Just when we thought we could go away for a spell without anything crazy happening, the ghost of an ugly hotel carpet threw things into disarray with Simona Halep testing positive for a banned substance. We begin the episode by wading through these doping waters, before catching up on the 7,000 tournaments since we last dropped an episode. Just take a look at the timestamps for the remainder of the docket: a lot of MESS before we finish with a salute to two all-timers who left an indelible mark on this fraught world we live in 

01:55 Simona Halep tests positive for a banned substance

17:44 Catching up on the results

23:36 When are the authorities going to arrest Belinda Bencic?

28:45 WTA Finals qualifiers and James’ obsession with the Napoli mess

36:40 An update on one of the handful of ATP players accused of domestic violence

38:16 Coaching carousel: Tursunov’s self-serving MESS

44:10 Does pickleball want the sloppy seconds of tennis?

52:12 TENNIS BABIES!!!

55:00 Our top three Mariah studio albums

58:24 In memoriam: Queer icons Dame Angela Lansbury & Leslie Jordan