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Even people who are aware of narcissism and victims themselves can still end up in a relationship with a covert narcissist. They seem so real, genuine, open, and vulnerable. Why do they seem so genuine?

A covert narcissist is more in love with the idea of being a compassionate person than actually being a compassionate person. They fool us because their desire to be that compassionate person is real. They do WANT to be that. They just have no ability to be that.

They are more in love with the idea of being a good husband/wife than actually doing what it takes to be that. This applies to many aspects of their lives.

When they fail at being these wonderful things they say they are, they are also experts at passing all the blame to you. Everything is your fault because you were the one putting in all the effort. They did nothing wrong because they did nothing at all!