As our bonds to historic roles loosen, fathers are finding new ways to express themselves within the family dynamic. In 2014 Pew Research Center identified two million stay-at-home-dads in the United States. Those men tell us that tending their children is more rewarding than chasing a paycheck. Being liberated from the hunter-gatherer role has allowed more men to incarnate aspects of the Father archetype infrequently seen since the industrial revolution. Being caregiver and homecreator does not diminish their experience of masculinity but rallies inner resources that had been set aside. Despite the national call for a redistribution of family duties and liberation from traditional paradigms, at-home dads face isolation, suspicion, and stigma.

 

Historically, as father’s left the home to work at factories and offices, their presence in the family psyche dimmed. Children often lost touch with the significance of their fathers, and family courts consistently relegated them to providers of income. Poet Robert Hayden captures this ambivalence and regret in his poem Those Winter Sundays.

 

Sundays too my father got up early

and put his clothes on in the blueblack cold,

then with cracked hands that ached

from labor in the weekday weather made

banked fires blaze. No one ever thanked him.

 

I’d wake and hear the cold splintering, breaking.

When the rooms were warm, he’d call,

and slowly I would rise and dress,

fearing the chronic angers of that house,

 

Speaking indifferently to him,

who had driven out the cold

and polished my good shoes as well.

What did I know, what did I know

of love’s austere and lonely offices?

 

Growth and change are central to Jung’s ideas. Making room for the incarnating Self in all its complex diversity is the task of humanity. When we muster understanding and support, cultural and personal transformation might be a little less painful

 

Here’s the dream we analyze:

“I am in New York with my sister. We are in the reception of a hotel, and it is cavernous, with walls and arches made from rich brown marble. The light is golden. We are taken to our room, and we are jetlagged and tired. This feels OK; we didn’t have anything planned in our itinerary anyway. Our room is big, but we go into the small bedroom and get into the bed, one of us at each end. Later, I go to a Victoria’s Secret in a mall. All the clothes are really expensive: the sale rack is not really reduced, and I find it annoying. Other people don’t seem to mind, and they are clamoring for the clothes. I return to the hotel room and find that I have accidentally stolen some underwear: I have no idea how it got into my bag. My dad has arrived, with some of my friends and my sister. The bedroom feels really cramped. Everyone seems to be in New York. I’m embarrassed about the ‘stealing,’ and everyone tells me I have to take it all back. I don’t know how to do this surreptitiously without getting into trouble.”

 

REFERENCES:

Dad Saves the Day: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y6YmKIoUdZc, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zEPq2rGLKZU

Farrell, W. (2019). The boy crisis: Why our boys are struggling and what we can do about it. BenBella Books. Available on Amazon: https://a.co/d/abRKOzW

Hayden, R., & Glaysher, F. (2013). Robert Hayden: Collected poems. Liveright. Available on Amazon: https://a.co/d/ay0nLoi

National At-Home Dad Network: https://athomedad.org/advocacy/statistics-on-stay-at-home-dads/

Pew Research Center: https://www.pewresearch.org/social-trends/2014/06/05/growing-number-of-dads-home-with-the-kids/#:~:text=Just%2024%25%20of%20stay%2Dat,%2Dat%2Dhome%20mothers).

Warren Farrell: https://warrenfarrell.com/

 

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