78 Available Episodes (78 Total)Average duration: 00:54:27
May 03, 2022
Sun-Dried Hot Dog Legs with Trixie and Katya
Some of us have gams that appear as if they were sculpted by the gods themselves on the apex of Mount Olympus. Others, however, have legs that seem like they were dry-cured in the basement of a French farmhouse next to a beautifully-marbled Andouillette sausage. We'll let you decide if this episode is about the former or the latter.
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Live from the Moontower Comedy Festival with Trixie and Katya
To celebrate our 75th episode of the auditory smegma we call The Bald & The Beautiful, we were planning on either making out with strangers underneath the 101 overpass or recording a live episode at the beautiful Paramount Theatre in Austin, TX as part of the Just for Laughs Moontower Comedy Festival. We opted for the latter. Enjoy the utter exquisiteness that is the next 60 minutes of your life, you disgusting heathens.
Special Thanks to: Dustin S. and everyone at the Paramount Theatre in Austin, the Moontower Comedy Festival, & Just For Laughs!
How to Properly Wash Your Genitals with Trixie and Katya
As the Trixie and Katya grand tour exits the green, moist forests of the Pacific Northwest and meanders east towards the lumps and bulges of the Rocky Mountains, we check in with our favorite role models to learn about penile hygiene, flatus consumption, and how to make a real difference in this crazy thing we call life. If you aren't properly motivated to better yourself, spread love to others, and join a cult after this episode, then perhaps you should stop listening to this podcast.
Revisiting the Art of Dating: "Fisting is the New Kissing" with Trixie and Katya
As the massive Trixie and Katya Tour starts its journey to a destination filled with tears, sweat, and a ton of dirty underwear, we revisit the low-stress times of 2021 where we gathered in a small studio to chat about Cheesecake Factory's Skinnylicious Menu, wigs in movies, and our unadulterated love of Panda Express's orange chicken. This episode begs the question, "Will Trixie and Katya survive a months-long live tour together?"
The Face Giveth and the Face Taketh Away with Trixie and Katya
As the sun sets and twilight arrives, the ghosts of magic hour appear on the horizon. Your callused hands work furiously to finish attaching the buttons to a new pair of slacks that hide your tiny calves while simultaneously accentuating the hills and valleys where the boys reside. As you take a break to demand that the lotion be placed into the basket, you place your new face on top of your own, marveling at the gentle beauty and the exquisite cheekbones. Your breath is momentarily lost as you realize that you've been reborn, and my gawd do you look fabulous, honey.
Bald, Fat Silly Putty with Googly Eyes with Trixie and Katya
As the sun rises over a stark, barren desert landscape, you open stained hotel blinds and squint your eyes as they adjust to the sudden brightness beyond the glass pane. You catch a slight whiff of your heinous morning breath, careless about its effect on others as it's been nine days since you last saw another human being. The difference between day and night has begun to blur, as time has ceased to exist. Has this Christopher Nolan movie been on for two hours? Four hours? Six hours? Does it even matter? At this point, dear friends, the pod is the pod.
Holding a Large Fish on Machu Picchu with Trixie and Katya
There are times in life when it seems as if the entire world is against you. Nothing is going right, everything feels a bit off, and you just want to crawl into a hole and disappear. In those times of despair, don't fret, honey. Everything you need to live your most glorious life is neatly and efficiently contained in today's episode of Bald. From serial-killer dating tips to useless trivia to cleaning advice for gentleman's relish stains, the following hour of audio will brighten your smile, your day, and possibly even your very soul.
*A quick update for all the fans of Bald: the podcast will be continuing through 2022 and beyond, so get ready for some great updates from the Trixie and Katya Live tour, as well as several special guests! It truly is a wonderful time to be alive.
A Coat-Hanger Encased in a Hot Dog with Trixie and Katya and Matthew
The steady advance of technology marches on, continuous and unceasing. In 1900, less than 10% of families owned a stove, a phone, or had electricity. Fast forward 122 years, and through the real-life miracles of latex, hair implants, and 3D scanning, sex dolls are ready to take their rightful place at the throne of humankind. Let us be the first to give a warm welcome to our squishy, clammy overlords.
The low hum of The Macarena wafts into your one-bedroom apartment, the source of the 90s earworm a vague mystery. Dusk is slowly dawning on the other side of the thin, sun-rotted curtains. Murder She Wrote is just concluding on The Hallmark Channel as you turn off a dusty lamp and grab a chilled Ensure from your mostly-empty refrigerator. After your wig is safely ensconced on a styrofoam bust on the vanity, you struggle to open your blood-pressure pills with arthritic fingers made all the more slippery with freshly-applied Bengay. As you down the pills with the vanilla-infused protein shake, your tight hip-flexor muscles cause you to groan as you turn off the bedside lamp and pull up the tattered electric blanket you inherited from your Great Aunt Bertha. You stare at the crack on the ceiling above your bed, tracing its growing path towards the yellowed chandelier. You begin to slowly drift off into a fitful slumber. The last thought within your grey matter is a quiet rumination that has become your new mantra: "So this is a drag queen at 40"...
Building a Fake Hospital in Your House with Alexis Stone
The sun is beginning to set behind a rusty white sign made of corrugated metal on top of a barren hill. A crisp breeze meanders through the "HOLLY", past the "WOOD", and down through the fetid streets of Tinseltown, carrying with it the scent of concealer, latex, sadness, and the sudden realization that Los Angeles is built upon an inherently-ridiculous foundation of misplaced hopes and dreams. It is within this setting that makeup artist, model, and visual chameleon Alexis Stone joins Trixie and Katya to talk about art, science, and precisely where the two meet.