In 2019, Brenda took a year off from their PhD program to try to feel pleasure again…with anything. Brenda has come a long way since then but there’s one thing that’s still elusive—they’ve never experienced an orgasm. Whenever they try, anxiety kicks in and they’re left feeling frustrated and, in their words “broken.” On this episode of How To!, we bring in Ev’Yan Whitney, sex educator, author, and host of the podcast Sensual Self. Ev’Yan has some wonderful wisdom for learning about your body and reconnecting with pleasure, both sexual and non-sexual, in a way that feels safe.  Additional Reading:  The Tyranny Of the Female-Orgasm Industrial Complex by Katharine Smyth Ace by Angela Chen Sensual Self by Ev’Yan Whitney Understanding Asexuality by The Trevor Project If you liked this episode, check out “How To Have the Best Sex of Your Life” Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices