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Submit Review- Publisher |
- Jen Lumanlan
- Media Type |
- audio
- Publication Date |
- Apr 10, 2023
- Episode Duration |
- 00:29:45
‘Giving choices’ is a hot tool in the respectful parenting world. In the scripts, it usually goes like this:
Child: “I want a snack!”
Parent: “OK! Would you like an apple or a banana?”
Child: “A banana, please!”
And the parent hands over the banana.
But when you actually try it in your own home, it usually looks more like this:
Your child: “I want a snack!”
You: “OK! Would you like an apple or a banana?”
Your child: “I want cookies!”
WHY IS THAT?! Why does it never ‘work’ the way it’s supposed to? Why doesn’t our child follow the script?
There’s a simple and easy reason, and in this episode I break it down - and teach you the effective tool to use instead of giving choices.
Setting Loving (& Effective!) Limits Workshop
Do you have a child aged 1 - 10? Are they resisting, ignoring you, and talking back at every request you make? Do you often feel frustrated, annoyed, and even angry with them? Are you desperate for their cooperation - but don't know how to get it? If your children are constantly testing limits, the Setting Loving (& Effective!) Limits workshop is for you.
Go from constant struggles and nagging to a new sense of calm & collaboration. I will teach you how to set limits, but we'll also go waaaay beyond that to learn how to set fewer limits than you ever thought possible. Sign up now to join the waitlist for the FREE workshop that will start on April 24, 2024. Click the banner to learn more:
Jump to highlights:
(00:54) Many parenting coaches recommend giving children choices as a way to get them to cooperate. (02:43) The effectiveness of using choices to our children (05:47) Reasons why giving choices makes us lose the possibility of meeting both of our needs (08:01) How using choices motivates children to do the things they wouldn’t want to do (09:00) Why choices teach children consequences (09:40) Benefits of using true empathy (10:26) Giving choices to negotiate how children will do a chore/task (11:55) The use of rewards to motivate children fails to consider...‘Giving choices’ is a hot tool in the respectful parenting world. In the scripts, it usually goes like this:
Child: “I want a snack!”
Parent: “OK! Would you like an apple or a banana?”
Child: “A banana, please!”
And the parent hands over the banana.
But when you actually try it in your own home, it usually looks more like this:
Your child: “I want a snack!”
You: “OK! Would you like an apple or a banana?”
Your child: “I want cookies!”
WHY IS THAT?! Why does it never ‘work’ the way it’s supposed to? Why doesn’t our child follow the script?
There’s a simple and easy reason, and in this episode I break it down - and teach you the effective tool to use instead of giving choices.
Join us for the FREE Setting Loving (and Effective!) Limits workshop
Don’t forget - the FREE Setting Loving (and Effective!) Limits workshop is here! If you choose our self-directed FlexPath option, you can start right NOW, and get a new module as soon as you finish the previous one.
Or if you want me to hold your hand every step of the way, the Guided Path option starts on Wednesday April 26.
There’s even an option to sign up for suuuuper cheap group coaching calls with me if you’d like to do that after you enroll.
‘Giving choices’ is a hot tool in the respectful parenting world. In the scripts, it usually goes like this:
Child: “I want a snack!”
Parent: “OK! Would you like an apple or a banana?”
Child: “A banana, please!”
And the parent hands over the banana.
But when you actually try it in your own home, it usually looks more like this:
Your child: “I want a snack!”
You: “OK! Would you like an apple or a banana?”
Your child: “I want cookies!”
WHY IS THAT?! Why does it never ‘work’ the way it’s supposed to? Why doesn’t our child follow the script?
There’s a simple and easy reason, and in this episode I break it down - and teach you the effective tool to use instead of giving choices.
Setting Loving (& Effective!) Limits Workshop
Do you have a child aged 1 - 10? Are they resisting, ignoring you, and talking back at every request you make? Do you often feel frustrated, annoyed, and even angry with them? Are you desperate for their cooperation - but don't know how to get it? If your children are constantly testing limits, the Setting Loving (& Effective!) Limits workshop is for you.
Go from constant struggles and nagging to a new sense of calm & collaboration. I will teach you how to set limits, but we'll also go waaaay beyond that to learn how to set fewer limits than you ever thought possible. Sign up now to join the waitlist for the FREE workshop that will start on April 24, 2024. Click the banner to learn more:
Jump to highlights:
(00:54) Many parenting coaches recommend giving children choices as a way to get them to cooperate. (02:43) The effectiveness of using choices to our children (05:47) Reasons why giving choices makes us lose the possibility of meeting both of our needs (08:01) How using choices motivates children to do the things they wouldn’t want to do (09:00) Why choices teach children consequences (09:40) Benefits of using true empathy (10:26) Giving choices to negotiate how children will do a chore/task (11:55) The use of rewards to motivate children fails to consider both the child’s and parent’s needs, leading to resentment and missed opportunity for making real choices (13:28) Giving choices as a win-win situation (14:05) The choices parents give often do not meet the child’s needs (17:08) Distinguishing between needs and strategies (19:01) The importance of meeting both our and our children’s needs (20:34) Ben shares his struggles before joining the Setting Limits workshop (22:55) Ben shares how effective the tools he learned in the Setting Limits workshop (26:29) Deon shares her experience after joining the Setting Limits workshop (27:01) An open invitation to join the Setting Loving (&Effective!) Limits workshopOther episodes referenced in this episode
086: Playing to Win: How does playing sports impact children? 170: How to stop procrastinating with Dr. Fuschia Sirois. 075: Should we go ahead and heap rewards on our kid?This episode currently has no reviews.
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