“I’m for survivors surviving.” - Nelba Márquez-Greene

 

Nelba Márquez-Greene is a marriage and family therapist, and she’s an advocate for survivors of tragedy. What her offical bio doesn’t say is that her child was murdered at Sandy Hook Elementary. 

 

Each time there’s a new act of public gun violence, the media erupts with sound bites and headlines: survivors of past acts of violence tell us what the newest survivors are thinking and feeling. Not only do those interviews come at a cost, they don’t tell the whole story of what it’s like to live on after people you love have been killed by gunfire. On this week’s show, Nelba and I discuss what it’s like to live such a public grief, and what it means to find joy - and hope - in an often violent world. 

In this episode we cover: 

• Supporting each other: the difference between an “inside the house” friend and an “on the porch” friend. 
• Why no single form of advocacy for survivors is right for all survivors 
• What’s missing from our ideas about “resilience”
• Where your money goes when you donate funds in the wake of a tragedy
• The importance of telling your own story in the ways you want to tell it (no matter who demands a soundbite) 
• What to do when the next act of gun violence happens

 

Click here for the episode webpage

Notable quotes: 

• “My son was eight when his sister was murdered. He has every reason to not hope. In this country, boys who look like him are murdered with impunity more often than we report. And my son still has hope. And that gives me great hope when I can't find it.” - Nelba Márquez-Greene

• “What’s the aim of a media outlet, or a news outlet, when they tell a specific (often traumatic) story? Like, yes, they want clicks & advertising, but they need emotional impact to get those clicks. Do you know what has emotional impact? The f*cking truth.” - Megan Devine

About our guest: Nelba Márquez-Greene is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist specializing in grief, loss, trauma and their impact on individuals and systems.She founded the CTAMFT (Connecticut Association for Marriage and Family Therapy) Diversity Committee and served on the CTAMFT Board of Directors.

 

In 2018, she was profiled as one of “100 Women of Color” and a YWCA (CT) Women’s Leadership Award recipient. She was featured in People Magazine’s October 2019 issue as one of Ten Women Changing the World and also recognized by Chelsea Clinton and Hillary Clinton in their Book of Gutsy Women.

 

Nelba has testified and advocated at the state and federal levels on many different mental health initiatives, hosted TEDx talks, and is a nationally sought after speaker. In the many years that have followed, stints in advocacy, public policy, community care, etc. have affirmed her core belief that in order to change the world we must take care of people. First - that grief, trauma and loss must be allowed in the room. Second - that tools, language, skills, resources and acceptance should be available to live a full, grieving life. 

 

Find her at thisgrievinglife.com

Follow her on Instagram and Facebook @anagraceproject 

Follow her on Twitter at @Nelba_MG and @anagraceproject 

 

Additional resources

 

There are many organizations fighting to end gun violence. Here are just a few: 

Moms Demand Action, Change the Ref, and Brady United.  As Nelba suggested, if you want to support survivors of gun violence, find ways to support survivors in underserved communities, especially if their tragedy didn’t make the national news. 

 

Get in touch:

 

Thanks for listening to this week’s episode of Here After with Megan Devine. Tune in, subscribe, leave a review, send in your questions, and share the show with everyone you know. Together, we can make things better, even when they can’t be made right. 

 

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Have a question, comment, or a topic you’d like us to cover? call us at (323) 643-3768 or visit megandevine.co

 

For more information, including clinical training and consulting, visit us at www.Megandevine.co

 

For grief support & education, follow us at @refugeingrief on IG, FB, TW, & TT 

Check out Megan’s best-selling books - It’s Okay That You're Not Okay and How to Carry What Can’t Be Fixed

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