Nicole is once again single-handedly manning the ship for a conversation with Rae McDaniel (they/them), a non-binary therapist, certified sex therapist, coach, Transgender Diversity and Inclusion Educator, AND author of the upcoming book "Gender Magic: Live Shamelessly, Reclaim Your Joy, & Step Into Your Most Authentic Self" -- talk about a multi-hyphenate! Rae grew up the adopted child of fundamentalist Southern Baptist missionary puppeteers (!!) in rural Louisiana, got married very young to a cis man, and didn't come out as queer until they moved to Chicago for grad school. Their story is an inspiring example of moving through difficulty to find gender "magic," which they define as that space where "who I think that I am, how I'm presenting myself in the world, who I'm surrounding myself with, and how I'm showing up in the world are all aligned." Rae also discusses how they encourage their trans and non-binary clients to move away from a fear-based paradigm by reframing gender exploration as the magic we are running *towards,* not just the pain we are running away from. It's a fantastic conversation, and we hope it whets your appetite for Rae's book, which launches May 30th!Follow Rae on Instagram at @theraemcdaniel for allllll things Rae, including their newsletter and "Gender Magic" pre-orders!

Nicole flies solo this week for a WILD ride of a conversation with NYC comedian Maggie Lalley, who took her childhood trauma and turned it into a *hilarious* off-Broadway musical! Sex Witch The Musical covers Maggie's time in, quote, "a two-person teen witch sex cult," and if that sentence doesn't grab your attention...then we are quite simply out of ideas. Maggie divulges an incredible true tale of Albanian witches, bi-locational powers, and even A-List celebrities (kind of)! Plus, Nicole helps Maggie have *multiple* breakthrough realizations in real time!Follow Maggie on Twitter, Instagram, and TikTok at @magslals, and purchase tickets for Sex Witch The Musical (opening April 19th!) at https://www.sohoplayhouse.com/sex-witch-the-musical. Don't forget that you can DM Maggie for a secret discount code!

There's "I didn't realize I was queer!" and then there's "An actual pastor's kid had to inform me that I was queer!" Comedian and podcast host Jolenta Greenberg (How to Be Fine) hilariously falls into the second category. Although Jolenta spent all of high school in blissful obliviousness, the evidence of her bisexuality had been piling up since childhood, notably with simultaneous crushes on LeVar Burton and a female side character on Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman. But despite frequently hooking up with her female friends and regularly attending a queer club, Jolenta genuinely believed that she was just a REALLY good ally! She and Nicole bond over being bi women in straight-facing marriages, and Jolenta discusses the "pang" she sometimes feels about not having put a label on her sexuality sooner. Also: what it's like to live by the teachings of different self-help books week after week, all for the purposes of your podcast!Follow Jolenta on Instagram at @jolenta_g and on Twitter at @JolentaG. Also, check out How to Be Fine (formerly known as By The Book) wherever you get your podcasts, and follow them on Instagram at @howtobefinepod!

This Friday, March 31st, is Trans Day of Visibility, and we quite literally can't think of a better way to celebrate than with the author of the upcoming book "Begin Transmission: The trans allegories of The Matrix!" When screenwriter Tilly Bridges first saw The Matrix back in 1999, it spoke to her on an incredibly deep level that she couldn't fully understand until about fifteen years later, when she realized that - like the Wachowski Sisters themselves - she was trans. Tilly decided to revisit and analyze the movie that had started it all, and what began as a simple thread about The Matrix's trans allegories eventually became a timestamped handbook to the entire series! As Matrix fans, we absolutely GEEKED OUT over this conversation, and we know that you will, too! Happy Trans Day of Visibility!"Begin Transmission: The trans allegories of The Matrix" comes out on June 27th, and you can pre-order it wherever books are sold! Also, follow Tilly (and ask her all your Matrix questions!) on Twitter at @TillyBridges, and on Instagram at @heckyeahtillybridges. For all of the writing she and her wife do as a team, check out http://birdguest.com/, and for over a hundred archived Trans Tuesdays posts (plus new ones every week), go to http://tillystranstuesdays.com/!

We have a hilarious chat with one of Lauren's old comedy buddies: actor, writer, director, and standup, Bill Posley! As a Black-presenting, Catholic school *and* Baptist Church-attending veteran from a military family, you can probably guess how easy it was for Bill to accept the fact that he was bisexual. He weaves a Tarantino-esque tale that involves answering a classified ad for masseuses, getting clean and sober, and having a surprisingly revelatory coming out conversation with his father. Plus: Uncle Reggie's fabulous adventures in West Hollywood!Find Bill everywhere at @BillPosley, and check out his standup, By The Bi, and more on his YouTube channel!

We have a conversation with psychoanalyst Avgi Saketopoulou that is truly unlike *anything* we've ever broached before. Avgi's new book is called "Sexuality Beyond Consent," and if that title makes you a tad uncomfortable...that's kind of the point. Avgi's work gives new meaning to the idea of "risky" sex by exploring the eroticism around shame, humiliation, and objectification, with a particular focus on the controversial sexual roleplay fetish known as race play. She guides us through an incredibly nuanced conversation about "finding the erotic in the domain of the traumatic" (an experience that can be both frightening *and* exhilarating), and explains how, especially when it comes to queer sex, "we are both fenced in, and fencing ourselves in." Avgi is absolutely BRILLIANT, and we are so grateful that she was game to dive into this very complicated (but equally fascinating) territory!(TW: explicit sexual acts; discussion of race play, and accompanying discussion of Jeremy O. Harris' "Slave Play")Check out Avgi's website at https://www.avgisaketopoulou.com/, and follow her on Instagram at @avgolis98. You can purchase "Sexuality Beyond Consent: Risk, Race, Traumatophilia" via the above site, or wherever books are sold. And don't forget to leave a review!

Okay: so last month in Episode 234, we had a good ol' fashioned bitch session about how gatekeep-y the Los Angeles queer scene can be. But because we are mature and balanced adults, it seemed only fair to highlight the founder of one queer event in L.A. that is getting it 100% RIGHT! Enter Lilly Brown, the creator and organizer of Queer Field Day! Fostering community has always been a central part of Lilly's life, tracing all the way back to one night in college when she found herself at a queer oil wrestling after-party, looked around, and realized "everything feels right here." Lilly explains how a beach get-together that she figured would draw maybe twenty to fifty people ended up being a 300+ person event, and how from there she built Queer Field Day into one of the most popular gatherings in L.A.! Also, the tale of how a mismatched room share situation at Dinah Shore unexpectedly led Lilly to the love of her life...Follow Lilly on TikTok and Instagram at @lilly27sings, and check out Queer Field Day at https://www.queerfieldday.com/, and on Instagram at @queerfieldday! For those local to L.A., other queer community resources mentioned in this episode were https://www.hicuties.com/ (make sure to sign up for their fantastic email list!), and @beingqueerinla on Insta.

At long last: it's actor, writer, director, and educator, Carolyn Ratteray (Outfest 2022's (UN)CLAIMED)! We've been wanting to have Carolyn on the pod for ages, because she and her wife, Kelli, were one of the first poly couples that Nicole EVER met! Carolyn regales us with a twisty-turny story that involves a sleepaway arts camp, a Black Baptist conference on homosexuality, and two *incredibly* prophetic dreams! She also shares how kink helped free her from the residual shame she was carrying from her long and arduous coming out process, and we have a tantalizing discussion about BDSM (Lauren mostly listens!).Follow Carolyn on Instagram at @carolynratteray, and watch (UN)CLAIMED on Vimeo at https://vimeo.com/694127928!

It's Aromantic Spectrum Awareness Week, and our guest (and current med student) Stella is LEARNING US UP on this oft-misunderstood identity! In addition to being aromantic, Stella also identifies as asexual and queer, but it's the first of these labels that most strongly shapes and affects how she experiences the world. Stella discusses how, to her, being aromantic feels like existing on "a different plane entirely," and not at all like "operating from a deficit" - an incredibly important distinction that alloromantic folks often don't understand. Stella also explains how health providers tend to pathologize asexuality and aromanticism, treating these identities as a problem to be solved rather than trusting their patients' lived experience. It's a fascinating episode that sheds a lot of light on not just aromanticism, but relationships in general. Happy Aromantic Spectrum Awareness Week, y'all!Follow Stella's advocacy page on Instagram at @aroacespec_tacular.ca, and check out The Aspec Affirming Practitioner Directory at https://aspecaffirmingdire.wixsite.com/aspec-affirming-prac!

In honor of Black History Month, we're doing a special episode covering a selection of Black queer trailblazers who are especially meaningful to us! We've put our focus on activists and artists who fly a little bit below the radar, so chances are you won't know most of these folks, but you absolutely should. Lauren finally talks about a singer/songwriter who ISN'T Joni Mitchell! Nicole shares the work of a spoken-word poet who made her heart go pitter patter as a teen! We also recommend present-day accounts to follow, and discuss some of the uprisings helmed by queer people of color that pre-date Stonewall. Happy Black History Month!Discussed in this episode:Bayard RustinAntoinette Scully (@AntoinetteForLA on Twitter and Insta)Staceyann Chin (@staceyannchin on Twitter and Insta)Joan Armatrading (@ArmatradingJoan on Twitter; @joan_armatrading on Insta)Cheryl Dunye (@cheryldunye on Insta; @cdunye on Twitter)Gladys BentleyStormé DeLarverieThe Cooper Do-nuts and Compton's Cafeteria riotsJanaya Future Khan (@janayathefuture on Insta; @janaya_khan on Twitter)@BlackQueerJoy on InstaRaquel Willis (@raquel_willis on Insta; @RaquelWillis_ on Twitter)Octavia's Chariot (@octavias_chariot on Insta; virtual Speed Friending event on Feb. 24th!)