During active addiction, Jordan did things that he wasn’t proud of in order to survive. He lost pieces of himself along the way, until he eventually got fed up. He was tired of the way that nothing in his life seemed worthwhile and wanted to feel the way he did back when he attended his first AA meeting. Going into treatment, Jordan felt powerless but soon became enthralled in meetings, making connections, and sharing secrets.

Today Jordan is confident, and the future looks promising to him. He is okay with being alone and not needing a partner – something he never could have imagined in the past. He describes how he is able to watch all his dreams come true, and has a taste of freedom for the first time in his life.

When Jordan looks back on life before addiction, he realizes there was not one huge event that led him into addiction. He was just a kid longing for a stable household while living out of bags and blankets. He had too much freedom and did whatever his friends did in order to feel accepted. On a daily basis, Jordan could be found carrying out his so called ‘rituals’ – rolling up weed, cutting up cocaine, and mixing whiskey. It was completely normal to him. However, this behavior turned destructive when he began robbing houses, getting into car wrecks, and making decisions that hurt his family.

In the midst of it all, Jordan knew he had a problem. He describes the first meeting he went to, breaking down in tears while telling strangers how often he drank. Despite this breakthrough he continued down that path for years, describing himself like a pinball – so asleep and unconscious to what he was doing.

Mason always told himself that he would never be a heroin addict. When he turned 18 he was kicked out of his house for cutting his hair because his parents didn’t approve of him being transgender. Moving in with his girlfriend, the two started doing Xanax together. About two weeks in, Mason was in a Xanax blackout and woke up smoking heroin.

Forced into treatment, Mason’s only motivation to go was knowing that if he didn’t his car and other possessions would be taken from him.  Mason knew that he was going to relapse after getting out of rehab because his mindset wasn’t focused on going through treatment for himself but rather for his car, his parents and his girlfriend. Mason wanted to get high. He wanted to have fun.

Getting heavily involved with meth pushed Mason over the edge. It made him a terrible person.  He was concerned more about dope than his own livelihood. It was that realization that made him want to get sober.

Today Mason writes and journals to help stay clean.  He’s gained friends who are better than what he had before. Most importantly he’s gained his family back. He’s achieved a level of peace that wasn’t present before.

Growing up Max wanted to be accepted by other people. He finally felt that rush of being popular when he brought marijuana to school for the first time. Sometime after, attending his first AA meeting at the age of 17, Max wished he could’ve acknowledged earlier on that he had an issue with substance abuse. Max has been in and out of the program several times since then and, while he could string a bit of time together sober, he was never really willing to do the work. It would be a series of events of loss and grief that would help him fully embrace treatment. 

Max reached a point where he just knew that he was done. When he walked into treatment he knew he was in the right place because his very first class was about grief and loss. Throughout his time in treatment, Max focused on dealing with the emotions that he avoided dealing with in the past. He freed himself emotionally to cry things out, to just be open, and consequently he was able to learn how to vocalize how he was feeling. Once he did that all those negative feelings started to subside.

New to his journey, Max’s sobriety has been tested with new painful events but he’s thankful to have a good strong network to be able to work through the obstacles that come his way. He knows that he can make it no matter what as long as he stays connected.

Drinking alcohol was a way for Michelle to suppress her emotions of grief, abandonment, disappointment and heartache. She noticed that when she was able to go out everything was associated with alcohol whether it was a yoga party or happy hour. Struggling with postpartum depression, there wasn’t enough time for Michelle to figure anything out. She would often wait until her children were asleep so she could drink to pass out. Her alcoholism ultimately put her in a hospital and led to child protective services looking in on her and her children. She knew she had a problem and she had to work on being there for the people she loved.

Having gone through treatment and now in recovery, Michelle can look back and see all the warning signs. She got so caught up in the shame. Today she follows a quote from AA — “Just for a day. I'm going to distract myself. I'm going to give myself the best shot. Today I'm going to do it for today.” She knows that if she keeps that mindset the urge will go away as quickly as it comes.

Today she has found herself and educated herself by reading books and searching for ways that can help fuel her mind. She can do every single thing that she used to do but now she can remember what she did and have the best time doing it. She lives her life of sobriety by seeking her truth and understanding that no one is ever safe from this disease. She knows that the person with the most sobriety time is the person who woke up first.

Life growing up was difficult for Ilan. He learned a tremendous amount but today it’s easy for him to look back and see how that life led him to addiction. Ilan needed ways to cope because he needed something. Addictions to food and love were how he coped. If he was upset he would have a cookie. If he was angry he would have a piece of pie. craved relationships, because he was a love addict who would be happy if he was with someone and be miserable if he was without them. At a certain point in his life Ilan went back and forth between love addiction, pornography, and overeating. Amidst his multiple addictions Ilan had begun work towards becoming a rabbi, entering a rabbinic program.

Ilan can recall watching videos on addiction as the school that he attended required a unit of clinical pastoral education (CPE). Light bulbs started to go off in his head and he  realized that he wasn’t so different from those who were facing a different addiction. A week-long retreat at a healing center helped to change him completely. He finally understood that he didn’t have to live the way he was living and that if he was willing to do the work, things could get better. Ilan went to a ton of recovery meetings and re-engaged in his own personal growth movement by going to seminars which expanded his own sense of self. 

There have been many struggles in Ilan’s life in addiction that have affected both his public and private lives but today he has seen tremendous growth from the steps he has taken in his recovery. Newly married he acknowledges how much of a difference his wife has had on his life. He sees today as a time to give back and start sharing a sense of hope with others because he’s found a sense of inner peace that has allowed him to connect with other people.

When Dustin looks back at his addiction he remembers judging a lot people for a lot of the ways they lived their lives. When he became rebellious, he rebelled against a lot of the things he didn’t like about society. He was angry, hated the world, and he turned it onto himself, becoming very isolated and scared. A lot of times he relied on drugs to help convince him that things were okay. Each drug provided its own new insight for him.

Dustin hit rock bottom after he relapsed post treatment. He had a moment to reflect and knew he had to surrender and give recovery a try, finally realizing that he may not ever have the chance again. By delving deeper into treatment Dustin saw that people lived a life similar to his and turned their lives around by achieving hopes, dreams and goals they had never thought were imaginable. Today Dustin has a little something extra to ensure his own happiness, joy and freedom. He has found through recovery a privilege and purpose today which once seemed long lost to him.

He knows that if he chooses to stay in recovery he can choose to leave a legacy. Recovery has given him a life that’s truly transformed — it’s something which he credits to himself, forces greater than him, and the people who have inspired him to continue his journey.

Dave was sober for 11 years and then he turned 12. It all went downhill for him. For Dave buying drugs was as easy as going through a fast food drive-thru.  He could walk down a block get a bag of dope for $10 which for him was like doing four percocets or rocks at once. His addiction escalated where he couldn’t just do one bag of dope. Dave had been doing pills for about three years but it was heroin that messed him up faster. His addiction had pushed him to the brink — he had found himself in a hospital bed due to alcohol and prescription pill abuse.

In the back of his mind Dave was thinking of a way to hack his way out of his own addiction. He knew a lot of people who came back and were trusted again by the people they knew. In treatment for 30 days, something changed in Dave around the 20th day — he got honest with his counselor. By the time Dave was in sober living there was a willingness to be open and honest. It was being pulled out of him.

To this day he doesn’t know why its him in recovery and not somebody else that went to rehab with him. He feels super blessed. He’s not going to say it was luck or coincidence — for Dave it was a lot more than that. It was him branching out to a lot of different areas with the accumulation balanced him out.

When Nick was using drugs he felt like the man. He never wanted to live another day in his life without feeling like that. All of his anxiety was suddenly gone. He could talk to anyone. He could do anything. The thing was that he couldn’t stop. It lead him to do things he wasn’t proud of — stealing from his family or doing any number of illegal hustles so that he didn’t feel sick. The substance was so powerful and overwhelming that he didn’t have a choice. He had to do it.

At some point Nick knew that he wanted to get help. With tears in his eyes, he told his parents about his addiction and that he had a number for a rehab. At first, treatment was scary for Nick as he was off his pills and began withdrawal, but eventually he began to form a brotherhood in treatment. He can recall his roommate telling him to look into the mirror and to look at himself. He remembers seeing himself in the mirror and breaking down in tears as he didn’t recognize himself. It was a pivotal moment for Nick because it showed him how scary it was to not be able to recognize yourself. The tears he shed washed away some of his pain.

The biggest thing Nick was taught in treatment was the saying “you only have to change one thing and its everything.” At the time, he thought it was kind of overwhelming but for Nick it was 100% accurate. He believes treatment is an opportunity to completely change your life and that we all have the foundation of a successful person. Nick doesn’t know any successful addicts so taking a leap of faith towards recovery is a great start.

Matt remembers the first time he took a pill. It felt like pure bliss and happiness. He didn’t care what his friends thought of him as long as he had his pills. At 16 he was convincted of home invasion — specifically breaking into people’s houses and stealing their prescription pills. The progression of his disease had gone from two pain pills by mouth to shooting up. Once he entered treatment, Matt really wanted to do die. He didn’t want to be around anymore. People didn’t want to be around him.

Matt’s been in treatment three times and he’s learned a lot about himself while in recovery. He acknowledges that one of the biggest motivating things as to why he used drugs was because he was afraid of success, failure or rejection. Everything was fear-based. That's why he used because when he used, he didn’t have to deal with reality.  Now one of the biggest tools he’s acquired while in recovery is to stop talking/trying everything his way as his best thinking got him into felonies.

Now Matt has embraced recovery and how its provided him a spiritual/human connection with other people where if something happens in his life he can just talk about it. Today he wants to be an example of sobriety. He understands that once you get sober, you carry this responsibility.