In the final installment of a summer advice series, Brian and Jenée Desmond-Harris, writer and host of Slate's Dear Prudence podcast and column, offer advice to listeners struggling with relationship challenges, while callers weigh in with their opinions. Plus, Jenée Desmond-Harris shares her one piece of unsolicited advice..

Dear Prudence,My 50 year old husband has been spending extra time (like hours a day, days per week..) with a barely 18 year old girl, no familial relation but  “they have a common interest” and I am “jealous and how dare you judge me”, however his interests (and this girl) succeed his interest in spending time with his own 16 and 19 year old daughters. Furthermore, this barely 18 year old girl and he are constantly texting each other, sometimes until 2 am. He’s texting her from work, he was texting her from our family vacation…stupid stuff, instagram reels, songs, You Tube videos, but constant texts, flirting, not sexual, but flirting in the fact that he’s obviously always thinking about her, because he’s always texting her…”what’s your middle name?” he asks…not the half of it..- they can go on for three hours straight with the texting…he’s always inviting her on horse rides that are an all day event.. 1-2 hours drive, one way-then 3-4 hour ride, sometimes at night. “I lost both the backs of my earrings when we were wresting” she texts…He takes selfies of him and her on their horse rides (don’t recall selfies of he and his own daughters-very rare!). He buys her energy drinks and other things(?)….”I’ve got something for you”…him…”oh…what might that be?”….her. I’m disgusted. My girls have no idea- they just know he’s never here. He hardly puts his phone down on the counter to charge, he’s taking it to bed with him which he’s always been “against” and has always given me grief about- my phone is my alarm. Nothing new for me but SO new to him. I would hate to think after 20 years of marriage and two beautiful girls, that I am now living with a complete pervert. I don’t know what to do. I’ve found out that he’s  also looking at 18 year old girls on Instagram. GROSS. I am disgusted, I can hardly even look at him, esp in the eyes. 

 

Letter 2:

Dear Prudence, 

I have been dating a great man, Ethan, for nearly two years. An acquaintance of mine introduced us on a whim, and we hit it off. We have a great relationship, with only one area of tension: his friends. He has a very close group of friends he has known for over a decade, including the person who introduced. These friends see each other infrequently in person but talk on the phone regularly and are very enthusiastic when they do see each other. When we have spent time at group dinners or parties, they all jump in and catch up like old friends, while I awkwardly watch. I am also ten years younger than all of these friends, which means I am not in the stage of life that many of them are. Additionally, these in person encounters tend to become alcohol-soaked celebrations, and Ethan does not drink and all and I drink very little and avoid doing so in situations where I am already uncomfortable. I now expect these sorts of occasions to feel draining and frustrating for me, and I feel alienated and anxious when I think about having to engage with a bunch of people who make me feel like a fly on the wall. How do I push past feeling like an outsider when I'll never be able to overcome the 15 previous years of friendship and comradery that I lack?