've done a pretty good job figuring it out, but before we get there, you actually just said something that was really interesting is you separated the socially awkward away from the introversion? Can you expand on that a little bit? Because I think that's a major area of confusion for a lot of people,

[00:09:47] spk_1: Right? So uh people a lot of times think that if you're introverted then you're naturally also shy, but that's not the case or socially awkward and that's not necessarily the case. They're all separate things. And a lot of times they'll complement each other and kind of go to hand in hand and you'll see where you see one, you will often see another. But so socially awkward is you just socially you don't know what to do and you're kind of clumsy and social situations and then shy, we all know that you don't speak up. And then being an introvert is you prefer more alone time or time away from crowds because it's sapping your energy. So uh that is it's a little bit different than those other two. But often they all if somebody has one they might have the other two things as well. And I had all of those things. You

[00:10:43] spk_0: had a full suite. Yes that skill set. Um A lot of people are surprised to find out. I I too am actually pretty introverted. I need a lot of the downtime, a lot of the recharge in order to get in front of people. I'm in the exact same boat. Um And the social awkwardness. Maybe not to not to a great extent but it's definitely there. What do you have an example of like a time the social awkwardness took over and it just it just a good highlight for you and you did said something or did something where it was just like little cringe. E I think that's what the kids would say these days. It's a little

[00:11:25] spk_1: I know there's it's hard to there's been so many that it's hard to pick one out but the one that comes to mind right now is I remember man this was many years ago, I think this was back in the The late 80s probably 1989 or 1990. And there was my friend took me over this house where it's just like there's gonna be some girls let's go meet some girls and we're all hanging out and I and they're saying hey so what's going on? How are you doing? And then I couldn't think of anything to say, I don't know what people say to each other. So then I started talking about the weather and you know everyone looked at me like what's wrong with you and then I don't know. And then yeah it just got really strange after that and then nobody really wanted to talk to me and then I was just kind of sitting there and then that made it even more awkward because then I said what am I supposed to say now to try to recover from this weather thing and I couldn't think of anything. So yeah it was really bad and then later my friends tease me about that for a long time to be like, hey so how's that weather? You know what do you think about the weather? It also because that's something that young people don't normally concern themselves with

[00:12:41] spk_0: know what they're talking about like what Anderson to your mind is I've got to fill this space right? Like I got to fill the space with some sort of words but I don't know this person and I don't what's the most famous, but it's the easiest thing to break up. We all experience the weather, right? Yeah, that's good.

[00:13:00] spk_1: That

[00:13:01] spk_0: um yeah, that's not a great, that's not a, you know, I wouldn't write a rap song about that one, what I would say like, but uh we've all been there I think um now as an adult have, how is the uh introversion, the social awkwardness? How has that affected you in like your career or in your job or you know, kind of pull us through like nick's life like when you were because I know you you served in the military,

[00:13:36] spk_1: correct. And so it wasn't really as much of an issue there because that's I had already started to navigate my way through it and uh through the military. And then after that is when I really started getting it down and mastering how to actually make it more of an advantage. So I would say in my career, I've never really had to experience that because I've been, I've already had hacked it by then and been able to move through the system. But I'd say earlier on in earlier jobs, then, you know, you see people get the promotion that you say I should have got that or see people get opportunities that you think that you should have gotten and you get passed up because there they might not know as much as you and they might not be as qualified, but they step out into the spotlight and then so they have that attention on them. And so naturally goes to them while if you're uh flying below the radar and you know, laying low, trying not to be noticed, then naturally you get passed up for stuff and you say, hey, that should have been mine. And so that those types of things were happening not only in the workplace, but also, you know, just with opportunities or with parties, no one's inviting you to a party if they don't know who you are and your boots blending in. And if you're, once again, if I'm trying to talk to some girls or something, are they going to go out with a guy that doesn't say anything and he's standing over in the corner or are they going to go with the guy that hey, that's the life of the party. And I can tell you it's the life of the party that

[00:15:11] spk_0: walks in. Yeah, walks in, you know the cap backwards in the case of beer and is like, let's do shots, you know, everybody wants to talk to,

[00:15:23] spk_1: right? So that translates over into the workplace and everything. So I was a victim. I suffered of that from that, seeing that. And then I said, hey, I would like to be a part of, you know, being able to be seen and heard as well. But I don't want to compromise myself, my energy and myself to be able to do that. So I had to, I looked for resources and I couldn't find any that spoke to people like us. So then I had to figure out myself and then create those resources myself to health other people like us.

[00:15:59] spk_0: Okay, so do you mind talking a little bit about these resources? Because you actually, and we'll put this out there. You compiled all of these resources for people to be able to get them correct? So they don't have to go through the torture of developing these resources. You wrote a book, uh, the introverts guide to world domination. Yeah. Uh it's delightful but like why don't you give give us some of these like are they life hacks? Like how would you describe them?

[00:16:35] spk_1: Well, so I would say that uh so a lot of stuff that's out there, it's it's pretty much talking to like normal people and so I said well that doesn't apply to me and then it also starts you somewhere in the middle. It doesn't start you at the beginning you say, hey what if I am very basic beginner, what do I do? And so I had to go out and just observe people. So I would go out to restaurants, table for one sit there, watch other people the other tables and see how they interacted. And then I'd watch groups and I just go out to places and just observe people because I think a superpower of, of introverts and shy people is observation. So I'd sit and observe people and I would see what seemed to be working, what seemed to be not working while just watching people. And then I would say, okay, well let me try that by the way,

[00:17:29] spk_0: Most non creepy. I

[00:17:32] spk_1: didn't have a scowl on my face while I was doing it. I was, I didn't have binoculars or anything. I would just sit there and enjoy my dinner and I would just kind of notice there was no newspaper held up that I'd kind of peek over, got holes in the front page, right? So it was very casual, I assure you it wasn't in a creepy, I don't think anyone would notice. And then I started going out and saying, well what if I do this, what if I do this? And so I would just try different things and then what worked? I would kind of build off of that. And then once I, everything started coming together, then I, I kind of organized it and I said, okay, now let me do more of this and build my social circle. So I was able to get a very high level international, uh, network of uh, you know, friends, colleagues, and associates. And then all my friends started saying, how do you do this? I want to do this too. As it opened up a whole world of cool stuff for me to be able to be around people that brought out the best in me. Uh, that could be like mentors, people that were doing cool stuff. I get invited to a lot of luxury events and people were like, well, how are you, how are you yachting? And I'm like, oh yeah, because you know, one of my friends has a yacht and he didn't want to go out by himself, so, you know, I'm there too, you know, that sort of thing. And so people wanted to know how to do it. So then I said, well, let me put together how it's done from the very beginning and save people a lot of time. And so I wrote the book, and introverts got to world domination to show how to upgrade your life and lifestyle through building real solid connections with people.

[00:19:22] spk_0: That's amazing. Um, and now this network that you have, this worldwide network, is it a network of introverts? Because that seems like an oxymoron, right? So

[00:19:32] spk_1: some of the people are introverts, but then there are some, so it's all types of people. So some people are really over the top extroverts and some people are very quiet and it's just a whole spectrum of different people that I've managed to to build relationships with and become really good friends with and that it makes all the difference. And I think that you know in life uh more than anything, it's our relationships with people that are really the true true wealth and if you like, you know, we have this a lot of people out there are suffering from depression and I find that if you have really solid awesome relationships, usually it's a lot harder to be depressed if you have like a really great support system around you and if you don't have that,

[00:20:23] spk_0: that's absolutely true. Actually. How to show a couple months back where I talked to a guest who he's a suicidal uh superhero, but but he talks about how that's what's kept him alive, is having that network of people and being able to because because we need people right? Like that's the human as part of the human condition is that we need other people. We need to have that other human contact. Um you just need less of it and you need to recharge in order to be out there with it,

[00:20:57] spk_1: right, I can go out there, do it big, and then I said, okay now I'm gonna need some time. Yeah. And yeah, so when one of the things that I find fascinating that I mentioned earlier is that when people see that, because somebody might say, well you have to divorce is you're going to tell me about building great relationships. But I say, hey, I have great relationships with my ex wives, we are, we are great and they will endorse me and say, yeah, he's the best. You know, we're just not married anymore. But yeah, I have I can communicate well and both these great relationships and show other people how to do it as well. So you don't have enemies floating out there. You can have, you know, at least some friends, you know, that's

[00:21:39] spk_0: all some friends actually had on a dating profile. I had all of my ex girlfriends, right? Like a review for me, I had that as my dating profile on OK, Cupid for a while.

[00:21:50] spk_1: How did it do?

[00:21:51] spk_0: What's that? How did

[00:21:53] spk_1: the profile do? Did it Okay.

[00:21:55] spk_0: Like, I don't know, I'm a guy, so, like, online dating is impossible. Mhm. So what is a what is it like, how does somebody know they're an introvert? Because I think that that's something a lot of people describe themselves as introverts. A lot of people like, oh, you know, I'm super shy, I'm so introverted. Like, how how does somebody know, like what's the thing that you would you would say is like, here are the keys and this is this is the type of person that should be reading your book.

[00:22:28] spk_1: That's a really good question. So the type of person that should be reading my book is everybody can read my book and they can get some value

[00:22:35] spk_0: how I felt about my book to write,

[00:22:40] spk_1: because it has, you know, all these tips for people that anyone can use and even if you're an extrovert, like I have real estate agents that want that edge over other real estate agents. So they use some of these techniques to and there are extroverts, they used these techniques to just get that edge over the competition. So the book has value for anyone who reads it, but for somebody to know they're an introvert, I would say that if you find that like when you go to a social environment, if there's just if it's almost like a timer has started and you can only handle so much and then then all of a sudden it's like I I need to leave, I need to leave right now. And it's not like uh you're scared or anything like that. It's just, it's like kind of taking the life out of you, even if you're having a good time, you say, okay, I'm kind of hitting a wall here, I just need to go somewhere else. And so for me, I don't necessarily have to be alone. But if I'm in a crowd and then maybe I've I'm with one person after that. That might help kind of bring me back around and recharge me a little. But yeah, it is better if I do if I am alone. I was at a, an event a few days ago and You know, we were all as a nice maybe is a social gathering. The, I think uh, the 30 people and we're all spaced apart properly and all that. But we were all talking and then at a certain time I just figured, okay, well this is great and there's still some people I'd like to talk to, but I'm going to leave and I just left and I came home and I didn't have to go to sleep or anything, but I just needed to just have some time by myself and I've had friends do the same thing. We've been out when I've been traveling with some friends, one of them, I said, hey, let's, we just finished some activity. And then I was ready to go do something else. And he said, hey, I just need, give me half an hour, I just need a half an hour just to sit and do nothing. And then I said, I understand that and gave him the half an hour. And so his, his tolerance for being in like that, the, in the community is even smaller than mine. So his, his timer is less than mine is. So I had to recognize that and say, okay, so if somebody is goes out there and then the more they're out there, the more they get, you know, charged up like we can just, as long as this party is going or this organization, this event, I'll be here, then that's, that's more of the other side of it. The extroverted side, the introvert side, there's a point where you just say I need to kind of retreat from this and kind of recharge.

[00:25:29] spk_0: Yeah, I think for myself um what I found is that I've transitioned from the extroverts to more of the introvert and I'll be at a party just like you're talking about having a great time and I'm like no, I'm good. That tanks filled. I'm out. I'm gonna go watch reruns of rick and morty years. Uh Yeah, so that definitely happens. Um All right. So there were some questions that you said I should ask now. We can easily transfer curious about two of these. You

[00:26:05] spk_1: said what questions should I ask? So questions just

[00:26:09] spk_0: these are great. So um naked, I got my feet are sore story about a time where maybe uh foot massage was in play.

[00:26:24] spk_1: Yes. So I enjoy a good foot massage just like everybody else and you know, so I like to go to different foot massage establishments to see where is the best foot massage. And there was one that is not too far off the street from where I am right now that I went in there and and this particular time there was a sometimes it's a man, sometimes a woman it doesn't really matter. But this time there was this uh this guy had to be like uh what a like an NBA player would be. So this is a uh I believe his ethnicity, I'm pretty sure he was chinese Um and he was probably like 6 8 or something like that. And

[00:27:15] spk_0: so you know me so and

[00:27:19] spk_1: so then he's he's massaging my feet and then he but the thing is I believe this is where it gets interesting. He had seemed like he had a foot fetish for like my feet because he was like oh your feet are so beautiful, you have such nice feet. And then he kept giving me this really strong eye contact. So he just kept staring into my eyes and rubbing my feet and complementing my feet. And I was thinking, well this has never happened before, you know, I've gotten a lot of foot massage, I would say over 100 ft massages and that has never happened. So I just kept sitting there just staring me in the eyes and complementing my feet and rubbing my feet and has taken this is quite an experience. I

[00:28:02] spk_0: don't think he was going to propose because he was already on his situation.

[00:28:07] spk_1: I just think wow, I said this because I had if this would have been my first foot massage, I would say well maybe this is just how they do it, I don't know, but since I had had many, I said I know that this isn't normally how they go. This is a little different but it's like at least I know I have beautiful feet because this guy is at least appreciating my feet.

[00:28:32] spk_0: He's a professional. You take the compliment right? You've seen a lot of feet and so you're talking about some nice feet. That's uh huh. Yeah I could. Were you uncomfortable? Were you little

[00:28:46] spk_1: uncomfortable? I started getting uncomfortable because the eye contact us like I would like it if he would stop with the eye contact

[00:28:53] spk_0: his contact

[00:28:53] spk_1: man just look at my feet and run the, yeah and so it was I was uncomfortable and I said well I probably don't need to continue coming back to this particular place but I still continue to get foot massages and other places. But that's the only time that that had happened. And I remember I asked people after that has this ever happened to you does this sound unusual to you? And they said yes that does sound unusual. So

[00:29:23] spk_0: yes that any time that would be the case. That sounds so unusual. Like I would be so uncomfortable. I I don't care if it was a man or a woman doing that. I'd be like okay just rub my feet. Right. Yeah. Yeah. So I'm

[00:29:42] spk_1: glad it happened. So at least I have that experience. I could be like oh that does happen to people. Okay.

[00:29:47] spk_0: It does what happened to you for sure. It's more primary research much like going and stocking people at a you know what that's like

[00:29:58] spk_1: a situation. Um

[00:30:01] spk_0: Do you have any interesting collections? Is there anything that collection like the collect Or is there a collection that you could think of that? Maybe like a sharp connection collection of something?

[00:30:14] spk_1: Oh I see. Yes, because I was thinking the only thing I have a collection of is that so you're talking about the machete collection? So the machete collection, how that happened was apparently I'm really hard to shop for. So my brother and said hey you know you were hard to shop for. So one I think it was christmas or my birthday, he just showed up with a machete and said hey here you go, you're hard to shop for. So here's a machete. And then every birthday and christmas, he got me another one. So now I have all these machetes and the thing is so that's the only collection I have it because I never just collecting anything myself. But he said if I started getting these for you then you will have a collection and then I always know what to get for you because I'll just get you a new different type of machete and just add it to your collection. The problem is that then you have like an apartment full of machetes and then if I'm on a date and they're like, hey, let's go to your place, then I have to think are the machetes up, are they put the machetes away? Because it's gonna be weird, you know, if you walk in and there's like, Well no, to my 14 machetes laying around there, like uh maybe I shouldn't be, you know, so it's something in my mind where I actually have to think, Okay, don't have the machetes out, make sure the machetes are put away. And and yeah, so it's it's an odd thing. So machetes, like they're just just uh you would think when you picture a machete, you just think there's just one type of machete. But apparently there are a lot of different types in different regions of the world have their spin on the machete. So yeah, there's no shortage of machetes and I was thinking he's going to run out sooner or later. How many machines could there be? But there are a surprising different type of bush. Do you have to cut right, like a machete

[00:32:05] spk_0: type would work? But

[00:32:06] spk_1: so yeah, have the machetes and you know, and I haven't I don't think that I have actually used a machete to chop anything. And I was thinking, man, I should go out somewhere where there's like some weeds or something and go chop something. But then there's another part of me that thinks what if somebody sees me out doing that, they're like, what's that guy doing? Because it's not like a common thing here. I'm the hiking trails from a machete. Got me out. Yeah, I

[00:32:35] spk_0: know. That is certainly not the case. Um I guess if you get like a hard piece of cheese that might be impressive. You bring a girl over and you're like, watch this Gallagher it with a machete I guess. I don't know. That is a good idea. Yeah, I'm just saying um maybe second date type situation, you're not the first thing, someone home and you're like, here, check out my machete collection. Yeah, wow. Do you have them on display or do

[00:33:05] spk_1: you, they're not on display there all put away at the moment because I said it's probably best to just keep them away and then that way I don't have to wonder if they are out and and yeah, I don't, it just seems like it just be weird to have a big display thing of machetes unless I could put them behind glass or something.

[00:33:27] spk_0: Some sort of glass because like, what's weirder for somebody if you're inviting someone over things are going really well and you're like, you have them on display on your wall and she sees them and you're like, and she's like, oh, what are those? And you can explain the story, right? Or what's worse? Like she's looking around your apartment, opens up a drawer, unprompted. Like, like

[00:33:55] spk_1: anxiety goes way high real quick. Well, you shouldn't go through people's things.

[00:34:00] spk_0: That's the that's the lesson. It's a list.

[00:34:03] spk_1: Don't go snooping around because you might find a drawer of machetes

[00:34:08] spk_0: or you find them in different places in the, in the apartment, right? Like you're like, wonder what's this under the seat cushions? Like pull out a machete. It's like, what is going

[00:34:17] spk_1: on here? Just one behind the toilet, the bathroom, one under the kitchen sink. Like I got to be ready. You never know what might go down.

[00:34:27] spk_0: That's right. You never know how bad the mold gets in the bathroom. Shetty kept through it. Uh That's fantastic. And then um I you ever had a job where um you know, during the training process, like they taught you something really interesting.

[00:34:46] spk_1: Ah Yes, so when I was a many years ago, I was a security guard and one of the first things I remember, I say, okay, we're gonna, it's training day, we're gonna train shy

[00:34:58] spk_0: security guard.

[00:34:59] spk_1: Yeah, well you don't have to really talk to people, you're just kind of, it's

[00:35:02] spk_0: true. Listen, they're doing something that you're like, hey, can you uh never mind,

[00:35:07] spk_1: you don't worry about it. You guys know you don't figure it out. So I got machetes at the house all. Yeah, so, so as an armed security guard and so we had our firearms and you know, so you have the firearm training and everything like that, but when I had my, my pistol and we're sitting there in the classroom, they said, okay, number one thing first of all, to start the class, number one do not pistol whip anybody. And I think that's a weird thing to say, starting off, don't pistol whip anybody. And uh so I was thinking, I know there's a story that goes along with this, because they wouldn't just say don't pistol whip anyone unless somebody had pistol with, because I would have never thought about pistol whipping anybody, I'm just, I'm a security guard standing over there, wouldn't be like I should pistol if somebody, so you know, do not pistol with anyone and also do not fire warning shots is another one. And then I was like okay somebody must have fired a warning shot as well, so I had to uh dig it took a while, but I finally heard the story, so the pistol whipping, somebody had uh somebody they were chasing them and when they caught them to teach them a lesson they decided they were gonna pistol with them and so they were pistol whipping this person and then the person took the pistol and shot them and uh so there you go, that's how that

[00:36:38] spk_0: ineffective pistol with.

[00:36:40] spk_1: Yeah, he must have been pistol whipping the wrong way, Can we have a class on how to properly pistol with somebody if we hypothetically going to do that? Uh but yeah, this first apparently did it wrong and they got shot, so

[00:36:54] spk_0: that's not so much a pistol whip is more of its like a pistol uh what would be like a slow version of a, like a pistol

[00:37:02] spk_1: nudge,

[00:37:04] spk_0: hey, you get hit in the head with a gun by somebody, I'm probably on the floor. So like yeah, either a really tough skull, really slow slow whip,

[00:37:18] spk_1: right? And then the warning shot one that somebody apparently they were talking to somebody who wasn't listening, so they just figured they would fire a warning shot, just shoot a shot in the air and naturally that is frowned upon. So you know,

[00:37:35] spk_0: because I would like goes up and down,

[00:37:38] spk_1: down somewhere. So uh, so these things, I think, wow, this is interesting, they have to tell us this because you know, I guess some of my peers need to be told this because they're going to go out and do these things. And so I thought that was very interesting and you know, fortunately I never

[00:37:58] spk_0: had to didn't have any of those situations

[00:38:00] spk_1: I didn't have to pistol with and you want to even think about it or

[00:38:03] spk_0: I'm glad that they did have those discussions with people because how many pistol whip situations would they have had otherwise? They're like if we need to make this part of the curriculum because otherwise we're going to lose lots and lots of security guards,

[00:38:16] spk_1: people would say, hey, you never told us that we couldn't do that. You never said you need to say that we're not supposed to do that. Then I would know. I didn't know. But thank you for letting me know next time. I won't do

[00:38:29] spk_0: it. I'll take the written warning this time.

[00:38:32] spk_1: So I'll take the warning. Okay from now on. No pistol whipping, you know,

[00:38:36] spk_0: pissed you. All right, nick. This has been fantastic. We are at that point. It's time to record a sketch. What body part do you think a masseuse would complement you on nick if people wanted to check out your feet or maybe get in touch with you because they too are introverts and want to break out of that shell. What's the best way for them to do that?

[00:39:04] spk_1: All right, well, they can go to my website, connected introvert dot com. That's connected introvert dot com and that will show you that will give you a link to the book. The book is also available on amazon. So the book is an introverts guide to world domination to become a high level networker and upgrade your life and lifestyle and so but connected introvert dot com will give you resources to the book. And I also have an online video course and also some coaching and mentorship program and more stuff coming soon.

[00:39:37] spk_0: Absolutely awesome. And when we can start to leave our houses again, you can be set up so that you can become a world dominating introvert as well. And now our sketch. This guy is starting to creep me out with nik shelton nick. Thank you so much for coming out to dinner with me and invited me to go out to dinner. I've wanted to try this restaurant for such a long

[00:40:04] spk_1: time. It's a great restaurant. Please enjoy. You can even order the market price stuff like Albino Lobster or something.

[00:40:12] spk_0: I have never done. Market prices always so scary to me.

[00:40:17] spk_1: Are you sure? Oh yeah I might as well live a little. You're with me. I got you.

[00:40:23] spk_0: Do you notice that guy over there reading a newspaper?

[00:40:26] spk_1: I see him. Do you know him? No, I

[00:40:29] spk_0: don't know. I was trying to see if maybe like I dated him once before, but there's something weird about that newspaper though.

[00:40:36] spk_1: It's upside down. Just ignore that guy and go ahead and pick out what you want to. Maybe we'll get some champagne or something.

[00:40:42] spk_0: Oh, do you like cream spinach? It looks like he has a microphone pointed

[00:40:47] spk_1: this way, but it does look like a microphone though, but so you don't like the cream spinach. You know, you can get it if you want. He's

[00:40:54] spk_0: taking notes on everything that we're saying. I can tell it because every time we say something he writes something. But something

[00:41:01] spk_1: that, okay, well maybe say something, give him something cool to write down. I suppose it is kind of weird

[00:41:09] spk_0: and now that I'm looking at him, he's kind of sliding under the table a little

[00:41:13] spk_1: bit. So it's like he knows he's been discovered. I see what you're saying now. I don't know. What should we worry about this at all. I can just get our check for the drinks and then we can just go for a walk in the park or something like

[00:41:24] spk_0: that. Do you mind if we go take a

[00:41:26] spk_1: walk? Maybe he'll be gone by the time we come back?

[00:41:29] spk_0: Oh my gosh breast out here. It's a beautiful fall night. I am a big fan of sweater weather. Do you like sweater weather?

[00:41:36] spk_1: It is really nice. I used to not be a fall person. I like spring but you know just the the leaves and just like the smell of the autumn and just I don't know the feeling of it. I do like the crisp, cool evenings. It's really wonderful and romantic.

[00:41:53] spk_0: Are you trying to hold my hand

[00:41:56] spk_1: you know, just you were a little cold I guess. I just want to make sure that maybe my hand warmth could help you out a little bit.

[00:42:03] spk_0: It does. Yeah that's probably a good idea. That's probably really good. Did you see that?

[00:42:09] spk_1: That's that I think that's that guy.

[00:42:11] spk_0: It seems like it's the same guy but he's got like a video camera, maybe he's a birdwatcher,

[00:42:17] spk_1: looks like that guy but it couldn't possibly be that same guy. But yeah let's just just ignore that. Let's just keep walking.

[00:42:23] spk_0: Oh look that's the playground when you were a kid. What was your favorite thing to jump around on a playground?

[00:42:29] spk_1: Well I just like the swings because you try to swing as high as you can and then jump off.

[00:42:33] spk_0: I'm sorry I I know I keep doing this but is he underneath the slide over there

[00:42:38] spk_1: now? Yeah that's that guy. Try to throw a throw a rock over there or something and you're sure you don't know it because I don't know that guy.

[00:42:46] spk_0: It looks like he's doing like a still life drawing of us guys. Really starting to creep me out. We might want to find a place where it isn't his

[00:42:54] spk_1: public, right up the street. We can just go there and I have some champagne there. We could have some champagne if you like. All right, so home sweet. Home, try to keep it clean, but if it's a little bit messy, please excuse the mess.

[00:43:10] spk_0: This is such a nice apartment.

[00:43:12] spk_1: Get settled in. It

[00:43:13] spk_0: looks like the living room. You mind if I sit

[00:43:16] spk_1: on, oh, sit away, enjoy something underneath me. Yeah, maybe the remote control or something metal. Oh, that's one of the uh you're gonna laugh. It's one of the machetes that my brother gave me as a gift

[00:43:30] spk_0: your brother gives you machetes as a gift. Yes,

[00:43:33] spk_1: Yes. So he's a crazy guy and he thought that would be fun. Give me machetes. And so I have some machetes. They're just so they're around and nothing to be concerned about everywhere. They're just around. There's a few around. But you know, it's just, it's just a funny thing. It's nothing to be concerned

[00:43:51] spk_0: about. You've got a beautiful view of the park out your window.

[00:43:55] spk_1: I picked this place because of the view. You can step out there in the mornings and just take in the park and it's really rejuvenating.

[00:44:04] spk_0: We're on the fourth floor. Right. Right. I could have swore I saw somebody on a phone out on your patio. Is that a pot? Do you have roommates?

[00:44:14] spk_1: No, there shouldn't be anyone out there. I think you're right. I think there is somebody out there.

[00:44:19] spk_0: Should we go out and ask him what he's doing?

[00:44:21] spk_1: It doesn't seem like it could really end all that well by asking a guy that somehow on the fourth floor, a balcony that was at the restaurant that was at the park. But yes, maybe if we confront him,

[00:44:34] spk_0: Okay, Well, why don't you take this machete and I'll grab a machete and then we should go ask him.

[00:44:42] spk_1: Excuse me, sir. What are you doing? What are you doing on my balcony? We saw you at the restaurant. We saw you at the park and now you're on the balcony. Can you explain?

[00:44:51] spk_0: I'm not I'm not I'm not just casually observing.

[00:44:55] spk_1: You're observing.

[00:44:56] spk_0: Yeah. I I noticed that you guys have like good interactions. They seemed healthy. So I'm doing some research on a book and I'm trying to figure out what healthy interactions look like.

[00:45:07] spk_1: You're just stalking people to, to see what their interactions look like. That's, that is really a creepy weird thing to do. Maybe you should ask people about it.

[00:45:17] spk_0: I'm planning on like completely highlighting you in my book. Do you mind if I just sit on the porch and just watch you guys and sure that sounds

[00:45:26] spk_1: great.

[00:45:26] spk_0: Hey nick.

[00:45:28] spk_1: Yes.

[00:45:29] spk_0: Um, I know you like to collect weird things, but is this a ziploc bag of human teeth. Thank you for joining us on sketch comedy podcast show. We hope you enjoyed listening to it as much as we enjoyed making it. If you did enjoy the show, visit sketch comedy podcast show dot com for even more sketch comedy podcast show is protected under a creative commons Attribution. No derivatives 4.0 International license. Mm uh huh