Are you single—or in a relationship—and keep falling for people who almost love you right, but not quite? There's a reason why that happens, and Ken Page has figured out the formula behind these deeper physics of dating.

Ken is a psychotherapist specialized in the search for intimacy, and author of the book Deeper Dating: How to Drop the Games of Seduction and Discover the Power of Intimacy (https://www.blinkist.com/en/nc/browse/books/deeper-dating-en).

In this episode, Ken explains why the parts of you that you're most embarrassed about—that you try to hide by being cool, low maintenance, or extra accommodating—are actually your most valuable gifts that will lead you to finding and keeping real intimacy. He also reveals what he considers to be the single biggest saboteur of healthy love, and talks about different ways in which we flee intimacy without being aware of it.

Whether single or in a relationship, this episode is for everyone who wants to foster their skills of intimacy, and deepen their bonds with themselves and others.

Books Ken recommends:Ken recommends Harville Hendrix’s work, especially Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples. He also mentions his work around Safe Conversations.

Books Caitlin and Ben recommend:

• The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts, by Gary Chapman
• Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find—and Keep—Love, by Amir Levine and Rachel S.F. Heller
• Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples, by Harville Hendrix

Caitlin also mentions Imago Relationship Therapy, developed by Dr. Harville Hendrix and Dr. Helen LaKelly Hunt.

Try Blinkist for free for 14 days by going to https://www.blinkist.com/simplify [2], tapping on Try Blinkist at the top right, and entering the code COREGIFTS.

Let us know what you thought of this episode, what your core gifts are, or just come say hi on Twitter! Find Caitlin at @caitlinschiller https://twitter.com/caitlinschiller [3], Ben at @bsto https://twitter.com/bsto [4]

Simplify is produced by Caitlin Schiller, Ben Schuman-Stoler and Marta Medvešek. Big thanks to Luiza S. Carvalho for audio engineering chops and Odysseas Constantinou for music.

[1]: https://www.blinkist.com/en/nc/browse/books/deeper-dating-en[2]: https://www.blinkist.com/simplify[3]: https://twitter.com/caitlinschiller[4]: https://twitter.com/bsto