IN A WORLD WITHOUT SCRIPT EDITING, Roseanne finally settles on knee surgery, the basement floods, and Darlene meets Art Alexakis in 1865. SJ and Debbie talk about how this season could have been improved, and their hopes for next season.

Our Show Notes totally Sparkle and Fade (sorry).

Crystal finally gets mourning her husband Sonny out of her system, and Darlene gets nicotine into hers. SJ reminiscences about how D.A.R.E. made her say “yes” to drugs, and Debbie bazooka-barfs the last thing you’d want to. SJ and Debbie agree that everyone is suckily insensitive to sweet Crystal.

Our Show Notes will try not to drive you over the Monument Street Bridge.

Your queens tangent off into Klondike history (??), maiden/mother/crone as seen on the show, and fishnet wearing tips BECAUSE PATRIARCHY. We're kind of relieved this season is winding down. Our Show Notes have more of a saloon-whore vibe than a riverboat one.

“An anniversary, prescription pill addiction, and a horribly degrading job for Darlene – yep we call that comedy gold on our show. With so many families struggling to make ends meet it can be hard to go on trips and celebrate. The scene of Roseanne and Dan seeking a night at a local hotel, only to be refused and mistreated is hilarious, but also painfully real. Tom [sic] Bagley was sensational as the rude hotel manager.”

Roseanne demands another shot at a honeymoon and Jackie finds a compromise that both Dan and Roseanne can live with. SJ and Debbie talk good parenting, big pants/hair/shoes, and their paper routes.

You can see the Show Notes for this episode also!

Did you want a recap of Go Cubs? You’ve come to the wrong place. The writers emotionally manipulate us, Roseanne peers through a rake, and we hear the NPR-ian dog whistles embedded in the script. SJ demands to know where Armani is!! Debbie and SJ are out of their minds for various reasons and can’t really stay on topic. NO REFUNDS! (We do accept coupons from other stores.)

Maaaybe just look at the Show Notes instead?

A rummage sale gets everyone horny/shove-y/throwing shit in an episode that feels like a pack of skits. Debbie and SJ don’t love the caveman attitudes on display from our leading men. Debbie cracks the case of “what is this plot ripped off from?” (see show notes for answer) and SJ talks about partying with the cocaine lesbian mafia as a teen.

You'll wish you threw our Show Notes onto the lawn!

Say buh-bye to Dwight after this Saturday. Don’t worry, someone else will come in to take his sexist place. Your Queens go waaay too deep on the logistics of the truck bet, who Bill Sadler looks like, and the terrible writing around our ladies and what they could afford at the mall in the 80s.

Our Show Notes will really pop your hood, check them out!

The Conners now have four generations under one roof and the center cannot hold. Meanwhile, Mark is delightful UNLESS you're the one who should be parenting him correctly, DARLENE. Debbie talks about the logistics of setting a table scene for filming, SJ marvels over fashion basics, and are marzipan villages even actually a thing?? (NO.)

Our Show Notes are here for you, even if they need a little help getting their compression socks on.

Dan has a birthday and a reckoning with a Bobo who lets him know he’s not a youngster anymore. Our Queens discuss street fisticuffs, the 1950s sitcom influences on the show, and how 14-year-olds don’t dress like Becky anymore.

Our Show Notes are a steroid case that thinks you should KEEP IT DOWN and listen to your little woman.

Roseanne channels her inner drag king for Crystal the Doormat, and Jackie catches Booker being a total fuckboi. Queen Debbie and Queen SJ occupy themselves with overthinking the logistics of bringing elaborate gelatin desserts to work, real snow days and fake TV snow, and SJ reveals her stunning ignorance about WHAT EVEN IS FOOTBALL?

Have a skosh of a gander at our SHOW NOTES! SJ was a LEETLE overcaffeinated for this ep. Poor Debbie!