To start things off tonight, we heard there were some award nomination thingies recently. The...Lloyds? The Jeffs? No; it has something to do with a..dumpster? Trash? A trash can! That’s right; the Oscar nominations were announced. Surely the Screeners have something to say about those, right? Well, at least Daniel must.

Award shows always make a great first round, but the episode’s main event is M. Night Shyamalan’s latest movie, Split. As you may have heard, M. Night Shyamalan films tend to have something in common. No, it’s not being hated by Josh (that category’s far bigger than just Shyamalan’s movies), but good guess. The thing they have in common is that they’re impossible to summarize in show notes for...reasons. Any attempt to do so reads like a lazy BuzzFeed headline: “An almost-bald guy locks some girls in a cellar. You won’t believe what happens next!” And so on.

Anyway, pretend our summary was slightly less lazy. Shyamalan’s last two movies have been a great one-two punch at people suffering from mental illness, so pretend you just listened to Josh bore you to death about that or something. We’re sure the Screeners will do a better job of talking about the movie without talking about it...or maybe they’ll just skip straight to the spoilers section. Guess you’ll just have to listen to find out.

To round out the episode, the Screeners have opted for a return of one of Chris’s favorite segments—Top Three. The topic for this time: movies with twist endings. OK, so that topic might have ruined the whole coy façade we put up in the last couple paragraphs. We blame Chad, because...well, because it just feels right to blame Chad even if it was really Chris’s fault.

OK, that about does it for what may be the most poorly summarized episode in Screeners history. Head on over to Facebook to give us your best Shyamarry (that’s “Shyamalan summary”, for those not au courant about terminology invented during the course of writing these notes).