Pat was feeling murderous so Ben tamps that rage with the devout moral reasoning of near-canonized Catholic saint and Wittgenstein acolyte Gertrude Elizabeth Margaret Anscombe. One of the big heavy hitters of Ordinary Language Philosophy and pioneer of Virtue Ethics, G.E.M. Anscombe started her career as a Catholic convert, then Wittgenstein's protege/favorite, then went toe-to-toe with the 20th Century's greatest mass murder, Harry S. Truman over his trigger-happy bombings of innocent civilians. CHECK IT OUT! Also check out our Patreon for Bonus Content: www.patreon.com/ILearnedNothing

Pat was feeling glib so Ben cruelly reminds him to follow the rules. That's right. In this GROUNDBREAKING episode, Ben teaches Pat about the fastidious ethical theory of Deontology, a theory ensuring everyone gets a fair shake, regardless of the consequences. Made famous by Pat's enemy Immanuel Kant and his Categorical Imperative, Deontology asserts that most important in moral consideration is the duty and obligation one has to follow ethical rules and adhering to the Right over merely the Good. It sanctifies the status and inviolability of the human person, making thought experiments like the Trolley Problem and Killing Baby Hitler rather hairy. Also, FOR GOD'S SAKE, check out our Patreon: patreon.com/ILearnedNothing

Pat was feeling submissive so Ben finished him off with the ultimate submission move: Islam. In this episode, Ben rounds out our discussion about Islamic philosophy with a stirring overview of the Sufi GOAT Ibn Arabi and his face-melting concept call Wahdat-ul-Wujud, or "The Unity of Being." Essentially, we are each and all the multiplicity of creation emanated by Allah's Oneness. God is all that truly exists and we are but shadows made discernible by his light. Whatever that means. Listen to learn more, stupid! And don't forget to check out our Patreon for more nonsense! patreon.com/ILearnedNothing

Pat was feeling haram, so Ben sat his infidel ass down and explained to him the groundbreaking philosophical developments unleashed by the Islamic world. Centuries before Christian thinkers like Thomas Aquinas and Albertus Magnus (Latin for Fat Albert) were even potty trained, Muslim philosophers from Spain to Persia shed a guiding light on the other wise very Dark Ages. This dream team includes the likes of Avicenna (Ibn Sina), Ibn Arabi, and Al Ghazali, who expounded on the metaphysical & philosophical underpinnings of the hottest new super-religion on the scene: Islam. Learn about the Tawwhid, Sufi mysticism, and Al Ghazali's nutty theory of occasionalism in this epic TWO PARTER! Buckle up, buttercup, and don't forget to check out our Patreon (patreon.com/ILearnedNothing) for some sweet sweet extra credit.

Pat was feeling the weight of Destiny, so Ben inducts him into the school of Hard (lol) Determinism. Ever thought that your decisions mean nothing and that your entire life is pre-scripted. Ever felt like your very existence is just another cog in a predetermined, finely tuned and set Cosmic Watch? Well guess what. YOU'RE RIGHT! Everything that has ever happened, is happening, and will happened has been determined by the laws of nature (or the Will of God) since the very beginning of time, and there's nothing you can do about it, loser! Free will? Get outta here. Best to just sit back and enjoy the ride. Also, check out our Patreon: patreon.com/ILearnedNothing. You were destined to anyway!

Pat was feeling pretty self-conscious so Ben explains it's because of all his damn Qualia, stupid! Qualia is a concept in philosophy of mind referring to that mushy notion of what it's like to experience something, like the color red, the smell of wet ham, or feeling cool as hell. It's that certain je ne sais quois of how life feels as our subjective consciousness navigates the objective world. Do they only apply to emotions? Sense-data? Can they be further applied to thoughts, memories? Some cheeky pricks (*cough* Daniel Dennett *cough*) don't even believe they exist? Can you believe that? So tune in folks. Keep on thinking hard. Oh also patreon.com/ILearnedNothing for more stuff.

Pat was feeling continental (Ooh La La!) so Ben initiated him in the lurid, orgiastic pleasures of Continental Philosophy, Analytic Philosophy's evil twin brother (goatee and all). Pat and Ben explore the landscape of Continental philosophical tradition through the lens of 90's NBA basketball for a meandering 15 minutes before outlining the different schools that fill out the Continental mosaic: You got your German Idealism, your Marxism, your Phenomenology, Existentialism, Structuralism, and brother? You better believe we're talkin' about Post-Structuralism and Deconstruction. So strap in, mes amis. Also, if you enjoy this bullshit, join our Patreon for $5 a month and get bonus episodes where Pat teaches Ben in a STUNNING twist: patreon.com/ILearnedNothing

Pat was feeling Anglo-American so Ben submerged him in the frothy waters of Analytic Philosophy. In this thrilling episode, Pat discovers the Epic Beef between two of contemporary philosophy's fiercest rivals. ANALYTIC VERSUS CONTINENTAL PHILOSOPHY. LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLET'S GET READY TO RRRUBMBLLLLLLLLLLLLLE. (Check out our Patreon: patreon.com/ilearnednothing)

Pat was feeling fractured about our current stage of history so Ben soothes what ails him by singing him the dulcet tones of Postmodernism. Jk that shit is discordant af. Ben gets into the main themes of Postmodern thought (if you can say there are any) such as the Fragmentation of Subjectivity, the Destruction of Narratives, and the soul-devouring effects of Late-Capitalism and Hyperreality. Pat loved it! And you will too! Don't forget to check out our Patreon for more KNOWLEDGE: patreon.com/ILearnedNothing

Pat was feeling some kinda way so Ben walks him through the life and thought of W. E. B. Du Bois, Black American philosopher and co-founder of the NAACP. Welcome to the barbecue.