Shat The Movies is no stranger to Nicolas Cage movies and teen movies; it was only a matter of time before the two collided in the '80s classic "Valley Girl," a film that stoked our loins and crushed our hopes. 

It's something like "Romeo and Juliet"—in that both scripts have characters and things happen—but calling Randy and Julie star-crossed lovers is a stretch. "Valley Girl" feels more like a mix of "Grease" and "Fast Times at Ridgemont High" (another Nic Cage flick), with some painful lingo to spice things up.

Gene was utterly confounded, asking: Do girls really check out boys en masse? Why didn't hippies turn into cool '80s parents? Why do all the characters look the same age? And is Randy a stalker?

Ash set the record straight by letting us know girls don't dance around in their underwear at sleepovers, radio dedications are romantic, New Orleans parents are super chill, and Nic Cage is a good kisser.

And Big D was the biggest fan of all: excited by the seedy side of Hollywood, cheering for the live music acts, and longing to live in a body small enough for car sex.

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