As an avid furniture connoisseur, we love to keep up-to-date on IKEA's latest releases. However, the recently leaked schematics for their newest, most cutting edge chair, the Dödsfälla, has given us pause for concern. There appears to be a minor design flaw where the chair snaps closed at the slightest hint of pressure and crushes people to death. We think it might be worth sending our comedy improv teams to the IKEA Headquarters in Stockholm, where the first global shipment is imminent.

Eureka! A bunch of PhD hoarding virgins also sometimes known as ‘scientists’, have invented an all new superlight metal made of hydrogen. Apparently, this constitutes a reason to celebrate, so there will be a ceremonial unveiling. But gasp! The ceremonial ribbon cutting scissors, made of the aforementioned hydrogen metal, have been dropped, and are now floating up the towards the ceremonial blimp, full of trapped ceremonial orphans on a ceremonial field trip! So our comedy improv teams are heading to Lincoln, Nebraska to save the day!

Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious! Dick Van Dyke is reprising his role in the long-awaited sequel “Mary Poppins 2: Revelations!” However, his unique, universally recognisable cockney accent has lost its way a little over the years, and in order to recapture the magic of the original, he’ll need an accent transplant! A suitably nostalgic cockney accent is currently frozen in storage in Hackney. Our comedy improv teams better go fetch it for him!

My goodness what is that smell? It really is the most awful stench imaginable! It’s worse than that extreme yoga session in the sulphur factory and reports are coming in that it’s being noticed all over the planet! It looks like our comedy improv teams are going to have to seek out the help of world-renowned smellologist ‘Dr Stinklestein’ in order to sniff out some clues. Unfortunately, he lives in a teepee in the Australian Outback. Where his experiments (luckily) can’t affect anybody.

Pizza, pasta and Neapolitan ice-cream! Danny Devito’s got them all and he’s selling them on the new Italian food channel, ‘Stuff up-a your face’. But there’s something wrong: we’ve noticed the glowing beauty spot on his temple is moving. Oh no! It’s a laser sight! Our comedy improv teams are going to have to race to the TV studio in LA to save their demure friend from assassination!

Gary Lineker has gone insane! After years of pretending to be invested in the so-called “beautiful game”, he has stripped naked and started trashing the ‘Match of the Day’ set, while declaring his true passion to the world... Tiddlywinks! Our comedy improv teams must hasten to the studio and satiate his competitive disc firing madness with a pack of ready salted crisps. It’s the only way to stop him!

X-Factor overlord Simon Cowell is buying his eleventh and most outrageous property yet, the Eiffel Tower! However, there’s been a massive motorway jam on the roads of Paris, and his moving van has been held up! Oh, but that’s got all his favourite things in it, his teeth whitener, his underpaid production runners and his Louis Walsh. So our comedy improv teams are heading towards Paris to fetch all his stuff for him.

It’s a total disgrace isn’t it? On top of the pathetic skeletal ribcage which now apparently passes as a “Toblerone”, it appears as if the manufacturers of the once great elongated chocolate pyramid have finally gone mad! The spacing, width and frequency of the chocolate chunks have become entirely randomised! So our comedy improv teams are of the the Toblerone production plant in Bern, Switzerland to demand some solid coco answers!

Twisty French weirdos, Cirque Du Soleil, are wowing audiences all over the world in a recent sell-out tour! It’s spectacular... that is until a show in Oslo where the performers proceed to hold their entire audience at sword-point, demanding their worldly possessions. We probably have about 3 minutes before they complete their convoluted robbery dance and leave the polite Nordics penniless! So our comedy improv teams are racing to the Norwegian national theatre, to save the audience and put a stop to these flexible felons! And for the first time ever, we’re doing it all live! In front of a massive audience! At DINA venue in Sheffield! All just for you!

Oh boy, the stars have really aligned today! By some stroke of incredible fortune, our ‘comedy improv’ teams have actually got an amazing first date lined up at one of the finest restaurants in Venice! They think that this person could really be the one. They're funny, smart, attractive and most importantly, real! But we’ve no time for gushing, because the team have somehow found themselves in a bizarre situation on the other side of the globe; with their date starting any minute. They better hurry, romance awaits!