Every person is sexy just because they’re alive, according to this week’s guest in our For the Love of Sex Series; Dr. Alexandra Solomon. Jen & Dr. Solomon talk about how we can discover how to engage with our sexuality free from judgment or expectation. 

Dr. Alexandra Solomon is the author of bestselling books, “Loving Bravely” and “Taking Sexy Back” which both seek to empower women to reclaim their sexual journeys. As a highly acclaimed psychologist at Northwestern University, Dr. Solomon regularly presents her findings to people all over the world. 

Join Dr. Solomon and Jen as they discuss:

• Talking about sex with your partner 

• How to stop settling for less in the bedroom 

• Objectively reflecting on your sexual journey without judgment

• The real impact of trauma on our sexual selves

• How desire shifts over the course of a relationship 

Dr. Solomon explains the basic premise that undergirds her work; that every person has the right and ability to experience pleasure and joy and connection through sex.

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MeCourse | Let’s join sexologist Dr. Celeste Holbrook and Jen as they talk about real steps you can take to improve your sex life. Head to MeCourse.org/love101 to register. 

Thought-Provoking Quotes

“What stands out first and foremost about women and sex is that we are so completely objectified from the time we're little. That's the nature of patriarchy, is to objectify women. And we learn to objectify ourselves. I don't know how it is for you, but I know I have forever related to my body as a forever fixer-upper project.”- Dr. Alexandra Solomon

“There's an idea that sexiness is defined from the outside in. So in my book, "Taking Sexy Back," that's what we're taking back. We're taking back this idea that sexiness is externally defined. That actually, our “sexy” lives right here inside of us, and it always has. Your sexuality is a part of yourself. It's a part of who you are. It's your embodied relationship with touch and physical expression and pleasure and creativity and play.”  - Dr. Alexandra Solomon

“There's going to be dry spells. There's going to be mismatched libidos. There's going to be menopause. There's going to be childbirth and job changes and medical diagnoses. Things are going to happen. So I want couples to be together, shoulder to shoulder, looking at the problem together. It's not my problem or your problem. It's us looking at our sexual connection. How do we as a couple cultivate this, nurture it, tweak it over time? Making love as 50-year-olds is going to look and feel different than making love as 23-year-olds.”  - Dr. Alexandra Solomon

“Recovery from trauma is not just about sexual pain or sadness or post-traumatic stress symptoms stopping. Recovery from trauma is also about reclaiming pleasure, reclaiming your right to pleasure, reclaiming a sense of feeling safe inside of your body. I think our capacity for healing is limitless.”  - Dr. Alexandra Solomon

“We think that if we're sex positive, it means that we're these super confident vixens and divas, and that we have to be up for anything. But we all struggle with this idea of, "Wait, can I be sex positive and a bit timid? Can I be sex positive and what we would call, quote-unquote, 'vanilla,' or not super interested in being kinky or pushing edges? Sex positivity basically means coming in with the idea that sex is natural and normal, and we're all sexual, and what we're interested in is not weird or pathological. It's coming in from a foundation of positivity.” - Dr. Alexandra Solomon

“Sex problems in a relationship are always the responsibility of both people. It's not about figuring out whose fault the issue is. When I bring up a problem or a concern with my partner, it's about “us”. It's about, "I love us, I believe in us, I value us, which is why I want to talk about this question, observation or concern I have." It's not about throwing our partner under the bus or telling them they're doing it wrong. It's about starting from that place of, "I love us, and this matters.” - Dr. Alexandra Solomon

“It’s important to examine patterns in your own relationship with your sexuality and identify how things from your childhood impact your sexual relationship to yourself and others even 20 years later. Even seemingly simple things like your 6th grade sex-ed class can have an impact.” - Dr. Alexandra Solomon

Guest’s Links Dr. Solomon’s Website 

Dr. Solomon’s Instagram - @dr.alexandra.solomon

Dr. Solomon’s Twitter - @ahsolomon

Dr. Solomon’s Facebook - @dralexandrasolomon

Dr. Solomon’s YouTube - @alexandrahs1

Books & Resources Mentioned in This Episode

Reimagining Love Podcast

Dr. Solomon’s books: Loving Bravely & Taking Sexy Back

E-Course: Marriage 101 for the Grown and Sexy

Connect with Jen! Jen’s website

Jen’s InstagramJen’s Twitter

Jen’s FacebookJen’s YouTube