- Publisher |
- JRJM Entertainment
- Media Type |
- audio
Are you a grown-up who grew up in the TV Generation? You're in the right place! Hindsight is Horrifying is THE show for the TV Generation!
Hindsight is Horrifying is the podcast where two allegedly grown-up (and certainly somewhat cynical) hosts mine the TV shows and movies of our youth for the "grown-up" humor we just didn't get as kids.
At least that's the idea. We also do a lot of talking about movies and TV shows in general, and sometimes we even make sense!
Recorded in Alpharetta, Georgia, Hindsight is Horrifying is the show to check out if you grew up on TV and ended up just a bit cynical.
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- People |
- Country Of Origin |
- USA
- Produced In |
- Alpharetta, GA
- Premiere Date |
- 2018-12-10
- Related Hashtags |
- #Halloween,
- #Hindsighters,
- #hindsightishorrifying,
- #HindsightisHorrifying,
- #HindsightIsHorrifying
- Frequency |
- Monthly
- Explicit |
- No
This podcast currently has no reviews.
Submit ReviewIn The Rock, Nicholas Cage proves just how far a man will go to avoid committing to a relationship.
When given the choice to address his imminent future with his pregnant girlfriend or fly across the nation to take down a group of insurgent American marines threatening their own country with an act of terrorism, Stanley Goodspeed (Cage), CANNOT get on a plane fast enough.
Goodspeed is a D.C. biochemist who must Face Off (pun intended) with terrorists who have taken over the former prison island of Alcatraz and intend on destroying San Francisco with deadly VX gas warheads.
Not enough of a twist, you say? We agree with you, #hindsighters, because what this movie is missing is a sexy criminal element, also known as John Patrick Mason (Sean Connery). You see, Goodspeed can disarm any nuclear bomb, but only Mason can sneak Goodspeed ON to the island of Alcatraz.
How can Mason pull off such a mission? Because he’s the only former prisoner alive to successfully escape Alcatraz. Mason has only been in another prison (apparently one more difficult to escape from than Alcatraz) for the past 30 years. What could go wrong with this plan?
Tune in and find out on our most recent episode, starring John C. McGinley…and a bunch of other people.
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“Darling…the only ghoul in this house is you.” – Annabelle Loren
Welcome to the party on Haunted Hill, where the ghost stories aren’t made up, and the grudges do matter. Frederick Loren is hosting a gathering where all the guests get to walk away with ten thousand dollars apiece…assuming they survive the night in a horribly haunted house. Not enough of a twist, you say? Your favorite podcasters agree. As it turns out, the ghosts (and one random werewolf) might not be the most dangerous inhabitants of the House on Haunted Hill.
This William Castle classic begs the question: Would it be more fun to be murdered by an eccentric, mustachioed millionaire, or his cheating, smokin’ hot spouse? We suppose that comes down to your own kinky preference, but let’s all agree that disintegrating in a vat of acid would be absolutely zero fun. No bones about it. Darth will see herself out for that joke…unless Vincent Price has locked her in.
Join Darth, Adam, and Jason for their first Halloween episode of the season, House on Haunted Hill!
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Darth was today years old when she discovered that Johnny Depp and Christopher Walken star in more than one movie together. In one of those movies, Nick of Time, Mr. Smith (Walken) threatens to murder Gene Watson’s (Johnny Depp) little girl unless Watson pulls the trigger on Governor Eleanor Grant during a public speech in a downtown L.A. hotel.
And we have a movie!
This film has everything going for it on paper. You have a handsome leading man racing against the clock. You have Christopher Walken literally stalking that leading man every step of the way on his mission to kill a governor so liberal that everyone and their mom (including her own husband and the guys at the hotel bar) want her dead. Johnny’s only allies are the veteran shoeshine and every single other hotel employee. In Nick of Time, there are countless build-ups with zero follow-through, and despite the stakes and talent that fill this movie to busting, it presents like a TV movie that could have used a few extra commercial breaks.
Darth and Jason enjoyed it nonetheless. But did 2-D Adam Brown have an opinion? More importantly, did Johnny off the governor?? Tune in to find out!
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In this schlocky 90s comedy, Lt. Cmdr. Tom Dodge and his tattooed dick are facing a stacked deck.
Due to his decorative penis and quirky methods of command, Dodge has been passed over for promotion by the Navy Selection Committee year after year. But when Rip Torn decides to pull rank out of pure nepotism for his own errant son (which no one seems to notice or care about), Dodge finally gets a shot at captaining his very own recommissioned, yet utterly decrepit, submarine.
It’s up to Dodge and his colorful crew of misfit seamen, including a shockingly female Diving Officer, to navigate the USS Stingray through a War Games exercise that will determine his fate in the U.S. Navy. Does Dodge win the war games and Jim Carrey’s woman amidst self-inflicted chaos and loony piracy on the high seas? We’re not sure we even care, but in this episode of HIH, we discuss Down Periscope.
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When you’re an under cover operative in a tough spot, who do you reach out to for help? James Bond? Ethan Hunt? Elon Musk? NOPE. In Penny Marshall’s directorial debut, it’s Whoopi Goldberg to the rescue for a British spy who just wants to get home.
Meet Terry Doolittle (Goldberg), professional smartass and computer genius, also known as a bank chat specialist. Terry stumbles into the world of espionage when English spy, code name Jumpin’ Jack Flash, reaches out to her with cryptic communications over her faulty bank computer. Jack puts Terry’s feeble feminine brain to the test with coded messages alluding to the Rolling Stones; Terry does some dancing, cracks the code, acquires a frying pan, and illicit undercover activities commence.
Jumpin’ Jack Flash is a Whoopi Goldberg vehicle that goes off road with ridiculous disguises, villainous treachery, & plenty of wise cracks. The British are coming, and Jim Belushi is armed with a tow truck and truth serum. But will Whoopi win the day and the middle-aged man? Smack your malfunctioning monitor and find out in this slapstick 80s romp.
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What would you do for a Klondike bar? Would you bark like a dog?
What would you do to maintain the secret of Nirvana? Would you murder a shark-bitten Swede? Leo DiCaprio sure would!
In Danny Boyle’s 2000 film The Beach, some intrepid travelers seek a hidden island paradise for non-parasites in Thailand, a country where marijuana was recently legalized! After their deeply disturbed fellow traveler, Daffy, commits suicide on the Khao San Road, Richard discovers a map bequeathed to him by Daffy that leads to a forbidden beach so perfect, it was formerly thought of as nothing more than an urban myth.
Richard’s bizarre journey includes a French couple, Etienne and Francoise, who like to have loud sex. The threesome’s difficult travels pay off when they finally arrive at The Beach, but this fairy tale land-turned coveted reality conceals a dark truth.
The Beach is occupied by a group of hippie psychos who viciously guard their seaside commune, which also happens to be equipped with a manipulative ice queen and dangerous drug farmers who favor a Thai variation of Russian Roulette.
There is almost too much to unpack when it comes to The Beach. Suffice it to say that, in this movie adapted from Alex Garland’s far superior debut novel, we discover that when paradise comes at too steep a price, it’s not the journey or the destination so much as the escape.
Join Darth, Jason, and Adam for a dive into The Beach.
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There’s this call girl. She’s got a bad rap, see? She’s stuck with a murderous john who owns all the hookers in Atlanta; he puts her up in a nice penthouse with fabulous clothes and all the dance classes she could ask for. It’s up to a ruggedly handsome vice cop to rescue her and give her the run-down home of her dreams in a ghetto part of the city so they can live happily ever after next to a playground of noisy ass kids. This dream house may not have a bed with a frame, but it has a lovely window seat with a rose carving, perfect for peeping on the local children at play.
Now that we think about it, Sharky’s Machine may be the literal opposite story of Pretty Woman. This rendition of Dirty Harry Goes to Atlanta is a drama-packed, vice-ridden tale of Burt Reynolds (quasi-legally) stalking and sometimes slapping a hooker with whom he falls in love from afar. Don’t worry, he’s still focused on cleaning up the city streets. He might lose a few fingers in the process, but good ol’ Sharky will see to it that we ATLiens can enjoy our city without the worry of those awful out-of-staters.
Join Darth, Adam, and Jason for the mustache ride that is Sharky’s Machine.
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Oh, my GOD, Mr. Cotter, I want YOU!
What if Cheech and Chong joined the army? We’ll never know for sure, but Stripes gives us a close enough idea when Bill Murray talks Harold Ramis into becoming a grunt in this 80s comedy. John and Russell join the army, mud-wrestling shenanigans ensue, and our would-be heroes get the girls, but can they protect America’s newest super-weapon/shaggin’ wagon? Probably not, but it hardly matters when your main goal in life is to be the sharpest loofah in your platoon ever to graduate basic training.
Sound off for Stripes!
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Not all of us can travel abroad during our college years. Some of us can’t afford college or travel and are subsequently forced to fantasize about that magnificent day when a random, white-collar gentleman will offer us $1000 to travel to Italy to locate and return his wayward, womanizing son.
Matt Damon lucks out in the extreme in this story; he is literally paid to visit a fictional town in Italy to locate Jude Law and bring him home to America to fulfill his destiny as a shipping heir. Sadly, things get murder-y quickly when same sex tendencies and bitter jealousy arise amidst the gin and the jazz.
Murder begets more murder in The Talented Mr. Ripley, a film that raises deeply philosophical questions that keep us up at night: Do the ends justify the means? Can anyone truly be a “bad” person? Is Matt Damon prettier than Gwyneth Paltrow?
Decide for yourself as you experience the criminal misadventures of the talented, treacherous, and tormented Tom Ripley.
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Danger is around every corner when you’re an “anonymous” journalist with a drug beat and alimony to pay. Luckily, Fletch, known as Jane Doe to his readers (we assume he has some, but no one ever confirms this fact) is mediocre at disguise and masterful at confusing his targets with jibber jabber.
Fletch finds himself in the crosshairs when he’s asked to commit murder by a mysterious rich Mormon who mistakes him for one of his many alter egos; I mean, who wouldn’t trust thousands of dollars and a carefully coordinated murder plot to a drug-addled beach bum? There’s a foxy blonde, an angry Doberman, and Geena Davis has a dude’s name. It’s funny and confuddling. It’s Fletch.
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Holy hairpiece, Jason Alexander!
Oh yes, it's George AND Kramer from Seinfeld, along with Dan Aykroyd and just about everyone else who made an appearance on SNL in the late 80s and early 90s.
When a failed recon mission strands him and his wife on Earth, what is an extraterrestrial to do other than make a half-assed attempt to blend in with the neighbors? Beldar and Prymaat make the best of their suburban purgatory while raising their daughter who possesses the wildly rebellious tendency to date an overweight underachiever.
This ridiculous 90s comedy didn't make money or history, but it doesn't matter. As far as Lorne Michaels is concerned, you can shove it up your cone.
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Honey, we’re home! And where’s our dinner??
Who doesn’t want to have sex in technicolor? The people of Pleasantville, that’s who! That is, at least, until Reese Witherspoon comes along! But don’t let the black and white swirl get your TV antenna in a twist! Join, Darth, Jason, and Adam for a romp through simpler times that become instantly complicated when Don Knotts abducts two 90s teenagers. Tune in for some salacious and visionary thinking during Pleasantville. And remember…you’re soaking in it.
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Ah, the 1970s. You've given us so many movies to suffer through. What more could you offer?
Turns out, the 1970s can offer us a bland movie about Rock Hudson using mad science to save a dog's life. Which is fine. Only he then decides to use the same science to create a total babe who wants to "learn" about "nookie." Oh, and the dog and the babe are both super cool with killing. Thanks, 1970s.
And, yes, there's frontal nudity.
Watch "Embryo" (1976) on Hindsight is Horrifying!
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Bob Clark has given the world so much. He gave us "A Christmas Story" and defined the holiday movie. He gave us "Porky's" and defined the teenage sex comedy. He gave us "Baby Geniuses" and gave us diarrhea.
In "Black Christmas" he not only gave us the slasher film, but he also defined many of the tropes that would be used again and again for decades to come.
The gang welcome their friend Adam Darby back to the studio to talk about the 1974 cut-em-up Christmas classic, "Black Christmas."
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It's December! For some reason, that means we all have to watch Christmas movies. This appears to be a law, and the gang aren't taking any chances.
Join them as they take their first obligatory trip down mandated festive joy.
"Fatman" is a movie that just doesn't know what it wants to be. Comedy? Action? Tarantino-esque killfest? No clue. All we know is that the gang sit down and watch Mel Gibson in "Fatman" (2020).
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Today we end our malformed Halloween season with a look at Brian De Palma's trippy musical extravaganza, "Phantom of the Paradise."
Before Andrew Lloyd Weber gave the world his lesser-known version of Leroux's famous novel, the bell-bottomed population of the 1970s was subjected to this prog/folk acid trip. The plot concerns a weird and disturbing composer who is maimed and turned into a weird and disturbing composer who wears a mask. Like Sia, only the music in this movie is better (it was written and largely sung by the legendary Paul Williams).
Surprisingly, the movie ended up being rather good, and the discussion was even better. Enjoy "Phantom of the Paradise" on Hindsight is Horrifying.
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Critters is a movie that once terrified young Jason to the core of his cynical little soul. Now he returns with Adam and Jade to find out if it has that scary staying power.
Join the gang as they watch the 1986 horror (comedy?) Critters on Hindsight is Horrifying!
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Young Adam is back! And mysteriously, Adam B. is missing...
But let's not get bogged down in 'who killed who for a guest spot on a YouTube show.' Instead, let's watch the sequel to Sam Raimi's debut film (and the best horror sequel ever), Evil Dead II.
Dead by Dawn!
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Yes, Prince Humperdinck battled Chucky, but at least he didn’t have a date with a 6-year-old boy…
It’s officially Halloween, the spookiest and most magical season of them all. And what better way to celebrate the unholiest of high holidays but with the movies that scared us witless when we were younger? That’s right, #Hindsighters, Jason has raised a new challenge from the dead, and your bold podcasters are dredging up the most fearful movies of their formative years for your vindictive entertainment!
Join Darth, Jason, and Adam B. in their foray to the 80s and heyday of the meanest doll of them all, Chucky! The demonic ginger Good Guy Doll has a truly bad side. Download if you dare! Better yet, click the like and subscribe buttons, or we’ll throw you in the fire!
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Viewers will recall that Jason has a complicated relationship with the Star Wars universe. Unfortunately for him, all that and more await him as the gang watch Episode II - Attack of the Clones.
Many thanks to our special guest Jacob Andrews for joining us and suggesting this quite divisive movie!
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Vibes is one of those forgotten 80s movie gems that deserves a second look. Not a third look though. Two will do. After all, we're talking about the first (and only) cinematic pairing of the great Jeff Goldblum and the irritating Cyndi Lauper. As psychics. Heck, it even earned a star from Roger Ebert. And that's exactly one star more than he gave Death Race 2000.
Join the gang as they return to the greatest decade in movie history for the 1988 comedy, "Vibes."
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Jason has a list. It's a list of very, very bad movies. Movies that are as bad as they are...free to watch.
Alien Conquest tells the touching story of Tom Sizemore's battle with addiction and recovery, set against the backdrop of the most implausible alien invasion since "Hobgoblins." Enjoy this incompetent ripoff of "War of the Worlds" on Hindsight is Horrifying!
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The Big Hit: “Let’s go, baby! Let’s work!”
Did you ever consider the hitman’s feelings when he kidnaps you? You will when you watch this trashtastic piece of cinema starring Lou Diamond Phillips, Marky Mark, and Mark Wahlberg!
For real, #Hindsighters, what innocent catholic schoolgirl doesn’t dream about falling victim to kidnaping and inevitable Stockholm Syndrome when they’re taken hostage by someone as hot as Marky Mark?
#Hindsighters, forget about Christina Applegate (we’re kidding; even Darth knows that’s not possible) and focus on the jailbait that is China Chow in this hot cinematic nonsense.
What’s the one lesson your intrepid podcasters have learned from this movie, you ask? Sensual, non-consensual cooking inevitably leads to kosher takeout.
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This week's episode is dedicated to Jason's old friend. Dr. Rodney "Jason" Hatfield passed away suddenly on 14 July. He was a great human being and an outstanding family man. He will be missed.
Hindsighters, please consider donating to the Rodney “Jason” Hatfield memorial scholarship which will benefit Dr. Hatfield’s children. Donations can be made here.
What to say about this week's episode? Well, it's a classic of American cinema more relevant now than ever. It's the 1976 comedy that became a drama: Network.
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“It’s a bird, a stork!”: NO! It’s The Mummy Returns, where Egyptian history is made up and the reincarnation points don’t matter.
#Hindsighters, your beloved Darth Jader is not embarrassed to admit that, as a child, she thought scarab beetles would be a much larger problem in her adult life than even quicksand, all due to what cartoons and mummy movies may have taught her.
Despite their combined efforts, Darth, Adam, and Katie cannot discern whether dying by scarabs, quicksand, or piranhas is worse. Ultimately, there is no need to fret, loyal listeners, because we know that our Desert Daddy will always come to the rescue, no matter our continent of adventure or residence.
Enough about Oded Fehr (no such thing). Let’s talk about Brendan Fraser, and Rachel Weisz, and John Hannah, and Patricia Velasquez. Don’t feel neglected, Arnold Vosloo, because no one could forget your remarkably smooth portrayal of Imhotep; we would build sandcastle faces and crash dirigibles with you any time.
Meanwhile, no one is concerned about the Cousin Oliver of The Mummy franchise, despite the fact that Alex is the necessary through-line for the plot of this picture (not to mention the somewhat adorably smart-arsed amalgam of Rick, Evie, and Jonathan).
The inevitable lessons that you must take from The Mummy Returns are as follows:
1.Whether facing pygmies or velociraptors, don’t go in the long grass.
2.Knowing Ancient Egyptian is handy whether you’re reincarnating your recently murdered mother or destroying the god-awful CGI version of Dwayne Johnson.
3.DO NOT stick your fingers or hands into the eye sockets of the undead or ancient Egyptian glory holes. In either instance, you’ll end up covered in goo.
Oddly enough, The Mummy and The Mummy Returns drive home the most important lesson of life: Mortality blows.
Fellas, take note that even reincarnated lives can be short. It doesn’t matter what army you control or which bug king you kill. If Imhotep liked it, he should have put a ring on it (but only with the Scorpion King’s diamond on top because now Jonathan’s going to lose that bling in a card game).
Until next time, fellow Egyptologists. This has been #Hindsight, and good night.
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The gang is back from their adventure with sharks at the Georgia Aquarium. In honor of that, they've decided to watch a movie about attractive people getting in the water with sharks. It's essentially the same story, albeit with somewhat more death and nearly 12% more creepy Louisiana guy with bad teeth. It's the 2011 sexy teen / bikini / coming of age / friendship / horror / comedy / romance movie "Shark Night," directed by the guy who made Snakes on a Plane.
And Ted from Schitt's Creek is in it!
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Ed Wood was more than a man...so much more. By that, we mean he was a director. No, a filmmaker. A filmmaker who fought against the Hollywood machine to make crappy movies that have entertained generations of insomniacs (and MST3K fans). And to think he did in drag.
Join Jason, Darth, and Adam B. as they watch the 1994 Tim Burton "bio" pic about this enigmatic hero from cinema history.
And to think, Adam B. does the whole episode in drag. Full circle, folks.
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Tonight, on a very special episode of Hindsight is Horrifying, host Adam B. picks a movie in tribute of the late actor Joe Lara. Fans will remember that Adam and Joe worked together on the action movie, "Strike Zone," which we previously reviewed.
Unfortunately, given Joe's repertoire, pickings were slim so we ended up with "Tarzan in Manhattan." It's a 1989 pilot movie for a show that never went to series. After watching, we were surprised that it was actually kinda good. Sort of.
Enjoy Tony Curtis, Joe Lara, Jan Michael-Vincent, and other human beings in this romantic crime thriller noire detective comedy drama.
God, don't you miss the eighties?
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Adam and Jason are AWOL this week, so Darth has to call in an elite pair of guest hosts. Rejoice, fans, for Katie and Young Adam are back!
Being hip kids down with the streets, etc., the guests picked a topical movie from 1994. It's Kevin Smith's debut film: Clerks.
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It's time to celebrate! Why? Because the Hindsight is Horrifying Year of Hell is over! Now the hosts can turn to some palette cleansing titles sure to brings smiles to cynical faces everywhere. And what works better at palette cleansing than gravy?
How about gravy for your brain?
On this week's show, the hosts (sans Adam B., who is off doing something called 'sec tourism') venture down the rabbit hole with the 1997 thriller/comedy "Conspiracy Theory." It's time to settle in and enjoy Mel Gibson, Julia Roberts, and Patrick Stewart (in a role that will surprise you).
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The gang wrap up their Year of Hell early, and boy do they go out with a bang. In this week's episode, Jason revels in forcing Darth and Adam to suffer through Alejandro Jodorowsky's "The Holy Mountain." That's right, the gang sits through the Most Painful Movie Ever Made.
Enjoy. Well, we say enjoy...
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The gang is nearly done with their Year of Hell, which in fact lasted just under five months. What can we say, we're wimps. This week was Darth's final pick, and she came from left field with a movie that is...good? Great, actually, but emotionally quite painful. It's the 1999 Tom Hanks film "The Green Mile." Not since "Brian's Song" have so many tears been shed by such hollow husks of people. Enjoy!
And join us next week when the gang are forced to watch Alejandro Jodorowsky's "The Holy Mountain," a movie that earned the title of Most Painful Movie Ever Filmed©.
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And now a moving tale of resurrection. Like the Bible, only the resurrection is a continuity error, and the movement is of the bathroom variety.
As our Year of Hell continues, the hosts must endure a movie made watchable only by the good people at MST3K. We're doing the Cameron Mitchell classic(?) sci-fi schlock-fest Space Mutiny. Enjoy. Or don't, I'm not your boss.
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Still with this Year of Hell? Yep. And this week Darth brings something truly horrible. Horrible to sit through that is. It's the 1987 children's introduction to light BDSM: The Brave Little Toaster.
The Master Orders You To Watch!!!
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What to say about this movie? It's powerful, sweet, and tearjerking. Which is exactly why Adam B. chose it for our Year of Hell. The goal was to make us cry, and boy did he come through.
Even if you've never heard of Brian Piccolo and Gale Sayers, you'll want to tune in to this special episode. Watch us watch the ultimate guy friend movie. And remember, we love Adam B., and we want you to love him also.
That came out wrong...
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What can you say about "Hobgoblins"? We watched it. Multiple times. And we still don't know exactly what we sat through.
Fans of MST3K will recall this movie as "The Movie" that Pearl Forrester used to punish Mike and the Bots when they were especially tiresome. After our experience...we think she's a war criminal.
Come back with us to the 1980s and watch a movie that had to have been conceived as a tax write-off. Join us as we traipse through the hellish nightmare world that is "Hobgoblins."
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Death Wish. A story about a man who wishes for death. Or something. In episode two of our Year of Hell, Adam B. forces Darth to watch Jeff Goldblum in his first meaty role. Meaty indeed.
Is there any chance the hosts will let each other off? Any possibility they will show some signs of civility towards each other?
No dice.
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Crime is the disease. The cure? A meathead with a matchstick. And a gun.
Join the gang as they begin their Year of Hell! For the next several weeks, the hosts will pick movies that have but one objective: to make all other hosts cry. That's right, the name of the game is pain.
And who better to kick things off than a Sylvester Stallone? This week, we take on 1986's action/satanic panic/vigilante/crime/romance/improv movie "Cobra." Enjoy. Or...don't enjoy?
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It's the 80s! Actually it's the year 2000, and the world is being introduced to a charming underdog and everyman named Patrick Bateman. That's right, we're doing American Psycho!
Join Darth, Adam, and Jason as they merrily laugh and chuckle at one man's attempt to make it in a world he doesn't belong in. Oh, the hijinks!
And the icing on the cake? We get to see Christian Bale kill the crap out of Jared Leto...with an axe! Fun times :-)
#horror #1980s #2000 #Mary Harron #Bret Easton Ellis #Christian Bale #Patrick Bateman #Justin Theroux #Timothy Bryce #Josh Lucas #Craig McDermott #Bill Sage #David Van Patten #Chloë Sevigny #Jean #Reese Witherspoon #Evelyn Williams #Samantha Mathis #Courtney Rawlinson #Matt Ross #Luis Carruthers #Jared Leto #Paul Allen #Willem Dafoe #Donald Kimball
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Join the gang as they lie to themselves about the quality of their existence!
Want some extra Christmas bonus magic? Do you? DO YOU?!? Well good! Because our friend Cece has made the poor life choice of returning to the studio to help us celebrate the hap-hap-happiest shopping time of all! #amazon
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Krampus! He's like Santa, but way more realistic.
On that cynical note, please join the gang as we traipse through this 2015 holly-jolly, wintery, cheery horror movie about what happens when you lose that Christmas spirit. Some say it's a cautionary tale...
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Remember Brendan Fraser? Pepperidge Farm remembers, and so do we!
Drop by the gang's fallout shelter and enjoy the wonderful world of the late 1990s with "Blast from the Past." And for extra fun, try reading all of that while doing a Christopher Walken impression. Go on, we'll wait.
fallout shelter,movies,1990s,1999,Hugh Wilson,Brendan Fraser,Adam,Alicia Silverstone,Eve,Christopher Walken,Calvin,Sissy Spacek,Helen,Dave Foley,Troy,Joey Slotnick,Soda Jerk
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Get your ass to Mars!!!!
Join the gang as they discuss the 1990 sci-fi classic, Total Recall.
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Terrorists...at a high school? Yep, the 1980s officially ended about three years into the 1990s. Our evidence? The 1991 action film "Toy Soldiers."
Join the gang as they chat about all the things that make this movie awesome!
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It's here! The gang gather around the pumpkins (we call beer pumpkins) and discuss three of their favorite TV show Halloween Episodes!
Featuring discussions of:
Community S4E2
“Paranormal Parentage” (2013)
Bob’s Burgers S4E2
“Fort Night” (2013)
Quantum Leap S3E4
“The Boogieman” (1990)
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The gang discuss the movie that launched Jason Voorhees' slashing career. Jason: The guy in the mask. The horror icon of the 1980s. You know him. You're scared of him.
Okay, so he's not really in this movie. But hey, his mom is! Join Jason, Darth, and Adam as they wander through Camp Crystal Lake and try to stay alive in this Halloween episode!
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Just when you thought it was safe to do something that would normally be safe but for the close proximity of something inherently unsafe!
It's a clown. Those are scary, remember? Anyway. Let's not drag this out...the gang talk about the remake of the mini-series version of the book, "It."
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Boyyyyy!!!!!
Everybody's favorite Tall Man makes his film debut in "Phantasm." This movie is about aliens, corpses, graverobbing, and balls. Really great balls.
Join Darth, Jason, and Adam as they once again wander down that wonderful, LSD-laced road called the 1970s.
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Adam B. is back! And now he's even mentioned in the opening credits!
Join the gang as they aimlessly wander through this 1970s conspiracy thriller!
Was the moon landing fake? No. But was the Mars landing fake? According to O.J. Simpson, yes it was.
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What's this? Darth and Jason trying to save a couple in crisis?
That's right, viewers. Young Adam and Alyssa, his better half, are on opposite ends of the "Who was the better Joker" debate. So the gang step up to settle the burning question once and for all: Jack Nicholson or Heath Ledger?
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Spiders. Why'd it have to be spiders?
Darth, Adam B., and Jason watch 1990's spider-riffic film "Arachnophobia." Also, Darth nearly kills everyone and manages to wreck two cameras at once... Enjoy!
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Watch the skies! Also, you gotta pay a quarter if you drive to Ohio.
Darth, Adam, and Jason get together and chat about the wonderful Steven Spielberg UFO film "Close Encounters of the Third Kind."
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Tremors: “This Valley is Just One Long Smorgasbord.”
In 1990 America, no one could ever have predicted that a movie about subterranean penis monsters would not only attract the acting talents of Kevin Bacon and Fred Ward, but also inspire almost as many sequels as Highlander.
For real, what Freud-obsessed writer decided to create a film franchise featuring the leviathan version of an unsolicited dick pic? At the very least, Darth can cackle at the silver lining of witnessing her male guest-hosts being subjected to a woman’s experience in dating. The important lesson to glean from Tremors is that it’s completely acceptable to be an idiotic seismologist with zero knowledge of vibration or sound so long as you have stunning blue eyes and refuse to wear a bra. Add some utterly random pole-vaulting skills to that equation, and you just might get Kevin Bacon to cut foot loose.
On the other side of the spectrum, thank God for legitimately badass women like Reba McEntire. The queen of country music won’t hang up her boobs in times of crisis; Reba will bust out an elephant gun, stuff some pipe bombs, and kick some graboid ass alongside the dad from Family Ties.
As easy as it is to pick on Tremors, the franchise is much beloved. Tremors encapsulates trope monster horror with true 90s nostalgia. In fact, your favorite podcasters suspect that this movie might be where denim was last worn.
Regardless of your feelings about this cult classic, you have to admit that Tremors is nothing if not entertaining. Admit it. When the Corona pandemic broke out, you were kind of hoping for giant worms to battle; at least it would have given us all something to do besides listen to this god-forsaken podcast.
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Would you murder a perfectly good dog to rescue your sibling? More importantly, would you continue to patronize your vet’s practice if they were responsible for the death of your spouse? These and so many other questions arise from a viewing of M. Night Shyamalan’s Signs.
One thing is certain. When aliens OR cats start rattling on closed doors, you gotta flight-attendant-Steven-Slater-quits-job-style-luggage-row-passenger.html">get two beers and jump. The references on this podcast are nothing if not topical; your beloved podcasters blame the quarantine day drinking. The irony is not lost on Darth or Jason that they decided to release their Signs episode the very same week that the U.S. government confirmed the existence of UFOs. So hide yo’ kids, hide yo’ dogs, and bust out the water, because the aliens GON’ FIND YOU! Just don’t forget to cook one last, labor-intensive meal for your children before you all die.
Adam Brown may not know how to mans-place-NOT-kitchen.html">make fancy food, but he sure does know how to make food fancy.
Humanoid breakfasts are just the initial evidence of these podcasters’ waning mental health during week seven…hundred and forty five of quarantine. Signs certainly makes for relatable material amidst the current circumstances of isolation, UFOs, and total uncertainty.
Don’t panic yet, #Hindsighters. Your persevering podcasters have yet to bust out the tin foil hats, and it has NOTHING to do with the fact that grocery stores are completely out of tin foil.
In these trying times, we are all doing our very best not to go full Mel Gibson. You NEVER go full Mel Gibson. However, Darth would like to make it abundantly clear that her tombstone epitaph will not be changing. #DiedBetweenMelsThighs
No matter your psychological state, there’s nothing like an extraterrestrial attempting to murder your asthmatic child with wrist poison to help you suddenly remember that most beings, no matter how strange and startling, are susceptible to blunt force trauma.
During this age of how-to-self-quarantine.html">unending quarantine and countless tornadoes, Darth, Jason, and Mr. Brown won’t let you down. Your adored podcasters will continue to entertain you one episode at a time, so stay tuned, stay safe, and stay sane.
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Batman & Robin: “What Killed the Dinosaurs? THE ICE AGE!”
…and what derailed the Batman franchise for nearly a decade? This movie!
Darth and Jason host a record amount of virtual guests as they discuss a schumacher-in-conversation.html">Joel Schumacher dumpster inferno of the 90s, back when Arnold Schwarzenegger commanded higher billing than George Clooney and a scantily-clad Uma Thurman drove a Yoko Ono-sized wedge between the Dynamic Duo.
is-why-uma-thurman-is-angry.html">Poison Ivy might be a super villainess, but her costume still doesn’t have pockets. Darth and Jason suppose she must not need them since she has Bane to carry her purse. Batman certainly doesn’t seem to carry a wallet, but you really don’t need to when you have a utility belt and super roomy codpiece.
As it turns out, falling into below-freezing water will give you epic shrinkage, yet make loyalty to your wife your new super power, just not in real life (sorry not sorry Arnold).
Not much makes sense in this movie, especially the “science”. It appears that Super Soldier Serum has wildly different effects on each individual person; after all, the serum turned Steve Rogers into Captain America and turned Bane into El Santo.
Nonetheless, your favorite podcasters have to give credit to Mr. Freeze; he takes the “in sickness and in health” part of his vows rather seriously. When your wife contracts MacGregor’s Syndrome, you gotta put that bitch into a medically-induced coma! Bitches LOVE medically-induced comas!
It’s debatable whether Batman is the good guy in this film. At least Mr. Freeze had the courtesy to put his wife into a coma; Bruce just lets Alfred waste away Woodhouse style in his fancy mansion. Darth and Jason can only assume that he blew his monthly budget on freeze rays and giant telescopes. Mr. Freeze might be a villain, but he’s still a better boss than Joe Exotic. Sure, he feeds his employees crappy frozen dinners instead of spider webs, but he doesn’t seduce them with meth and tigers. Darth and Jason feel that Freeze’s worst crime was his abuse of ice puns.
The argument could be made that when you realize mankind is slowly destroying the Earth and her greenery, it’s time to start cross-breeding plants with snakes, because LOGIC.
Lastly, let Darth and Jason know if you guys want to see “Old Adam” shower in the cowl. That’s some Patreon content, but only if your pockets and self-loathing are deep enough. Do as we say and not as we do. Stay tuned, stay safe, and stay safe.
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Robin Hood Prince of Thieves: “I’m Gonna Cut Your Heart Out with a SPOON!”
Week 5 and quarantine continues!
Adam B. (the only surviving guest host) calls in this week from his bunker to help Jason rip apart a childhood favorite of Darth’s, Robin Hood Prince of Thieves.
As we as a society discover the real danger behind the Corona Virus (self/government-inflicted confinement-and-breaking.html?skipWem=true">confinement), Darth and Jason brazenly embrace the first step of devolvement: drinking prosecco out of coffee mugs. Don’t worry; it gets so much worse.
The social distancing mandate has shut down nearly all public businesses and schools. As a result, children AND parents are working/schooling/coexisting from home on a constant basis. Adam Brown hasn’t bathed in days and Jason can barely remember how to dress. The only thing Darth can think during this panic-inducing pandemic is, “What a time to be childless.”
Speaking of Quarantine Craziness, who was YOUR first animated Disney crush? They can be human or animal. No judgement in this corner, but extra points to the #Hindsighter who can properly guess which podcaster was enamored with the correct animated character!
Discussing the movie in question has become a problem even in the show notes… *sigh*
In this 90s “epic” starring that guy from Dances with Wolves and Mary Elizabeth Macaroni and Cheese, your favorite podcasters discover that only SOME Robin Hoods are required to speak with an English accent. Oh, and Michael Wincott was DEFINITELY in The Crow.
#Hindsighters, your darling Darth and Jason (along with the guest star that they can’t seem to get rid of), have a rare, shared opinion on this particular film, which is that Alan Rickman made this movie absolutely unforgettable. That’s a difficult feat, considering that God is also in this movie.
In spite of Jason and Adam B. kicking Darth in the teeth over this film (she got so flustered by their Statler and Waldorf heckling that she interchanged the word “rope” for “arrow”), your most beloved podcasters will continue cranking out episodes for your entertainment during the Corona pandemic. Count on it, even when Jason goes full Joe Exotic and threatens to murder that b**** Darth Jader.
Until then…stay tuned, stay safe, and stay sane.
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Shaun of the Dead: “You’ve Got Red on you.”
Nothing is sacred on this inconsistent farce of a podcast, so Darth and Jason decided to discuss Shaun of the Dead while the world is under quarantine due to the #CoronaVirus. C’mon … like it isn’t funny to discuss the Cornetto in the chaos of Corona?
Like it or not, your favorite podcasters have to believe that this pandemic will produce something good; rather, a large group of parents will produce their “Coronita” babies in December 2020. On this particular episode, Jason regrets creating a running quarantine gag! Why, you might ask? He had to put in some effort, and putting in effort is so passé.
In similar fashion, Adam B. makes zero effort to drive to the studio for this episode. Rather, he calls in from his bunker under the protection of his gas mask because he doesn’t love the #Hindsighters like Darth and Jason do. You learn who your real friends are during a quarantine, listeners-turned-viewers. We’re sorry you had to find out this way. Darth and Jason are attempting to recover from this devastating blow amidst the already imposing contagion.
No one handles quarantine claustrophobia quite like a submariner…
Boredom-induced questions abound amidst the #CoronaConfinement:
- If you’re not preparing your children (if you’re unfortunate to have them) for the inevitable demise of their friends and upcoming concerts, are you even BEING a responsible parent?
- Did Courtney kill Cobain? #Topical
- Do generation categories even make sense?
- Darth is NEVER revealing Adam’s true age; she’ll die on that hill even after he’s buried under it.
- Why hasn’t Bill Nighy been knighted yet?
Ultimately, Darth and Jason realize that everyone is struggling with social distancing. At times like these, it’s important to keep yourself entertained with your favorite music, television shows, and obviously the greatest podcast of all time. And there’s no need to thank us; we’re no heroes. We wear on bras on our heads just like everyone else.
Stay tuned and stay safe during these troubling times, and do your best to stay sane. Special Forces will show up to save us all, eventually. In the meantime, mix yourself a nice quarantini and wait for all this to blow over. 😉
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Watch this episode on YouTube! https://youtu.be/xPnM3aq8-R4
Weird Science : “I Want to Butter Your Muffin!”
#Hindsighters, Darth and Jason know that it’s been a rough couple of weeks for everyone facing the #CoronaVirus pandemic. It’s no fun when the world goes full Outbreak, but don’t let the deadly Motaba monkey on your back get you down! Your favorite podcast is still plugging away with new content, and that’s enough to make anyone smile (or to send Darth and Jason even MORE hate mail).
This week, Darth watches a movie about two nerdy boys with her two favorite nerdy boys! Adam B. joins Jason and Darth in the studio to discuss a bizarre John Hughes film, Weird Science!
There’s nothing like a man in taped up nerd goggles to make all the ladies go wild.
When he’s young and desperate to get laid, what geeky lad wouldn’t stoop to Victor Frankenstein levels to “simulate” himself a girlfriend? Moreover, who cares about the embarrassment of a head brazier when they’re cooking up a smoking hot sorceress girl on their outlandishly expensive history.net/apple-history-2/apple-lisa/2007-10-12/apple-lisa">80s computer?
Darth’s burning question is…who wore it better? Just kidding, RDJ all the way.
Just keep in mind, #Hindsighters, that creating the perfect girl with xpm-1985-08-02-ca-5793-story.html">“computer science” is all fun and games until that girl goes full Cat in the Hat and destroys your house by inviting over Mad Max bikers. The bad news is, she won’t stop there. In fact, when your grandparents try to bust up your sick ass 80s house party, your computer simulated girlfriend will freeze those bastards in Suspended Animation and shove them in the pantry.
Needless to say, this super 80s film is a tad random and somewhat polarizing. However, Weird Science does allow viewers to walk down memory lane with quite a few actors that you just don’t see anymore. R.I.P, Bill Paxton.
Furthermore, Weird Science commits itself to fulfilling the dreams of young male virgins everywhere. In what other world would any adolescent dude find himself blessed with the presence of a girl who has Albert Einstein’s brain, Kelly LeBrock’s body, and insane magical powers?
Weird Science is a crazy ride of a movie, #Hindsighters, and just the kind of distraction that the world needs right now. So grab an Icee and curl up in quarantine as your beloved podcasters simulate a brand new episode.
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Prepare yourselves for our most special episode ever, #Hindsighters. Word has gotten out (thanks to Australia) about our little podcast, and, believe it or not, we’ve drawn some Hollywood attention.
This week, Darth and Jason welcome a guest who is the “star” of the movie at hand, Strike Zone. That star is … Adam Brown! Try to curb your enthusiasm; Jason was honestly just getting back at Darth for tricking him into watching Mean Girls the week previous.
Buckle up for an utterly trashtastic movie you’ve never heard of that holds the world record for most stock footage and boasts a thrilling story line where rival ex-lovers of baby-crazy Rebecca must rescue her from the city of Lost Plot Point.
Strike Zone provides the audience with all the most implausible scenarios you could ever wish for. To that end, if a bad guy won’t stop shooting your Kevlar vest, throw that bitch a ninja star. Bitches LOVE ninja stars! It takes a Hunter S. Thompson level of self-actualization (and a lot of Variant beer) to truly appreciate this type of film. You simply can’t ignore the genuinely creepy and stilted acting of a villain who looks like David Bowie on meth.
If you can find Strike Zone on video CD, you owe it to yourself to follow along as your beloved podcasters critique it. After all, you have to admire a film that runs wild with discrepancies in plot, quality, and basic human logic.
In all seriousness, #Hindsighters, join your favorite podcasters for a first-hand perspective on a movie with the one actor who delivered a believable performance. Don your tube tops, negotiate your black market arms deal, and enjoy the 2000 cinematic classic, Strike Zone!
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#Hindsighters, Darth and Jason strive to provide you with aberrant content on a weekly basis, and on this particular episode, they sure didn’t disappoint. This week, they cruised back into the 70s to discuss the lauded classic, Smokey and the Bandit!
Adam Brown donned a fake mustache to join your favorite podcasters for this special movie and his whopping 9th appearance on the show, leaving Katie trailing behind just like Buford T. Justice.
You might want to get your ears and your eyes on, good buddies, ‘cause ol’ Smokey is bound to catch up to that badass Trans Am. Crack open your legal Coors beer and enjoy our latest episode!
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We're on YouTube! Watch this video in glorious HD color by clicking here!
Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas: This is Bat Country!
It’s a brand new season, #Hindsighters, and that means big changes! As your attorneys, Darth and Jason advise you all to subscribe to (and beware of) their podcast on Youtube, now featuring faces that only a radio could love.
Darth celebrated this landmark episode by dressing as her idol, Johnny Depp. It’s not the first time Darth has done such and it won’t be the last.
What would prompt Darth to dress like Johnny on this particular occasion, you might ask? In the very first installment of Season 2, your favorite podcasters discuss a true cult classic, Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas.
This episode has the absurdity, it has the nod to Gonzo Journalism, and most importantly, it has more than one Adam! What else does Hindsight have in store for you this year? Subscribe and find out!
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National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation: “We’re at the Threshold of HELL!”
#Hindsighters, Darth and Jason realize that you are mourning the ending of the first HIH season. Luckily, for all of you already missing the holidays, your favorite podcasters are going out with a Christmas classic in January. Better yet, they are accompanied by awesome returning guest, Morgan!
This film is arguably one of the most hilarious and relatable Christmas movies in all of cinema history. Christmas Vacation teaches us the valuable lesson that having relatives over for a month-long visit would quickly devolve into The Hunger Games, especially if Katherine burns the turkey again.
In all seriousness, when Count Rugen’s brother and bitchy Elane Benes are your uptight, yuppie neighbors, adding relatives like Cousin Eddie to equation can make the Christmas season a stressful one to endure.
The best way to survive such a season is to follow this sage holiday advice:
- Be sure to constantly chug egg nog out of moosen cups from Wally World.
- NEVER hang a realistic Clark Griswold from the side of your house; an idiot will call the cops.
- If you’re a plastic, light-up Santa and reindeer set, avoid the Griswold home at all costs.
Jason would argue that Santa could regenerate himself and his reindeer as the supernatural being of Christmas Vacation, but Darth doesn’t want to go there.
Hindsighters, our final thought from this Christmas season is this: Go full Griswold with your Christmas dreams. If you shoot for the moon, you might land in a backyard pool.
Darth and Jason would also like to thank each and every one of their listeners for making this such a successful first year of #HindsightIsHorrifying. Your continued listenership and support mean the world to us, and we could not be more grateful.
And before they get uppity, Darth and Jason would also like to sincerely thank each guest who has helped make these podcast episodes so special and fun. It has been a fantastic 2019, and the trolls best watch out, because 2020 is only going to be better and brighter. This is Hindsight, and good night.
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Jingle All the Way: “It’s Turbo Time!”
Adam Darby is back to make Darth and Jason feel as old as possible. Young Adam was FOUR in 1996, you guys (he totally missed the Olympics in Atlanta). But he made up for his glaringly young age with his killer Arnold impressions. He is accompanied by his delightful girlfriend, Alyssa, who is not a policeman. She’s a PRINCESS!
In this particular film, you witness Tickle Me Elmo culture at its absolute worst. The lesson gleaned from this Christmas movie is that, if you don’t get your kid a toy for Christmas, he will become Darth Methamphetamine. Also, your postman will threaten to blow up a radio DJ. So get your kid that special toy they want; Polly Pocket might be a choking hazard, but not in a David Carradine kind of way.
Jingle All the Way displays the typical 90s trope of terrible dads attempting to make up their bad behavior in extreme ways. #Hindsighters, NEVER miss your kid’s karate concert; you’ll never hear the end of it and Phil Hartman WILL try to eat your wife’s cookies.
On this podcast for the TV Generation, we never look back on our childhoods with cynicism, just friendly advice:
- If you want to nail your neighbor’s wife, don’t forget to train your pet reindeer to attack said neighbor.
- Booster is the Dane Cook of the Turbo Man universe.
- “If you wanna get your cat drunk … do it responsibly.” – Jason Mitchell
- Virtual Flashing is a thing, and fellas, we women are here to tell you that we don’t want unsolicited pictures of your junk.
#Hindsighters, this has been a fabulous Christmas season. Your favorite podcasters have thoroughly enjoyed ruining your most beloved Christmas films and have to warn you that there is only one more #HIH episode for the next few weeks. Enjoy listening to Darth and Jason while they are wild and unchecked, because 2020 will be a rude awakening with many changes to come (phrasing, first, BOOM!).
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Home Alone: “You Guys Give Up, or Are You Thirsty for More?”
In case you wonder why you suddenly can’t hear him, Jason had to abandon his own podcast (McCallister style) mid-episode. He doesn’t give two figs about you listeners. Luckily, Cece and Darth plugged along just fine without him. Jason’s disappearance may actually be a mercy in this case, because he starts the episode by having a stroke on the sound board. Just consider it an upgrade, #Hindsighters, because who WOULDN’T trade in #OldManJason for two beautiful ladies?
According to Cece, Home Alone is the ultimate comfort movie, whether you’re having a bad day, or simply being tried for murder. Either way, no amount of stress warrants banishing your 8-year-old to an unfinished attic, whether or not said attic has lighting.
On that note, #Hindsighters, Home Alone teaches us that when you do get locked in the attic for the night and subsequently wish your family out of existence, your anti-Wet Bandit game had better be strong when that wish comes true.
This isn’t to say that Darth and Jason don’t root for the Wet Bandits (who are cartoonishly impervious to pain) when they watch Home Alone. Your favorite podcasters realize and love the fact that a large portion of their fan base is compiled of badass criminals and their pet kangaroos. #Australia
Speaking of criminals, let’s all take a Christmas moment to empathize with Macaulay Culkin. The guy could use a break. His parents sucked, Michael Jackson “never” molested him, and Joe Pesci bit the poor kid’s finger so hard that he left a scar. To top it all, his fictional mother abandoned her bebe at Christmas! Your podcasters are honestly convinced that Buzz took better care of his spider than the McCallisters took care of Kevin. What the hell, Hollywoo?!?!?
On a different note altogether, #Hindsighters, while it is normally Jason boring your darling Darth Jader with conspiracy theories, Darth has to wonder if Mrs. McCallister purposely abandoned her child at Christmas in order for him to recognize his self-sufficiency. Think about it. That little kid does laundry better than most grown-ass men.
This possibility and Kevin’s insane skills at home security make your favorite podcasters yearn for a remake of Home Alone where Kevin is an integral team member to the Hans Gruber gang; John McClane won’t stand a chance. THERE’S YOUR CHRISTMAS MOVIE.
#Hindsigthers, Darth and Jason are thoroughly enjoying ruining some of your childhood favorites this holiday season. So stock up on tarantulas, paint cans, and red-hot branding irons, because this Christmas party is just getting started.
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How the Grinch Stole Christmas. *The one with Jim Carrey*
In a magical world that exists on a snowflake…Cindy Lou Who is an antagonist! WHO knew? We’ll see ourselves out…
This week, Darth and Jason welcome brand new (and unsuspecting) guest, Alli, to discuss How the Grinch Stole Christmas!
Hindsighters, this episode forces Darth and Jason to ask … WHY HE GOTTA BE A GREEN GRINCH?!? The Whos might be impervious to gravity and concrete, but greenism still hurts.
Your favorite podcasters may never be able to solve the mystery of unsolicited racism in a children’s Christmas movie, but they cannot rest until they determine whether yak hair costumes merit torture training. Can someone get Sarah Jessica Parker on the phone? She would know.
#Hindsighters, you’ve got to love it when a 30 minute Christmas classic transforms into a 2 hour feature film with jokes about key parties and cuckolding. Sometimes, Hindsight ruins a childhood. Regardless, if you’re Jason’s neighbor, you’re certainly a sex offender, but only on Halloween.
Darth and Jason would love to distract you from this ugly Halloween truth with some lessons from life and this super “wholesome” movie:
- Star Wars is all about perspective and carefully accepted delusion.
- The Grinch would have LOVED Hans Gruber.
- Cancelling plans that you made with yourself is unacceptable.
The real lesson is that we all grew up to be the Grinch. The good news is that none of us grew up to be Mike Myers in Cat in the Hat … except for Darth and Jason’s trolls. Your most hated podcasters will pray for you.
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us-east.amazon-adsystem.com/x/c/QvuQ-QOtKjzVTYImyj0ewW8AAAFu8EvgLgEAAAFKAfQh9bU/https://www.amazon.com/Die-Hard-Bruce-Willis/dp/B009EEQO08/ref=sm_n_se_dkp_ZZ_pr_sea_0_0?adId=B009EEQO08&creativeASIN=B009EEQO08&tag=alecmecom-20&linkCode=w42&ref-refURL=https%3A%2F%2Fhindsightishorrifying.com%2F2019%2F12%2Fdie-hard-podcast-0142%2F&slotNum=0&imprToken=rTn7QbGRMjD763JIrsaDCQ&adType=smart&adMode=search&adFormat=grid&impressionTimestamp=1575989535636">Die Hard: “F****** California…”
Yippee-ki-yay, melon farmers! This week, Darth learned that Die Hard is based on a Roderick Thorpe novel; she also learned that Jason and Adam Brown do a good deal of their podcast research in the bathroom.
Darth would give all the bond.asp">bearer bonds in the world to unlearn this information.
Adam Brown joins Darth and Jason as they continue to celebrate the month of Christmas! In this 80s classic, we join the heroic John McClane as he faces down a murderous potions master and a (nearly) indestructible ballerina. John displays great creative and artistic ability when he decorates a terrorist’s sweater for Christmas before cutting his feet on a ridiculous amount of glass.
Die Hard forces your favorite podcasters to ask: What is it with Christmas movies and ear damage?!? If you don’t suffer partial/permanent hearing loss from loud blanks, then a pharmacist is slapping your ears bloody. Regardless, Christmas movies seem to feature an unusual amount of ear abuse. You may be claiming that Die Hard is not, in fact, a Christmas movie, but it is and you’re wrong.
Regardless of your feelings about Die Hard’s Yuletide qualities, your favorite podcasters care about your safety, #Hindsighters, so remember this helpful tip: When you find yourself in a dangerous hostage situation, be sure to bump some cocaine from your shoulder pad stash before negotiating with your German kidnapper.
That’s not the only lesson to take from this Christmas classic. Upon viewing Die Hard for roughly the billionth time, Darth and Jason determined:
- The 10-quotes-from-die-hard.html">F word has the most exquisite mouth feel of all swears
- Karl is the Jesus of Die Hard
- Anyone who hasn’t seen Die Hard is a communist…or a small child. Either way, they need to get their shit together
The final takeaway is that Darth Jader would NEVER leave Bruce Willis for a fancy job or a younger man, but she would absolutely walk barefoot through broken glass to have lunch with Alan Rickman. ‘Cause she’ll work hard…or die trying, girl.
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A Christmas Story: “I didn’t say ‘fudge’.”
#Hindsighters, by this point you’re well aware that Darth and Jason enjoy ruining your favorite childhood films. To that end, how could the director of Porky’s NOT be responsible for one of the most beloved Christmas movies of all time? It’s only natural to graduate from glory holes and move on to what Jason calls “the Shark Week of Christmas.”
On the very first Christmas episode of your favorite podcast, Darth, Jason, and Meg discuss one of the most nostalgic Christmas movies in the history of cinema. On the subject of nostalgia, #Hindsighters, don’t you miss the pre-Internet days of paddle spankings and soap sucking? Asking for a friend.
Despite the fact that Jason is TOTALLY Old Man Parker, your beloved podcasters have no special love for A Christmas Story. They’re lying; everyone and their mom loves this movie. Anyone who says differently is selling something, and it’s probably Ovaltine. Allow Darth and Jason to dispel the inappropriate rumor you’ve all heard about A Christmas Story: Peter Billingsley is NOT an “above average” porn star; however, schwartz.html">Scott Schwartz may have dipped his toe into the porn pool. Regardless, don’t allow this to sour your holiday season. You can rest easy knowing that Ralphie never sold his body to the smut industry.
Beyond avoiding a career in porn, A Christmas Story taught us important life lessons:
- Never confuse mashed potatoes with asbestos. It’s honestly safer to shoot your eye out with your favorite bb gun.
- Sitting on a strange man’s lap is awkward, even when that strange man is Santa Clause.
Haunting your best friend is the only acceptable career option after you die.
Darth and Jason are excited to share this Christmas season with you, #Hindsighters. They wish you the happiest of holidays, filled with “Asian turkey” and Red Ryder bb guns.
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Fire in the Sky: “They took him.”
Excuse me, waiter? I’d like to order an alien movie, light on the aliens and heavy on the trucker caps.
Prepare yourselves, #Hindsighters. “Old Adam” is back, despite Darth’s vehement protestations. Your favorite podcasters apparently have no other friends. To that end, Darth and Jason have to ask: If someone can’t pass a polygraph, are they worth having as a friend? Regardless, don’t ask Jason or Adam Brown why they might have been acquitted after their own polygraph tests … they could tell you, but then they’d have to kill you.
Speaking of crimes, it’s always awkward to be accused of your best friend’s murder, especially when he’s a dumbass that you left to die in the woods because he’s attracted to pretty lights. It’s even more awkward when you have to explain this situation to James Garner and his tape recorder. Darth and Jason don’t mean to be harsh, but WHO WALKS TOWARD THE LIGHT?!?
The working theory is that walton.com/">Travis Walton’s Levi’s were so tight that they must have disrupted his brain function. That’s the only explanation for him going full Leeroy Jenkins towards a UFO. The lesson here is that no one wants to be probed by an alien or a parasite, so never go into the woods or a high scale condo alone. If you do find yourself in either environment, avoid wild edibles at all costs.
Darth and Jason pity the foolish alien that attempts to capture any of their Australian listeners, but in the unlikely case that you are abducted, be sure to contact Jason immediately upon your return; he doesn’t wear a bolo, but he will be there to comfort you with a Snickers and some boxer shorts.
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The Emperor’s New Groove: “BOOM, BABY!”
#Hindsighters, Darth and Jason thought they would continue to provide some palate cleansing episodes between Halloween and Christmas for your listening pleasure. Mostly, your favorite podcasters hoped they would get the awful taste of Halloweentown and Shivers out of your mouth.
amazon.com%2Fimages%2FG%2F01%2FIMDbPro%2Fimages%2Fhome%2FwelcomeToBomojov2._CB1571421611_.png">The Emperor’s New Groove forces Darth and Jason to ask, which band is the Halloweentown of music?
- Creed
- Nickelback
- Barenaked Ladies (this is the WRONG ANSWER)
Get excited, #Hindsighters, because our super fan, Katie has returned to discuss the beloved Disney movie where David Spade stars as…DAVID SPADE! But, you know…as a llama. Moreover, Patrick Warburton and Eartha Kitt totally steal the show as the Jack and Karen of The Emperor’s New Groove. John Goodman is supposedly still incredibly bitter about this (he was FINALLY looking forward to upstaging Roseanne).
Darth and Jason cannot stress the importance of this episode enough, listeners. Sting saves the rainforests. More importantly, Jason nearly kills a judge and discovers that John Krasinski was once Tina Turner on a show where Tom Holland now reigns supreme. While these details are shocking, no hindsight horrified Darth and Jason more than the recollection of their first guest host party, held recently at Variant Brewing. There was a precious baby animal and FAR too much discussion of marital aids; your favorite podcast hosts STRONGLY RECOMMEND skipping their next party, unless you’re they’re trolls, in which case…
Darth and Jason would be remiss if they didn’t mention the original vision of The Emperor’s New Groove. Supposedly, this film should have been the next Lion King, yet somehow wound up as the most wildly underappreciated buddy movie of all time, despite what Roger Ebert has to say. Darth and Jason will go to the mattresses on this, just not with marital aids.
Final thoughts, you ask? You favorite hosts don’t have to think hard about that. Don’t cut Yzma’s song, and NEVER INSULT Kronk’s spinach puffs. Add some extract of llama and enjoy. BOO-YAH.
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The Princess Bride: “Anybody Want a Peanut?”
#Hindsighters, Darth normally writes her show notes with a mixture of condescension and sarcasm. She has to make an exception for this particular film, however, because it’s simply too perfect to critique. Jason throws some unexpected shade at Rob Reiner, but The Princess Bride simply cannot be touched.
Though Darth and Jason find it inconceivable that Wallace Shawn won’t repeat his most famous line from timeline.html">The Princess Bride for his fans, it’s comforting to know that Mandy Patinkin and Cary Elwes will quote any of their nostalgic lines as you wish.
On the subject of famous movie lines, Darth, Jason, and their special guest, Cece, have to make the argument that The Princess Bride might be the single most quotable movie of all time. Anyone who says differently is selling something.
Darth’s shameless plug aside, Cary Elwes is not the only one with a vault of stories about The Princess Bride. Through their research on this episode, Darth, Jason, and Cece discovered that Fezzik and Buttercup may have been different actors entirely. They’re honestly unsure if Baby Jay Leno would approve. The casting of The Princess Bride is utterly flawless. In what other world would Columbo read you a bedtime story where Billy Crystal is a bitter wizard who loves MLTs?
Ultimately, there simply isn’t enough praise to lavish upon the world’s most perfect story. Every man wishes for his Buttercup, every woman wishes for her Westley. As it turns out, nothing can stop true love or Cary Elwes, not even being mostly dead.
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Aladdin – 10,000 Years Will Give You SUCH A CRICK IN THE NECK!
Welcome to the episode where our guest has such vast knowledge of the wonderful world of Disney that we couldn’t limit our discussion to just this episode’s content. Thank Variant Brewing for luring Kara to town; she traveled from out of state to drink your beer (and supposedly to guest on our podcast).
Feel free to blame our lack of focus during this episode completely on Darth; she misplaced her Aladdin VHS tape, which is the only acceptable medium for viewing this film. Subsequently, there was no movie playing while we recorded this episode, and our ADD raged out of control. However, we more than make up for our lack of direction by singing parts of your favorite songs from Aladdin.
It’s safe to say that we all remember every aspect of Aladdin, including the second song number that actually doesn’t include Robin Williams. This very song taught us at a young age that OG Madams will smack a street rat with a broom without hesitation if he disturbs her hookers.
Listeners, if you didn’t know already, you might be interested to find out that the mythical Robin Williams plays more than one character in this childhood favorite; his ability to develop and embody so many characters blows our minds to this day.
To that end, we have to mention the incredible Jim Cummings, who is every cartoon character in every animated movie that’s ever happened. He also happens to play two different characters in Aladdin. From there, add a Disney prince who is an amalgam of Tom Cruise/Michael J. Fox and throw in a magic carpet; no wonder everyone and their mom adores this 90s classic.
Unfortunately, it’s difficult to discuss Disney without also mentioning the infamous Michael Eisner, who thought he could compare to the likes of Walt by appearing with the Muppets in his weak sauce attempt to become a household name. Psh. Freaking Eisner could never hang with the likes of the great Robin Williams. And we know you weren’t wondering, but the douche Lord Farquaad was TOTALLY based on Michael Eisner. We’re not bitter.
We realize that our discussion went all across the page in this episode, but we determined some interesting things in the process:
- The Notre Dame projection is preferable to hologram clowns ANY DAY. Circus clowns that can disappear and reappear at will are the new waking nightmare.
- Kara’s husband and Jason are total drunk shoppers. How else do you wind up with a Gene Hackman portrait and more VCRs than televisions?
Listeners, we sincerely hope that you enjoyed this romp through the vibrant streets of Agrabah to Galaxy’s Edge and beyond. We know we may have frustrated you with our inability to focus on the movie, but at least you learned some fun new facts on this journey with us. If not, we couldn’t care less, and we can’t do any more damage around this popsicle stand, but you’ll always be princes to us. Made you look.
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Sleepy Hollow: “Their Heads Were Not Found Severed. Their Heads Were Not Found at All.”
Adam Sandler and Tim Burton both wear shoes. You heard it here first. You also heard the wildly disappointing rumor that Alf is inexplicably returning to television. Stay tuned for updates on this devastating possibility. Though Darth and Jason have ZERO proof, Michael Eisner is suspected.
Ichabod Crane is breathtakingly handsome in this haunting universe where mystery abounds and the Headless Horseman is simply a through line in a murderous inheritance scam.
Despite Tim Burton’s alterations to this famous folklore, Sleepy Hollow lives high up on the Alf to Seinfeld Scale. As a matter of fact, Darth and Jason value Sleepy Hollow over Beetlejuice. Deal with it.
There is so much to love about Sleepy Hollow. We have Miranda Richardson as a colonial Bond Villain. There is the awing presence of Professor Dumbledore, Uncle Vernon, Alfred, and Principal Rooney. Tim Burton built a town from scratch and Christina Ricci makes an appearance.
Above all, Darth Jader personally appreciates these three special aspects of the film:
Skewed preferences be damned.
The burning question about this movie remains: Did Christopher Walken or Darth Maul play the Headless Horseman better? Neither of them speak throughout the movie, but people wind up cut in half wherever Ray Park appears. Darth and Jason can’t help but admire that.
This is the final installment of our Halloween season, but don’t lost your head, #Hindsighters. More episodes to come.
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The Evil Dead: “Join Us!”
#Hindsighters, the Halloween Spooktacular continues amidst movies and shows that scare, delight, and disturb. On this particular episode, Darth and Jason join Meg and Young Adam in discussing The Evil Dead, one of the most iconic Halloween films of all time.
“I’m an artisanal cheese maker and my husband binds books made of human flesh that he sells on Etsy. Our budget is $4.8 million.” That’s Darth and Jason’s fan theory as to how Dr. and Mrs. Knowby wound up with such a fabulously creepy cabin in the woods of Tennessee. It takes real money to ensure your home is properly haunted.
It’s all about the bizarrely chipper Deadites in this camptastic cult classic, where spirits possess innocent weekenders for reasons that simply aren’t clear. Regardless, The Evil Dead is still a better movie than Halloweentown.
Darth and Jason are avidly against reading aloud, especially when the book in your possession is penned in human blood. Of course, they realize that you can’t shoehorn logic into a film that includes tree rape. #ArborealDespoilment.
Speaking of which, The Evil Dead is infamous for several reasons, including its legendary practical effects. Where else are you going to see oatmeal and Alka-Seltzer explode from a once-human body? This movie provides visuals you never knew you needed until that first glorious time that you saw Bruce Campbell slathered in corn syrup. This film was not one of Darth’s favorites, but if you believe Meg and Young Adam (who appears in his own spooky podcast), The Evil Dead is “the quintessential Halloween movie.” Whether this film makes you want to laugh or cry, Darth and Jason are here to discuss it, so curl up beneath your favorite book shelf and “join us”.
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The Conjuring: “She’s Already Gone…and Now You’re All Gonna Die.”
What’s a violent ghost in comparison to an upside-down mortgage? In the continued exploration of what will frighten Darth to the very depths of her soul, we discuss The Conjuring, one of the highest grossing horror movies of all time.
The Conjuring takes place in a time when your diagnosis was embarrassingly published on your prescription bottle and television static still existed…
We apologize, #Hindsighters, but Darth can’t really go on with these show notes. She tried to make this movie funny, but it was simply too scary for her chicken self.
That being said, she’ll leave you with a few questions and lessons from The Conjuring:
- Ron Livingston can beat the hell out of a copier, but not a ghost? What the hell?
- Blindfolding the Seeker makes Hide ‘n’ Seek (and Quidditch) so much more exciting.
- How do you create a friendly haunting?
- Exorcisms are like horcruxes; they take a lot out of you.
The ultimate life lesson from The Conjuring, you ask? If you ever try to harm their dogs, Darth and Jason will go full Killer Whale on your ass.
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Shivers: They Came From Within! (Phrasing, boom!)
Hindsighters, steele yourselves for bodily and sexual mutilation in Shivers, where super-rapey parasites take over the residents of an upscale condo. In David Cronenberg’s wildly disturbing directorial debut, we venture back to the swinging 70s, when the women were braless and there was an ashtray at every elevator.
Seriously, tune in to this episode ONLY IF YOU DARE…
In the movie “that made Canada hate David Cronenberg”, we start off with the super awkward moment of Nick walking in on his gutted, murdered, and under-aged mistress (as happens so often). He was schtupping Patient 0, and now he’s Patient 1.
Shivers, a nightmarish hellscape of a movie, introduces phallic-shaped parasites as they violate and infect the unsuspecting (though certainly not innocent) residents of Starliner Towers. Subsequently, the condo residents turn into the horny Walking Dead and all sexual hell breaks loose.
To that end, Darth and Jason can’t help but wonder, is there no way to pull a “Walking Dead” to disguise yourself from horny zombies? Instead of covering yourself in the guts of the dead, couldn’t you just randomly start stripping or moaning? Would the Cronenbergs leave you alone in that case?
Darth and Jason would like to think so, and they’d also like to point out that NOTHING was learned from Shivers save for this sage lesson:
- If you want to afford spiders for your movie, don’t blow your budget on tempera paint.
Finally, Darth would like to thank the acADAMy for her freshest bout of emotional and mental scarring. Needless to say, Adam Brown is now dead.
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“That’s Not My Scarecrow.” – Jeepers Creepers
If you can dodge The Creeper, you can dodge a ball! Thank you for joining us for Katie’s 6th appearance on the podcast! She is the reigning champion of #HIH appearances, so eat her dust, Adam Brown.
In this particular horror film, there’s no lotion involved, even though the murderer requires the freshest, most fear-infused skin in order to Dorian Gray himself in the most gruesome way possible. To that end, we have to wonder if Buffalo Bill or The Creeper is more evil.
Either way, this movie demonstrates that Kits-C8.aspx">self-taxidermy is the ultimate survival tool and decoration skill. How else are you going to remain immortal in the sistina.html">Sistine Chapel of preserved bodies?
As horrifying as he is, The Creeper does have mad processing skills. But for you #Hindsighters at home, don’t fret if you don’t have freshly skinned human for your recipes; you can use store-bought and no one will know the difference. #BarefootHotmessa
Along with his incredible talents in butchering, Darth and Jason would be remiss if they didn’t take this opportunity to applaud The Creeper’s abilities in recycling; so few horror villains are green enough to leave only footprints when they devour and/or wear their human victims.
As far as Darth is concerned, the Creeper is basically burgers.fandom.com/wiki/Bobcat_Goldthwait">Bobcat Goldthwait as a Whisperer with a massive torture truck (a.k.a rolling probable cause). That being said, the only thing dumber than going back to investigate a mysterious guy who’s CLEARLY throwing bloody bodies down a pipe is building a diner set on your own budget.
We can only conclude that a lack of common sense is essential to the existence of any horror movie. There’s no other way to explain why most victims in scary films don’t possess a stronger instinct to “get the hell outta here”, or at least heed the advice of cut-rate Miss Cleo.
Justin Long story short, Derry is a better escape artist than Harry Houdini (we still don’t know how he get out of that tunnel of bodies); in fact, he’s so talented that he manages to escape his own skin. #SpoilerAlert
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Hocus Pocus: “Hang Him on a Hook and Let Me Play With Him!”
Welcome to the Great British Baking Show: Witch Edition! If the Sanderson Sisters don’t become immortal on Halloween night, they will turn into dust! But don’t worry. According to Jason’s cook book, if you don’t have farm fresh witch dust, you can use non-dairy creamer, and no one will know the difference. #BareFootHotMessa
Regardless of the ingredients in your recipe, don’t let the Kurgan lick the bowl; he’ll make it weird. Also, make absolutely sure that none of your lemons come from trolls, especially those who hate the sultry tones of Darth Jader.
Have you ever seen a cat inflate after being destroyed by a city bus? More to the point, are you even living if you haven’t? Luckily, our biggest fangirl, Katie, has returned to the studio to help us answer such questions!
As children, we thought that Hocus Pocus was a movie about witches. We were so naïve. This particular movie is naught but a fable to ward children against talking black cats, mouth-stitched corpses, and ANYONE who happens to be a virgin.
Most importantly, Hocus Pocus helps us to reiterate this lesson: STOP READING ALOUD FROM CREEPY BOOKS.
Despite the Sanderson Sisters being the 3 Stooges of witches, Hocus Pocus teaches us that:
- Only bougie people drink apple cider and pumpkin spice ANYTHING.
- Vacuums SUCK as flying transport.
- Passing the Man Bar is far easier than passing than actual bar exam. Just ask Jason.
Ultimately, we want to watch Bette Midler take on Emperor Palpatine in a lightening fight. Disney? *clap clap* Make it so. If you make this happen, we’ll “forget” about this “children’s movie” that focused so heavily on dead cats and sweet yabbos. We “promise”…
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Are You Afraid of the Dark?: “Submitted for the approval of the Midnight Society…”
Back in the day, when Melissa Joan Hart was the queen of Nickelodeon (when it was still worth watching), there was this spooky show about campfire stories. We all remember our favorite episodes of Are You Afraid of the Dark?
When you move into the Grey Gardens house with the Witches of Eastwick, you have to expect a visit from a ghost. However, we all know that Morning Wood is far scarier than any ghost we might encounter.
To that end, Darth can’t decide if it would be cooler to be killed by a ghost or pelted to death with gold coins. Regardless, she takes comfort in the fact that Jason will smother her with a pillow before he allows her to quote John Mulaney in her future nursing home. #Tombstonemoment
On this episode, we welcome back our friend, Marie, as we discuss “Are You Afraid of the Dark?” a show that scared the holy hell out of countless children in the 90s. During this chilling episode, we learn the importance of handing a dead child his own coat, because apparently, even ghosts get cold.
This show does leave us wondering … what’s the creepiest thing a ghost can say? “I’m cold” can’t possibly take home the gold chocolate coins.
And speaking of candy, why don’t circus peanuts take as much abuse as candy corn? Discuss.
The bits of wisdom we extract from this episode are as follows:
- It pays to be a Mouseketeer.
- Liberace could play the typewriter like a BAWSE.
- Museum exhibits that include dead bodies are TERRIBLY LOUD.
We discuss these fine points and much more on our latest episode. So, #Hindsighters, settle in and throw some non-dairy creamer onto the camp fire, because we don’t care about submitting for your approval.
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Ernest Scared Stupid: “I Sure Hope You’re From Keebler!”
On this delightful episode, Darth’s friend Jeremy (whose headstone will read “Ernest Scared Stupid ‘Expert’ #TombstoneMoment”) joins in for some Halloween fun in the studio to discuss a staple of all our childhoods, Ernest P. Worrell.
For most of us, Ernest was such a constant presence in our lives that we may forget his origin story from this film, which doomed him to dim-wittedness and garbage truck antics.
In spite of Ernest’s simple qualities, Darth wants to vacation in the Ernest multiverse, where the rules make way more sense than in the Stephen King universe. Pennywise is all-powerful, but his powers are surprisingly random and limited. Deal with IT, Young Adam. Though Ernest never defeated Sasquatch, he and the Ninja Turtles were the only heroes cool enough to attack their enemies with pizzas.
For real though, Jim Varney was someone that this world simply did not deserve. Thank goodness we still have Matt Smith, a.k.a the last Doctor that both Darth and Jason mutually adore and respect. Your beloved podcasters also respect the costumers of Ernest Scared Stupid, who clearly made more of an effort than those of Halloweentown.
Naturally, we have questions about this episode and its correlating movie:
- Why does the town sheriff have any sort of jurisdiction over the sanitation department?
- Why can’t Jason tell the difference between The Office and Golden Girls?
- Why do we even HAVE that lever?!?
Let us stop asking questions before the weight of logic crushes us beneath the shield of the paper thin plot of this movie. This won’t stop us, however, from professing our crossover theory.
Stick with us: Ernest is a supernatural being who was placed in this story…oh nevermind, that’s some utter nonsense that Jason would think up.
What we ultimately learn from this film is that trolls are weaker than milk (powdered or otherwise), and are utterly susceptible to Ernest’s tender dancing skills. Trolls are especially weaker than the pure love and memory of xpm-1989-07-08-8902150724-story.html">Jim Varney, our collective pal and beloved childhood friend. You know what we mean, Vern.
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Halloweentown: “Being Normal is Vastly Overrated.”
Welcome to the first episode of our Halloween series! In this Disney original, we join a brand new guest, Michele, to discuss the story of a powerful witch as she guides her innocent granddaughter down the path of the mysterious and demonic.
In this film, Aggie Cromwell has a pet purse that is clearly the bastard child of Mary Poppins’ carpet bag and the Monster Book of Monsters. #Hindsighters, we always thought that our grandmas simply didn’t want us to rifle through and subsequently disorganize their purses; now we know that they were all smuggling pentagrams and fetish dolls.
Shockingly, Jason hates this movie even more than Clueless, so he distracted himself with our latest studio toy. Oh yes, listeners, we’ve given Jason the power of sound effects, and Darth regrets everything.
In other and utterly superfluous news, Jason will henceforth be known as The Occurrence. He’ll be updating his social media handles accordingly and getting some trashy tattoos.
Despite the fluffy nature of Halloweentown, Darth and Jason took away some important lessons:
- Britney Spears is grocery store music; she has gone the way of the hair scrunchie.
- Selling your soul to a warlock for good looks is a legit way to go if it lands you date with a witch.
- Transforming a dead chicken to a live chicken inside a refrigerator is the ultimate prank.
In the Lion King, Mufasa tells Simba that “When we die, our bodies become the grass, and the antelope eat the grass.” Halloweentown, however, leaves us hanging with a deeply ecumenical and existential question: When we die, do we go to Halloweentown? Because for Jason, being eaten by antelope might be a preferable option.
Regardless of their empirical dilemmas, Darth and Jason have to give mad props to Princess Leia’s mom. Aggie is far too powerful to be defeated by a crappy warlock who roofies people with light-up Poke Balls, even if she cheats on occasion to make spells with Ramen noodle magic.
Get excited #Hindsighters, because Darth and Jason look forward to spending their first Halloween season with you. Steel yourselves for plenty of dark humor and a surprisingly diverse selection of movies, because we’re comin’ at ya. Hindsight, OUT.
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10 Things I Hate About You : “I Heard He Ate a Live Duck Once.”
*DISCLAIMER* Darth takes NO RESPONSIBILITY for these show notes. The men on this particular episode are the conductors of the Hot Mess Express. Also, we have to formally apologize to Randy and decent human beings everywhere because Adam Brown remains the King of wildly necessary editing.
We’re telling you, if you think that our passable material is rough, you guys don’t even want to know what we’ve had to cut. Needless to say, we require more crickets and mute buttons.
Welcome to Part II of the Battle Royale, where Darth and Katie serve up some pain to the boys in the form of a 1999 classic. This is the episode where we discover that Darth Jader can’t pronounce “subterfuge”, “reprise”, or “salsa”.
The most fascinating revelations of this episode, however, are Jason’s obsession with Oscar Isaac and Adam Brown’s crush on Don Johnson, despite being a self-described “flaming heterosexual”. Regardless, neither Oscar nor Don could keep our HIH fellas from frequenting the lesbian bars back in the day.
10 Things I Hate About You teaches us that high schoolers can get drunk and sober up at Light Speed, so a successful party is all about proper snacks and memorable moments. You need brie, table dancing drunk chicks, and a random guy falling off the roof if you expect anyone to enjoy themselves.
Listeners, let’s be honest. We know that every high school is different and they all have different agendas and criterion. However, we WILL shame your learning curve if you don’t know how to draw your own genitalia. If you’re falling behind on this lost art, consult your guidance counselor; they’re probably writing dirty novels in their office, anyway. On that note, Ms. Perky is grown-up Tina Belcher, and we are 100% here for it.
Speaking of counseling, #Hindsighters, don’t let Jason discourage your love for Harry Potter; get sorted into your Hogwarts house today! JUST TO PISS OFF JASON, HERE’S THIS LINK TO BNL because the music in this movie is incredible.
We know you’re biting your nails on the edge of your seats to find out if the guys or girls emerge victorious from this battle of wits and crass comments, so tune in now and enjoy the Battle Royale: Part Deux!
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