Patrick felt that he was given the superpower of convincing people to do whatever he wanted them to do. That was his first real shot at manipulation. He could “fiend the hell out of anybody” as long as he saw the benefit. Patrick also wanted to be a drug dealer because that’s what the culture he grew up around had idolized. Being a dealer made him something that he wasn’t. When he was doing drugs (while selling), he felt that it made him cool. It led him to get with numerous women and allowed him to act the way he wanted to act. He didn’t realize that the good feelings he experienced were fleeting, existing only in that moment. Ultimately his early drug use led to more serious addictions to Oxy, Suboxone and Xanax. He was stealing from his family. He had no disregard for human life or the material things that belonged to other people.

Eventually he found himself with a criminal record for aggravated assault, intimidation of a witness and terroristic threats. He was facing two years in prison. Patrick was only 22 at the time. Patrick believes it was divine intervention that allowed him to go to rehab instead of prison. He thought rehab was a negative word. His thoughts were so sideways about the experience.  Sent to a program in Pennsylvania called White Deer Run, Patrick began the process of setting his mind straight and getting onto the right path. By the time he was sent out to Las Vegas to continue his treatment, he realized that he was either going to die or that he was going to get it — that’s just how it was.

Patrick has friends who didn’t make it and he didn’t want to end up like that. He didn’t want to see his father crying in the courtroom because his son was in an orange jumpsuit. He didn’t want his mother crying knowing her son was facing prison time. He wanted to live up to the potential that he knows he has now. That’s what recovery has given him. Now in active recovery, Patrick wants the real things. He wants something he can grasp and actually see and believe in.  It was really hard for him to see the light, but now it’s there.